JesusSaves

I think that it's great that you've gotten this far already, and all my prayers go to you, but If I were, just call your husband, or help out at a church or something to do daily, have that be your drug

oak

Congrats on your sobriety. From your second post, it sounds like the urge has lessened. I hope you are feeling better.

I can relate to feeling like a kid hiding. I hid my drinking from my husband so I often felt that way. And unfortunately, him leaving town is a trigger for me too. I have to plan what to do when he is away.

LovesToTravel

OMG...yes! I think it is the change in weather also.

My lungs hurt so bad I can barely breathe...what a stupid. But it is better than having a hangover and going through all that again. Think I will just keep this little "secret" between you guys and me. eh?

JesusSaves

Hehe no problem

littlefish

Hey loves to travel!
You might check out the website XA-speakers. There is a well known speaker called Clancy who got drunk the first couple-three times he was approaching his first year anniversary.
Now he is sober for many years, he is a great speaker and hilarious actually.
There can be a lot of doubt and nervousness around the first year.

keithj

Ugh. How horrible does that sound? After a year of sobriety, what you can look forward to is more fighting the urge to drink? Having to be scared when you're left to your own devices? Who would want that?

That just isn't what is offered by sobriety as I know it. Freedom from those obsessive thoughts is entirely possible and realistic. It requires more than just not drinking, but that is the hopeful goal that real recovery offers.

Not this fear-based, looking over my shoulder for that next drink to sneak up on me thing. Real freedom, to go where I want and do what I want, feeling content and peaceful regardless of my life circumstances.

Don't sell yourself short in what recovery can mean.

GettingStronger2

By whom? Occasionally, I will have the thought that I might not be an alcoholic, that perhaps I could drink on occasion. .. but then I think about how it was at the end. If even one drink started me on that path again, I really don't want it. I don't want to have to control my drinking. If I drink, I want to be able to drink. But that's no good. Not if it starts to control me again.

Whether I am an alcoholic or not, whether I could control it or not, I don't want to find out. It isn't worth it to me. I feel much healthier and overall happier not drinking than I ever did drinking.

No thanks!

Keep your head up. You can get through it!

Evon

A few weeks before I started recovery, I was told to control it. I took the advice, stop after you start feeling good, and for the first few times, I did just that. Then it was only a matter of time before i lost control. I then started going to counseling and my counselor recommended me to a day group and that was when I was told that drinking has made my life unmanageable, which it sure has. We wrote on note cards the other day about triggers that make you want to drink, such as boredom,loneliness, being angry, feeling low and depressed and wrote on the back what positive coping skills we could use to combat those feelings,such as writing, exercise, going to a meeting, taking a hot bath,reading a book etc. We were also advised to take home the triggers that affected us the most, and turn the card over whenever we felt like that and use the suggestions to combat the triggers. It sounds like a pretty good solution to me.
I'm glad that you decided not to drink

meblonde

Every time I get some time under me. A month or a year, I begin to think it would be ok for a drink now and then or a limit to just 2 glasses of wine. I mean what the heck my liver has healed somewhat. Well, then I'm right back to where I am today. 3 days in after drinking way to much every night. I found out I cannot just do one drink. Oh I start out with one or two but in a few days it's one right after another until I fall into bed.. I only pray this time I will not let any voices/devil tell me it is ok when it isn't. I hope I can think back on how bad I felt every morning and how great I felt these past few days. I hope I can wake up sober without guilt and feel good at the end of the day when I lay my head on the pillow and I did not drink like I have the past two nights. I hope I think of these things instead of dwelling on having a drink.. You are not stupid we all do it. But what is stupid is that we don’t stop and think of all the good things.. Something pulls us to how much fun we have when we drink, when the reality of it is we don't know at what point in our drunkenness was the fun part.. And most of the time can't remember any ways.

jamdls

That's how I feel as well, I'm not willing to risk discovering that I can not control it it's not worth it.

wpainterw

Lots of triggers here. Husband gone away! I remember when my wife went travelling. Driving back from the airport I felt high as a kite even though I hadn't started to drink. My brain was just saying, "Hey! It's party time again!". Went to a meeting and somehow got things under control.
"Someone" suggested you might start drinking "moderately". Bet it wasn't a doctor or an alcoholics counselor. Maybe a friend who was looking for a drinking buddy? Yes, after seven years of sobriety I figured I might try a glass of wine "occasionally." It seemed to "work" O.K. for awhile but soon I was back on the slippery slope. Thirteen years and three hospitalizations later I finally quit and it's been 22 years of sobriety now. No more "moderate" drinking for me! I remember the AA folks calling this "doing research". I was a "researcher" for 13 years. So much "research" that I should have received the Nobel Prize but I guess they don't hand out a Nobel for booze.
Interesting things to ask that brain that's playing tricks on you...Hey brain, what kind of "pleasure" do you think I'd get from "just one" drink? (Been there, done that!) And brain, do you remember what withdrawal was like? Do you think one drink's worth going back to square one and doing all that. A very very high price for one drink!
As for the cigarettes, well eventually they too will kill you. Which is your death of choice? Liver failure or lung cancer? I had a pal up in New Hampshire who couldn't kick the cigarette habit. I was there when he collapsed and eventually died. He said, "Call 411!" I reminded him that 411 was "Information". I called 911 and they took him away. I went to his funeral a little later on. I miss him dearly.

W.

JesusSaves

woops wrong emote sorry haha

BurningChrome

Wow Hevyn! 3 years then thru one little experiment, you got dragged back into hell for 7 years! Brutal! I had quit for a couple years but stress upon stress and I did the exact same thing, just bought one bottle, 2 days later, another, etc., etc... Here I am 5 years later starting over again... sigh. Your story is _SO_ true for I suspect so many here! Thanks for sharing!
..Mike

Fandy

LTT, you are a new improved version of yourself this past year. you react differently and have probably discovered a lot of new healthy habits.

congrats on your year of sobriety.