Patch10

Hi everyone,
What a week it has been. I can't believe I am here and posting. It seems to make it all more real. :/

I have been a binge drinker for many years. Mostly on weekends but it came to be most nights for the past 3-4 years. I'd probably drink 10+ drinks a night. Vodka/diet with a half shot or 3/4 shot in every drink.

It hasn't had any real negative effect on my life however. I did recently quit work to go out on my own but I made that decision for completely unrelated reasons. I held that job (senior level mgmt position for 6 years) I have never had a DUI. I have 2 kids but I typically wouldn't have my first drink until about an hour before their bedtime or after they were asleep. That hasn't always been the case though. No real "side affects" of this drinking other than feeling that I was not being in tune enough to my son who had just started school. I never "missed" anything though - always kept up with what he had to do - I just didn't do any more than that.

I was in a car accident when I was 16 (I am 42 now). I fractured my skull and just came to realize within the past 6 months that I have ADHD as a result of that. What a revelation that was! And in reading about ADHD, I learned that about 50% of people who have that use alcohol to self medicate - which is exactly what I have been doing.

I was put on Adderall several months ago. My doc doesn't talk to me about anything - she just prescribes drugs. So I have not learned to deal with it much and while the drug helps some, it doesn't help enough.

Now I am taking adderall and drinking every night. Right after I started taking adderall, I noticed my heart was racing more. Typical side affect and didn't think much of it. After that stopped happening daily, it started happening sporadically. Sometimes it gets really bad. Last weekend, I didn't take any medication at all - but it still happened. And every day, in the past few weeks I would start sweating in the middle of the day and I would wake up sweating in the middle of the night. I assumed this was all a side affect of the meds but when I had taken none last weekend and it still happened, I got concerned. Adderall does not stay in your system. You take it, it does its thing and its gone.

I started doing some research and learned... WOW... I could actually be going through alcohol withdrawal every single day! Though I work at home, I never drink during the day - only in the evenings. This could be why my heart pounds, I start sweating and I have night sweats.... hmmm.

The whole thing freaked me out. On Monday, I decided enough is enough for now and I decided to take a break from drinking. It wasn't all that difficult. I did have the sweating and some heart pounding on day 1. A bit on day 2... felt ok on day 3 and really good on day 4. The "withdrawal" wasn't really bad at all - in fact I went about my day, was out and about and I could function just fine. (seems odd to me considering how much I drink every night - it's been several months since my last "sober" night).

I didn't make the decision to "quit" at that time- I hadn't really considered myself an alcoholic (although I probably am) - I just hadn't thought about it. Scary revelation! This past weekend we went out of town and normally I get drunk every night when we travel. This time, I didn't drink at all for the first 2 nights and the second two nights I had 3 glasses of wine each night. Now I am home, and have not had any tonight.

After the first night of drinking 3 glasses, I still felt good the next day. Today, I did as well - up until about 5 pm and then I started sweating and my heart started pounding and i have been feeling sweaty and "off" ever since (going on 5 hours now).

This whole revelation about the fact that I have likely been going through withdrawal every day for a while really turned me off from alcohol and I am really freaked out and scared. This can't be my life?! However, it wasn't difficult for me to drink 3 glasses of wine and stop. But I am curious as to why this is happening after drinking just 3 glasses? And why today but not yesterday?

ugh. Now that we are home, I am going to really work on this. To be honest, I am not sure if I can "turn into" a normal social drinker - I would hate to think I can't but the fact that I am questioning it probably means I can't. But I don't want to rule out the possibility either.

I know I need to really address this but I am concerned about the physical affects - will my heart always pound the next day even if I just have a few drinks? Or did it happen this time because I was still within the week of my "detox"?

I am not planning on having any drinks for quite some time now (if ever). It's time to nip this thing in the bud.

Thanks for your help!

LexieCat

I drank a lot like you did (minus the Adderall), spent four and a half years in a disciplined way, attempting to moderate my drinking. Wasn't happening, it kept creeping back up and my physical addiction became worse and worse. I had daily withdrawals that sound just like yours.

I would seriously doubt you can successfully moderate your drinking over the long term. That's based on my experience and my observations of hundreds of others in the moderation support group I used to belong to, of whom a mere handful (I am talking six or seven people) went on to successfully moderate their drinking.

