But it was my birthday...
 

Regardless, I know that's no excuse. Went down to south louisiana to see some friends and eat some good south LA food for my 25th birthday. Saturday night I did fine. Went to dinner at one of my friend's restaurants, then went to one of my other friend's restaurants so he could buy me dessert and my fiance some drinks. That night I took tiny sips, I mean MINISCULE, of my fiance's drinks because they were new and I just wanted to see what they tasted like. I did ok. Stayed sober. Then the next morning, my actual birthday, went to brunch at the other restaurant one of my friend works at. He bought us brunch. And with brunch comes...mimosas. Free mimosas. So I had two and a half of those, a half a shot of scotch (scotch is my FAVORITE alcoholic beverage and I really wanted to try the Glenlivet 21 year) , and one of those mixed shots. I didn't even feel a thing because I was so full. But I drank regardless. It was hardly anything but it was enough to make my fatigue flair terribly a few hours later. I hate myself for it. I went 27 days without a drink and then I just had to fall for the "Its your birthday" bs. I'm trying not to beat myself up so I just keep telling myself "well at least you didn't get drunk. You didn't even get a buzz." But I know that even that little bit of alcohol has set me back in my physical healing process. And that's what sucks the most.

:(

I couldn't be around alcohol for a long time when I began my recovery.

I had to make a choice to do other things.

You can get past this and I'm glad you're back.

Hi Eidelon

I had to get it in my head that alcohol is not a reward for me.

If I want to reward myself I'll eat cheesecake...

I know what alcohol does to me, so it's just a ridiculous toss of the dice in which no outcome is good really.

I had to accept I was an alcoholic, and I really had to look at what my thoughts about alcohol were.

Glad you've gotten on the horse.
D

I think the trick is not to let it open the door to "a little won't hurt" in the future. Go back to day 27 and be a non-drinker. Self-loathing over a slip can lead to more slips.

when i have gone back to my "favorite" alcoholic beverage, i was surprised to find how my taste had changed....i just don't care for the after taste and the smell? it is weird but now pinot grigio reminds me of nail polish remover...(and it was not cheap wine). this makes it much easier to say no...it's an unpleasant memory.....and the crappola feeling the next day after a very restless unrestful night is terrible when i value sleep so much.....i've found that i covet a real night of good rest much more than a couple of glasses of wine.

i try to remember these things whenever i feel i might want to drink.

Birthdays make great excuses to drink.

A sober birthday, is truly the best gift I've ever been given.

Are you ready to get back with it?

Don't beat yourself up. I know its hard, and now you feel like you did a stupid thing, blah blah, we have all felt that way. And I had a VERY tiny amount yesterday with my mother in law, simply to avoid questions, didn't get a buzz either, and I'm back to day 1 today. I almost feel like if I make myself go "back" to day 1, even tho it was just a little slip, it punishes me enough to make me wanna fly straight even more. You're back, and thats what counts. Good for you!

It's my birthday, I had a bad day, it's Christmas, it's sunny and hot out, I had a fight with my ex-husband, I got an A on my exam...all great excuses for a bad thing. I used every one in the book...I used to celebrate my birthday for days and omg Christmas - we just called that silly season cause all of December and well into January was okay cause it was festive to entertain and get drunk.

IMO our early recovery is a delicate time and we have to be much more cautious and brave. Stay away from those trigger places even if it means not seeing those friends or celebrating that one occassion. Slips are just slips but too many slips lead to a treacherous fall down a steep hill. It's a slippery slope my friend, and only you can choose to take the steps to remain at the top of the hill. We all have slips, I have stopped and started over and over again, but we have to work it and have faith that this is going to be the last and only we can take the steps to make that happen. I only hope that all of us newbies can remain at the top of the hill until such time that the slope clears a bit and we are a bit more safe.

I always say this but I think it still applies: forgive yourself, learn from it, and move forward again.:)

I don't have a lot of close friends who I see socially with my husband. We have separate friends mostly. But one couple we love invited us to dinner last weekend and they are big drinkers, mostly very expensive red wine, which is/was my favorite drink.

I told my husband I couldn't go. I would either have drank, or more likely, not drank and been miserable all night. Not worth it. When my sobriety is stronger, I am sure I can see them again, but at this point, even my very good friends are not worth seeing if I am going to drink or be miserable over not drinking.

People, places and things - all can kill our sobriety. Holidays, birthdays, all great excuses to drink, which is what we want to do in the first place. It is your Beast tricking you. Don't let it win anymore. Protect your sobriety, you had a good few weeks, you know how to do it. Good luck,
Nancy
Day 32

A bit late on this but it sounds like you have the right perspective on it. Yes though you may have to protect yourself from situations that make you vulnerable, and not allow this to become a full blown relapse which is always a risk (my line of thought was usually 'okay, I screwed up with those drinks, I may as well go the whole hog now...' and you know where that leads). Take care.

An alcvohlic mind will play tricks with us all the time. "A little bit won't hurt me." And now you have those feelings of guilt and remorse. Be very careful (well at least I didn't get drunk) could set you up for another one.

Just pick yourself up, dust yourself off and now move forward to staying sober just for today.

Harry

I do hope you will soon quit touching that hot stove.
:yup:
This can be your first year of new direction
and health for you.

From one Louisianian to another
welcome and glad you are here
sharing. :)

I'm not familiar with your story
except for what you shared at
top.

I can't lie and tell you I hate the
taste of a good drink cause I can't.

And then to have a good drink
of whatever reason or occassion.

It's in my blood, system.

Never in my wildest dreams did
I think I had a drinking problem
back then when in my mind I
thought i could really hold my
liquor or drink u under the table.

Low and behold, alcohol caught
up with me when I least expected
it to it wiped me out.

That was some 20 yrs. ago when
family stepped in getting me help
when i couldnt.

A 28 day rehab stay receiving the
tools and knowledge of my alcoholism
set me on the path of recovery learning
to live one day at a time with out
alcohol.

Over the years I have heard and
witnessed many who have walked
thru the doors of recovery to only
return back for whatever reason to
try some more control drinking
and walk back in to let us know
that it didnt work.

That could have been me.

But for them, i havent had the
desire to step out and try it
again. At least not today.

I apply those tools and knowledge
that was so freely passed on to me
to my everyday affairs and continue
to pass it on to others.

Today is a good day to be sober.