I did it!!!!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 438
Awesome, awesome, awesome, awesome, awesome, AWESOME!!!! So very glad you went to a meeting...I love AA and my experiences with it have been surprisingly wonderful (for the most part!)
And hey...if you're into Buddhism, you might want to check out "When Things Fall Apart" by Pema Chodron. She's an American Buddhist nun and she's brilliant.
Congratulations again! Rock on, girl. :ghug3
And hey...if you're into Buddhism, you might want to check out "When Things Fall Apart" by Pema Chodron. She's an American Buddhist nun and she's brilliant.
Congratulations again! Rock on, girl. :ghug3
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 318
Thanks Steph! I'm only just beginnig so of course my emotions are all over the place. I have lot 6 pounds in just one week...yikes but I am eating like a maniac and trying to stay positive...I love this and I am going to do my very best to get this right...you are wonderful!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 318
Well today I took another big step. I told my Grandma (my mother for the last 21 years) that I have finally realized that I am an alcoholic and that I am finally getting help. She was happy that I figured it out at 36 rather than 66...although I was 29 the first time I stopped drinking, so 7 years later after stopping and starting and so on, I am here, going to AA and starting AADAC.
I so wish that I would have done this then but I am still very blessed to have the tools to recover today rather than no tools at all, like the last 85 times I have tried to stop, but then I never researched or looked for any tools either; you can't see if you don't look.
Today is day 10 and I am very foggy. I still wake in the night sweating profusely and have headaches all of the time. I wish that both of these things would subside a bit. There are days when I feel very positive, like after a meeting, and days or maybe just moments when I still feel confused and lost. I suppose this all takes time.
My dh brought me a dozen roses to work this morning, that was very sweet and he sent me an email explaining some of the research that he has done in order to understand this thing a bit better. I felt good about the research because I was feeling resentful toward him for some reason. My meeting on Friday evening is and open meeting so dh got a babysitter for my son and is going to attend with me. I am not sure how I will feel about sharing with him in the room but we will see.
I worked out a schedule for meeitngs today and I will be going on Tuesdays (ladies meeting), Friday and Saturday morning. I have to try to get to as many as I can but I also have to be here for my son, my studies, and most importantly bed time for my boy...that is our time when we pray and reach out together.
I so wish that I would have done this then but I am still very blessed to have the tools to recover today rather than no tools at all, like the last 85 times I have tried to stop, but then I never researched or looked for any tools either; you can't see if you don't look.
Today is day 10 and I am very foggy. I still wake in the night sweating profusely and have headaches all of the time. I wish that both of these things would subside a bit. There are days when I feel very positive, like after a meeting, and days or maybe just moments when I still feel confused and lost. I suppose this all takes time.
My dh brought me a dozen roses to work this morning, that was very sweet and he sent me an email explaining some of the research that he has done in order to understand this thing a bit better. I felt good about the research because I was feeling resentful toward him for some reason. My meeting on Friday evening is and open meeting so dh got a babysitter for my son and is going to attend with me. I am not sure how I will feel about sharing with him in the room but we will see.
I worked out a schedule for meeitngs today and I will be going on Tuesdays (ladies meeting), Friday and Saturday morning. I have to try to get to as many as I can but I also have to be here for my son, my studies, and most importantly bed time for my boy...that is our time when we pray and reach out together.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 395
Originally Posted by mama36 
Today is day 10 and I am very foggy. I still wake in the night sweating profusely and have headaches all of the time. I wish that both of these things would subside a bit. There are days when I feel very positive, like after a meeting, and days or maybe just moments when I still feel confused and lost. I suppose this all takes time.
Research a little in PAWS: Post-Acute Withdrawal Syndrome.
Post Acute Withdrawal Syndrome (PAWS) is a set of impairments that occur immediately after withdrawal from alcohol or other substances. The condition lasts from six to eighteen months after the last use and is marked by a fluctuating but incrementally improving course. It has importance to the recovering addict's ability to benefit from recovery, treatment, function effectively on the job, interact with family and friends, and regain emotional health.
