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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Billingham
Posts: 3
New
Hi,
I am not sure if I am writing in the right place or to the right people, but I thought I would say hello anyway to introduce myself. Please say if I'm in the wrong area and I'll hushhhhhhhh.
I'm a 35 year old male from UK. I drank alcohol moderately from the age of 17. When I reached the age of 25 ish I started to get a bit fond of the booze. I then lost my driving license. I drank to cope. To cut a very long story short my drinking progressed and by 29 I was having Vodka for breakfast and cheap strong cider until I fell asleep at night. I hardly ever ate food and was smoking about 80 cigarettes a day. Each day was the same. DRINK. I got up at 4am shaking and vomiting, drank half a bottle and felt fine again. I convinced myself I was just a heavy drinker but deep down I was in denial. In 2005 I woke with no alcohol in the house. That's when I had my first withdrawal fit. I had loads of those and spent several nights on various occations in hospital as a result. 2007 I had a brain bleed and a major operation to fix it. I came out of the hospital after 3 weeks and went straight to the off-license. 2009 I was in hospital again and having lost my car, my wife, my job, my friends, my bank account, my gorgeous and supportive partner etc etc I decided that as it. I had nothing else to loose. No more - I'd had enough. The doctors told me that my liver was on the verge of packing in, I already had yellow eyes and I was vomiting blood. Some how, and only God knows how, my Mam, Dad and sister stood by me.
Today is the 5th September 2010, and on 18th September 2010 I will have been alcohol free for 1 year. I feel much fitter and I am told I look 100% healthier. I have got a job in music again and a nice house. Trouble is I still feel tired and sad. I have never been to a AA meeting or talked about all the things that are holding me back. I don't have any cravings or desire to drink alcohol and my family are delighted that I will be 1 year sober in just 13 days time. I have got through the alcohol and the cravings and desires, but I need to start the other work now. I am just a sad sober man now - I need to get rid of the guilt, remorse, embarrassment etc and move on.
Sorry to yap.....but thanks.
I am not sure if I am writing in the right place or to the right people, but I thought I would say hello anyway to introduce myself. Please say if I'm in the wrong area and I'll hushhhhhhhh.
I'm a 35 year old male from UK. I drank alcohol moderately from the age of 17. When I reached the age of 25 ish I started to get a bit fond of the booze. I then lost my driving license. I drank to cope. To cut a very long story short my drinking progressed and by 29 I was having Vodka for breakfast and cheap strong cider until I fell asleep at night. I hardly ever ate food and was smoking about 80 cigarettes a day. Each day was the same. DRINK. I got up at 4am shaking and vomiting, drank half a bottle and felt fine again. I convinced myself I was just a heavy drinker but deep down I was in denial. In 2005 I woke with no alcohol in the house. That's when I had my first withdrawal fit. I had loads of those and spent several nights on various occations in hospital as a result. 2007 I had a brain bleed and a major operation to fix it. I came out of the hospital after 3 weeks and went straight to the off-license. 2009 I was in hospital again and having lost my car, my wife, my job, my friends, my bank account, my gorgeous and supportive partner etc etc I decided that as it. I had nothing else to loose. No more - I'd had enough. The doctors told me that my liver was on the verge of packing in, I already had yellow eyes and I was vomiting blood. Some how, and only God knows how, my Mam, Dad and sister stood by me.
Today is the 5th September 2010, and on 18th September 2010 I will have been alcohol free for 1 year. I feel much fitter and I am told I look 100% healthier. I have got a job in music again and a nice house. Trouble is I still feel tired and sad. I have never been to a AA meeting or talked about all the things that are holding me back. I don't have any cravings or desire to drink alcohol and my family are delighted that I will be 1 year sober in just 13 days time. I have got through the alcohol and the cravings and desires, but I need to start the other work now. I am just a sad sober man now - I need to get rid of the guilt, remorse, embarrassment etc and move on.
Sorry to yap.....but thanks.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Congratulatiomns on your up coming year .....
Yes you are in the correct place
for information and support.
Yes...AA has enriched my life immensley.
I certainly hope you will soon check it out.
