I'm Confused
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 318
I'm Confused
Today is day 3 without drinking and I can't tell you why, but for some reason I keep telling myself that if I just drink today then tomorrow I can seek help. My husband is trying to be supportive but thinks that maybe I should try to try to quit without AA AGAIN...I have quite twice in my life, besides to have a child cause I didn't drink then, one time was for 4.5 years and once for 5 months. I don't know how to make this better. Both times that I quit I used non alcoholic beer to get my by and I was drinking at least 6 - 12 of those per day...obviously that is not cool either.
I have hurt people, I have driven completely wasted, I get angry when I am drunk and yell at my family and get totally ticked off for no good reason, I have blacked out and fallen down in my backyard and woke up I am not sure how much later and been absolutely astonished that I found myself laying in the backyard alone. I have passed out at the counter because I have just had too much to drink. I never, or rarely ever, wake up to any beer or shots left in the fridge. I fell down in February, not sure how cause I believe I had blacked out, and I smashed my face pretty bad. My nose was broken (at least I think it was), I had scrapes and scabs on my nose, chin and upper lip and both of my eyes turned black within a couple of day. Thank GOD my son was not home and my husband and I just made up a lie to tell him as well as the people that I work with. Anytime I have been sick from work it has been a hangover. I don't know what to do.
I am obsessed with having a drink, I also suffer from OCD, and I wish that i could just moderate but I have already tried switching to 3% beer but I take some of my husbands and I also have several shots of hard alcohol during any given session of drinking. My husband drinks with me but can turn it off and on, he hasn't drank since my last drink and seems to have no desire. My hangovers are awful and last a long time. I can drink for 4 or 5 days when I have to work the next day and though I am terribly shaky and anxious I make it through the day but once a weekend hits I go hard, buy and drink more booze, stay up later - until it's all gone, I pass out, or I start a fight with my husband. The day after that I have had it, I am quitting and I will never do this again...once that day and that pain pass I am right back into it. I have quit for several days when it has been really bad but aside from that I just don't quit.
After the fall in February I quit for the 5 months and when I quit for 4.5 years, my then husband was a huge drunk and he pointed out that I was an alcoholic...pretty sad and that forced me to quit. Once I met my current hubby I started again.
I'm confused and I am scared. I don't know why this is happening and why when I know that I am an alcoholic I still want to drink "for one more day" and try again tomorrow.
I have hurt people, I have driven completely wasted, I get angry when I am drunk and yell at my family and get totally ticked off for no good reason, I have blacked out and fallen down in my backyard and woke up I am not sure how much later and been absolutely astonished that I found myself laying in the backyard alone. I have passed out at the counter because I have just had too much to drink. I never, or rarely ever, wake up to any beer or shots left in the fridge. I fell down in February, not sure how cause I believe I had blacked out, and I smashed my face pretty bad. My nose was broken (at least I think it was), I had scrapes and scabs on my nose, chin and upper lip and both of my eyes turned black within a couple of day. Thank GOD my son was not home and my husband and I just made up a lie to tell him as well as the people that I work with. Anytime I have been sick from work it has been a hangover. I don't know what to do.
I am obsessed with having a drink, I also suffer from OCD, and I wish that i could just moderate but I have already tried switching to 3% beer but I take some of my husbands and I also have several shots of hard alcohol during any given session of drinking. My husband drinks with me but can turn it off and on, he hasn't drank since my last drink and seems to have no desire. My hangovers are awful and last a long time. I can drink for 4 or 5 days when I have to work the next day and though I am terribly shaky and anxious I make it through the day but once a weekend hits I go hard, buy and drink more booze, stay up later - until it's all gone, I pass out, or I start a fight with my husband. The day after that I have had it, I am quitting and I will never do this again...once that day and that pain pass I am right back into it. I have quit for several days when it has been really bad but aside from that I just don't quit.
After the fall in February I quit for the 5 months and when I quit for 4.5 years, my then husband was a huge drunk and he pointed out that I was an alcoholic...pretty sad and that forced me to quit. Once I met my current hubby I started again.
I'm confused and I am scared. I don't know why this is happening and why when I know that I am an alcoholic I still want to drink "for one more day" and try again tomorrow.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: New England
Posts: 5,285
Hi Mama!
I was the same way...passed out on my back patio once, banged myself up pretty bad, all the other stuff except didn't yell at my husband because I don't have one.
