I am just digging deeper and deeper.
Thanks for that post above Matt.... it was a good reminder to me that my life, run on my beliefs, all the ways to "try" I can come up with, doing what I think I need to do to get myself back on the straight-and-narrow has allllllllways resulted in more of the same pain I'm trying to escape.
Trish... I hope you find the ability to surrender soon. It sounds like this run is headed for trouble just like the last ones. You absolutely don't have to keep doing this if you don't want to.
Trish... I hope you find the ability to surrender soon. It sounds like this run is headed for trouble just like the last ones. You absolutely don't have to keep doing this if you don't want to.
Sweetie just go back and try again. Pick up the phone, call the sober house, call your contacts.
There are plenty of people who can testify that it didn't stick the first time. I've heard plenty of speakers testify to going out again and again.
Then something finally clicked. Sometimes they don't know what exactly it was that clicked, but it finally worked because they kept trying.
keep trying!
There are plenty of people who can testify that it didn't stick the first time. I've heard plenty of speakers testify to going out again and again.
Then something finally clicked. Sometimes they don't know what exactly it was that clicked, but it finally worked because they kept trying.
keep trying!
There are almost 25 posts in this thread that are all offering you good advice, hope, and support. If that's not enough to demonstrate that your life is worth improving as well as motivating you to do so, I don't know what else might help you. Please make the effort to get yourself out of your current situation. Help and support are available to you, you just need to make the effort. I wish you the best.
Stephanie
Stephanie
Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 3
been there
I remember feeling life was nothing if not being risked the ultimate payoff being dead seemed better than facing the hurt I was feeling and causing others. Can't help but notice 2 things with you A. You are here, maybe more saying you want to give up than get better but you are still doing it here. And you end with the slogan
Dont just count your days...Make your days count! Are your days counting now? I am praying for you!
Dont just count your days...Make your days count! Are your days counting now? I am praying for you!
(((Trish))) - I don't know what to say. You and I go WAY back, here, and TBH, you're breaking my heart
That doesn't mean I don't still have hope for you, that I won't keep praying for you, or that I'm giving up on you. Heck, all I know TO do is pray, right now.
I love you dearly, but you're on a one-way road to death, unless you do something. I've got to step back, a little bit, sweetie, 'cause this just hurts too much. You will ALWAYS have my love, friendship, and prayers, but I just wanted you to know why I haven't been here with my "you can DO it" normal stuff. You can...I can't do it for you.
Love, hugs, and prayers,
Amy
That doesn't mean I don't still have hope for you, that I won't keep praying for you, or that I'm giving up on you. Heck, all I know TO do is pray, right now.
I love you dearly, but you're on a one-way road to death, unless you do something. I've got to step back, a little bit, sweetie, 'cause this just hurts too much. You will ALWAYS have my love, friendship, and prayers, but I just wanted you to know why I haven't been here with my "you can DO it" normal stuff. You can...I can't do it for you.
Love, hugs, and prayers,
Amy
Guest
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 609
I guess that many would find this difficult to understand, but I have seen the grip of this on someone close to me, family member, as I have said previously. Many times I felt like shaking her, saying 'You're a smart girl, can't you see that all these people are only using you, taking advantage of you? They don't really care about you or your child.' She allowed abusive men back into her life after issuing restraining orders, etc etc... all to belong to a scene, to not feel lonely. It was all she had known for such a long time that it was all she was comfortable with. She was pulled to the so-called 'glamor' of the underworld and having a connection with that subculture - her life had to be a constant rotation of drama. The reality of her lifestyle however was squalid degradation, that I would never trade for.
Many times she said to us 'You know nothing about the real world... this is the real world.' However she couldn't even seem to distinguish between those who did and didn't have her best interests at heart, such was how her judgement had been affected.
All this didn't have a good ending, at the finish her spirit had been killed. We feared she would one day become a victim of foul play but it was an OD that took her, as she reached the end of her own road.
There is a better way T... but I knew in my heart that the only thing that would save her would be to take her own initiative and remove her connections. Many times we would try to talk with her about improving her lifestyle, but it was like talking to someone under some kind of spell. She couldn't see any of it.
Addicts are not known for doing things by halves, it's usually all or nothing, and when we don't live up to our own standards... well, that can really seem like permission to go full ahead with our vices. It's not really about 'success' or 'failure', but I am very glad to now be able to wake up every day and not feel this deadly compulsion any longer. That to me is more precious than anything, and has given me real freedom. No matter what crap happens, I don't want to go back to that soul destroying hell. Because that's truly what it was.
Many times she said to us 'You know nothing about the real world... this is the real world.' However she couldn't even seem to distinguish between those who did and didn't have her best interests at heart, such was how her judgement had been affected.
All this didn't have a good ending, at the finish her spirit had been killed. We feared she would one day become a victim of foul play but it was an OD that took her, as she reached the end of her own road.
There is a better way T... but I knew in my heart that the only thing that would save her would be to take her own initiative and remove her connections. Many times we would try to talk with her about improving her lifestyle, but it was like talking to someone under some kind of spell. She couldn't see any of it.
Addicts are not known for doing things by halves, it's usually all or nothing, and when we don't live up to our own standards... well, that can really seem like permission to go full ahead with our vices. It's not really about 'success' or 'failure', but I am very glad to now be able to wake up every day and not feel this deadly compulsion any longer. That to me is more precious than anything, and has given me real freedom. No matter what crap happens, I don't want to go back to that soul destroying hell. Because that's truly what it was.
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