You can find out what meetings are about
by clicking on this link
http://www.bma-wellness.com/papers/F...A_Meeting.html
Welcome to our recovery community..
Yes you are in the correct place
for information and support.
Yes...AA has enriched my life immensley.
I certainly hope you will soon check it out.
You can find out what meetings are about
by clicking on this link
http://www.bma-wellness.com/papers/F...A_Meeting.html
Welcome to our recovery community..
We Do Recover
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Texas
Posts: 2,619
Welcome! Glad you are here. Congratulations on coming up on a year sober! Awesome! Yes, just taking away the booze won't make the guilt, shame, remorse go away--especially if that stuff has never been dealt with before. The past doesn't have to keep you prisoner anymore. There is hope! WE do recover. AA is just one program that can help. I have known people that attended their first meeting after having been sober for years--but like you mentioned, they felt that there was something missing plus they were also in the midst of trying to deal with feelings/emotions that they had pushed to the back of their mind for quite a while. Keep reaching out and posting here. This is a great place to find support. Why not at least check out a nearby AA meeting if you have never been to one--just to see what you think. Either way--you can find happiness once again and find the help you need with working through things of your past which may still haunt you.
Glad you are here. Congratulations on coming up on a year sober! Awesome! Yes, just taking away the booze won't make the guilt, shame, remorse go away--especially if that stuff has never been dealt with before. The past doesn't have to keep you prisoner anymore. There is hope! WE do recover. AA is just one program that can help. I have known people that attended their first meeting after having been sober for years--but like you mentioned, they felt that there was something missing plus they were also in the midst of trying to deal with feelings/emotions that they had pushed to the back of their mind for quite a while. Keep reaching out and posting here. This is a great place to find support. Why not at least check out a nearby AA meeting if you have never been to one--just to see what you think. Either way--you can find happiness once again and find the help you need with working through things of your past which may still haunt you. bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,778
From what I know of AA, it's not just a program to quit drinking, but to better your life in all respects. Give it a try. What have you got to lose but your remorse, guilt, and sorrow.
Welcome to SR!
Welcome to SR!
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,504
Welcome!
Congratulations on your year sober! I think what you have found is that it's not really about the alcohol. It's about the reasons that we turned to the alcohol. I had to reconnect with my spiritual self in order to find a purpose for my life. Don't let the negative feelings hold you back.
Congratulations on your year sober! I think what you have found is that it's not really about the alcohol. It's about the reasons that we turned to the alcohol. I had to reconnect with my spiritual self in order to find a purpose for my life. Don't let the negative feelings hold you back.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
Welcome to SR!! You're most definitely in the right place
AA has helped a lot of people, but I've also found great support, compassion, and ES&H (experience, strength, and hope) right here, at SR. It's been my main source of strength in my own recovery.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
AA has helped a lot of people, but I've also found great support, compassion, and ES&H (experience, strength, and hope) right here, at SR. It's been my main source of strength in my own recovery.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,564
Themaestro - I hope you are proud for all that you've accomplished. I think it's amazing that in your 30's you've seen the light & have banished alcohol from your life. I was on the junk for over 25 yrs. & was drinking round the clock in the end.
I found that SoberRecovery filled the emptiness that you speak of. I haven't been to meetings, but may try them one day. When I came here I never expected to feel happy or carefree again - but the miracle happened. Not feeling alone anymore was key. I'm still evolving into the person I was meant to be, and it does take time to heal. Guilt & remorse are useless emotions that will suck the life out of you & keep you from moving forward. Of course you need to remember the way it used to be, but dwelling in the past gets us nowhere. Be patient with yourself - the damage is still being repaired. Congratulations on your one year sober - that is fabulous!
I found that SoberRecovery filled the emptiness that you speak of. I haven't been to meetings, but may try them one day. When I came here I never expected to feel happy or carefree again - but the miracle happened. Not feeling alone anymore was key. I'm still evolving into the person I was meant to be, and it does take time to heal. Guilt & remorse are useless emotions that will suck the life out of you & keep you from moving forward. Of course you need to remember the way it used to be, but dwelling in the past gets us nowhere. Be patient with yourself - the damage is still being repaired. Congratulations on your one year sober - that is fabulous!
