mama36

I cried and fell apart at my first meeting but somehow it lifted a bit of the weight. I have done some very stupid things as well and you need to learn to live with that and fogive yourself. You are a step ahead of that because you are here...don't dwell on guilt, get yourself better.

Harry01854

So Milwaukee, how did the meeting go? I have an inquisitive mind and the need to know:-) lol. I am concerned if you went or not and what you thought. Hope you reply on it today and keep us up to date.

Harry

milwaukeeguy85

the meeting was lets just say a little different but the people were nice and it felt nice to know that I am actually trying to do something more than just "moderate". I also spoke with a lady that was guilty of the same crimes for the same reasons. I have to say though that my fear came true and I am still very ashamed about what I did last weekend/7 years of my life and right now the only thing keeping me out of the night life is that dreadful feeling I have. Is it normal to use shame to motivate yourself?

It is like the thought of sobriety has consumed my mind and made me depressed all week in addition to my actions. I got invited to do all sorts of different things this weekend but I had to decline because each and every one of them involves drinking. I am especially bummed because this girl I have been chasing for two years (she is a very very casual drinker) finally wants to go out but I know it involves drinking. I am afraid to tell her that I am in AA because I doubt she will want to deal with that kind of baggage at the get go. It just kind of sucks because now she thinks I am blowing her off when we made these plans last Saturday (one of my few sober moments). But I think I need to take care of myself before I worry about being with somebody else.

Anyway I plan on fully attending meetings this weekend as I believe that will be the hardest part of maintaining sobriety. I also started taking guitar lessons today since it was the one thing I used to love and be very good at until I put my life focus in to booze. Hopefully the meetings and music will take my mind off of everything.

blackstrat6

Take the girl out on a sober date. Some people see it as a positive thing. You don't have to tell her your whole story in one date anyway. I say if she asks tell her the truth otherwise wait until you feel is the right time.

Welcome to SR, glad you found us.

Ghostly

I think you are making some great choices milwaukee. Give sobriety some time...for a lot of people things get better fairly quickly. Glad you are going to the meetings. Hope things can wait with the girl. Maybe when you're ready you can play her a song on the guitar!

Snarf

Lots of stuff going on in your last post, Milwaukee. First of all, good on you for making it to a meeting! And you're right about needing to take care of yourself first and foremost, 'cause if you're not right with yourself you can't be right with anyone else.

Especially in these early days, I don't think you have to tell anyone you're in AA. When someone finds out I don't drink and they ask why, sometimes I reply with a simple, "Health reasons." Which is true. Physical, spiritual, mental and emotional health. Other times I might say I've seen alcohol cause problems in many lives. Which is very true, especially concerning my own life!

I know well the feeling of spending time bars. It's what I did. It's where I hung out with my friends, watched ball games, or even just went to drink by myself and ending up chatting with random folks. I've had to learn new ways to keep myself busy these last 6 months. Guitar sounds like a great idea. I also do a lot of stuff I used to do before I decided to spend all my time and money on booze. May sound juvenile, but I enjoy collecting and reading comic books, playing video games, cooking dinner, playing tennis...Thankfully I decided to go back to school last semester, so there's always something that could be done either for class or to prepare for it.

Oh, and when it comes to doing shameful/embarrassing/unbelievable things while on the booze, I'm sure I'm like many here in thinking no one could possibly top my absurd drinking behavior, but after coming to SR and attending AA for several months I realize I'm not so "special" after all. That's a very comforting thought.

Hang in there homey. And hang around here. It makes me feel good that you've decided to join us.

milwaukeeguy85

ya I learned that people have made the things that I have done look like small potatoes, but it really isn't about that. It is about all of us deciding that enough is enough already and we are going to be proactive in doing something about it. I don't think this weekend will be that much of a test for me since this is all so fresh in my mind. However it is next weekend and the weekend after that I am worried about.

my post before this was rather long so I didn't want to really go in to detail, but the "date" that i made with this girl involves going to a major beer tasting festival and she already bought the tickets. So basically I need to be honest with her why I cannot go if I want any chance with her at all (she knows I was out all last weekend). The thing is I am not afraid to admit who I am and the fact that I am getting help. I almost have to do that since I get calls 7 days a week from people looking to go out and get as wasted as humanly possible. I just dont want her to feel like I am putting her in a position to be my only reason to maintain sobriety etc.

I was engaged 3 years ago and lets just say I got the short end of the stick. That even was the catalyst for this huge downward spiral, and the new girl knows this. I am just very conflicted about it all.

Thanks again for the support folks, hopefully one day I can be in the position to offer my advice to others. I feel like I am slowly escaping this black hole, but it keeps trying to pull me in harder and harder.

Harry01854

Milwaukee, just take it one day at a time. I was caught up in the what will happen tomorrow, next week, next month or next year myself. A friend of mine told me to worry about just for today, one day at a time. It makes it easier that way not to worry about what is going to happen tomorrow. Look at it this way, if you spend a lot of time worrying about tomorrow, tomorrow brings you somewhere else where you won't have to worry about the situations, then you wasted a day worrying about it. We don't have any control over what tomorrow might bring. We can have some control over what we do today.

I'm glad that you want to be honest with this girl. I don't think anything wrong with it. Hey, if she wants to distance herself from you because you want to do the right thing, maybe it wasn't meant to be.

Good luck in your endeavors and keep an open mind at the meetings.

Harry