Post-Acute Withdrawal Syndrome ? What You Need to Know : Drug & Alcohol Addiction Recovery
Post Acute Withdrawal Syndrome
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 318
Thanks guys. One thing I am learing, and this may not be the case for everyone here, is that I have been pushing toooooo hard. I was trying to go to a meeting every day, have AADAC Counselling lined up and am quite a ways into the Big Book already. These are all things that I personally need in order to reach my ultimate goal - sobriety. I am going to keep doing all of these things but I am working out a schedule that fits into my life. I have a son, 2 step-daughters, a husband, a full time job, and courses that I am taking. I have to live my life as well as get better. I will be doing 3 meetings per week, going to AADAC every week or so (not sure on the schedule yet as my first appt is next Tues) and I will continue my reading in the Big Book. I have realized, for myself, that I can't do it all in one day or one week or even one month. I have realized that this is going to be a long process and I have to fit it in where it works the best so as not to take away anymore time from the things that have to be done each day. My son needs extra attention becasue I have not given him much while drunk, my job is very important and my courses are the only way that I will advance to the next level, and of course my husband and step-daughters are important to me too. There is NOTHING more important to me than getting and staying sober, but I have found that when I place too much pressure on myself to hurry through it, I feel like I am pushing myself to failure.
I am going to stick and stay and make it pay. Rome was not built in a day and neither will my sobriety be.
I am going to stick and stay and make it pay. Rome was not built in a day and neither will my sobriety be.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Canada
Posts: 3,413
Great work on your recovery Donna... I am just so happy for you. You are positive and have the resources to help, and your hubby is "on side"... and that means a lot... good for you. I will give you a hug, clamp and dance to celebrate your success.
:ghug3
Keep it up, as I know you will.
As for sweating... with me, it lasted just under two weeks -- mostly at the night time. I think the WD's are different with everyone. One think I know for sure... I don't ever what to go through them again.
:ghug3
Keep it up, as I know you will.
As for sweating... with me, it lasted just under two weeks -- mostly at the night time. I think the WD's are different with everyone. One think I know for sure... I don't ever what to go through them again.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 207
You are right on track and sensitive to where you are at on this journey. That is important esp. as you find your way with AA. Your energy is great and following you has been helpful to me on my journey because I am very close to where you are along the way.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 318
Day 11 and this was my best day yet. I am very tired but I had a better sleep last night than I have had in months, seriously.
I am all for AA and I am going to a ladies meeting tonight but in reading posts here it seems there is much confusion about it. Some say you can't do it without AA and the steps and some HAVE done it for a very long time with the help of a support group like this one, counselling, building support through family and friends around them but no AA.
I am going to AA so that I have a support group where I can relate to others and can be out there dealing with some of the "things" that bother me about what I did while drinking and the likes.
I have heard so many times that if you don't go to AA you are pretty much doomed and you have to work the steps and you have to do this and that. I have full intention of doing that; At the same time I have seen a lot of people on here say that AA is not for them for whatever reason they may have. I have a really hard time believing that means that they are doomed because they are choosing a different path.
Would it be fair to say that we have to approach this in whatever way we feel fits into our lives? I get confused from time to time with all of this stuff.
My plan - I am going to AA 3 times per week. I am working on Step 3 as it is a tougher one for me. I am starting with an AADAC counsellor next Tuesday and I am sharing all of what has happened, my addiction, my issues with my family, friends and some of my co-workers that I am very close to.
I guess I am rambling but I am just wondering if it is fair to say that we are all different and we are all going to get through this in our own different ways?
There are a few "old timers" here who I have followed and listened to and they did things a lot differently than I am doing them, does that make me wrong in my efforts?
I am enjoying sobriety now...one day at a time and finally feeling good about myself again!
D.
I am all for AA and I am going to a ladies meeting tonight but in reading posts here it seems there is much confusion about it. Some say you can't do it without AA and the steps and some HAVE done it for a very long time with the help of a support group like this one, counselling, building support through family and friends around them but no AA.
I am going to AA so that I have a support group where I can relate to others and can be out there dealing with some of the "things" that bother me about what I did while drinking and the likes.
I have heard so many times that if you don't go to AA you are pretty much doomed and you have to work the steps and you have to do this and that. I have full intention of doing that; At the same time I have seen a lot of people on here say that AA is not for them for whatever reason they may have. I have a really hard time believing that means that they are doomed because they are choosing a different path.
Would it be fair to say that we have to approach this in whatever way we feel fits into our lives? I get confused from time to time with all of this stuff.
My plan - I am going to AA 3 times per week. I am working on Step 3 as it is a tougher one for me. I am starting with an AADAC counsellor next Tuesday and I am sharing all of what has happened, my addiction, my issues with my family, friends and some of my co-workers that I am very close to.
I guess I am rambling but I am just wondering if it is fair to say that we are all different and we are all going to get through this in our own different ways?
There are a few "old timers" here who I have followed and listened to and they did things a lot differently than I am doing them, does that make me wrong in my efforts?
I am enjoying sobriety now...one day at a time and finally feeling good about myself again!
