I did it!!!!
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,355
I am all for AA and I am going to a ladies meeting tonight but in reading posts here it seems there is much confusion about it. Some say you can't do it without AA and the steps and some HAVE done it for a very long time with the help of a support group like this one, counselling, building support through family and friends around them but no AA.
You'll get a range of opinions on sites like these, and with the greatest respect, that's all they are - opinions...
there's a lot of us here in recovery but no ones opinions or expressions of experience are greater better or more right than someone's else's....not even mine
In AA, you've got something that works for you and is improving your life - that's fantastic!
I say run with it
D
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 318
There is NOTHING better in this life that the love of a child...and I may be biased, by my little man is the MOST wonderful and sensitive little person in this world.
Seepy seepy time...it's a great day to be alive!!
Seepy seepy time...it's a great day to be alive!!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Nevada
Posts: 44
That is so awesome. I am happy to hear this. This positive attitude is what is going to get you through it all. It is also good to hear that you found somewhere that you can let it all out with other people instead of turning to drinking. All of these good things that you are seeing will only get better and better as it goes along.
KEEP IT UP!! =]
KEEP IT UP!! =]
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 318
Thanks All...!! Day 12 now and feeling really positive and great. Can't wait to get the day started.
Good nights lead to good mornings...lol...I think that is from a Viagra commercial but whatever, it fits.
Good nights lead to good mornings...lol...I think that is from a Viagra commercial but whatever, it fits.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Originally Posted by SweetCityWoman 
It is important that people are sensitive with the language they use (i.e., how they discuss AA) with newcomers. It is very easy to send a message that might discourage a beginner who is worried not only about staying sober but about what AA is all about - esp. those of us giving it a try. So using words like "doomed" or telling us that it won't really work in the long-term unless certain things are embraced can be as discouraging as telling us to think about a lifetime without a drink (vs. telling us to take one day at at time).
What you read here in the forums that may come across as "hard line" or "insensitive" to the newcomers, though, is a pretty important message for those who have been struggling for a long time and are unable to maintain sobriety. And that is that if the disease isn't arrested, sooner or later, yes, you may be one of the "doomed" (if you aren't already there).
Alcoholism IS progressive, and it IS fatal if not arrested. So as "alarmist" as the message may sound when you're first contemplating sobriety, there is truth in it. If you can arrest your disease in a way that you achieve the kind of sobriety that is lasting and healthy, great. Nobody is going to argue with success. The problem is that we are all prone to playing mind games with ourselves--that's how we were able to drink as long as we did and cause as much harm to ourselves and others as we did. We rationalize, we minimize, we protect our egos, we look for ways we are unique. So the practice of honesty with ourselves is essential. The Steps strip the delusions away, and we can see ourselves honestly and start addressing what's really wrong--our thinking.
I think it's important for anyone unable to control his or her drinking to be aware of the progressive and fatal nature of alcoholism, and that AA offers a way to arrest the disease. What AA offers for that purpose is the 12 Steps. It isn't group therapy or a support group, although the members certainly do support each other. But if all you want is support for staying sober, you can get that here or in other groups. Plenty of people do use AA just for the support without working the Steps, but if they do that and don't stay sober, they tend to say "AA didn't work for me". And that isn't true, because they didn't ever work the Steps, which is the AA program of recovery. Some people do relapse even after working the Steps, and they have to keep at it to determine what they might have omitted that is holding them back. It's simple, but not easy.
Some people ARE able to achieve healthy, lasting sobriety without AA and the 12 Steps--there are many of them here on this forum. I wouldn't dream of suggesting that they don't have quality sobriety or that they are "doomed" because they haven't recovered using AA and the 12 Steps. They have found an answer that works for them, and I admire and respect them greatly, just as I do those with long-term sobriety in AA.
