Why am i a monster when i drink?
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Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 12
Why am i a monster when i drink?
I had my 1st drink when i was maybe 15. Back then i rarely drank. I was more into pot. And even when i drank..from the time i was 15- to around 22/..if i drank too much, i would probally just get sick..or pass out. Or both. But somewhere..somehow, around the age of 22, things changed. When i started to drink i could not stop. I did not get sick as easily, and i became an *******. Loud, and obnoxious. I never drank every day, and i still do not. I drink at least once a week, maybe twice. But when i do drink..its a train wreck.
I call it the ******** train. I lost 2 jobs, and have recently crashed, and totaled my car. i luckily did not get a DUI, as i left the scene, so all i got were tickets. Anyhow..i say, and do the worst things you can imagine when i get drunk. I mean..really horrible things. I call my friend a ****. Tell her to shut the bleep up.
Basically..i transform into a completely different person. A person that i hate, and despise. And so does everyone else. I usually cant remember much the next day. Almost a complete blackout. I just kind of remember certain things in a haze. And i think to myself " why the hell did i do/say that?"
Like i said. i dont drink every day..and i have even been able to drink a beer or 2 some nights, and i was fine. But once i touch the hard stuff ( usually Rum, vodka, brandy) I am done for. Every time i go to the liquor store.. i think to myself. " ok..i just want to get a good buzz. im in a good mood, and i WONT go on the ******** train this time."
What is it that turns me into this raging madman? I have said horrible things, that i sometimes dont even believe it when people tell me the next day. this is hard for me to say, but apparently, one night i got drunk, i was with a couple friends, and i got so mad at one of them, i said horrible things, somewhere along the lines of " Im gonna go kill your little daughter..and your mom, your whole family..
Yes..i know...that is some really horrible things to say. And yes i feel like i am such a bad person sometimes, that i do not deserve life. My point is, that i lost alot of friends..i still am able to see my son, and spend time with him. I manage not to be like that when he is around. But ya..i lost my realtionship with his mother, because i cant handle myslef when i drink. Lost not 1, but 2 jobs. And recently lost my car. I did manage to make it to one AA meeting a while back. It was ok..but i did not get a sponsor that day, and i just never went back.
I guess i thought i could just stop drinking. And i did.. for a while..but even if i can stop for a few weeks..months..all it will take, is one bad night. I really feel like anything can happen when i drink. I could end up dead, or in jail for my behavior.
Why am i this way? i still do enjoy smoking pot, more than drinking, and yes, i know pot isnt the best thing to do. But i dont lose control, or act like an ass. I dont even get "high" it just relaxes me. But anyhow..i am wondering..maybe i have another mental illness and alcohol just makes it worse? I really feel like i am 2 different people. When i am sober, i am quiet, and kinda stay to myself. And i always try to be polite to everyone. But when i drink..i am the worst person anyone has ever met in their lives. And no, i am not exaggerating.
What can i do? plz help. thank you all
I call it the ******** train. I lost 2 jobs, and have recently crashed, and totaled my car. i luckily did not get a DUI, as i left the scene, so all i got were tickets. Anyhow..i say, and do the worst things you can imagine when i get drunk. I mean..really horrible things. I call my friend a ****. Tell her to shut the bleep up.
Basically..i transform into a completely different person. A person that i hate, and despise. And so does everyone else. I usually cant remember much the next day. Almost a complete blackout. I just kind of remember certain things in a haze. And i think to myself " why the hell did i do/say that?"
Like i said. i dont drink every day..and i have even been able to drink a beer or 2 some nights, and i was fine. But once i touch the hard stuff ( usually Rum, vodka, brandy) I am done for. Every time i go to the liquor store.. i think to myself. " ok..i just want to get a good buzz. im in a good mood, and i WONT go on the ******** train this time."
What is it that turns me into this raging madman? I have said horrible things, that i sometimes dont even believe it when people tell me the next day. this is hard for me to say, but apparently, one night i got drunk, i was with a couple friends, and i got so mad at one of them, i said horrible things, somewhere along the lines of " Im gonna go kill your little daughter..and your mom, your whole family..