D.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 4,682
Originally Posted by mama36
Day 11 and this was my best day yet. I am very tired but I had a better sleep last night than I have had in months, seriously.
I am all for AA and I am going to a ladies meeting tonight but in reading posts here it seems there is much confusion about it. Some say you can't do it without AA and the steps and some HAVE done it for a very long time with the help of a support group like this one, counselling, building support through family and friends around them but no AA.
I am going to AA so that I have a support group where I can relate to others and can be out there dealing with some of the "things" that bother me about what I did while drinking and the likes.
I have heard so many times that if you don't go to AA you are pretty much doomed and you have to work the steps and you have to do this and that. I have full intention of doing that; At the same time I have seen a lot of people on here say that AA is not for them for whatever reason they may have. I have a really hard time believing that means that they are doomed because they are choosing a different path.
Would it be fair to say that we have to approach this in whatever way we feel fits into our lives? I get confused from time to time with all of this stuff.
My plan - I am going to AA 3 times per week. I am working on Step 3 as it is a tougher one for me. I am starting with an AADAC counsellor next Tuesday and I am sharing all of what has happened, my addiction, my issues with my family, friends and some of my co-workers that I am very close to.
I guess I am rambling but I am just wondering if it is fair to say that we are all different and we are all going to get through this in our own different ways?
There are a few "old timers" here who I have followed and listened to and they did things a lot differently than I am doing them, does that make me wrong in my efforts?
I am enjoying sobriety now...one day at a time and finally feeling good about myself again!
D.
I am all for AA and I am going to a ladies meeting tonight but in reading posts here it seems there is much confusion about it. Some say you can't do it without AA and the steps and some HAVE done it for a very long time with the help of a support group like this one, counselling, building support through family and friends around them but no AA.
I am going to AA so that I have a support group where I can relate to others and can be out there dealing with some of the "things" that bother me about what I did while drinking and the likes.
I have heard so many times that if you don't go to AA you are pretty much doomed and you have to work the steps and you have to do this and that. I have full intention of doing that; At the same time I have seen a lot of people on here say that AA is not for them for whatever reason they may have. I have a really hard time believing that means that they are doomed because they are choosing a different path.
Would it be fair to say that we have to approach this in whatever way we feel fits into our lives? I get confused from time to time with all of this stuff.
My plan - I am going to AA 3 times per week. I am working on Step 3 as it is a tougher one for me. I am starting with an AADAC counsellor next Tuesday and I am sharing all of what has happened, my addiction, my issues with my family, friends and some of my co-workers that I am very close to.
I guess I am rambling but I am just wondering if it is fair to say that we are all different and we are all going to get through this in our own different ways?
There are a few "old timers" here who I have followed and listened to and they did things a lot differently than I am doing them, does that make me wrong in my efforts?
I am enjoying sobriety now...one day at a time and finally feeling good about myself again!
D.
Therefore unless you follow the path highlighted in the Big Book, read out at every meeting and normally highlighted on the walls of a meeting (12 steps) AA is just what you have written, a support group and hopefully you will remember this if the worst happens and not write AA off because you won't have been working AA so it will still be an option for you to go back and work the program.
Might seem an odd post but better that you try it yourself this time and then have a route to recovery for next time without excluding yourself from it with some irrational resentment against a solution you never even tried:-)
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 318
As I mentioned above, AA is the route that I am taking and am now working on step 3. My post was about why it is that people say EVERYBODY has to do AA or they will fail?
I agree with AA and am working my steps and finding my HP and going to meetings. Some on the forum have said it is not for them and they are told that if they don't go, they will fail. That was my concern.
I just hate to see people give up and drink because what others are doing is not for them. There are several posts stating, "AA is not for me" and some of those members seem to think they are doomed.
All just IMHO and asked because I know from my first couple of days that when someone "rained on my parade" I too felt doomed before I figured out what direction was best for me.
I agree with AA and am working my steps and finding my HP and going to meetings. Some on the forum have said it is not for them and they are told that if they don't go, they will fail. That was my concern.
I just hate to see people give up and drink because what others are doing is not for them. There are several posts stating, "AA is not for me" and some of those members seem to think they are doomed.
All just IMHO and asked because I know from my first couple of days that when someone "rained on my parade" I too felt doomed before I figured out what direction was best for me.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
There are many alcoholics, I believe, who are "doomed" if they don't experience the kind of spiritual awakening (aka a "personality change sufficient to recover from alcoholism") brought about by the 12 Steps. There are other ways one could have that kind of spiritual awakening, but it would probably involve the basic elements involved in the Steps. AA isn't the only way.
