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Getting a Grip

Old 09-17-2010, 09:12 AM
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Getting a Grip

Today I worked hard on getting a grip about some things in the past. I felt terrible a couple weeks ago, my thoughts were. Man back in college I could get off school party have some cold ones, my buddies, the tunes it was awesome. I either needed to reconize those days weren't coming back or something else and let it go. I was thinking back today, those days weren't great, there was a reason I was drank heavy back then. The time weren't great back then. So today I am working on letting the idea that Oh man that was so awesome, it wasn't that awesome. I just love to lie to myself all the ime. I have hope that I will deal with lies that come into my brain from now on and don't let them hurt me.
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Old 09-17-2010, 09:13 AM
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From the way I was thinking about the college days you would think I was holding my new born baby or something. I need to get a grip, and I will work at it! My friends weren't exactly great either, I love to lie and say, man my friends back then, those were the dudes who loved me, it turns out they were just dudes who couldn't get laid, and smoked weed and drank southern confort all day, and misery loves company.
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Old 09-17-2010, 09:25 AM
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Miisery does love company and I can totally relate to all that you just posted, especially the part about smoking weed, southern comfort and not getting laid, lol. Back then we thought the women just didn't understand us, we were the cool guys and couldn't understand why the women kept choosing all those uncool, nerdy guys who worked every week, paid their bills on time, and were able to buy dinner out. We couldn't afford dinners out on the town cause the weed and booze cost too much, lol. Oh, the good ole days, huh? NOT.

It's funny and tragic that our minds lie to us so much. I've given this much thought over the past few days, and the good times I recall, in the light of day, weren't that good after all. I hear ya. Today, just having a cup of coffee without a hangover and headache is a good enough time for me.

Thanks for the reminder.
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Old 09-17-2010, 09:29 AM
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McRibb, I think it's really significant that you are recognizing that your thoughts about the past were not accurate.

I was so surprised to realize that some beliefs I had had about myself were simply not true. My thinking had been skewed and unclear. It was quite a revelation to me, and part of the stepping stones on the road to recovery.
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Old 09-17-2010, 09:46 AM
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Good point Mcribb. I also recently came to that conclusion while sitting with my boozing friends yesterday. All they talked about was remembering last night (the "good" and the bad) and their latest plans to go take dollar shots and try to get laid. Then I looked across the room (most being college grads or dropouts due to booze) and I realized that none of them have any ambition other than to spend their pay check at the bar as fast as possible. It was like they went to the college drinking scene and literally never left. I could see the hangover in their faces and skin tone, and they were all literally just waking up when i got over there (2:30 PM). It just reinforces NOBODY should live their life that way and those times we thought were all good really weren't, because in reality we only remember the select few good times and basically ignore all the bad things that happened. I am already starting the see the hypocritical rationalization of Alcoholics. Myself being one of them!
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Old 09-17-2010, 10:11 AM
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There is so much to this topic that I learned. I'm an alcoholic, so I can't solve the problem alone, so I need to take this to someone because if I don't I will drink. I also can't really resolve a resentment, if it is a flat out lie.
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Old 09-17-2010, 10:13 AM
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Also you can't solve the resentment lie until you can face it, my friend was trying to tell me that those days weren't that great (he was apart of it) and I kept on telling him, no it was awesome! We got to hang out all the time. I wasn't ready to face it until I relapsed
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Old 09-17-2010, 10:13 AM
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I think it's very easy to only cling to the 'good' memories from back in the day. The 'laughs' and the mad times and all of that.

I had some great memories from drinking and drugging and got up to some mental stuff and I am glad i experinced all that I experienced. However for the last few years of my drinking then it was pretty bad to be honest. I drank alone 95% of the time as it was easier and less hassle and then I was drinking alone on park benches and round the football field necking booze before I came home. I used to feel like a total loser nailing booze on my own whilst little kids played football with their dads or whatever. I used to think "man, what the hell happened to you?"

I know through hard earned experince that good times were long since over. My last drinking and drugging was spent with my old best mate and I realised that the good-times were well and truly over. My drinking and drugging had reached the stage where it was get sober and go all out in recovery or lose everything to alcohol and drugs.

I'm glad I reached that total acceptance whilst still 23. I am grateful for my heavy use of drugs as that undoubtedly sped the process up by many years. I was a total coke head and a drunk.

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Old 09-17-2010, 10:14 AM
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posting online, blogging, AA meetings every day is living in the solution. Not doing those things are living the problem.
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Old 09-17-2010, 10:22 AM
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On a related note:

I looked on my facebook account to try find a profile picture (i tend to become a forum junkie when I find one i plan on becoming an active member of) and EVERY SINGLE ONE of them was me in some drunken state. That just goes to show how big of a sham your life is on booze. I was never myself in any of those pictures, and I think tonight as a symbolic step I will take a nice picture of me in my work outfit and post it as my new picture. Just to see how much nicer I look when I am sober. It is pretty sad when college can be summed up in 200 photos that people unknowingly took of you.

Thanks for this post Mcribb, it really got me thinking, and hopefully it helped you get some things off your chest.
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Old 09-17-2010, 10:41 AM
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well it clicked, and stuff around me just become less annoying I went for a walk and I do feel better. I pray I can take this to the group next time it comes up, I did express this sadness to some of my friends, but they aren't alcoholic and they aren't in my moment to moment affairs the way I can be on here or with my sponser so it really doesn't work if you bring it up one time with your friends. Have to work on it until you get it figured out or have a long term plan to deal with it. On a bright note my walk I just had was good!
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Old 09-17-2010, 02:44 PM
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I can SO relate to having an inaccurate picture of college days! I thought I was a pretty good student, very talented with the ability to exceed far above my peers, (if I really wanted to).
What a wake up call when I took a look at my college transcript a couple of decades after college. EeeeeeH:I nearly fell off my chair.

I was a mediocre student with a C or so average and several embarrassing incompletes.
My image of myself as a bright and motivated student was way off base, to say the least!
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Old 09-17-2010, 02:48 PM
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You know why they say when you are having trouble with a girlfriend wife, husband or whatever in AA they say well if they stay around it doesn't matter. Or you talk about how your job sucks and they say it doesn't matter. The truth is it doesn't my life was an equation and every year it was a different girl a different job. Atleast now I can have a rock to talk to other people in AA or atleast have decent knowledge of the big book.
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Old 09-17-2010, 02:48 PM
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I was alittle sad that maybe some day AA will go alway or something, then I remember...well I could start a chapter in my apt.
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