Day 30: My AA Experience Has Helped
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Join Date: Aug 2010
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Hey WakeUp - Appreciate your post. This forum really helps me gain perspective at a time when so much is changing. As you can tell I am trying to find that balance in my sober life and I will find it by trying things out and seeing how they feel. So it is great to hear that AA in "moderation" works. When you are new to this it is hard to sort that stuff out in the sea of people saying 90 in 90 etc. I am really thinking that AA will fit into my skin in moderation. I actually will be doing 3 meetings this week and adding a yoga class. Also might take the dogs back to ring-ready obedience class or agility or rally. Nothing helps balance my world like activities with my dogs! Thanks!
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Kansas
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Originally Posted by SweetCityWoman 
Fish - I do like the wisdom in the rooms brought by the oldtimers and I too have wondered what meetings of only newcomers would be like. I do get that AA is all about the giving and is selfless. But I do see and hear that for some it is a way of life - a daily routine for the past 10 plus years. So it has got to be about more than just staying sober - or not? After 10 plus years is ..................
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Join Date: Apr 2009
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SCW, AA is not a place I go or an activity I do. For me, it's a way of life based on spiritual principles. A program for living that works for this alcoholic. My meeting attendance is simply an outward expression of that way of life.
I, too, sometimes shake my head in wonder at driving by the meeting place and seeing the same exact cars there every single night, same people hanging around. What are they hiding from?
I have a home group to which I am responsible. I attend those home group meetings because I am a responsible member of that group, and because I get to hear the music going on of a fellowship engaged in a common spiritual solution. I get to be part of a beautiful thing. I'll hit other other meetings if I have time, feel compelled, or am trolling for newcomers.
I, too, sometimes shake my head in wonder at driving by the meeting place and seeing the same exact cars there every single night, same people hanging around. What are they hiding from?
I have a home group to which I am responsible. I attend those home group meetings because I am a responsible member of that group, and because I get to hear the music going on of a fellowship engaged in a common spiritual solution. I get to be part of a beautiful thing. I'll hit other other meetings if I have time, feel compelled, or am trolling for newcomers.
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Join Date: Aug 2010
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When I did AA ten years ago, I went to one to three meetings a week. (usually closer to one) That schedule worked well for me at the time.
I loved the 11th step (conscious contact with spirituality and praying for hp's will for me). I did that everyday.
Maybe the people who use AA in moderation aren't as talkative about their approach. So, in meetings, you are left only hearing from people who go a lot.
Yoga is so healing. Thanks for reminding me that is an option!!!
I loved the 11th step (conscious contact with spirituality and praying for hp's will for me). I did that everyday.
Maybe the people who use AA in moderation aren't as talkative about their approach. So, in meetings, you are left only hearing from people who go a lot.
Yoga is so healing. Thanks for reminding me that is an option!!!
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Bad C - You are right - I am overthinking this and know it!! A week ago I was into let it flow over me and then I hit 1 month and something happened. I did step back a bit but it became hard to think only about the day and as you noticed I jumped way into the future. I am 5 weeks sober today and doing 3 meetings this week. I guess I had a need to figure this whole AA thing out before I got too relaxed and felt too good!! Call me crazy but this is how my mind works. This is why I am sharing this and asking for input to help put this in perspective for me. At least I realize that much.
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Join Date: Jun 2010
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Sweet, DayT's response makes sense to me. I think each person over time finds their own comfort level in the things they need to do to maintain sobriety. If you are honest with yourself when things get a little too "edgy" and adjust your program accordingly, you'll be fine. Personally, I've been unemployed since I went into rehab and I doubt that I will maintain the same level of meetings (daily) once I return to work - I could see that adding stress rather than relieving it if I tried to keep the same routine with a 40+ hour work week.
As to the "old timers" and folks whose lives appear to revolve around AA and meetings - I think it gives meaning to their lives, and they consciously trade "me time" for "AA time" because AA gives them pleasure much like hobbies or church or volunteer work do for others. Are some of these folks AA junkies? Maybe - but it keeps them on the sunny side of the sod.
Ed
As to the "old timers" and folks whose lives appear to revolve around AA and meetings - I think it gives meaning to their lives, and they consciously trade "me time" for "AA time" because AA gives them pleasure much like hobbies or church or volunteer work do for others. Are some of these folks AA junkies? Maybe - but it keeps them on the sunny side of the sod.
Ed
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I have been speaking up in the majority of meeting I attend so that part has been helpful. But I think I scared myself when I heard myself saying that I too needed to be at meetings. That was the start of my concern and not wanting to lose myself into this very seductive group atmosphere. But no one was asking me to sell my soul - it came from inside of me and my only way to better understand this was to ask questions here since I would not speak this way in meetings. It is one thing being offered to help me find a better way of life - but it is a major force in recovery so I didn't want to give-up on AA and also since I was really enjoying them.
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SCW
I know folks who go to a lot of meetings who have great recovery
I know folks who don't go to meetings but who have done the steps who have great recovery
I know folks who've never been to a meeting in their life who have great recovery
I know folks from all those categories who have nothing I want, too...
