SEC09

So I was sober from the beginning of this year until just a few weeks ago, 7 1/2 months and I was going strong.

Then I went to a retreat one weekend and ended up chugging a glass of wine, little did I know that glass of wine turned into two more weeks of off and on drinking, feeling sick and doing it all over again. My life was absolute chaos and I think this all started because of the chaos and stress I had in my life to begin with. Here I sit , a few days sober again and the chaos is hitting me again. I have contemplated drinking but don't really want to. I would like to find a way to turn off the chaos as I build my sobriety again. Any ideas what to do? Please don;t tell me to go to AA as I really don't like it and I don;t like being around people and discussing all the reasons I am upset with myself because I drank again when I am trying to get sober again.

What can I do to turn off the chaos, or better yet what do you do other than go to AA?

HidLid

I'm treating it like a light switch with an on and off position. I have since taken that light switch, ripped it out of the wall, threw it away. Took the copper running to it, threw that out too...broke the breaker box with a hammer and disconnected the power from the pole. Basically doing all I can do to get rid of it even being an option.

Anna

Hi Sec,

I think that staying in the moment, as hard as it is to do, is what helps to calm my mind. What I have learned is to focus on my breathing, be aware of my movement, and just be still. If you can do that for a few moments it helps. And, meditation helps too. For me, a stand-by de-stresser is music.

I hope you find something that works for you.

LaFemme

Ditto on meditation ....I can't begin to tell you how often you will hear people in recovery mention it...especially those of us who don't go a 12 step route. I am also practicing disassociation, basically learning to view the anxiety, stress, chaos and even cravings as being separate from your true inner self. I read about it in a Wayne Dyer book called your sacred self...its been a big help for me.

I'm at 2 months, I am not white knuckling it and the rare craving enters and leaves my thoughts with barely a ripple.

LaFemme

I also believe that the healthier ourvbodies, the healthier our minds, so eating, excercising and vitamins to replace all the malnutrition we suffered during our drinking are all part of my plan:-)

wpainterw

You say you have contemplated drinking but don't "want to". That's a good start. Don't drink, even one glass of anything alcoholic. Don't hang around with folks who do or go to places where they do. You say you don't like AA. Have you a friend you like who doesn't drink, someone who can keep you from feeling isolated and lonely? You don't like AA right now. So are there other programs, accessible on this website, which you might find more congenial? And of course the interchange you can get from this website. Do you like music, reading, art, animals (there is an animal site here under Special Private Groups). Keep busy. Think of cool stuff you can do for others. Just don't drink. And hang in there. Remember, it's risky to try to do it alone. Good luck.

W.

SweetCityWoman

Hi Sec - Is the chaos you are experiencing anxiety? Or are there people in your life and lots of things going on that you feel you can't control? You said the chaos was in your life before this recent drinking. Sounds like the drinking made it more chaotic? When you drink does it calm you and help you escape the chaos?

People already have suggested some things to do. Might help if you share something about the chaos or anxiety if that is what you are feeling. Maybe by spelling it out you might be able to focus and sort your thoughts and distract from wanting to drink.

I am only 2 weeks sober but have been down this road many times. I find that I only let the thought of wine flash through my mind - I don't let myself think about any details about it because that leads to flipping that switch as someone else described. I let the thought come in and breath it right out again.

SEC09

Hi Everyone,

Thank you for not judging me for not wanting to go to AA. Your suggestions are great. I think just the fact that I went on here as opposed to not going and picking something up was a good start. I am at the point where the stores are closed so I am safe for tonight. I wrote a list of all the reasons why I shouldn't drink and why I should choose to stay sober and I read it back to myself a few times. This seemed to help. To answer others questions, the chaos I am experiencing is having an unorderly house and trying to get it back into order. I really like to have order in my life as it causes me to feel more grounded and focussed. I am in the midst of trying to remove the chaos from my house ( de-clutter it) and clean it and organise it so I can function better but this is hard when you have two kids in tow 5 and 7 and husband who stresses out when he has to multi task. It puts a lot of strain on me to the point where I get frustrated and I want to drink because then I can just forget about the mess and the car repairs and the bills and the debt....and I can just sit on the couch and feel sorry for myself. But the reality is I feel 10 times worse after the fact and horrible in the morning.

I tend to be a closet drinker so if I am to drink it is more away from people by myself usually in my home late at night when the kids have already gone to bed. I drink for a variety of reasons, 1) it allows me to escape the hustle and bustle of my life or so I think, 2) it allows me to fall asleep without thinking about all the stuff I need to get done
3) it stops me from living literally ( I am almost paralysed) to the point where I can;t do anything, I am at a stand still. I often ask myself why I enjoy this??? very strange.
4) I like the effects of alcohol and feeling drunk

Sometimes I don;t even want to drink because of being upset, I just like the effects as I am addicted to alcohol.

I have isolated myself from all my drinking friends and anyone I associate with is pretty much a non drinker now or has very little interest in getting drunk.