So, yeah, I understand what you're saying. But sometimes there is no pleasant way to break the news to someone that things may be a lot worse than they think. AA has no shortage of members. It has nothing to gain by getting people to come in who don't need it. But there are people who don't realize they need it, and may be killing themselves in the meantime because of their own resistance.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 3,095
Originally Posted by Dee74
there's a lot of us here in recovery but no ones opinions or expressions of experience are greater better or more right than someone's else's....not even mine
There are many opinions expressed on this forum coming from people who can not seem to stay sober. It's an opinion based on what someone thinks is a good idea, but with no demonstration of it working for them.
There are 'paths to sobriety' laid out by people who continually relapse. Is that path a good one for me to follow? Well, if I want to continually relapse it might be a good way to go. But if I want to stay sober, I might want to stick to the paths that have led to sobriety.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,355
Originally Posted by keithj
In principle, I agree with this. It sure sounds nice and is certainly inclusive. However, I think it's important to know the basis for the opinion I'm receiving.
There are many opinions expressed on this forum coming from people who can not seem to stay sober. It's an opinion based on what someone thinks is a good idea, but with no demonstration of it working for them.
There are 'paths to sobriety' laid out by people who continually relapse. Is that path a good one for me to follow? Well, if I want to continually relapse it might be a good way to go. But if I want to stay sober, I might want to stick to the paths that have led to sobriety.
There are many opinions expressed on this forum coming from people who can not seem to stay sober. It's an opinion based on what someone thinks is a good idea, but with no demonstration of it working for them.
There are 'paths to sobriety' laid out by people who continually relapse. Is that path a good one for me to follow? Well, if I want to continually relapse it might be a good way to go. But if I want to stay sober, I might want to stick to the paths that have led to sobriety.
'there's a lot of us here in recovery...but no ones opinions or expressions of experience are greater better or more right than someone's else's....'
If anyone wants me to share how I got from there to here, I will - I know you're the same.
There's enough debating threads around right now, I think, don't you?
D
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 318
It's all great and I love you all...
I had a great sleep again last night. Obviously not as long or as good as I would have had I never done this to myself...been an alcoholic I mean...but better than in a long time. I woke to an all around happy little boy who loves his Mama so much and I have just been very positive and very happy all day.
In my meeting last night there were two women in particular that really made me think and cry like I have not cried in a long time. They are older women than myself who have kids just around 10 years younger than me. They are really struggling to have a relationship with their children, they are coming around but lets face it, kids at all ages have a right to deal with what they have seen and been put through in their own way. Anyway, it really made me think of the chance that I have been given. I have a son who is 8 years old and while he has been struggling to do the things in school that are set out for him for lack of "interest" or "caring" he is a good boy and a very intelligent and sensitive boy. I have this opportunity to make right the things that I have done wrong with him. I have the chance to say prayers with him and tuck him in at night and not feel rushed to get away from him for a drink. I have the opportunity to have family meals with him and connect with him on how his day was or if he is looking forward to Karate or seeing his Daddy in a couple of days. I have the opportunity to go to him when he says, "Mommy come see this" and not be annoyed because I think he is "getting in my way or being needy". Yes, that is how I felt before and how that must have felt for the little guy. But now, OMG I care about what he wants to show me and I love hearing his prayers and his thoughts.
Yesterday, already, he had a note from his teacher saying, "A much better day today!". That made me feel so good because it makes me feel like just that little bit of effort is helping him to stay focused rather than acting out because he is lacking attention. I have learned that even the smartest, most sensitive kids will act out if nobody is giving them what they need. I have been given the chance to correct that when so many out there have not had that opportunity or realized before a lot of damage was already done.
Do I think that he is all better and this is the end of the problems, not a hope, but I do know that I am here now and I am sober and this is yet another part of my journey that will ultimately make everybody around me happy...but not a one of them happier than it will make me.
