crzylilmndfreak

I woke up this morning just pissed off, out of nowhere.
Im pissed off i have this f***ing problem, and im pissed off i have to live in this constant chaos in my head. Im pissed off i constantly want some kind of head change. Its like i cant get away from myself. But that donse'nt make sence, because i AM myself. So what does that mean, am i like Sybil or some ****? I am so miserable i just want some kind of release. And i cant find it anywhere. I have a beautiful family, i am so blessed, but still something is wrong, and i dont know what or how to stop it. I have'nt been praying the last couple days like i should, but i prayed this morning, and that actually gave me some relief. I guess thats all i can do. I tried to call my sponsor at like four this morning, but i just got her as a sponsor, and couldnt find her number.
Not to be on the pitty pot here, just had to vent...thanks for "listening"
crys

Ainslie

I used to wake up pissed off or anxious a lot, then I was medicated for it for a year, now im fine Maybe chat to your doctor if its an ongoing battle. Sponsors can only guide you with so much, sometimes professional help is necessary

crzylilmndfreak

i do see a dr. and am prescribed klonopin for my anxiety, but it does'nt seem to help one bit. Ive been on so many different meds, i just feel drained.
crys

zbear23

Do you suppose that you are, in fact, "getting away from yourself" via your anger? Anger is a powerful, mood altering experience, associated with a very powerful drug.....adrenaline. The high can be very seductive.

I'm convinced that AA's advice, "anger is a luxury we cannot afford," is 100% correct, because that is just me substituting one drug for another. Whenever I am angry, I know there is something inside myself I need to attend to.

Prayer helps.

blessings
zenbear

crzylilmndfreak

well if thats it, i've been angry for many many years...I had a good childhood, parents were good to me, dad had been in the military, so he was a little rough, but for the most part O.K. Im an only child, like I said, have a good family, something just isnt right, and i understand why some people kill themselves becasue if it werent for my famiy i certainly would'nt be here.
crys

TexasNative

I hope that gets better for you. I did that a lot when I was in my 20's, basically wake up convinced my life was tough and everybody elses was a breeze. No special cure, just found it so miserable to be pissed off I worked really hard on getting out of that mindset.

keithj

I'm assuming from the sponsor reference that you are in either AA or NA?

The pertinent question, if one is willing to seek support from 12 Step organizations, is what Step are you on? That's essentially the starting point for all conversations.

The solution I found to that anger, that uncomfortableness, that anxiety, that depression, was taking the 12 Steps.

I've seen your posts since I joined the site, and it doesn't seem like things have gotten better for you.

What does this new sponsor have you doing?

crzylilmndfreak

well i've just now started, but i have all of the first 3 steps down, so i suppose we will start on the 4th step soon...im reading the book, and am really understanding it, i can totally relate with all that i've read so far.
i'm gonna keep reading, and praying, and hoping things will calm down in my head
crys

Kerbcrawler

love your username by the way, that something in yourself you have to figure out what/why? not so easy am sure...usually things that niggle and come back again and again are things that we need to handle and understand, work through, having a lovely family is awesome..it keeps me sane and less prone to dwelling on the me thing,and how everything should revolve around me...your sober right? with a loving family...wish you well in finding happiness..

Anna

I find that meditation, though often hard to do, will bring peace to my mind.

Dee74

good to see you back CLMF.

I think most of us deal with anger, and with wanting to escape still - after all we did it for so many years.

If you're satisfied with your dr/therapist and what they're doing and you've talked this pout with them - the only other thing I can suggest is try and be patient, ask for advice from your sponsor, the other folks at your meetings and the folks here, and try your best to ride it out.

D

crzylilmndfreak

yes, i am sober, had a relapse last month, but doing well now, i suppose, well at least not using, its difficult, but i've got almost a month now,AGAIN, i've been through so many "attempts" at quitting, but now it is the most important thing to me to be sober and keep my family. my husband has had it with me, and i've have had it with myself.. Im finally sick and tired of being sick and tired. I also have OCD, so once i get something in my head i get STUCK and cant seem to stop it. like when i was actively using,and not really "ready" yet, but weakly attempting , . Now i know i have no choice, its get drunk again and lose my family, or die...my last drunk was a doozy to say the least. I also have OCD which makes being clean much more difficult i think.
typing here makes me feel better, i do go to meetings, and have talked a couple times, but i have really bad social anxiety, so its difficult for me to even be in the room sometimes, i do learn from others though.
i just really appreciate any advice i get here, and thanks for "listening'
crys

Boleo

Sounds like you you actually have a handle on this disease. You can at least see that it is not just about outside issues. Something most people take years of recovery to see.

Now that you are aware that the problem does not make sense. You might be able to see that the solution does not make sense either;

We must suffer to get well.
We must surrender to win.
We must give it away to keep it.

firestorm090

After trying to work on our steps, talk with others, watch a funny movie, and the like; the only thing I've found that really helps me dissipate anger is to get physically active, such as workout, take a long walk, and let the source of anger bubble up from within me so I can identify what's p!ssing me off. Then I deal with that problem the best I can today, and if I can't change it, I try to accept it and change my attitude in spite of the problem. It doesn't always work, but it's always worth a try.