OCGirly

Hey everyone, not sure where to start or what Im really wanting to say but all I know is I had about 4months sober and threw it down the drain... I know that time was the happiest I had ever been yet I started drinking again and I don't even know why... As of right now though I recently started school which I'm doing great in and basically got my dream job so I know if I don't sober up I will ruin all of that.. I loved being sober even though all the people I thought were friends ended up being just people to get drunk with and stopped talking to me which left me feeling pretty alone after awhile. I hope this time I can remain sober even longer than before...

HidLid

"I loved being sober even though all the people I thought were friends ended up being just people to get drunk with and stopped talking to me which left me feeling pretty alone after awhile."

You need to accumulate a new social circle with people that don't base social interactions around drinking, it will be of great benefit to you. Your decision to start drinking may have been out of boredom/loneliness. While those are certainly not reasons to drink, without the proper coping skills to handle them they can lead to drinking.

artsoul

OCGirly - glad you're back! Those 4 months still count, so you should still feel good about that. At least you recognize that alcohol has nothing you want, even if it meant going back out there. I hope you can find some sober friends (maybe through school or a hobby?) - it does take time, though, so be patient with yourself, OK? :ghug3

mxchaos

A relapse is something you learn from and doesn't mean you have to keep having them to learn...you didn't lose anything but you gained a whole lot...think about the good times you had while being sober... you can have many more of those in this new part of your exciting new life...

yeahgr8

I hadn't a clue what i was going to do each time i quit drinking...how the hell am i going to get new friends, what will i do for socialising and i am in my thirites...in my twenties i would have looked at it as one or the other...i either put up with the pain of drinking and have a social life or i quit and be alone forever!

In hindsight it would have been prudent to find someone of my own age group who had successfully stopped drinking and was living the kind of life i wanted and asked them how they did it and copied them...i found that person in AA...my mate sean is 27 and his social life rocks (much more than mine lol) and he is 27 and has been sober 2 years...yeah hes in AA:-)

augustwest

for me, surrender is non-resistance of the conditions and situations that arise moment to moment in my life. a huge part of that, is surrendering to my addiction. acceptance that i am an addict and that will not change and i have the choice as to whether or not i continue to feed the beast by using or drinking.

having a network, a fellowship, and a program are critical for me. people need a tribe, especially people like us. without the fellowship of na, where i receive empathy, love, and guidance i feel i would be doomed to fail.

i have a disease of perception that wants me to isolate into the depths of lonliness, depression, and hopelessness. i combat that by surrounding myself with other recovering addicts, attending meetings, doing service work, and working steps.

CarolD

Welcome....

This time...what are you planning to do about lasting sobriety?
You have proved that you can quit....and that's good to know,

All my best

keithj

OCGirly,

This is exactly how that 'mental obsession' talked about in AA played out for me, and most every other alcoholic I know.

Happier, feel better, look better, people like me better, no legal problems, no family problems, things good at work, etc., and then I'd go get drunk again.

Like AA's Big Book says, I could find some insanely trivial reason for picking up that first drink. And the reason never made sense in light of where that first drink always ended up.

But even knowing full well where it ended up, I'd find myself doing it again.

AA asks us to look at why we do that. And asks us to consider if maybe I wasn't making the rational choice to pick up that drink. Maybe I was just succumbing to a mental obsession over which I had little power to resist. That perhaps the 'reasons' I thought I picked up that drink were just delusions that my ego made up in order to maintain the illusion of control.

If that is the case for you, as it was for me, you may need some sort of psychic change in order to recover. I know I sure did. And with that change, as the result of taking the 12 Steps, that problem (mental obsession) was removed. It has never returned.

Marticus

You dont need friends like that in your life. Find and stick with positive influences!
Im sure this time youll go more than 4 months, which itself is fantastic!

wpainterw

O.K. You say you were happy and want to be happy again and not let all you have going for you go down the drain. And you don't know why you suddenly started drinking again. Could it be that something inside of you doesn't want you to get well, be happy? Succeed? Some folks call this self destructive behavior. Is there any way of turning yourself around so that you are ready to permit yourself to be happy? That's what you deserve. To be happy. So permit yourself to be that. Think positively, go to meetings, etc.
The other thing is that this something inside you that doesn't want you to succeed is your body, which got so used to alcohol after all that drinking that it doesn't want to give it up and it's trying to trick your mind into getting more booze back into its system. This is strictly a medical thing and it takes some time to get your chemistry switched back to where it was before all the boozing began. So in a way your body's like a horse that somehow got untrained, unruly and it now wants its own way. It's bucking and kicking and doing everything it can to get that booze. So be careful. You've got some horse training to do. Meetings, steps, avoiding persons, places and things that made you drink before, all the usual AA stuff. I know it sounds trite, simplistic, boring maybe, but somehow it works! At least it's worked for a lot of folks. Good luck!

W.

DayTrader

Is that really your goal.... stay sober longer with a planned relapse to cap it off? Maybe I'm reading too deeply into what you said but maybe that's something for you to think about.

What do you REALLY want. Why not: Sobriety forever, happiness, not feeling lonely, and having a wonderfully fulfilling life - why not make THAT the goal?! --and here's the coolest part, you can have THAT if you want it and are willing to work for it. Why settle for this "stay sober longer this next time than I did the last time" stuff yanno?

julez

OC, congrats on your 4 months, and I'm sorry you relapsed. You sound like a pretty positive person, and you have a lot going for you. These "friends" who don't talk to you anymore...... Not true friends. Obviously you know that right? So now your next step is to branch out and find some different friends, who will be GOOD to you whether you drink or not. I'm 36 years old. I just stopped drinking. I've had friends for 20 years, and they haven't left me high and dry. Just shows it can be done. If you have this dream job, and you are in school, you are afforded two great places to find like minded people. Let that personality show through, and go get em'! You CAN stay sober. 4 months rocks. Keep us updated on all this. I'm interested in your story.

augustwest

my goal is to not drink or use today. i restate that intention each morning. there are no timeframes or conditions on my recovery such as "if i get this much time ____ can happen" or "if this (terrible thing) happens i can drink/use". But there also isn't the intention of NEVER DRINKING AGAIN. Never, ever seems like such a daunting task. But today, i can handle that. subtle but profound difference for me.

OCGirly

No that is not my plan., My plan this time to try and work the program instead of trying to do it by myself.

OCGirly

Thanks everyone for all of the replies. I finally made it yesterday without a drink and today day 2 so far. I've been obsessing all day over alcohol but I refuse to drink today. I really am trying to keep in mind the whole just take it a day at a time! I must say it feels good to wake up without a hang over. My stomachs been feelin a lil funky but I know that will go away within a few days. So I just gotta hang in there. And I started reading some of the BB last night.

Anna

I'm glad to hear you're doing better today, OCGirly!