I don;t seem to have issues being around other people, my drinking now seems to be more focussed on the nightime and knowing I need to accomplish many things but not wanting to think about it and just wanting to veg out. I just wish i could allow myself to sit and sip some tea without feeling guilty about having to clean or sort or organise.

I also really like to exercise but haven;t done that in about a year so I think I need to get back into that as it helps me stay focussed.

I have noticed when I eat right it helps my mood too, limiting caffeine and eating lots of fruits and veggies makes me feel better than when I eat junk food and lots of water.

I think I will make a cup of tea now and try to get to bed soon. this will definetely stop me for tonight!

Thanks everyone

wpainterw

Seco9; Thanks for all that detail about what's going on! My personal reaction to this, if you want it, is that maybe you might consider slowing down a bit. Sure it's good to clear up the clutter in the house, but do you have to clear it all up say today or even tomorrow? Is it possible to back off a little, do it more slowly, systematically but still a little slower? Go easier on yourself. Sobriety should be the first priority. And be careful. Sometimes your body, still accustomed to alcohol, plays tricks on your mind, so as to get you to drink, maybe whispering to you, "Clear up all this clutter! Right away! What a mess! (trying to put you under stress so you'll think about picking up a drink again, to "relax" you or even to "reward" you for the good job you're doing!) Don't fall for it! Relax a little more and stay sober!

W.

julez

Hi SEC,
You haven't mentioned whether or not your husband drinks. Would he be able to be a support system for you? My husband drinks, but is still my support system, and he does a great job of it. It sounds to me that you are all caught up in what I used to call a "rut" of mommyhood. Two young kids and a messy house can drive anyone to drink!! lol Mine are 2 years apart as well, but are older. I do remember the chaos well though. You really need to find a way to separate yourself from all that and find some "you" time. Sitting in a messy house, with kids calling you every 2 seconds isn't going to help you. Taking a half hour to yourself for a walk, or a drive, or window shopping might be what you need in early sobriety to give yourself a break. Is your husband willing to let you have some time for yourself to decompress? Be gentle to yourself, take a deep breath, and live one moment at a time. Hang in there.

artsoul

SEC - you sound just like me! I've let my house get disorganized and am trying to organize, fix, throw out, etc. etc. - I'm self employed (so I can't get away from it!), have two kids at home which doesn't help, and am a single mom. And then there's the yard, the lack of storage.... and I even have a pool to keep up too (not to mention exercising, eating better, blah blah blah). So, I'm going to talk to myself here as much as you. (!)

Make a list for yourself of things you want to do around the house just for the next week. You don't want so many things on your list that you freak yourself out! Don't write down a huge job like "clean out the closets," rather write down something you know you can do like "clean out the cabinet in the bathroom." Check things off when you're done and if you accomplish even more, write that down too. It will make you feel so much better about your progress to see how much you've accomplished and it will focus your energy on a few priorities. Then the next week do it again. The point is not to overwhelm yourself when you're already overwhelmed.

You can even set a goal (like: I'm going to create order in my house by the end of this year).

Also, be sure to remind yourself that you're already accomplishing a great deal by staying sober and it's icing on the cake that you want to address these areas in your life.

That's my take on it - hope it helps spark some ideas for you!

SEC09

Hi there ,
this is defintely true - I will take it easy

SEC09

Hi ,
I wish I could say that I don;t get "me time" or my husband was not supportive so I had more of an excuse to drink but the reality is I get both! I just want to drink probably because I am an alcoholic and always will be regardless of how good things are and I really do hate the clutter which I know I need to work on. My husband is so good he will take the kids for me so I can clean up and many times I have ended with a 6 pack watching tv! To answer your question, he is not an alcoholic like me and can have one or two once in a while when we have company but usually has no desire if we have no company. He is quite supportive of me but I don;t want to tell him I slipped, I would rather just move on and try again. I guess I don;t want him to be dissapointed in me, I am already dissapointed in myself. Maybe in a few weeks I will tell him but I am not ready yet. Also, even when I have told him I could get away with drinking without him knowing if I was determined to drink. I guess you have your ways after a while. So really I need to stop because I want to, not because he is preventing me. Otherwise all it takes is that one business trip where he goes away for a week and I am back at it again. I want to do stop this now because I want to, not because anyone else wants me to. I know it is the best thing for me.

SEC09

Thanks for the advice. I will try that.

wpainterw

SEC09. Glad you're going to take it a little easier on yourself. It seems to me that the current fad for "multitasking" (something a computer apparently can do but which is a bit disorienting for humans, since humans aren't computers) has been overdone. Reminds me of something I've heard said in the AA rooms from time to time. Along with "One Day at a Time", "One Hour at a time if necessary", etc. folks sometimes talk about "Just do the Next Damn Thing". I.e. One thing at a time. A little like what the Oriental philosophers say, "A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step." Or the Taoist in the Tao Te Ching- loosely translated might go something like, "By seeking to do everything nothing gets done. By doing only a little [one thing at a time] everything gets accomplished!" Or as we say in the western world, "Make haste slowly."
Take it easy on this Labor Day weekend. Relax, have some fun.

W.