I think I have been able not to drink for two years, despite having not yet worked the Steps, because I had not yet lost ALL power of choice--I could control my drinking to a degree, intermittently, but not consistently or over the long term. Moreover, the quantity that I drank and the degree to which it interfered with my life was becoming progressively greater.
Once the alcohol was removed from my life, which had a substantial amount of time to get back to "normal", I still had a lot of personality problems (aka "character defects") that got in the way of enjoying my life. So for me, working the Steps is essential to having a healthy and happy sobriety, one that I won't ever even consider giving up.
Could I continue never to drink again without ever working the Steps? Maybe, but if I'm still suffering due to my failure to do what I need to do, I haven't really recovered. And maybe, down the road, maybe not so far, I might relapse. Not something I really want to chance.
I think I have been able not to drink for two years, despite having not yet worked the Steps, because I had not yet lost ALL power of choice--I could control my drinking to a degree, intermittently, but not consistently or over the long term. Moreover, the quantity that I drank and the degree to which it interfered with my life was becoming progressively greater.
Once the alcohol was removed from my life, which had a substantial amount of time to get back to "normal", I still had a lot of personality problems (aka "character defects") that got in the way of enjoying my life. So for me, working the Steps is essential to having a healthy and happy sobriety, one that I won't ever even consider giving up.
Could I continue never to drink again without ever working the Steps? Maybe, but if I'm still suffering due to my failure to do what I need to do, I haven't really recovered. And maybe, down the road, maybe not so far, I might relapse. Not something I really want to chance.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 318
Lexie, that is my reason for AA as well, to work on the personality stuff more than anything. I think I mentioned that when I did stay sober for 4.5 years I was not happy in my life. That unhappiness was a little more than I could stand.
I have obviously not yet had a spiritual awakening or maybe even a spiritual experience to the degree that most would, but I can sure tell you that I have experienced moments where I really feel like my HP is looking out for me. I have had some amazing moments in the last few days.
I will not give up on my AA journey. I just feel a bit sad when others say it is not for them and feel that they have no choices.
I guess I just want all of us, new and old (not in age...teehee) to succeed because not only in my own alcoholism, but for my entire life I have seen what alcoholism does to people.
I have obviously not yet had a spiritual awakening or maybe even a spiritual experience to the degree that most would, but I can sure tell you that I have experienced moments where I really feel like my HP is looking out for me. I have had some amazing moments in the last few days.
I will not give up on my AA journey. I just feel a bit sad when others say it is not for them and feel that they have no choices.
I guess I just want all of us, new and old (not in age...teehee) to succeed because not only in my own alcoholism, but for my entire life I have seen what alcoholism does to people.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Some people who say AA "isn't for them" have no idea what it's actually about--they are just going on what they've heard about it.
Some people who say it don't need AA--not everyone does.
But for SOME people who say it, it makes about as much sense as having terminal cancer and refusing chemotherapy because the side effects are unpleasant.
Some people who say it don't need AA--not everyone does.
But for SOME people who say it, it makes about as much sense as having terminal cancer and refusing chemotherapy because the side effects are unpleasant.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 207
For those of us in our first weeks and months sober this is a confusing and scary time - everyone has been there. We are feeling brave and proud with each sober day and giving AA a try even though we don't get it yet. Those of us trying out AA for the first time are entering a strange and new world and what makes it possible for us to do this is the kinship experienced in the rooms and others being patient with us and encouraging us to express doubts and fears and confusion about what this new thing is all about.
I am too new to AA to know where it will take me or how it will fit into my skin. I do know one thing - my only goal right now is to remain sober (I am 26 days today). All I can do right now is to be open to AA and as someone in my meeting tonight said, "just let it flow over you - just keep coming to meeting". Right now if I think too much I get overwhelmed. I took a big step in that I have just realized what "powerless" means - if I take a sip of wine it takes over and I can't control it. My first take on trying to understand this totally turned me off to AA but I remained open, asked questions and listened. I am trying the best I can and I can't ask any more of myself - it just takes time.
From what I understand each person fits AA into their own lives the way it works for them. It is important that people are sensitive with the language they use (i.e., how they discuss AA) with newcomers. It is very easy to send a message that might discourage a beginner who is worried not only about staying sober but about what AA is all about - esp. those of us giving it a try. So using words like "doomed" or telling us that it won't really work in the long-term unless certain things are embraced can be as discouraging as telling us to think about a lifetime without a drink (vs. telling us to take one day at at time). Those with more experience sober and with AA might mean one thing but remember - newbies sometimes take things at face value and talk that way. Trying to get us to understand something when we are not ready can be very discouraging resulting in self-doubt and risk of relapse.