Yes..i know...that is some really horrible things to say. And yes i feel like i am such a bad person sometimes, that i do not deserve life. My point is, that i lost alot of friends..i still am able to see my son, and spend time with him. I manage not to be like that when he is around. But ya..i lost my realtionship with his mother, because i cant handle myslef when i drink. Lost not 1, but 2 jobs. And recently lost my car. I did manage to make it to one AA meeting a while back. It was ok..but i did not get a sponsor that day, and i just never went back.
I guess i thought i could just stop drinking. And i did.. for a while..but even if i can stop for a few weeks..months..all it will take, is one bad night. I really feel like anything can happen when i drink. I could end up dead, or in jail for my behavior.
Why am i this way? i still do enjoy smoking pot, more than drinking, and yes, i know pot isnt the best thing to do. But i dont lose control, or act like an ass. I dont even get "high" it just relaxes me. But anyhow..i am wondering..maybe i have another mental illness and alcohol just makes it worse? I really feel like i am 2 different people. When i am sober, i am quiet, and kinda stay to myself. And i always try to be polite to everyone. But when i drink..i am the worst person anyone has ever met in their lives. And no, i am not exaggerating.
What can i do? plz help. thank you all
Last edited by Dee74; 09-02-2010 at 09:27 PM. Reason: rule 9
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
I think you can stop drinking. And in order to be sure you stay stopped, you probably need to stop smoking pot as well.
Even if you have other mental/emotional problems, those won't improve unless you quit drinking.
If you want help with quitting drinking, we can help you. How bad do you want to stop?
Even if you have other mental/emotional problems, those won't improve unless you quit drinking.
If you want help with quitting drinking, we can help you. How bad do you want to stop?
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
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For the sake of your message not being lost, I edited some of your post, Hittman.
Sounds like you a decision to make...
There's one sure fire way to make sure 'the monster' stays locked up...and I think you know what it is.
If you want help in stopping, you'll find it here. This is a great group.
D
Sounds like you a decision to make...
There's one sure fire way to make sure 'the monster' stays locked up...and I think you know what it is.
If you want help in stopping, you'll find it here. This is a great group.
D
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Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Somewhere
Posts: 138
"I never drank every day, and i still do not. I drink at least once a week, maybe twice. But when i do drink..its a train wreck."
"I guess i thought i could just stop drinking. And i did.. for a while..but even if i can stop for a few weeks..months..all it will take, is one bad night. I really feel like anything can happen when i drink. I could end up dead, or in jail for my behavior."
You are 100% the exact same as me in terms of drinking habits + results...well minus the extreme anger, I have been known to be loud/obnoxious and sometimes an *******. Took me nailing a curb + DUI to wake me the hell up to the fact that while I'm not physically addicted (in a day to day dependent manner), I can't stop after a certain point and I have no clue where that certain point is. (Basically point A is sober, point B is breaking point, point C is OMGWTFBBQ_DRUNK!>!>!) A is easy to tell, B is vague, C is never remembered, B quickly becomes C, stopping myself before B is a total crap shoot; some times it happened, way too many times it did not.
So basically we both are not what most people would refer to as textbook alcoholics, but we are a variant of alcoholics none the less and it really...really...really is in our best interests not to drink.
The change in personality I would say is something deep down in your personality that is normally locked up and suppressed by your rational thoughts. Drinking tends to make rational thoughts disappear and gets us down to much more basic and generally very extreme ways of thinking. It can be manic happiness, depression, anger, confusion, hunger...or as you go up the drunk scale it becomes even more rudimentary where we are basically a mindless mess that sometimes can't even walk/talk/use a bathroom.
I've decided that I no longer want to be that guy. I'm smarter than I'd say all my friends, but in social circumstances (parties/bonfires) you would really never know it cause I the drinking. Back in college I had a group of friends that after a year when they found out, they could not believe I was an engineering major because I was only around them when drinking and was generally stupid drunk.
"I guess i thought i could just stop drinking. And i did.. for a while..but even if i can stop for a few weeks..months..all it will take, is one bad night. I really feel like anything can happen when i drink. I could end up dead, or in jail for my behavior."
