Aysha

Yet I am comfortable with it.

My life has gone right back to the way I was in Florida.
Getting too involved in everything.

I am headed for something bad. I can feel it.

My using is gone far past just using. I am selling, hanging and making moves with gang members. Guns and drugs.

Making money any and every way possible.
I am becoming full on street rat again.
I havent gone to this level in over 7 years.

I am still holding down my job tho somehow.

But I have let myself get caught up in the whole street life again.

I cant stop..I dont even think I want to stop at this point.

I unleashed the ultimate monster.

I just dont care anymore.

I am not happy unless I am risking my life.

I guess I need to just accept this is hbow my life is going to be.

Why come here?
Because I want to care again. I want to stop plumeting to hell on the fast track to death.

I juts dont have i t in me right now.

Losing that 7 mos reallyh messed me p in the head. Now I am so involved with the inner workings of drugs that it isnt even funny.

I dont know how to get that motivation to want to stop again.
Right now I am comfortable. I feel like I am a part of something.
Its what I know. Its what I am addicted to more than the dsrug.


I hope I snap out of it before its too late.

least

Hope is essential, of course, but the only thing that will snap you out of it is ACTION. DO something to stop your freefall to hell. Do something now. I know you care deep down, reach deep inside you and grab that hope and turn it into action! Please!

Dee74

I'm not sure what you want me to say Trish.
I'm sorry - I hope you wake up to yourself before it's too late.

This stuff kills. Everyday.

I know you value your life - I know you have plans and dreams and such - and you value the ones who love you, including all your friends here.

So what's with this?
D

flutter

I still believe in you, Trish..always have. I really really hope one day you believe in and love yourself, sweetie. There is a light in you, it's still there, I just know it.

Anna

Trish,

I continue to pray that you find peace in your life.

suki44883

Least is right. Hoping things change doesn't change a thing. You have to DO something. I am at a loss, too, as to what to say to you. All we can do is hope you get so miserable that you'll be willing to do anything to change the direction you are going.

CarolD

I've never understood the lure of gang life.
Live fast...die young...have your family grieve
and have to pay for your burial. Geez!

The fast money goes for another line or hit or bottle.
Sneaking around to buy and use in dirty places
with armed people.....stoned into inertia.
Risking violence....prison and death....for what?

I Trish.....you know how to escape
That takes work and guts and determination.
But as long as you are "comfortable"
I expect you won't.

Prayers for you and your family

Hevyn

I fear for you Trish. I will pray for you to value yourself enough to stop before something tragic happens.

topspin

Trish, Listen to your instincts ! .....you know in your gut, this won't end well; even if you're feeling connected as "part of something " bigger than you are.






Trish,
None of us here believe you have to accept "this is how your life is going to be " .....not a one of us, I'll bet. Certainly , not me.
I can really relate to that old-time feeling of " risking my life," ...it was what I knew; ...for years. Believe me, you will find other ways, healthy ways to take risk ; ...if, in fact, that's really part of your personality. It sure was part of mine. Now is the time to take the ultimate risk !!

Take a risk on yourself; ... your life. Do whatever "needs to be done " to get started. You've done it before; ,,,,,and now's the time.

.

HidLid

My 0.02, the only way you can lose is if you stop trying, so don't stop trying.

Jomey

Hey Trish - Come on! You are worth so much more than this. I know you love your family, and I know you can learn to love yourself. I think Least said it best - hold on to your hope while you take action. I truly believe you can do what you need to do, Trish. You can get on with a better life. Love, Jomey

Mattcake

I don't really know what to say, my Trish. I went digging too, though, maybe you should do the talking instead:
...still standing by you Time for action? :hug :

julez

Trish you are better than this. You have hope and fight in you somewhere..,

Opivotal

My thoughts and prayers are with you. I pray you find your way out of this awful place your in right now. You must be very sad. Try to remember how good you were feeling and work your way back there.

God Bless

Zencat

I too hope you 'snap out of it' as you wrote Trish, before its too late. Unfortunately it happens all too often that when a person comes to see the light they have been burned badly. Like spending a long time in jail, physically maimed, emotionally broken or the worst, the lights get turned off before any awakening to the light. I truly have hope for you Trish. Please don't become an unfortunate statistic.

ANGELINA243

You know I care about your well being. I have alot of mixed emotions about what to say cause we have talked alot (off and on) over the past couple years. But I will say this--3 things come to mind when I read what you wrote> jails, institutions, death. That is what happens, the reality of it all...whether be the drugs, the lifestyle, or just being caught off-guard simply by being in the wrong place at the wrong time.

"Using" is what we as addicts do--it is what we did for so long. An addict that isn't using is in an abnormal state. That's why sometimes it seems easier to go back to our old ways because that is what seems "comfortable" to us. That way of life became normal (to us) after awhile.

You know what to do, where to go. I know there is nothing I can say or do to help you until you are at a place where you are willing to receive help that is being offered. When you are ready, I will be here.
-----------------------

On a gentler note--since you know I couldn't just end it like that.....I hope you do remember some of your previous posts. I remember seeing posts of perseverance, determination and hope. Also--do you recall our conversation in chat a long time ago.

coffeenut

We care.

firestorm090

Trish,

Angelina summed it up very well above here, as have others in this thread.

Quitting is not an option.

To quit trying is to give in to destroying your life. Why do that when there's another option.

There's an option to put the drugs down and be done and build a new life out of the devastation that drugs have caused you. You have that option, as we all do, each day. Sometimes it seems easier to just give in, just give up and let the drugs take over our lives again, but it isn't easier. No doubt that recovery is hard sometimes, hell, alot of the time, but to quit trying is even harder. And you know what, when a drunk or drug addict wanders off in life and after years and years of being on the street, and loses track of their family and friends and no one knows them, and they die on the street, and the county buries them in potter's field, as John or Jane Doe, no one celebrates the life they lived, people just move on and forget. But, when an addict or alcoholic turns their life around, doesn't quit, and becomes a productive member of society, becomes a loving member of a family and develops a host of friends who care for them, and becomes comfortable in their own skin, we celebrate, because we know how hard it is and we know they didn't give up, no matter what. They are a success simply because they never quit.

It's up to you. I hope you make the best choice for you.

doggonecarl

I'm new to SR and don't have the history with you that others have. When I saw how many posts you have, I decided to read some. From the few I read, I can't believe someone who shared her story, who wanted to get straight, and who offered so much support to others in recovery, doesn't have it within herself to right this situation. All those posting believe in you...believe in yourself and stop this slide to hell.

artsoul

Prayers going out to you.:ghug3

You said you were "comfortable" right now, but I'll bet you wouldn't want a family member or your best friend living this way. So, maybe it's time to be your own best friend. You're worth more than guns and drugs (and you can be a "part of something" in so many other ways).

I once was ready to accept my fate, too (and knew bad things were coming). But today is a new day for me and it can be for you, too.