Well, you were sober once for 4.5 years...how did you do that? Its quite impressive:-) why doesn't your husband want you to get outside help...if you want it you should get it, imo. Either AA or something else.
I was the same way...passed out on my back patio once, banged myself up pretty bad, all the other stuff except didn't yell at my husband because I don't have one.
Well, you were sober once for 4.5 years...how did you do that? Its quite impressive:-) why doesn't your husband want you to get outside help...if you want it you should get it, imo. Either AA or something else.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,492
Hi,
Why not stop drinking today? You are here seeking support and that's great.
I also blacked out at times and forgot things that happened. And, I would become angry and aggressive when I was drinking. I definitely didn't like the person I became.
Know that you can do this, and whether or not you use AA, please continue to read and post here.
Why not stop drinking today? You are here seeking support and that's great.
I also blacked out at times and forgot things that happened. And, I would become angry and aggressive when I was drinking. I definitely didn't like the person I became.
Know that you can do this, and whether or not you use AA, please continue to read and post here.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 59
Well, congrats on day 3 and I'll pray that you make it to day 4. I hope you find the strength not to listen to that little voice telling you to give up and try again tomorrow. I've heard the same kind of little voice, and reading here on SR has helped to make it go away. Stay in touch.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Drinking "one more day" won't make it any easier. All you do is start the whole sorry mess over again. You've got three days under your belt. Another day or two and you will start feeling better. IF you don't drink.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Welcome to our recovery community....
Well done on your fresh start of 3 days.
Please don't drink again and keep posting with us
All my best to you and your family
Well done on your fresh start of 3 days.
Please don't drink again and keep posting with us
All my best to you and your family
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,772
Don't start tomorrow, start today. Always for today. Today is all we have so why not make it the start of something good, every day. It will get better the longer you're sober, trust me. Do whatever it takes to stay sober and do it with all your heart and soul. It's worth the effort.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 3,550
Welcome to the Site Mama36! When I read your post I thought to myself, there's a person who's suffering just like I did and like the stories of all the other folks I read about in the Big Book! If you haven't read those stories you might consider doing that and I think you'll see how alcoholism works and how AA or some other good program helps one get into recovery. Chances are you can't do it alone and the program is a way of getting lots of friendly help. Why not give it a try?
Don't feel too bad or bashful about it. It's an illness and it gets much worse if you don't deal with it. As you know it can end up killing you and, if you do stuff like drive, you can kill or hurt someone else.
Good luck and God bless! Stick around. There's lots of folks on this website who have been right where you are and who are anxious to give you lots of help.
Every good wish.
W.
Don't feel too bad or bashful about it. It's an illness and it gets much worse if you don't deal with it. As you know it can end up killing you and, if you do stuff like drive, you can kill or hurt someone else.
Good luck and God bless! Stick around. There's lots of folks on this website who have been right where you are and who are anxious to give you lots of help.
Every good wish.
W.
Awaiting Email Confirmation
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 318
Thanks!!
((Thanks to all)) for the replies. I made it through yesterday and here I am today sober and NOT hungover - something I truly do hate. I think my relationships have suffered a bit but luckily, not to a point where there is tension and dislike in my household. I truly am luck that I am where I am today. I have everything a person could want and I just DO NOT want to throw all of that away because I can't stop staring at the bottom of a bottle. I really did want to drink yesterday but thanks to coming here, I did not.
One question, does anyone have trouble sleeping or have really bad headaches when they first quit?
I thank you all for the support.
D.
:day4
One question, does anyone have trouble sleeping or have really bad headaches when they first quit?
I thank you all for the support.
D.
:day4
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
One question, does anyone have trouble sleeping or have really bad headaches when they first quit?
They are part of de toxing.
The headache can be handled with aspirin
sleeping problems do take a awhile to mormalize.
Please see if this link helps....
Insomnia? 42 Simple Tips to Help You Get to Sleep - Insomnia treatment, cures
Good to see you are doing well
Grateful Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: MI
Posts: 1,080
It took me about a week of not drinking before my body was able to relax and fall asleep. And I had headaches every day for probably 2 weeks.
I'm glad that you were able to stay sober yesterday. These forums really do help!!
Welcome!!
I'm glad that you were able to stay sober yesterday. These forums really do help!!
Welcome!!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Lomita, California
Posts: 200
MY suggestion is to get medical help, if only with the family physician, because a lot of folks getting sober will go thru a lot worse than just a headache and insomnia. I stopped last Thursday after being told that, even tho my kidneys are OK now, they won't be for long. Went to the hospital last Wednesday after passing out and falling backwards, nasty bump on the back of the head.
