RunningTheRace

Hello, a number of you will recognize me. I have been on here and off here as I work to quit drinking.

Long story short - I started drinking in my 20's, eventual becoming a heavy regular drinker, and this past year heavy has become abuse.

I AM now being seen by a counselor and my next appointment is on Thursday. She put me through a battery of tests and I don't test as dependent, but I test as abusive in that when I drink it is to excess, etc.

Well, after having a number of great days I am in the midst of a binge which started last Saturday night. I managed to work this week and get everything I needed done...including coach my soccer team this Saturday...I don't know how no one noticed my blotchy face from getting sick the night before...I almost wished someone had...I feel so alone.

But, this morning I woke up feeling horrible and held out till around 11am and then the vodka pouring began. Well, I have spent the day on the couch watching football and working my way through a vodka bottle. I hate this!

My girlfriend's life and work has taken her to another State and I don't really have anyone in my "real" life that I can get help from.

What do I do? I was feeling so good not drinking and this week I was back to drinking to feeling good. This feels insane.

Help. If I go to AA, how do I find someone who would be a sponsor for me? The worst part of my day is the evening when I am all alone in my house. Do sponsors every hang out with their sponsees or even spend the night to help?

My last resort is to ask to be admitted to a treatment center. But, before I do that, I think if I can get live, in person, help to get over the hump - which for me appears to be staying alcohol free for more than two weeks...if I can get past that place...I would love it!

So, am really open to your thoughts, advice, etc. And, I apologize for being under the influence right now. If I am offending anyone, I do sincerely apologize.

julez

Hi RTR, glad you are back.
In my area there are meetings every night, so if you go and get involved, that could take up some of that nightly time you would spend drinking. As far as the sponsor, if you contact someone in AA in your area, they may be able to set you up with someone.
Tomorrow is the beginning of a new week. WHy don't you pour the rest of your alcohol down the drain, and start now?
Keep posting and sharing!

Dee74

Hi Running the Race

Sorry to hear your struggling - it certainly seems you need more than your counsellor.

I'm not in AA, but with sponsors I hear you just go to a meeting...and ask around.
Find someone who has the qualities you admire.
I'm sure other AAers will be along to help anyway.

I find posting here regularly helps keep me in touch with my recovery too....

Whatever's left of the vodka, dump it man - it's doing you no good.

D

Anna

Hi and Welcome back!

No apologies necessary - we are here to help.

If you think that AA will work for you and give you the contact that you need, then that's what you should do.

My advice would be this - stopping drinking is the first step, and then the real work begins. I needed to make big changes in my life in order to begin to recover. If you drink at home, alone in the evenings, which is what I did too, make some changes. Join a gym, take a course, volunteer in your community, get out and do something to enrich your life and it will help you get out of the pattern of drinking at night. You can do this and don't ever give up!

ERNIETWANG

Dude!! you have got to go to an AA meeting. I'm telling you we "drunks" will help you more than anybody or any program will. Sponsor's go out of their way to be there because "they know". I've basically been a drunk since about 15 and I'm 48 now. I quit a thousand times, dealt with the insanity of this malady, dealt with the guilt, dealt with the mental and physical pain of it all, dealt with the shame etc....by myself,..... the problem was I always went back to that liquid seductress and completely gave my self to her. Well now I am in the program "AA" and its awesome everybody in here has experienced the same "INSANITY" I have, some to a larger degree some lesser. However WE KNOW. This is the first time in a long time I have been "HAPPY" to be sober anyway good luck which ever path you take but millions of recovering drunks in EVERY country in the world can't be wrong. Just try it "AA".

RunningTheRace

I appreciate your quick feedback, friends. Not gonna lie, I, clearly, am reluctant to do the whole AA thing. And, going to a treatment center would be really tough...not only work and financially. But, I am trying to be careful, because where I live I am well known.

This is so frustrating...these past few months have been periods of drinking and periods of not...and, I KNOW, the first few days of not drinking don't feel to good. But, man, after that...I KNOW it feels awesome! I have even started to lose weight due to not drinking the way I was.

I don't know what I am asking...but, has anyone had a friend come live with them to help the over the hump? I know I can do this...but, the more I look at my problem, the more I believe I need someone staying with me until I can beat this.

Is this weird? Any suggestions on how to broach this with a friend?

Junior33

Hi RTR,
Reading your post, I think of the way I romanticize (sp) drinking. While at work today, I thought of BBQ'ing, watching the game, and drinking. I don't even watch football, but because fall is in the air, and I waited on people who were going to watch a game, I wanted to do the same. Actually, I just wanted to drink, so any excuse to do it, I will. Instead, I just kept thinking of how awful I feel when I drink, during and after. So I just keep going, one minute at a time.
If you stop drinking now, you can start over now.
I am actually having to plan what to do every minute - I am so raw that I can't give myself any time to re-evaluate if I can drink today. I know I want to drink today, I have to keep myself in the right mindset to not let my brain tell me it's ok. It's not ok, I don't want to hate myself in the morning. That is the worse feeling in the world. Hopeless, demorilazaion. UGGGG.
Be safe.

mama36

I don't want to sound bad, but you have to get some help now. If it means a rehab center then so be it. People around you will begin to see this anyway if you don't stop NOW. AA is what people make of it from what I have read, seen, heard. Counselling is great, but it is not every day or all of the time. Do you have anybody at all that you could call on to come and be with you in your time of need, until you get a bit of this sorted out?

least

It IS insane. That's the disease of alcoholism. We drink (too much, too often) even knowing the consequences. Can your counselor help you in quitting? I see my addiction counselor once a week and she helps me a great deal.