Listen and learn - and really be honest with yourself when thinking all this through - but in the end it's your journey.
My personal experience?
I have cerebral palsy. It's a necessity for me to exercise.
Some days its hard, some days I miss out, then sometimes I may miss a few more and I pay the price.
I think of my recovery as a lot like that.
Whatever you end up doing, don't forget your exercise
D
I know folks who go to a lot of meetings who have great recovery
I know folks who don't go to meetings but who have done the steps who have great recovery
I know folks who've never been to a meeting in their life who have great recovery
I know folks from all those categories who have nothing I want, too...
Listen and learn - and really be honest with yourself when thinking all this through - but in the end it's your journey.
My personal experience?
I have cerebral palsy. It's a necessity for me to exercise.
Some days its hard, some days I miss out, then sometimes I may miss a few more and I pay the price.
I think of my recovery as a lot like that.
Whatever you end up doing, don't forget your exercise
D
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My dear SCW - You are you and however this happens to work for you is how you should work it. I have seen the same people in nearly every meeting that I have been to as well, but I have also seen some that I have only seen at 1 or 2 meetings in the last 2 weeks and that is all that they do. Remember I told you about the man who was sober for 54 years? He told us that when he first asked his sponsor, "how long to I have to keep coming to meetings?", the answer that his sponsor gave him was this, "you keep coming until you WANT to come". It took him a while but he realized that he needed to go until he didn't HAVE to go to stay sober. What this told me was that while many use AA as a getaway or a way of life, there are many who get sober there and then use it as reinforcement when they need it. I have talked to people who go 7 days a week dear, and I have talked to people who go once per month, and then I met a man who only goes if he knows one of the newcomers or helps somebody out by going with them. It will only end up being all that you live for if that is what you choose. What I see in you is that you will use it, learn from it, strengthen your recovery, and then go when you need to or when you feel like it.
This sobriety is a life long commitment...and maybe you will use AA once a month for the rest of your life, but that does not mean you have to eat, sleep and breath AA. I think you have listened too long and too much to people telling you how THEY do this or what THEY think that you should do. Do what works for you...not them...not me...not anybody else. A recovery plan and support is very important but you do not HAVE to be in any room any more or any less than you feel is necessary.
You are not a religious woman, and you don't have to be. You can make it the church of AA in your mind or you can just think of it as a place to go and share your feelings, your concerns and learn how to live a sober life. I don't go and sit there and worry about what anyone else does or how often they go. I go when I need to or when I can...life has to go on around you, you have to just fit it in when you need it or want it.
Don't beat yourself up about this, that is an added stress that you just don't need love. I'm here for you always...no matter what and though I can understand your concern, I think if you relax a bit and just take a step back you will find your fit.
uh uuuummmmmmmmmmm....that is my relaxing breath noise...lololol.
Love you Girl...hang in there.
Donna
This sobriety is a life long commitment...and maybe you will use AA once a month for the rest of your life, but that does not mean you have to eat, sleep and breath AA. I think you have listened too long and too much to people telling you how THEY do this or what THEY think that you should do. Do what works for you...not them...not me...not anybody else. A recovery plan and support is very important but you do not HAVE to be in any room any more or any less than you feel is necessary.
You are not a religious woman, and you don't have to be. You can make it the church of AA in your mind or you can just think of it as a place to go and share your feelings, your concerns and learn how to live a sober life. I don't go and sit there and worry about what anyone else does or how often they go. I go when I need to or when I can...life has to go on around you, you have to just fit it in when you need it or want it.
Don't beat yourself up about this, that is an added stress that you just don't need love. I'm here for you always...no matter what and though I can understand your concern, I think if you relax a bit and just take a step back you will find your fit.
uh uuuummmmmmmmmmm....that is my relaxing breath noise...lololol.
Love you Girl...hang in there.
Donna
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
SCW,
What I am sensing is that you are afraid of turning into something you're not. What SHOULD happen, if you work a good recovery program, is that you will turn into all you truly can be. The goal of AA is not to turn you into someone afraid to be out in the world, it is to free you from the limits you have put on yourself that keep you from being the person you could be.
No doubt there are some unrecovered people in the rooms who go to AA every day out of fear that if they don't, they will drink again. But if someone is truly recovered, the only "need" to go to meetings is to work with others. And if some people have made the best friends of their lives in the rooms and they go there for the fellowship, why should you worry about that? If that isn't the case for you, you will probably go to fewer meetings. *shrug* Different strokes.
I would suggest you not worry about why other people go to meetings. Comparing yourself to other people on a constant basis interferes with your ability to identify with them. I would also echo BC, that you are getting ahead of yourself worrying about how many meetings you will make years from now. We live one day at a time.
I think a lot of meetings in the beginning, when you are getting a handle on sobriety and working the steps, is a good idea. After that, you will find your own comfort level. I do think the "home group" commitment (which involves going once a week) is important just to stay connected, and to carry the message to others (which is part of the 12th Step).