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Congrats on your year of sobriety! Now that you have your health back, you can start working on what you refer to as the "things that have been holding me back". I can certainly relate to that. I've been going to AA for two years, but I never worked the 12 Steps that are the basic program of recovery. For the past several months, I realize that there are a whole lot of things holding me back--a lot of the same "stuff" you are talking about.
What I am doing about it is that I am finally willing to work those Steps, because the recovered people I've met in AA are happy and at peace in a way that I am not. So I am finally working them with a sponsor.
AA's Steps are built to get rid of the guilt, remorse, and shame, and enable us to live whole, useful lives without alcohol.
Why don't you join us? We can get REALLY recovered, together!
What I am doing about it is that I am finally willing to work those Steps, because the recovered people I've met in AA are happy and at peace in a way that I am not. So I am finally working them with a sponsor.
AA's Steps are built to get rid of the guilt, remorse, and shame, and enable us to live whole, useful lives without alcohol.
Why don't you join us? We can get REALLY recovered, together!
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Hi TM and welcome to the forum - and CONGRATULATIONS on your sober time. Your story shows how far down this disease will take us. I'm so glad you decided to turn your life around!
As far as the sadness goes, I have a bit of that too. I think just living with addiction gave us tremendous chaos and filled our lives in a way, even if it was negative. When we stop drinking we have to deal with our emotions. So what to do?
I'm still figuring it all out, but adding a few interests and going further in my work as an artist has helped. The support of this forum has made all the difference, too. I feel badly for you, and hope that you'll hang out with us - it's great support and you may find you don't feel so alone anymore.:ghug3
As far as the sadness goes, I have a bit of that too. I think just living with addiction gave us tremendous chaos and filled our lives in a way, even if it was negative. When we stop drinking we have to deal with our emotions. So what to do?
I'm still figuring it all out, but adding a few interests and going further in my work as an artist has helped. The support of this forum has made all the difference, too. I feel badly for you, and hope that you'll hang out with us - it's great support and you may find you don't feel so alone anymore.:ghug3
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Billingham
Posts: 3
Good morning from the UK.
It's a sunny morning here, and as I sup my morning coffee I am reading carefully through the responses to my introductory story. Thank you!
My post sounds like I am grumbling, depressed and down in the dumps. Yes, the negative emotions of which I talk are very strong and very real, but I should also stress that this 1 year (almost) has seen huge changes in my life. My new job (I'm a church organist), financial stability and the trust from my family are to name but a few. These are easy to take for granted when fit and well, but having been at the very bottom of the very bottom of the very bottom, I am so grateful. Quitting alcohol will not repair much of the damage caused, but I know that I should be thankful for this second chance and enjoy the benefits, however long it may take.
Thanks again for your posts, and I am so glad that I came across SoberRecovery. I feel as if talking about this and hearing that I am not the only drunk in the world has already made me think.
It's a sunny morning here, and as I sup my morning coffee I am reading carefully through the responses to my introductory story. Thank you!
My post sounds like I am grumbling, depressed and down in the dumps. Yes, the negative emotions of which I talk are very strong and very real, but I should also stress that this 1 year (almost) has seen huge changes in my life. My new job (I'm a church organist), financial stability and the trust from my family are to name but a few. These are easy to take for granted when fit and well, but having been at the very bottom of the very bottom of the very bottom, I am so grateful. Quitting alcohol will not repair much of the damage caused, but I know that I should be thankful for this second chance and enjoy the benefits, however long it may take.