You are 100% the exact same as me in terms of drinking habits + results...well minus the extreme anger, I have been known to be loud/obnoxious and sometimes an *******. Took me nailing a curb + DUI to wake me the hell up to the fact that while I'm not physically addicted (in a day to day dependent manner), I can't stop after a certain point and I have no clue where that certain point is. (Basically point A is sober, point B is breaking point, point C is OMGWTFBBQ_DRUNK!>!>!) A is easy to tell, B is vague, C is never remembered, B quickly becomes C, stopping myself before B is a total crap shoot; some times it happened, way too many times it did not.
So basically we both are not what most people would refer to as textbook alcoholics, but we are a variant of alcoholics none the less and it really...really...really is in our best interests not to drink.
The change in personality I would say is something deep down in your personality that is normally locked up and suppressed by your rational thoughts. Drinking tends to make rational thoughts disappear and gets us down to much more basic and generally very extreme ways of thinking. It can be manic happiness, depression, anger, confusion, hunger...or as you go up the drunk scale it becomes even more rudimentary where we are basically a mindless mess that sometimes can't even walk/talk/use a bathroom.
I've decided that I no longer want to be that guy. I'm smarter than I'd say all my friends, but in social circumstances (parties/bonfires) you would really never know it cause I the drinking. Back in college I had a group of friends that after a year when they found out, they could not believe I was an engineering major because I was only around them when drinking and was generally stupid drunk.
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Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 12
yes. I apologize for the graphic language. I didnt really want to even write that. But i felt i needed to get the point across, that i dont just get drunk, and say stupid things. I think everyone does that, even non alcoholics. i say Horrible..horrific things. I never want to drink again. But..unless they close every liquor store in my area..or i get banned somehow.. i dont see how i can stop forever. I mean.. i want to. i really do. But i know..not today, not tommorow..but, in a few days, i am going to have the urge to drink again. And i will even tell myself " no. you KNOW what will happen. just dont do it" But then, another part of me..starts to think..." hey..come on..just have a couple. Just sit home, and relax. You are in control of your actions." and i think..that somehow..this time..i wont become this horrible person.
Sure enough..i do. Sure some nights arent as bad as others. But its like saying " well i only cut my fingers off this time. Last time i lost all my hands and feet"
i am sober only now for 24 hours. so..where do i begin? like i said..i do not want a drink today..probably not for a few days..but..what do i do, when the time comes that i want one? how can i stop myself/? i would LOVE to go to a sober house, but those cost money. And i dont have any. Like none. And no, there is no one in my family or anything that has any money to help me either. so what is my 1st step? i mean..what do i do next? thank you guys for your time.
Sure enough..i do. Sure some nights arent as bad as others. But its like saying " well i only cut my fingers off this time. Last time i lost all my hands and feet"
i am sober only now for 24 hours. so..where do i begin? like i said..i do not want a drink today..probably not for a few days..but..what do i do, when the time comes that i want one? how can i stop myself/? i would LOVE to go to a sober house, but those cost money. And i dont have any. Like none. And no, there is no one in my family or anything that has any money to help me either. so what is my 1st step? i mean..what do i do next? thank you guys for your time.
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Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Somewhere
Posts: 138
I don't see a good reason that you would have to go to a full time treatment center if it truly is just a weekend/one day a week thing. Look up an AA group in the area, you can usually find them everywhere and they basically cost nothing ($1). Won't hurt, you can learn from others experiences, learn some more about yourself, etc.
You have problems when drinking, you are unable to moderate, it will end up badly if you continue. These things you already know, now you just gotta man up and do something about it.
The personality quirk...well thats some part of you thats normally in check by your rational/logic mind. It manifests when drinking because parts of your mind are shutting down. Same reason why people eventually get reduced to non-verbal husks that can barely walk and sometimes can't even use the bathroom.
You have problems when drinking, you are unable to moderate, it will end up badly if you continue. These things you already know, now you just gotta man up and do something about it.
The personality quirk...well thats some part of you thats normally in check by your rational/logic mind. It manifests when drinking because parts of your mind are shutting down. Same reason why people eventually get reduced to non-verbal husks that can barely walk and sometimes can't even use the bathroom.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
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Hittman - we've all been there...you can live among the liquor stores and the TV ads and whatnot...and not drink - and be happy about it...there's hundreds of us who do 
Is it easy - no - not at the start....and it takes a lot of work. A lot.
