I tried to build a new life but failed
 

A few months ago I left my partner and moved to another state. I was wanting to start a new life but slowly fell back into my old one.

I did not drink for a while, nor did I smoke pot. Slowly loneliness got to me and I started drinking, then my ex-partner sent me some pot and I was back into it.

I went to my first AA meeting a bit more than a week ago, and have since attended another meeting. I have been sober from alcohol for that time. But I still have the other stuff I do, mainly the pot, tobacco and lots of coffee.

This is really starting to bug me. I feel like I am being held back, and that I am worthless. I have no friends and get very lonely. A good job seems like a dream now - especially with rampant drug testing in this town. I do have a social activity I do once a week which helps and for which I am mostly straight for.

I asked God to help me with the alcohol and he did help. I asked for His help with the other stuff but no good yet. I don't know what to do. I met a guy at my first AA meeting who really impressed me - should I go to him and ask for his help? Because somehow I have to be free so that I can be who I should be.

Maybe I am not an alky. Maybe I am just a drug user? Does it matter? Is working the steps something I can do by myself or do I need another person to be involved?

Thanks for listening.

Welcome to SR!!

Only you can answer the question as to whether you're an alcoholic or addict. I know, for me, that I was miserable, and drugs were holding ME back from enjoying life.

I think it would be a good idea to talk to the guy you met at AA, and if nothing else, ask him to be a temporary sponsor. He may become permanent, or you may find someone else who "clicks" better along the way.

I tried getting clean on my own. I WAS clean, but not very happy about it. I don't go to meetings, now, but did and still use what I learned there. I also spend a LOT of time on SR, and the great people here have strengthened my recovery in ways I couldn't even imagine. I truly believe we need others, in our life, that understand and that means recovering peeps. Others can love us, tremendously, but they just don't "get" what it's like to put alcohol and/or drugs ahead of moving forward in life.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

Welcome....:wave:

I'm glad you are checking out AA in your new town.
That will give you a chance to make new sober friends.

Yes...I do think finding a sponsor is vital to working Steps.
A sponsor is a mentor for Step work. by
someone who has finished their Steps.

Glad you are here with us...:yup:

First off you are not a failure. No one who has the want and desire to change their lives is ever a failure!

While I can't speak much on the AA piece (others here have much more insight and knowledge with that program) I can tell you that I combined SR with face to face support. Having a person (for me it was my counselor) who I shared the journey with and it has been tremendous in getting me going with recovery.

I do suggest that perhaps focusing a bit more on one obstacle at a time may help. I found that focusing on my alcoholism and improving my entire lifestyle has extended to all other areas I had wanted to improve. I could not look at everything upfront but broke each area down and tackled it with baby steps.

In recovery.....I have not only learned that life can be amazing without the crutch of alcohol but I have improved my diet, added exercise, got a job (not the dream gig but a start which is what I needed to get going), improved my relationships with others, and just have a more peaceful, calm outlook on life.

My life is far from perfection but I have gained the inner strength that I have so needed to say that anything is possible and I can do this.

Stay strong and definitely keep on with the support. Do not overwhelm yourself my friend. You set your goals and you will do it. Use the tools available and I too put on a lot of faith in my HP to see me through when I didn't have the answer.

Keep sharing.

Welcome to SR!:hug:

Only you can decide whether you're alcoholic. SOMETHING made you go to an AA meeting, though, and usually people who are concerned enough about their drinking to actually go into one find themselves in the right place.

I second what Carol said.

And flush the weed, while you're at it. It actively interferes with recovery from alcohol, and the sooner you quit that the sooner you can start passing drug tests.

Hey, welcome :)

I moved around states/countries for years trying to 'start again'.....now ive found its remarkably easier if I just stay in the one spot, starting again is merely a state of mind.

Distancing myself from alcohol/drugs didnt make much of a difference - id still seek it out. The addicted voice fooled me into believing that in states like WA with more drug testing there would be less available - which was true to an extent, but when the cost is irrelevant that makes little difference. I could and would pay top dollar if I wanted to get on.

My advice would be make use of the resources that are free to you :) Also, assuming you have medicare you can get all types of heavily discounted psych sessions etc. Not saying 'you need intense therapy' just that if you have a lot of time on your hands, why not go talk to some qualified professionals?

Best of luck :)

So, we hear this a lot, but it can get really over-used.

AA's Big Book has pretty clear-cut, definitions and experience to see if you are an alcoholic like they describe. It's not like you have to come o the conclusion all on your own.

The best way to see if you are alcoholic, and to get started in the Steps (which will work for a drug problem as well), is to sit down with another recovered alcoholic and lay out your experience next to the experience in AA's Big Book. See if your drinking, thinking, and feeling line up with what is described there.

Another recovered alcoholic can help you find your own truth. You don't have to go it alone. And if you're not alkie, they can hopefully point you to a recovered addict who can help you determine for yourself if you are one of them.

:headbange

I did lots of moving around....what we sometimes refer to as "geographic cures." They never worked, because I always took myself with me.

Alcohol was one of my addictions, but I also used lots of other stuff, especially pot. The problem with not drinking, but using other substances to "feel good," is that it always took me back to my favorite "feel good": alcohol. I can not use mood altering substances in safety. Eventually I alway end up right back where I was....the only difference being that it got worse and worse each time.

Finally, I substituted AA for my addictions. Depending on AA to teach me a new design for living, I eventually was able to empower myself, to love myself and even stop "depending" on AA. Now I am able to regulate my own feelings without outside help. It was not easy. It was not quick. But I can now quote our Big Book and state with some certainty that I now "live a life that is second to none." Happy, joyous and free"....no matter where I may be.

And btw, smoking pot will surely defeat your job seeking if drug testing is involved. It remains in your system for around 30 days.



blessings
zenbear

The interesting thing is that if a person is either an alcoholic or an alcohol abuser the consequences can be the same. Both illness's can damage a person mentally, emotionally and physically equally.

What mattered for me was to formulate a plan of action to address my problem and then follow through. Personally I could care less what my illness is called except to know that there is an effective single treatment that can be applied to alcoholism or alcohol abuse. For me that treatment was SMART Recovery. With SMART there is no mucking about with labels.

.

imo you will need someone experienced to guide you through....it may be there is someone at your local AA meeting with that experience..

You could buy a BB and make a start....sounds to me like you already understand elements of step 1.

Id be glad to discuss any steps with you through p.m Or E mail, if you feel i can help......there is also a good step forum here.

But if you have the opportunity to gain a f2f sponsor that is normally the most effective route.

good luck..........Names shaun and yep, im an alcoholic.

I hope you come back to SR, longwayfromhome!

I didn't get the part where you were actively building a new life. It sounds errrr, hope I am not going to get on your case here....you were hoping for the geographic cure.?
Lots of us have tried it.
That is fantastic you went to a couple of meetings.

May I suggest.... a LOT more activity?

Maybe ditch the pot. Pot is anti-activity and puts most of us on the sofa in lala land in minutes. Good luck, hope you come back....

Did you honestly try to build a new life or did you think that a geographical cure would work? Many addicts/alcoholics (and even others) have tried geographical cures; moving to a different location to escape their old life that they originally shaped. It hardly works.

I am just asking you an honest question. Did you honestly try or did you think moving would "magically" help you somehow?