Thanks again for your posts, and I am so glad that I came across SoberRecovery. I feel as if talking about this and hearing that I am not the only drunk in the world has already made me think.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: albuquerque, new mexico
Posts: 63
I strongly recommend AA. It saved my life. AND i did not WANT to go to AA. I had failed twice at AA (because I refused to do what was suggested in the big book and follow the steps) I'm only 60 days sober today but, I have finally for the first time in my life found my saving grace. And I spend a great majority of my time in a place filled with serenity and no regret or shame over my past. And the ONLY thing that did that for me was AA. AA brought God back into my life when I needed him most. And I thank my AA groups every chance I get for that. I don't think I would of ever found God in my life if it wasn't for sitting through two weeks of daily , sometimes multiple meetings. Even p issed off about being in the rooms, I found God. And now I know all I have to do is ask and he will grant me what I need. Not what I WANT, but what I need. Good luck and I hope you try a meeting at the very least... It's worth trying in my opinion.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Billingham
Posts: 3
Good afternoon,
I would like to add another thread to my already long winded list.
Since I finally stopped drinking on 18th September 2009, I have been in an incredibly frustrating relationship. This relationship came about when I was drunk and at the time it seemed like the perfect escape route. I was in despair, and as cruel as it sounds I used the situation. This (as I should have known after 15 years of stupid decision making) was a bad move and I now feel utterly trapped. Don't get me wrong, she is a nice enough person, but she is not for me and is a strong reminder of my ludicrous alcohol based choices of the past. I realise it is not her fault that I am a recovering alcoholic or indeed her fault that I became an alcoholic in the first place, but it struck me hard this afternoon as I was enjoying my time reading this site and it's members postings. The moment she walked into the room I lost my will and motivation to read and learn from this amazing community. I was about to turn my laptop off and then thought "hey, I'll share this emotion". Drink didn't cross my mind, but hope and joy went out of the window.
Now, I know this is not a relationship website and the answer seems obvious. It just made me think that a happy home life is important when ones mind is is bouncing around and attempting to deal with the emotions that I described in my first post. This sudden and unplanned 'relationship' has left my feelings towards her bitter and resentful. I am assured that resentment is the alcoholics biggest threat. Get out??
TM
P.S. Wouldn't it be great if this site was available in Droid format. Perhaps it is and I have missed it. What a great utility this would be for instant access where ever and when ever.
I would like to add another thread to my already long winded list.
Since I finally stopped drinking on 18th September 2009, I have been in an incredibly frustrating relationship. This relationship came about when I was drunk and at the time it seemed like the perfect escape route. I was in despair, and as cruel as it sounds I used the situation. This (as I should have known after 15 years of stupid decision making) was a bad move and I now feel utterly trapped. Don't get me wrong, she is a nice enough person, but she is not for me and is a strong reminder of my ludicrous alcohol based choices of the past. I realise it is not her fault that I am a recovering alcoholic or indeed her fault that I became an alcoholic in the first place, but it struck me hard this afternoon as I was enjoying my time reading this site and it's members postings. The moment she walked into the room I lost my will and motivation to read and learn from this amazing community. I was about to turn my laptop off and then thought "hey, I'll share this emotion". Drink didn't cross my mind, but hope and joy went out of the window.
Now, I know this is not a relationship website and the answer seems obvious. It just made me think that a happy home life is important when ones mind is is bouncing around and attempting to deal with the emotions that I described in my first post. This sudden and unplanned 'relationship' has left my feelings towards her bitter and resentful. I am assured that resentment is the alcoholics biggest threat. Get out??
TM
P.S. Wouldn't it be great if this site was available in Droid format. Perhaps it is and I have missed it. What a great utility this would be for instant access where ever and when ever.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,504
Hi,
I think that early recovery is a time of great change.
And, it's true that it can be a time when present relationships need to be re-examined and thought about. One thing that I realized was that I had been attracting negative people to me, because of my negative thinking. So, clearly that had to change.
It sounds to me like you have decided that this relationship can no longer work for you. This is not something that you need to decide at this moment, if you are unsure. There is also the possibility of getting counselling? Is it possible for you to talk to her and discuss the situation and your feelings?
I think that early recovery is a time of great change.
And, it's true that it can be a time when present relationships need to be re-examined and thought about. One thing that I realized was that I had been attracting negative people to me, because of my negative thinking. So, clearly that had to change.
It sounds to me like you have decided that this relationship can no longer work for you. This is not something that you need to decide at this moment, if you are unsure. There is also the possibility of getting counselling? Is it possible for you to talk to her and discuss the situation and your feelings?
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