I have not been this happy, as happy as I have been for the last 3 days, in MANY a year. I am proud of myself, I feel closer to my God and my family, and I feel SO close to the most important person in this world to me - My beautiful boy. Hehe, he would be p'ssed if he saw that because, "Mommy boys are NOT beautiful, girls are, I am handsome". Guess boys don't realize that people are beautiful on the inside and handsome on the out.
I love my life and I love this journey. 12 days ago I didn't want to face sobriety becasue it is TOO HARD, today I love it and don't ever want to turn back.
You all rock!!
D.
I had a great sleep again last night. Obviously not as long or as good as I would have had I never done this to myself...been an alcoholic I mean...but better than in a long time. I woke to an all around happy little boy who loves his Mama so much and I have just been very positive and very happy all day.
In my meeting last night there were two women in particular that really made me think and cry like I have not cried in a long time. They are older women than myself who have kids just around 10 years younger than me. They are really struggling to have a relationship with their children, they are coming around but lets face it, kids at all ages have a right to deal with what they have seen and been put through in their own way. Anyway, it really made me think of the chance that I have been given. I have a son who is 8 years old and while he has been struggling to do the things in school that are set out for him for lack of "interest" or "caring" he is a good boy and a very intelligent and sensitive boy. I have this opportunity to make right the things that I have done wrong with him. I have the chance to say prayers with him and tuck him in at night and not feel rushed to get away from him for a drink. I have the opportunity to have family meals with him and connect with him on how his day was or if he is looking forward to Karate or seeing his Daddy in a couple of days. I have the opportunity to go to him when he says, "Mommy come see this" and not be annoyed because I think he is "getting in my way or being needy". Yes, that is how I felt before and how that must have felt for the little guy. But now, OMG I care about what he wants to show me and I love hearing his prayers and his thoughts.
Yesterday, already, he had a note from his teacher saying, "A much better day today!". That made me feel so good because it makes me feel like just that little bit of effort is helping him to stay focused rather than acting out because he is lacking attention. I have learned that even the smartest, most sensitive kids will act out if nobody is giving them what they need. I have been given the chance to correct that when so many out there have not had that opportunity or realized before a lot of damage was already done.
Do I think that he is all better and this is the end of the problems, not a hope, but I do know that I am here now and I am sober and this is yet another part of my journey that will ultimately make everybody around me happy...but not a one of them happier than it will make me.
I have not been this happy, as happy as I have been for the last 3 days, in MANY a year. I am proud of myself, I feel closer to my God and my family, and I feel SO close to the most important person in this world to me - My beautiful boy. Hehe, he would be p'ssed if he saw that because, "Mommy boys are NOT beautiful, girls are, I am handsome". Guess boys don't realize that people are beautiful on the inside and handsome on the out.
I love my life and I love this journey. 12 days ago I didn't want to face sobriety becasue it is TOO HARD, today I love it and don't ever want to turn back.
You all rock!!
D.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 318
I didn't have the best night last night, not like I have been having lately anyway. I felt a bit down and a bit lost. I spent some time with my boy and that was great but after bed time I got quite down. I know that this is only the beginning so my spirits are not crushed, just a hard night. Today is my Friday, you know what that means...normally anyway and I guess I do find those days quite hard yet. I have a noon meeting planned and a meeting tomorrow night as well as Saturday morning so I am being proactive.
For anyone in my position, stay strong and reach out and be proactive. It is helping me through this harder time and gives me something to look forward to.
Regardless of the hurt right now, it is a great day to be alive and to be sober.
D.
For anyone in my position, stay strong and reach out and be proactive. It is helping me through this harder time and gives me something to look forward to.
Regardless of the hurt right now, it is a great day to be alive and to be sober.
D.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 318
Thanks, better way to stumble than I am used to...lol.
Being positive helps me, though I have some down times too and post them as well. I love this place and all that it has brought to me already. I have made a great friend here and I am staying strong. I love to laugh, I find it is a good stress reliever. Live, laugh, love right.
It's really nice to hear from you embrace!!
D.