But it is possible.
D
Is it easy - no - not at the start....and it takes a lot of work. A lot.
But it is possible.
D
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Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 395
Originally Posted by Hittman305 
i am sober only now for 24 hours. so..where do i begin? like i said..i do not want a drink today..probably not for a few days..but..what do i do, when the time comes that i want one? how can i stop myself/?
Come back and read this thread before you pick up. It will hopefully remind you why you shouldn't.
Check out an AA meeting or a SMART Recovery meeting if one is in your area. There are also both AA and SMART Recovery meetings online. Finding both online meetings and personal meetings are easy to find if you google them. If you can't find them, then I will be happy to give you some links.
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Australia
Posts: 91
Mad when drunk.
G'day Hitman,
Man that first half or so is my story exactly. When I am sober I am polite, senstive, caring, honest etc. However when I hit the hard stuff, usually vodka I turned into a monster. Occasionally I managed to keep it in check but not often. I would go out and think come on keep it together, just have a good night, you can control it. I just couldn't though, I knew I was doing it but couldn't stop. More often than not, almost without fail after I was full up with vodka I would unleash. Cruel is not the word, diabolical would be better. Usually on my girlfriend of the moment (I have lost some wonderful girls who could not put up with it time after time although really did try) but also friends, great friends. I don't know why we do that but I know when I don't drink I don't do it and that is the only solution I have found.
Man that first half or so is my story exactly. When I am sober I am polite, senstive, caring, honest etc. However when I hit the hard stuff, usually vodka I turned into a monster. Occasionally I managed to keep it in check but not often. I would go out and think come on keep it together, just have a good night, you can control it. I just couldn't though, I knew I was doing it but couldn't stop. More often than not, almost without fail after I was full up with vodka I would unleash. Cruel is not the word, diabolical would be better. Usually on my girlfriend of the moment (I have lost some wonderful girls who could not put up with it time after time although really did try) but also friends, great friends. I don't know why we do that but I know when I don't drink I don't do it and that is the only solution I have found.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,776
Welcome to the family! I hope we can be as much help to you as this site has been to me in getting and staying sober.
Stick around. Read our stories and post your questions. It IS possible to stop drinking and stay sober. I'm an example. After trying and failing many many times, I am now almost nine months sober. So if I can do it, so can you.
I hope we can be as much help to you as this site has been to me in getting and staying sober.Stick around. Read our stories and post your questions. It IS possible to stop drinking and stay sober. I'm an example. After trying and failing many many times, I am now almost nine months sober. So if I can do it, so can you.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Land down under
Posts: 433
I don't think there are any firm definitions or "textbook" alcoholics. As far as I am aware, if alcohol affects your life in any negative way, you have a problem. You also don't have to be a daily drinker to be an alcoholic.
I have also known a lot of pot smokers who are affected mentally by the stuff, so perhaps earlier advise to get off everything is something you should consider. It can all lead to a nasty place in the end....just saying.
Take care
I have also known a lot of pot smokers who are affected mentally by the stuff, so perhaps earlier advise to get off everything is something you should consider. It can all lead to a nasty place in the end....just saying.
Take care
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: England
Posts: 137
I have never known a happy, cheerful drunk and I have never been one either.
Shouting, abusive, irritating, crying hysterically and taking offence at minor comments are normal for a drunk.
I lost count of the times I rushed out to buy a bottle, the happy excited feeling as I took off the cap and took my fist slug. The happy buzz was always short lived, soon I became remose about all the minor problems in my life and end up crying, or phoning friends and abusing them when they gave me unwanted advice.
You have at least realised that you have a problem with drink, stick around and you will see that your life is how most of our lives were before we plunged into sobriety.
Suzie x :ghug3
Shouting, abusive, irritating, crying hysterically and taking offence at minor comments are normal for a drunk.
I lost count of the times I rushed out to buy a bottle, the happy excited feeling as I took off the cap and took my fist slug. The happy buzz was always short lived, soon I became remose about all the minor problems in my life and end up crying, or phoning friends and abusing them when they gave me unwanted advice.
You have at least realised that you have a problem with drink, stick around and you will see that your life is how most of our lives were before we plunged into sobriety.
