StuartW

it's days we'll never get back KCB but why lose more? you've done great to reach day 12, I think the first week is a big milestone.

StuartW

One week in and things are on track.

I had what I think were mild physical withdrawel symptoms; flu-like symptoms which would kick in at night and be gone by the morning. I think this must be because I 'was' an evening drinker. Also, I was drinking maybe 50 units a week when not binging so not at the top end. That said, I've been drinking like this for 20 years and I suppose I will be lucky if I haven't sustained some damage.

I've thought a lot about my drinking over the last week, and from reading this forum and other sources I would say I was more of a 'problem' drinker i.e. binging every few weeks beyond my normal intake and losing control, then suffering badly in the aftermath with physical and emotional stress. Now that I am trying to tackle the problem I feel better able to face up to the bad/embarressing/stupid things I have done when very drunk, whereas before I would try and blank them out. I've also realised that pretty much all of my spare time revolved around drinking, and everything else was planned around it. It's great to realise that there are so many other options.

I am not kidding myself for one second that I am 'cured', and I was very tempted last night. I have my first appt with a support group on Monday week, and I know I must embrace this if I am to make this change permanent.

A big thanks to everyone on this site who has taken the time to read my posts, reply to them, pm me etc. It REALLY does help. It also helps talking to others who are in the early stages like myself and offering moral support. I hope to be in the position to give support and advice to others when I'm further down the line.

Tonight will be the next big step, but I keep telling myself one day at a time, and so far I think that is the best advice of all.

Fiona630

Stuart something to keep in mind is that drinking can cause pancreatitis. It can be very painful and put you in the hospital. Some cases it can kill you. Pancreas helps regulate your blood sugar. If you destroy your pancreas you will be come an insuline dependant diabetic for the rest of your life. I know this because I have gotten acute attacks of pancreatitis. Once you have it it never goes away. It can go into hiding as long as you take care of yourself...a big list of no no's including alcohol, fatty foods, processed foods, etc. You basicly have to follow a diabetic diet with a few enzymes thrown in there. The drs can find this out tho through blood tests. Your amylase and lipase counts will be very high if you have pancreatitis.

Good luck and you can do this tonight! Sit on the computer all night reading posts here if you have to! My husband is hunting so I find anything that I can that keeps my mind busy.

Dee74

congratulations on your week Stuart

D

StuartW

Thanks Fiona. I should have the results of my blood tests next week. Good luck and stay strong too!

doggonecarl

I would caution you, so early in your recovery, to minimize the situation and call it merely "problem drinking." The 50 units a week you say is your Normal intake is far above "normal" and that amount alone could be considered problem drinking. And you are binging on top of that.

I'm guilty of calling myself a problem drinker, a problem that I was sure could be controlled. But I never controlled it, it controlled me. It kept me drinking. That problem I have is called alcoholism. But that's a call only I could make.

To paraphrase a line I've seen a number of times in SR postings, it's not how much you drink, but what the drinking does to you. **** luck to you!

CarolD

One week is a good beginning...Congratulations

StuartW

Back again!

I've been away since my first counselling session.

The group my GP recomended advocate controlled drinking rather than abstination, hence my not being here. This came as a suprise to me and it was like a red rag to a bull, and over the last month or so my drinking has got steadily worse. I started off drinking every day, but less. Then more each day and so on. I'm sure their approach works for some but I just don't think it's for me.

So I missed my session yesterday, and here I am again.

Day 1.

SSIL75

Welcome back, Stuart! Here's to a better plan

StuartW

Thanks!

I feel it's going to be harder this time for having lapsed the first time. That said, I'm not alone in this and others have shown it can be done second/third/fourth time etc

I feel it has to work this time if I am to hang on to that which is dear to me.

04Hdcp

Stuart,

Welcome back. Remember we practice PROGRESS, not PERFECTION.
You came back and that is progress. Just take it a day at a time.

Hope this helps and good luck.

viavai

Welcome back, and thank you for the update. I just started reading this thread this morning. So, you have to go another route. Good. Lesson learned.

I was sober for four plus years, and then I decided I could control my drinking. I was miserable--not so much physically (like I was the first time I got sober), but emotionally (so stressed out by all the lying and sneaking I did behind my husband's back, not to mention the constant craving for more and more and more). I finally surrendered--again--18 days ago. I know what to do this time: go to meetings (AA), talk to my sponsor everyday, work the steps, go to my weekly therapy with an addictions specialist, and don't pick up that first drink.

Complete abstinence from alcohol is the only path that works for me. But, as you said in an earlier post, I keep it in the day (JUST for today). Sometimes I even tell myself (when tempted), "If it's that important, I can drink tomorrow, but I am not going to drink today." It lets me off the hook in contemplating "forever," (even though I know I can never drink again).

AA isn't for everyone, but it is what has worked for me--even at my most resistant. You see, I got to the point where I was WILLING to go to any lengths to stay sober. My two cents: Keep an open mind.

You CAN have a better life sober. I'm only 18 days in, but already my self-concept has improved, and I feel stronger and healthier every day. I watch what I eat, try to get plenty of sleep, exercise (not as much as I should, but oh well), get on here every day to read (lurk) and sometimes post.

I start my morning, every morning, by reading Carol D.'s postings in the Alcoholism forum 12-Step Support: Daily Reflections, 24 Hours a Day, and the Big Book Quote of the day. I then spend some quiet time with my thoughts and think about the day ahead--sort of a meditation you might say, since I don't formally "pray." (Speaking of which, don't let the "God" part of AA scare you away, because it's a God "of your understanding." My understanding of a Higher Power--a power greater than myself--is reflected in the strength and wisdom I glean from the people in the rooms and on SR.)