What I find does help is acknowledgement that at one month simply holding slow and steady, going to meetings with an open mind and heart and not trying too hard to figure out the true path to AA right now is what will give me the best chance of finding the right path for me and sticking with my one goal for right now - staying sober.
I am too new to AA to know where it will take me or how it will fit into my skin. I do know one thing - my only goal right now is to remain sober (I am 26 days today). All I can do right now is to be open to AA and as someone in my meeting tonight said, "just let it flow over you - just keep coming to meeting". Right now if I think too much I get overwhelmed. I took a big step in that I have just realized what "powerless" means - if I take a sip of wine it takes over and I can't control it. My first take on trying to understand this totally turned me off to AA but I remained open, asked questions and listened. I am trying the best I can and I can't ask any more of myself - it just takes time.
From what I understand each person fits AA into their own lives the way it works for them. It is important that people are sensitive with the language they use (i.e., how they discuss AA) with newcomers. It is very easy to send a message that might discourage a beginner who is worried not only about staying sober but about what AA is all about - esp. those of us giving it a try. So using words like "doomed" or telling us that it won't really work in the long-term unless certain things are embraced can be as discouraging as telling us to think about a lifetime without a drink (vs. telling us to take one day at at time). Those with more experience sober and with AA might mean one thing but remember - newbies sometimes take things at face value and talk that way. Trying to get us to understand something when we are not ready can be very discouraging resulting in self-doubt and risk of relapse.
What I find does help is acknowledgement that at one month simply holding slow and steady, going to meetings with an open mind and heart and not trying too hard to figure out the true path to AA right now is what will give me the best chance of finding the right path for me and sticking with my one goal for right now - staying sober.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 318
Well...I had my ladies meeting tonight and it was AWESOME. There were a lot of tears and a lot of touching stories and a lot of women with very lengthy sobriety. It was very encouraging and I loved it. I always feel so good after I go and relate and share. I am trying another new place on Friday and Saturday to see which is the best fit for me. I will be going back each Tuesday to this ladies meeting though, I fit in very well in that one.
I am just so happy to have found a place where I can go and relate and learn and let go. I can't believe it has been 11 days. Finally a good night sleep last night and have been actually cooking for my family, eating dinner at the dining table as a family instead of sending my Son down to the basement to eat and watch tv alone. He and I are re-connecting already in such a short time. It's wonderful to wake in the morning and go up to his room to wake him up and hear his little noises (he is 8 but loves to make strange sound effect noises) and see his smiling face and not be annoyed with him. I feel so happy at night time when we have our prayer time and we smile and thank God for the great day (of course we're talking kids prayers here) and thank Him for our home and family and my boy ALWAYS says, "Bless my Mommy the very very very most"...and somehow sober that means so much more to me than it ever did!! I think it always meant a lot but I was rushing then to get back to the drink.
I noticed today that my head is still very foggy, that will take time I suppose, but I find I'm in lala land from time to time and not at all paying attention to the things in front of me...just momentarily though and I just chuckle about it because 2 weeks ago I would have been slammed and then REALLY foggy the next day with the shakes, the remorse, the guilt and no patience for my son.
Life is wonderful today and sobriety is feeling better and better by the day. Day by day...what a wonderful concept. Somehow taking things day by day helps me to realize how great this day really was.
D.
I am just so happy to have found a place where I can go and relate and learn and let go. I can't believe it has been 11 days. Finally a good night sleep last night and have been actually cooking for my family, eating dinner at the dining table as a family instead of sending my Son down to the basement to eat and watch tv alone. He and I are re-connecting already in such a short time. It's wonderful to wake in the morning and go up to his room to wake him up and hear his little noises (he is 8 but loves to make strange sound effect noises) and see his smiling face and not be annoyed with him. I feel so happy at night time when we have our prayer time and we smile and thank God for the great day (of course we're talking kids prayers here) and thank Him for our home and family and my boy ALWAYS says, "Bless my Mommy the very very very most"...and somehow sober that means so much more to me than it ever did!! I think it always meant a lot but I was rushing then to get back to the drink.
I noticed today that my head is still very foggy, that will take time I suppose, but I find I'm in lala land from time to time and not at all paying attention to the things in front of me...just momentarily though and I just chuckle about it because 2 weeks ago I would have been slammed and then REALLY foggy the next day with the shakes, the remorse, the guilt and no patience for my son.
Life is wonderful today and sobriety is feeling better and better by the day. Day by day...what a wonderful concept. Somehow taking things day by day helps me to realize how great this day really was.
D.
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