Suzie x :ghug3
Grateful Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: MI
Posts: 1,080
Hey Hitt, welcome to SR. You may not want a drink today or tomorrow, but eventually you will want one. What do you do? SOMETHING ELSE!!!!! There has to be something else that you are interested in, or have always wanted to do but never have. Look in to those options, and pick up something new to keep you busy! Instead of thinking "Oh poor me I want/need a drink" try to talk yourself into being positive about the life changes you are trying to make. Be gentle to yourself. Find a meeting in your area and go. You don't have to commit to anything, just try it, and see what happens! Even if you meet one person, that one person could have something to say that will stick with you always. And keep coming here. And keep reading your first post. Remind yourself daily the things you never want to do again. Stay strong, and believe you are worth it! Take care!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: PA
Posts: 89
Hittman...you don't say where you are from but it sounds like somewhere in the U.S. When I wanted to stop drinking and knew I needed help but did not need impatient therapy I got into what is called Intensive Outpatient Therapy (IOP)....if you have insurance you can contact them for your benefits and they can help you locate a provider. I went to meetings 4 nights a week and have individual sessions with an addiction counselor, most is covered by insurance minus a copay. This has been VERY helpful to me...I am 60 days sober today. Doing that and coming here several times a day and reading many books on alcoholism have all helped me each day!
Best to you..you can do this!!!!!!!!!!
Best to you..you can do this!!!!!!!!!!
i've done my almost
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Atlanta, GA
Posts: 1,934
If it turns you into a monster and you hurt other people and yourself and you regret it..why do you pick up that first drink?
Maybe you're like me, an alcoholic, who can never drink safely again?
Maybe you're like me, an alcoholic, who can never drink safely again?
Member
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Europe
Posts: 96
HEllo there Hittman
You sound like one nasty drunk, and you know what, I was sooo much like you. Also could drink without a lot of problems until around the age of 22, when things started to get weird. I would have blackouts, say and do things completely out of character and just be really "freaky". I would also drive while in a blackout, but I was never arrested and fortunately never hurt anyone. Around 24-25, the hangovers started to become HELL and I started drinking more and I got sicker and sicker.
I also didn't drink everyday. But when I drank, I could not control what was gonna happen. I'm glad I gave up the obsession that I was gonna learn to drink and things would straigthen out.
I went to an AA meeting, and I've been sober since. I'd had enough, so I followed directions and it's a new life! I don't wanna drink, the obsession has been lifted and so it can for you my friend.
You don't need alcohol and you know it deep inside. I know it's hard when the illusive thoughts take over but that's where AA's 12 steps "step" right in and give you back your sanity. Give it a go
All the best
You sound like one nasty drunk, and you know what, I was sooo much like you. Also could drink without a lot of problems until around the age of 22, when things started to get weird. I would have blackouts, say and do things completely out of character and just be really "freaky". I would also drive while in a blackout, but I was never arrested and fortunately never hurt anyone. Around 24-25, the hangovers started to become HELL and I started drinking more and I got sicker and sicker.
I also didn't drink everyday. But when I drank, I could not control what was gonna happen. I'm glad I gave up the obsession that I was gonna learn to drink and things would straigthen out.
I went to an AA meeting, and I've been sober since. I'd had enough, so I followed directions and it's a new life! I don't wanna drink, the obsession has been lifted and so it can for you my friend.