I think you would probably do well to simply quit. Of course, "simply" is a matter of opinion. I have been sober in AA for two years now. Not drinking is a WHOLE lot less complicated than attempting to moderate.

Ghostly

Hey Patch...welcome to SR. Up to you to decide if your drinking is a problem for you and if you want to stop. There is a lot of info on SR and a lot of support. Good luck and keep us posted.

LaFemme

Hi and welcome! I would get a doctors opinion on the heart pounding. Just to be safe:-)

There's lots of great info on SR and people are really helpful. Plus we are a pretty diverse crowd which is also nice:-)

Patch10

thanks guys! Yea, I have to spend some time thinking about this. I guess since the drinking never had any significant negative impact on my life, it's a bit odd to realize that you are an alcoholic after you figure out that you are going through withdrawal every day. However, I did really hate myself every morning when I woke up - hated that I drank the night before. I would say that it's time to quit for good - but I just can't seem to admit to myself that I really can't EVER drink again. Wow. That's big.

CarolD

Welcome.....

I too think a medical check up is a wise idea
and perhaps another doctor who is not pushing
drugs on you is indicated.

Glad you are here with us....

LaFemme

A lot of us never had any real impact on our lives from alcohol, at least on the surface, we all had an impact where it matters.

DayTrader

If that's ^^^^ true, then what are these?:
Keep an eye on yourself and try to learn to be honest with yourself about what's happening with this new plan. Don't watch what should have happened or could have happened....watch the actual results. If you find you continue to have the issues above (interestingly enough you started by saying there were no negative side effects then proceeded to list many) you may want to consider the validity of your plan.

You'll find many ppl here who, like yourself, didn't realize they had a problem until it was too late to do something about it on their own. That's the nature of the beast though. Nobody wants to stop doing anything they like to do until they have to.

Patch10

Very good points. When I said "no negative effects" I was referring to .... It hasn't caused problems in my relationships ... I haven't lost a job.... I never got a DUI... things like that.

But yes, internally, I struggle with it and it seems to be having a toll on me physically. I just need to wrap my brain around this whole thing. Thank you.

wpainterw

Patch10:
You have reason to be concerned. And having your heart pounding and the sweats is certainly unpleasant. Do you suppose that when your heart is pounding like that your blood pressure is higher than it should be? Better get medical advice on this stuff. I know that when i went through withdrawal my blood pressure was an important issue and was elevated. They would take my pressure readings every half hour.
You say you have real problems thinking about quitting permanently and not being able to drink socially. I felt the same way but now that I've quit for nearly 22 years I feel completely comfortable with never having alcohol. Doesn't bother me one bit.
As for being able to quit alone., that is without a support group like AA, I tried to do that for 40 years and failed time and time again. And I found I could never drink in "moderation". I had a few misgivings and reservations about AA but was able to deal with them and work it through.
Good luck. I would think that the first order of business if I were you would be to go to a doctor and be completely honest.

W.

LexieCat

Just FYI, I never got a DUI, never lost a relationship because of drinking, never lost a job, never went to jail. All that is qualified with a big YET.

I have a professional degree and license and a job with pretty huge responsibilities.

Between the time I observed I was not drinking like a normal person and when I quit drinking, I spent more and more time, money, and effort drinking, preparing to drink, and recovering from drinking. I went through daily withdrawals at work during the week. Because I was responsible enough not to drive (often) under the influence (much), I became more and more isolated because I didn't dare go out anywhere. I started getting other scary physical symptoms, such as mild numbness in my fingers and feet (which I have learned is probably alcohol related). Two years later, it persists, though it hasn't gotten worse since I quit drinking.

Oh, and one more little factoid--this link was posted on another forum earlier today: Your Brain on Alcohol. Check out the damage after seventeen years of "weekend drinking".

artsoul

Welcome to the forum, Patch! It's great that you recognize you may have a drinking problem and are willing to do something about it before it gets worse.
I started off drinking socially too, and then slowly increased it to where I was drinking almost every day. It does take a toll on us (the supposed healthy limit is one day per day for women, 2 for men).

One of the telltale signs of alcoholic drinking is when we can't seem to stop even when we try. That was the case for me. I hadn't lost anything (yet) either, but I sure had seen my drinking progress over the years.

Anyway, I'm just glad you're here!!:ghug3