I hope you find something that works for you. Obviously, you can't keep doing what you are doing. As nearly everyone has pointed out, it only gets worse, never better.

Talk to your doctor, and tell him about your experience these past two weeks; he is there to help you. Let him.

Keep posting and, at all costs, be good to yourself.

Via

Kmber2010

Welcome back Stuart. Yeahhhhh.....the moderation bit didn't work so well for me and any positive program of recovery would not advocate "controlled drinking" to alcoholics. As my counselor said to me.....kinda like a giving an alcoholic a bottle of whiskey and saying take 2 shots a day.

I think you know what you need to do now which is that moderation doesn't work and you need good support that is in sync with this.

We are here for you and and glad you came back and shared.

Looking forward to your next move Stuart.

Siouxsen

I want to private post someone here and the moderator stated i have to post 5 posts before I can do that. So don't mind me. I will be posting 5 posts in rapid succession so I can PM! I think I did post back in February, maybe a few times, so I will do 3 posts here to see if I can then PM.

Siouxsen

I didn't start drinking really heavily until about 5-6-7 years ago. It is all a blur to me. I do know I wasted 3 years of my life due to alcohol. I am sick of it. I am 53 now and I don't want to waste another minute on this poison.

Siouxsen

I have been to rehab/detox 3 times. Each time I went, the minute I got out I went straight to the package store and started drinking again. Rehab does not work for me.

Siouxsen

I started going to AA in February of this year. The most I stayed sober was 59 days. To me that was a miracle. I blew it right before I was due for my two month chip! Then I went another 29 days sober and blew it again. Then another 29, and blew it. I seem to have a problem with the chips. It seems they put pressure on me mentally not to screw it up. I have been told all through childhood that I was a problem, couldn't do anything right. I think this part of my problem.

LaFemme

Hi Stuart and welcome!

Wow, I'm kind of surprised you were recommended to a support group that promotes moderation. And even the little I have heard about the moderation programs most of them encourage abstinence for a few months before trying controlled drinking.

The good news is you learned something. I don't think this makes you more likely to relapse again...each time we try and get sober we learn something. So this can be your last Day 1:-)

You've gotten lots of good advice but I am going to add one trick that has helped me. I don't lament the lose of alcohol in my life and wish I was a "normal" drinker, instead I view alcohol as poison which I have no interest in consuming. If I want to kill myself there are easier ways to get it done. It takes some work, because you are changing a lifetime of thinking and going against the popular perception of alcohol but I found it helpful:-)

Good luck!

keithj

You may have seen this from your AA experience. See if it describes your experience with multiple rehabs, a few months sober then back to drinking, etc. It matches my experience exactly. When I followed the directions in the BB, I experienced that entire psychic change and got off that rollercoaster of sober/relapse.

Siouxsen

I refuse to go into rehab again. I detoxed at home last week. I have done this about 4 or 5 times. This time was the worst. I know the dangers involved in withdrawing at home. When I went to detox, each time I had the sweats and cold shivers for 3 days and slightly elevated blood pressure. The last detox (Dec. 2009) I had zero withdrawal symptoms, not even a slight sweat! This was after drinking virtually non-stop for over 6 months. But this last home detox all I did was sweat and freeze, sweat and freeze. I had anti-anxiety meds that I took while detoxing and also a blood pressure cuff. I took my BP regularly and it did go up, but not too bad. I have BP meds that I only take when I have anxiety attacks ( it is a beta-blocker- people take them for public speaking, acting on stage, anxiety attacks- that sort of thing) So I took them as needed and my BP quickly went back down to 120/80 with a 69 pulse. I remained sober for 5 days this time and went back to AA only for one day. On Day 6 I felt miserable. It seems Day 5 or 6 are the worst for me. I have gone out for booze many times after those days creep up on me. It is on those days I start thinking about booze non-stop. So this past Day 6 I went out and have been drinking a pint of whiskey a day for the past 4 days. Today I woke up and said no more. I am sick of this. Well, I went into an anxiety attack over the thought of not going out for booze today. My heart started pounding and I checked my BP and it was 158/140 with a 80 pulse. So I took one of my BP pills and 1 mg of anti-anxiety med. I will check my BP again in a few hours. It could already be alcohol withdrawal, but I think it is more high anxiety. My muscles are all tense and I feel this inner rage coming on. I am so angry I have this disease, on top of that I am bipolar. I also am agoraphobic, I do not leave my house unless it is to go to the package store, AA, my counselor or my shrink who manages my meds. I have been researching Campral and other such things, but I do not want to add another med if I can help it. I am looking for a natural herb or vitamin that will help me with my cravings. That just come out of nowhere. I have heard of the herb- Kudzu- but do not know if it really works or not. I also suffer from low-grade daily depression and lack of motivation. I am sure the booze doesn't help there, seeing it is a depressant. I can't work, don't want to volunteer anywhere- due to anxiety and the agoraphobia. So I spend all day at home alone basically glued to my computer for lack of anything else to do. Well, not entirely true. There is a lot to do around here while my husband is at work. I just am not motivated to do it. The only motivation I have is to drink. I just want to stop drinking over the next how many days it takes me to detox. I am usually fine after 3 days. And get back into AA. It helps to listen to others and it gets me out of the house so I interact with humans, which helps. However, I refuse to get a sponsor and am not ready yet to "work the program". I know there are other AAers that feel the same way. I was attending meetings 5 days a week and then stopped going for about 5 months. I want to get sober and start the 5 days a week again and see where that takes me. I take milk thistle every day to help my liver. It has been checked multiple times and no damage. I am sure my brain is not in the best shape from all my alcohol intake. I had my heart checked out also and that is fine. I don't want to mess around anymore. It is only a matter of time, if I continue to drink, that I will die of this disease.