You don't need alcohol and you know it deep inside. I know it's hard when the illusive thoughts take over but that's where AA's 12 steps "step" right in and give you back your sanity. Give it a go
All the best
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 20
I was a raving lunatic too, I wouldn't put much thought into why you are like that when you drink so much you are out of control. A proper nasty drunk is someone who turns evil after a drink or two, a person out of their skull is beyond analysis. when you started to drink and couldn't stop is the main point, when you grew tolerance and started drinking stupid amounts.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 17
Need Advice
Hi Hittman,
I’m the receiving end of witnessing a “Monster” and it’s so difficult for me to comprehend as I have never been around an alcoholic before let alone date one. I suspected something throughout our relationship but he continuously lied and kept it a secret. That in itself is a betrayal....but I only recently found out the extent of his addiction. He admitted being in rehab and attending AA meetings years prior to meeting me. He admitted relapses a year prior to us meeting. He controlled the drinking while we were together but would drink when we weren’t. He would sweat like crazy at night and had a funny odour. I called it sick sweat. He claimed he wasn’t aware of the smell....or why he would sweat. He would also shake or twitch. He wouldn’t eat and it also affected him physically from time to time. All the while denying everything until the truth came out. I know what triggered the serious drinking was me splitting up with him because I couldn’t take his lies anymore....not because I didn’t love him or want to be with him.....we hadn’t spoken for two weeks....then we spoke and he was drunk. He admitted everything. Asked me to attend a meeting with him the following day. I told him yes but not to disappoint me. He cried asking why was I so nice? The following day came and I didn’t hear from him. I knew something was up. He finishes work fairly early so I decided to pay him a visit. 2.5 hours after he finished work is when I showed at his place. He was stunned to see me. His place stunk like a brewery, he smelled, his eyes were completely dilated, he stunk of cigarette ashtray which he rarely did....and I saw nothing in his eyes. He was not the person I fell in love with. He went from this sweet, caring, gentle, thoughtful, respectful attentive man to a complete monster! Said horrible and cruel things, treated me like I was a stranger, looked me square in the eye with no emotion telling me he didn’t love me....I was stunned! Who was this person? I told him as I was crying “I don’t know who you are”??? It’s like PTSD in my mind the evil in his eyes. All I could think about is how can alcohol make someone like that? Who is this person standing in front of me???? I’m completely heartbroken....what happened to my caring and sensitive man? This was mid November and he’s been the same monster ever since! Mean and nasty everytime we speak. No feeling like I’m a complete stranger. Telling me he wouldn’t care if we never spoke again. Then on New Years he sends me a photo of himself with 20 empty beer cans and a video of him singing our song....telling me that it gets to him everytime because of him and I.....then bang he’s back to being mean cruel and completely avoiding me! This happened so fast and I’m baffled and confused....I’ve been so kind and good to him. Forgave him for all the ****** things he’s done and lies. I didn’t deserve him lashing out and blaming me for things and being evil and cruel. Is this normal? What happens when they are like this? Does he feel anything? Does he realize how he’s treated me? Will he ever? He’s admitted drinking at least 5 days a week. I suspect more and when he drinks he can’t stop. The worse thing is he’s even nastier the day after he drinks....but then he drinks again....like a vicious cycle. I really want to understand this? I never deserved to be treated like this and am heartbroken. Will he ever realize??? When will he realize? Please help....I don’t understand the world of addiction and would like some input and or advice from someone who does....I’d be eternally grateful for my healing..
I’m the receiving end of witnessing a “Monster” and it’s so difficult for me to comprehend as I have never been around an alcoholic before let alone date one. I suspected something throughout our relationship but he continuously lied and kept it a secret. That in itself is a betrayal....but I only recently found out the extent of his addiction. He admitted being in rehab and attending AA meetings years prior to meeting me. He admitted relapses a year prior to us meeting. He controlled the drinking while we were together but would drink when we weren’t. He would sweat like crazy at night and had a funny odour. I called it sick sweat. He claimed he wasn’t aware of the smell....or why he would sweat. He would also shake or twitch. He wouldn’t eat and it also affected him physically from time to time. All the while denying everything until the truth came out. I know what triggered the serious drinking was me splitting up with him because I couldn’t take his lies anymore....not because I didn’t love him or want to be with him.....we hadn’t spoken for two weeks....then we spoke and he was drunk. He admitted everything. Asked me to attend a meeting with him the following day. I told him yes but not to disappoint me. He cried asking why was I so nice? The following day came and I didn’t hear from him. I knew something was up. He finishes work fairly early so I decided to pay him a visit. 