I go to my two home group meetings almost without fail. I take the occasional speaking commitment, go with my sponsor or with a newcomer to a different meeting now and then, and if I am feeling bad, a meeting usually makes me feel better, so I might throw in an extra meeting or two. I probably average 2-3 meetings a week. I have a very demanding job, and I would LIKE to "get a life" one of these days. My time doing AA stuff is not at a level that would interfere with any of that. (My time on these forums, OTOH...)
What I am sensing is that you are afraid of turning into something you're not. What SHOULD happen, if you work a good recovery program, is that you will turn into all you truly can be. The goal of AA is not to turn you into someone afraid to be out in the world, it is to free you from the limits you have put on yourself that keep you from being the person you could be.
No doubt there are some unrecovered people in the rooms who go to AA every day out of fear that if they don't, they will drink again. But if someone is truly recovered, the only "need" to go to meetings is to work with others. And if some people have made the best friends of their lives in the rooms and they go there for the fellowship, why should you worry about that? If that isn't the case for you, you will probably go to fewer meetings. *shrug* Different strokes.
I would suggest you not worry about why other people go to meetings. Comparing yourself to other people on a constant basis interferes with your ability to identify with them. I would also echo BC, that you are getting ahead of yourself worrying about how many meetings you will make years from now. We live one day at a time.
I think a lot of meetings in the beginning, when you are getting a handle on sobriety and working the steps, is a good idea. After that, you will find your own comfort level. I do think the "home group" commitment (which involves going once a week) is important just to stay connected, and to carry the message to others (which is part of the 12th Step).
I go to my two home group meetings almost without fail. I take the occasional speaking commitment, go with my sponsor or with a newcomer to a different meeting now and then, and if I am feeling bad, a meeting usually makes me feel better, so I might throw in an extra meeting or two. I probably average 2-3 meetings a week. I have a very demanding job, and I would LIKE to "get a life" one of these days. My time doing AA stuff is not at a level that would interfere with any of that. (My time on these forums, OTOH...)
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Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 207
Guys - You all have got it right on and picked-up on my fears and concerns. Thank-you for sending such sensitive responses. You guys do get it and this has been extremely helpful to me. I am off worrying why others are at meetings and focused back on my own relationship with sobriety and AA. I was so worried my questions would come down as black and white - all or nothing - some who have problems with AA and some who try to say how I "should" work it. But I didn't get those types of responses from you guys at all. Thank-you for coming to where I am at, my fears and doubts and concerns and making this alright. And understanding who I am as you have gotten to know me.
I worried people would think I was just obsessing and tell me to stop already. But I now think I can stop worrying and get back to what I was doing and not be afraid. Thank-you Mama, Lexie, Dee, Eddie and those of you who responded earlier. Each has given me insight and made me feel like my struggles are valid. Sometimes in this sobriety thing it is very important to feel validated - esp. about fears about changing. OMG - I might actually change into someone who I like and who is liked by others!! I need to remain open as you guys have been with me. Thank-you!
I worried people would think I was just obsessing and tell me to stop already. But I now think I can stop worrying and get back to what I was doing and not be afraid. Thank-you Mama, Lexie, Dee, Eddie and those of you who responded earlier. Each has given me insight and made me feel like my struggles are valid. Sometimes in this sobriety thing it is very important to feel validated - esp. about fears about changing. OMG - I might actually change into someone who I like and who is liked by others!! I need to remain open as you guys have been with me. Thank-you!
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Originally Posted by SweetCityWoman
I guess I had a need to figure this whole AA thing out before I got too relaxed and felt too good!!
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I can't leave a cryptic post like the one above for you to stew over so I'll expand. When I hear someone new in recovery make a statement like the one below, I interpret that to mean that they don't think they deserve to feel good.
The bad side is that it's hard to get past this, the good part is that most of the women in AA felt like this early in recovery.
Originally Posted by SweetCityWoman
I guess I had a need to figure this whole AA thing out before I got too relaxed and felt too good!!
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SCW...you do deserve to feel good. I never looked at it the way that BC said. You are such a great person, so smart and so kind. Please let yourself be happy...you deserve the world from what I know of you.
D.
D.
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Originally Posted by mama36
SCW...you do deserve to feel good. I never looked at it the way that BC said. You are such a great person, so smart and so kind. Please let yourself be happy...you deserve the world from what I know of you.
D.
D.
I didn't earn this good life I've got. The great wife and the stupid man-toys I have. If there was any justice in this world I'd be in jail, if there was any karma I'd be dead. I took the action and worked the steps and I'm living the gift of Gods grace.
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Join Date: Apr 2009
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Originally Posted by Eddiebuckle
If you are honest with yourself when things get a little too "edgy" and adjust your program accordingly, you'll be fine.
In retrospect, maybe they could have seen it coming, but that knowledge does them no good after the fact.
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I was blindsided by many a thought out of nowhere in the old days but that's not been my experience since I joined SR, Keith.
It helps me to have a community of folks who know what to look for, and a collective wisdom to draw upon.
D
It helps me to have a community of folks who know what to look for, and a collective wisdom to draw upon.
D
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