Being positive helps me, though I have some down times too and post them as well. I love this place and all that it has brought to me already. I have made a great friend here and I am staying strong. I love to laugh, I find it is a good stress reliever. Live, laugh, love right.
It's really nice to hear from you embrace!!
D.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 318
Day 15 - check. I can honestly tell you that having a drink is the last thing that would make me happy right now. I am loving this sh't...sobriety. I went to another meeting tonight and there was a man there who has not had a drink in 54 years...yes, you heard me right...54 years. He was so happy and explained to all of us newbies that he was angry, and ignorant and just a plain old a's hole. He said that the first time that he walked through the doors of AA he was drunk and two men were there...only 2 and they asked him 42 questions and he said that everything they asked was weird because it was as though these "two old drunks" knew him - funny how they know us to a tee when we think we are just some person that nobody has seen before. He was plastered but he said that he never forgot the questions and never forgot the moment...and NEVER touched a drink again. Now you tell me, how amazing is that. I was just floored by the entire thing and how happy he is and how amazing he says his life has turned out. The entire room tonight clapped for this man several times because he just brought such a positive outlook to the group. It CAN be done people...isn't that just a great way to end the day?
There were probably 30 people in the meeting tonight and there were so many old timers...it was great. It is wonderful to see all of these old guys and gals just laugh it up about the stupidity and chaos. No, I don't think that alcoholism is funny, but what an amazing thought - to come through the drunken days, through whatever program you choose to work through, figure out your life, work on being a better human being and end up HAPPY and able to laugh at the mistakes.
I am beside myself with feelings of happiness tonight. I am thankful to be alive and thankful to be sober. I know there are plenty of hard days ahead but I firmly believe that now that I have made the choice to stop drinking, which is the easy part, now I get the opportunity and chance to learn to live without drinking and live happily. Something that this girl did not think was possible. I have now seen with my own two eyes...four when I am really paying attention...that I CAN and WILL live happily without my ex-best-friend...booze.
Today is the tomorrow I worried about yesterday but guess what? Today I am not worried about tomorrow, I am only focused on today...and tomorrow I will worry about tomorrow. Another day down...thanks to all of you and my wonderful groups at AA.
D.
There were probably 30 people in the meeting tonight and there were so many old timers...it was great. It is wonderful to see all of these old guys and gals just laugh it up about the stupidity and chaos. No, I don't think that alcoholism is funny, but what an amazing thought - to come through the drunken days, through whatever program you choose to work through, figure out your life, work on being a better human being and end up HAPPY and able to laugh at the mistakes.
I am beside myself with feelings of happiness tonight. I am thankful to be alive and thankful to be sober. I know there are plenty of hard days ahead but I firmly believe that now that I have made the choice to stop drinking, which is the easy part, now I get the opportunity and chance to learn to live without drinking and live happily. Something that this girl did not think was possible. I have now seen with my own two eyes...four when I am really paying attention...that I CAN and WILL live happily without my ex-best-friend...booze.
Today is the tomorrow I worried about yesterday but guess what? Today I am not worried about tomorrow, I am only focused on today...and tomorrow I will worry about tomorrow. Another day down...thanks to all of you and my wonderful groups at AA.
D.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Lomita, California
Posts: 200
Way to go, Mama! It does feel good to have a nice meeting. I remember the first time they asked me to read. I was dumfounded. Then, they asked me to be the "chip guy" and hand out key chains (they use those at NA, not chips) It really felt good. Day 18 here and feeling great!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Alhambra,CA
Posts: 23
Welcome home Mama! We all love you very much. And the great thing of AA is that you can go to a meeting everyday. Try doing 30 in 30 or even yet do 90 in 90...30 meetings in 30 days or 90 meetings in 90 days. I wish I would of taken advantage of my open schedule and did that...now at 146 days I wish I could everyday but school if killing it. Good luck. And keep an open mind.
Jenn
Jenn
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