2.5 hours after he finished work is when I showed at his place. He was stunned to see me. His place stunk like a brewery, he smelled, his eyes were completely dilated, he stunk of cigarette ashtray which he rarely did....and I saw nothing in his eyes. He was not the person I fell in love with. He went from this sweet, caring, gentle, thoughtful, respectful attentive man to a complete monster! Said horrible and cruel things, treated me like I was a stranger, looked me square in the eye with no emotion telling me he didn’t love me....I was stunned! Who was this person? I told him as I was crying “I don’t know who you are”??? It’s like PTSD in my mind the evil in his eyes. All I could think about is how can alcohol make someone like that? Who is this person standing in front of me???? I’m completely heartbroken....what happened to my caring and sensitive man? This was mid November and he’s been the same monster ever since! Mean and nasty everytime we speak. No feeling like I’m a complete stranger. Telling me he wouldn’t care if we never spoke again. Then on New Years he sends me a photo of himself with 20 empty beer cans and a video of him singing our song....telling me that it gets to him everytime because of him and I.....then bang he’s back to being mean cruel and completely avoiding me! This happened so fast and I’m baffled and confused....I’ve been so kind and good to him. Forgave him for all the ****** things he’s done and lies. I didn’t deserve him lashing out and blaming me for things and being evil and cruel. Is this normal? What happens when they are like this? Does he feel anything? Does he realize how he’s treated me? Will he ever? He’s admitted drinking at least 5 days a week. I suspect more and when he drinks he can’t stop. The worse thing is he’s even nastier the day after he drinks....but then he drinks again....like a vicious cycle. I really want to understand this? I never deserved to be treated like this and am heartbroken. Will he ever realize??? When will he realize? Please help....I don’t understand the world of addiction and would like some input and or advice from someone who does....I’d be eternally grateful for my healing..
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Join Date: Oct 2017
Location: Minnesota, USA
Posts: 1,468
Welcome,
If I had written that, the obvious would be to stop drinking and pot as the negative affects on life are just beginning.
I strive to be a good human, one that doesn't harm myself or others and keeping my career is a good driving force as well.
Seems as though there is a toxicity having continued a relationship with alcohol and it progressively gets worse.
I am not you, though.
I was evil when I would drink, some of the time. I'd blackout and not remember who I hurt.
I also totalled a car, drove it right into a pond, no dui as I left the scene, no tickets either
I did get a dui 3 months after I totalled my brand new car- progression, stupidity, arrogance, the list here is ensless
I "assaulted" a bartender, I use the term very lose as that's what they wanted to charge me with, however the judge laughed at me for being there. She wanted to see the weapon... It was a grenadine bottle, plastic that I poured onto the bartender and he then poured the bottle on my head.. - very very expensive evening.
Speaking of expenses
Dui : $3000
Totalled car: $500 deductible
Cab rides: $400 for 1 night
The "assault" : $1000, includes the lawyer fee for it to be removed from my record
Hotel rooms
The loose cash at the bar, the coke id buy to continue the partythe numerous hangovers at work or home
I've been kicked out of 1 bar for life and another for a year.
This was progressive, over the course of 6 years, and with in those 6 years I had 7 months sober and then 11 months sober
No good can come out of alcohol for me, there is no better high or rush than life, a sober life.
If I had written that, the obvious would be to stop drinking and pot as the negative affects on life are just beginning.
I strive to be a good human, one that doesn't harm myself or others and keeping my career is a good driving force as well.
Seems as though there is a toxicity having continued a relationship with alcohol and it progressively gets worse.
I am not you, though.
I was evil when I would drink, some of the time. I'd blackout and not remember who I hurt.
I also totalled a car, drove it right into a pond, no dui as I left the scene, no tickets either
I did get a dui 3 months after I totalled my brand new car- progression, stupidity, arrogance, the list here is ensless
I "assaulted" a bartender, I use the term very lose as that's what they wanted to charge me with, however the judge laughed at me for being there. She wanted to see the weapon... It was a grenadine bottle, plastic that I poured onto the bartender and he then poured the bottle on my head.. - very very expensive evening.
Speaking of expenses
Dui : $3000
Totalled car: $500 deductible
Cab rides: $400 for 1 night
The "assault" : $1000, includes the lawyer fee for it to be removed from my record
Hotel rooms
The loose cash at the bar, the coke id buy to continue the partythe numerous hangovers at work or home
I've been kicked out of 1 bar for life and another for a year.
This was progressive, over the course of 6 years, and with in those 6 years I had 7 months sober and then 11 months sober
No good can come out of alcohol for me, there is no better high or rush than life, a sober life.
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