Laying there, my hands were shaking and my arms were having tremors. My blood alcohol level was thru the roof.
Thursday I poured the bottle down the drain. Then the withdrawls started. I have a friend who is a nurse and he got me some Zanax. Took the pain out of quitting. And at this point I can honestl say, I no longer have any desire to drink again (so far anyways)
Good luck, keep in touch, lots of very friendly helpful folks here. One day at a time, you can do it. Chris.
Laying there, my hands were shaking and my arms were having tremors. My blood alcohol level was thru the roof.
Thursday I poured the bottle down the drain. Then the withdrawls started. I have a friend who is a nurse and he got me some Zanax. Took the pain out of quitting. And at this point I can honestl say, I no longer have any desire to drink again (so far anyways)
Good luck, keep in touch, lots of very friendly helpful folks here. One day at a time, you can do it. Chris.
Awaiting Email Confirmation
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 318
I have not smoked in 2 days either and I am going to do this - I have to do this. Before I came back to the forum just now I as not happy and not feeling well. I have to relax and do this. I need all of the help that I can get and I am going to make an appt with my doctor to see what to do next. I am also going to look up some AA meetings in my area and see what the heck. I'm ashamed but I would be more ashamed to fall on my face and have to lie to my friends and family about the black eyes and scrapes AGAIN!
Thanks to all...please continue with the support. I feel stupid asking for help here but it is really great that all of you are so wonderful.
Thanks to all...please continue with the support. I feel stupid asking for help here but it is really great that all of you are so wonderful.
Striving to be a better Man!
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Pacific Northwest
Posts: 266
Originally Posted by mama36 
Thanks to all...please continue with the support. I feel stupid asking for help here but it is really great that all of you are so wonderful.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 3,550
Nothing to be ashamed about (although I guess we've all felt that way). You have an illness from which you can go into recovery. Do try to check out AA. They can be a big help to you. If you have questions about AA or other issues do please feel free to put up a post here and there are lots of folks who can help you. Good luck.
W.
W.
Awaiting Email Confirmation
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 318
I received a phone number from a woman that I found online through AA. She has been wonderful, emailing and checking in on me, I am so thankful. I will make the call now and see where to go from here.
I over eat, I smoke obsessively, and I have been a drunk since I was a teenager. I am changing all of that right now. I know it is not easy to do all at the same time but what is the point of putting one addiction at the top while getting rid of the next. I know that I can do this. I know that I am strong enough.
Funny thing, when I did quit drinking for 4.5 years I sought counselling and learned forgiveness and learned to listen to relaxation music and it seemed that my "issues" with my earlier life were pretty much taken care of. As soon as I started drinking again I was okay but as of the last 2 years, I am angry and sad and mad and ugly. I HATE that person and I never want to see her again.
My hubby doesn't see this as the problem that it is, why is that? He wants to believe that it will pass and it will go away on it's own and that pride is higher when you go it alone. I think he is just scared that people will find out. Truthfully, when I had quit and people asked me why I didn't drink I was not ashamed to say, "because I am a lush" and nobody asked twice.
I cannot be ashamed, I have to know that others understand and stop making excuses to drink.
I AM AN ALCOHOLIC AND I NEED HELP!
I have to stop
beating myself up!
I over eat, I smoke obsessively, and I have been a drunk since I was a teenager. I am changing all of that right now. I know it is not easy to do all at the same time but what is the point of putting one addiction at the top while getting rid of the next. I know that I can do this. I know that I am strong enough.
Funny thing, when I did quit drinking for 4.5 years I sought counselling and learned forgiveness and learned to listen to relaxation music and it seemed that my "issues" with my earlier life were pretty much taken care of. As soon as I started drinking again I was okay but as of the last 2 years, I am angry and sad and mad and ugly. I HATE that person and I never want to see her again.
My hubby doesn't see this as the problem that it is, why is that? He wants to believe that it will pass and it will go away on it's own and that pride is higher when you go it alone. I think he is just scared that people will find out. Truthfully, when I had quit and people asked me why I didn't drink I was not ashamed to say, "because I am a lush" and nobody asked twice.
I cannot be ashamed, I have to know that others understand and stop making excuses to drink.
I AM AN ALCOHOLIC AND I NEED HELP!
I have to stop
beating myself up!
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