Anna

Buckley,

I think you are talking about finding and having balance in your life. And, for me, balance has been a crucial part of my recovery. I think that recovery is incorporated into my life every single day, but it is not my whole life.

shaun00

90 meetings in 90days is not the program of recovery laid in the BB.
If it helps you ..well great but it isn't the amount of meeting you do ...it's the steps we take that will lead to the problem being removed and you recovering from alcoholism.
AA deals with drunks...stands to reason your gonna get the occasional loose canon
A polite no thanks is good enough and if you do that you've done better than I would have as a newcomer.
Grab a sponsor and a BB..sponsors just love cookies.

stephnc

It sounds like this woman has a couple of screws loose...or maybe she just lacks decent manners. Not to be passive, but I might avail myself of my phone's caller id feature and avoid her for a few days.

I just passed the 90 day milestone a few weeks ago and although I consider myself to be deeply immersed in AA (and I really love the program), I certainly didn't make 90 meetings in 90 days. And since I only work part time, I COULD have done the daily meeting thing but frankly I just wasn't up for a meeting every single blasted day of the last three months. And I'm doing just fine, thank you.

I even had a sponsor once advise me to remember to maintain a life outside of AA...some of the best advice I've ever had. Hang in there, you're doing great!

Buckley

Yes. Yes. Exactly how I felt last night. Since I've quit drinking, I've been having trouble sleeping. I wake up for work at 6am, and last night, due to the holiday, and living in Chicago, it took me almost 2 hours to get home. I was DEAD when I got home, and all I wanted to do was put on my pajamas and watch TV. I didn't even think of drinking.

I blew off the AA meeting. Not for any reason except that I was exhausted. She called me and I didn't answer (how's that for passive aggressive). I'm getting ready to go to a meeting this morning, for myself.

I'm going to call her today and tell her how I feel. I guess if she doesn't like it, that's her problem. All I can do is be honest.

And Steph, that's exactly how I feel. I'm committed to this. I'm not going to let myself fail. I can't, or I'm going to lose everything. This is something I need to do for myself, not for anyone else.

Thanks for your words.

zbear23

I have a hard enough time sometimes figuring out my OWN intentions, without assuming what anyone else's are. AA is full of human beings, with all the fears, foibles and ego as anywhere else. One of the manifestation of this is AAs "taking charge" of newcomers without their permission...we tend to want to take control. But only fear seeks control. Love never does.

We have in our literature several different remedies for this sort of temptation. When I'm so full of myself that I feel I must tell others how to work their program, I'm reminded that AA suggests only that I share my own experience, strength and hope. This is how I "help others" new to the program. I let them know what worked for me, and I'm in no way iinvovled in how they do or do not use my experience...the exception being when I'm asked, as in being a sponsor. Even then....I try to share and suggest, not advise and instruct.

I can offer you a shovel...and you may choose to dig a hole....or you may choose to bang yourself in the head with it. It's really not my business.

We also have a tradition in AA that states our public relationship policy is "ATTRACTION, RATHER THAN PROMOTION."

If you want what I've got, I'm more than willing to explain to you how I got it. the rest is all up to you.

blessings
zenbear

Harry01854

I have had people who wanted to work my recovery for me also. When they would ask me if I was going to a particular meeting, I would tell them no if I truly wasn't planning on going to that meeting. If they were to ask me why, I would chose to ask them in return, why they wanted to know. If I got a reply like, I should be trhere and/or I should be going to 90 meetings in 90 days if I really want to work the program, I would; First apologize, like say to them, "I'm sorry, but it is my choice how to be active in my own recovery. If they were to proceed with, what my sponsor would tell me, "Your in "the God business", I would politely let them know, I don't want to continue with this conversation anymore. Have a good day and I'll see you around.

You are not the one that failed, she is.

As a few have already mentioned, 90 in 90 is not working the program. And some have already suggested about getting a sponsor. Which in a situation like this, you could actually reply to them that you already have a sponsor.

But the Program of Alcoholics Anonymous is "The 12 Steps to Recovery".

But no one has the right to take over the responsiblities of your recovery for you. Those responsiblities are yours and yours only.

Myself, I stay away from people who want to tell me, or if I hear them trying to tell others, "what" they should do.

And Zbear, in my own opinion, is right about being a sponsor. To me, that is being a sponsor as described in the AA pamphlet about "Sponsorship".

LexieCat has some good suggestions also about getting a home group and reasons why.

One thing I'm sure of, people here care and only want to help.

Harry

Mcribb

I had someone tell me today that it was against the rules to have a womans only meeting and If I wanted to stay sober I could sit in on a womans meeting and they couldn't kick me out. I had a good laugh.