Give AA a good try. Go to several meetings and ask around for a sponsor and/or someone to help you thru the initial quitting.

I was a chronic relapser but have nine months sober now so it can be done!

Welcome back!

Dee74

You cannot rely on a friend to make you sober, RTR.
Been there done that.

They can get you there...maybe....but how do you stay there?

This has to be your work, my friend.

It's not a case of getting a good run up I'm afraid - to change my life I had to put in a lot of work...and daily - What happens after your friend goes home?

If AA's not for you, for whatever reason, there are other alternatives

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html.

But please do something - I discounted all my avenues, and I ended up doing nothing - I wasted 20 years doing what you did today, RTR

D

RunningTheRace

Hello, I am racking my brain trying to determine who I can trust to come help me. You all are right. I DO need help and now. I am willing to check out AA...part of my problem has been feeling isolated...and, I think someone in AA might understand me more than even my counselor. Wish AA had a hotline...I would call it right now.

wpainterw

Why not go to a meeting, try to get a sponsor, ask the sponsor whether you can spend some time with him (I assume you're not a woman), and then ask the sponsor for any suggestions. Tell him you're very nervous about being left alone. And if you are in the house, make sure there is no alcohol there.
You say that after two weeks or so of sobriety you remember feeling really good and you want to feel that way again. If this is as far as it goes (two weeks) you're setting yourself up to be a binge drinker. Many, many detoxes ahead for you then. Why don't you and your sponsor to set up a program which would lead to long term recovery? Good luck.

W.

wpainterw

Most AA groups have a hotline. Look up alcoholics anonymous in your phone book and/or yellow pages. Also call 411 information and ask for a number. Also google <alcoholics anonymous, (and also the name of your locality)>. You ought to be able to find some contacts by googling.

W

RunningTheRace

You are right. How do I get past two weeks? How did you get past two weeks. Yes, i am a guy and, No, I am TIRED of being a binge drinker. My ish, is I get to feeling good, make it almost to two weeks without drinking....and, then, I think I can drink and just have one or two...I am one of those people who hates to think anyone or anything has beat him...so, this whole I am defeated thing is tough. But, like this week. Last Saturday I had two drinks, Sunday, I had none...then each night last week I had progressively more. And, I have been drinking this weekend since I got home from soccer on Saturday...and...right now...it is hard to picture myself not drinking.

LexieCat

AA has hotlines. If you feel you need to have someone stay with you, to keep you from drinking, check into a detox facility to get clear of the booze in the beginning. Find one that has an intensive outpatient rehab program (or in-patient--you might need one that your insurance will cover).

Zebra1275

Not gonna lie, I, clearly, am reluctant to do the whole AA thing. And, going to a treatment center would be really tough...not only work and financially

So, laying on the couch on a Sunday afternoon drinking vodka to prolong a week long bender is working for you?

Sorry to be blunt, but stop drinking, sober up a bit and go to an AA meeting in the morning. If I were you, I would call in sick, because I think your cover is going to be "blown" when you show up for work. Maybe it's because I'm older, but I know I couldn't hide a bender like this.

In or Out patient treatment might be a good option for you, ultimately no matter which you choose (if any) they are likely to dismiss you with treatment recommendations which include AA meetings. So, if you want, you can just jump ahead and go to AA.

Some people recommended 90 meetings in 90 days. If you do 110 meetings by Christmas you might be able to give your girlfriend a great gift.

Sorry to be hard, but you need to want to stop, and it takes work on your part. A sponsor can't make you stop drinking.

CarolD

Welcome back...

Antiderivative

You need to put the plug in the jug. If you don't, then things will most likely get worst. They certainly won't get better.

The first thing you have to do, is learn how to stay away from the first drink. The first one will ultimately get you drunk. AA will give you tools and support with this. I doubt anyone will stay with you overnight, but ask for help and you will receive it. Remember, it might not be on your terms, but people in AA will be more than willing to help.

Give AA a few chances. If that doesn't work, then try SMART Recovery or outpatient care.

You need to start changing your nightly routine. Going to nighttime meetings may help you a lot. Then go home, settled down, and go to bed. You should be able to get some phone numbers from people who you can call in case you want to pick up. Call or even post here BEFORE you pick up that first drink.

LaFemme

Having a friend stay for a few days would he great, especially if you are detoxing it would be safer. But in order to stay sober you need to do a lot of work and your friend wont be able to help you There. If AA is not for you what do you think would work? Its not a great idea to identify things that don't work but spend no time looking for something that does.

wpainterw

Running: From your posts I gather that you've been drinking all weekend and that the drinking continues. Am I right in this? And you have been trying to get this under control alone and so far have not had much success. What are the odds that you will do any better in the next few days? Surely your job is likely to figure out what's going on or at least suspect. I was in this very situation nearly 22 years ago and it became clear that I needed medical help and needed it right away. If I were you I'd put a call into an emergency room, check in and see what the doctors say. if this is allowed to continue it could become a dangerous, even life threatening situation. I believe that you may be coming to a moment of decision.
Anyway, no booze in the house.
Never take that first drink.
Stay in touch with meetings and as many well informed friends as possible
Avoid social situations where there is drinking.
if you don't go to an ER, then see a doctor as soon as possible.

W.