HolyDiver

The fire inside, takes 24 hours to light. I have lit a bonfire within myself, and the sweltering agony consumes me as I give re-birth to my nerves. The chills...come and go. The aching, and nervous legs...kicking myself for ever starting and at the same time begging me to crush one up, and end the suffering. The anxiety is unbearable. You feel like sex, "give me pleasure now". It's just your nerves tingling in everyone ounce of flesh. From the crown of your head, it screams through your body. Christ...a circumcision would get me off right now. It's a cruel farce being played. Some people are addicted to sex. You are addicted to pills. To hell with them. Addicted to sex...what the hell kind of addiction is that anyways? That's like being addicted to money. Whoops...I'm rich! This is much, much different. It's like being dumped...and the one you want is a phone call away, but you know she is poison for you. You aren't meant for each other. She hates you, and the cycle of your abusive relationship will only start all over again. What is the cost of a tear? Is it $300-400 a week? "You insolent pig, you could have paid your mortgage with it!" You dont have a mortgage now. You wont for a long time because of it. Look at how many creditors call you a day. Your the most popular person I know. Dont act so innocent. you knew this was going to happen to you."...says the sardonic, anguished, sweating, tear-streaked face staring back at me in the foggy mirror. This is my slow descent into hell for you all to read. When I have met and strangled the devil...I will post again. Good luck to all. If you read this transmission years from now; take heart, for I was once where you are. If you read it now...I will see you in the sleepless dreams of the tormented. Another cruel farce.
-Here in the first wrung of the inferno; I am the Holy Diver.

julez

Holy Diver, I can only pray that you can come through this intact. I will have you in my thoughts every day.

Dee74

Hi and welcome.
If you want support you've come to the right place.

Post as much as you need to.
D

chicory

Hello. I pray for your quick comfort, in a healthy way. I am sorry this is so hard. But I am thankful for you, that you are here.
Please post often. This is the most awesome group of folks you could find. There is much experience here, and compassion.

thinking of you, and wishing you peace.
chicory