Why am i a monster when i drink?
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Hi and welcome VerySadandHurt 
This is a 2010 thread so the original poster may not still be around.
I'm sorry for what brings you here though.
All I can tell you is the more years I drank the more different from the real me I became. I think maybe it's just another part of the progression of alcoholism.
I'm sorry but I don't think any change for the better is possible while we are still drinking.
I hope like I did your ex has a moment of clarity & seeks to repair himself and his life.
As for yourself, you'll find a lot of support and understanding here
D
This is a 2010 thread so the original poster may not still be around.
I'm sorry for what brings you here though.
All I can tell you is the more years I drank the more different from the real me I became. I think maybe it's just another part of the progression of alcoholism.
I'm sorry but I don't think any change for the better is possible while we are still drinking.
I hope like I did your ex has a moment of clarity & seeks to repair himself and his life.
As for yourself, you'll find a lot of support and understanding here
D
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Join Date: Oct 2017
Location: Minnesota, USA
Posts: 1,469
Originally Posted by Dee74 
Hi and welcome VerySadandHurt
This is a 2010 thread so the original poster may not still be around.
I'm sorry for what brings you here though.
All I can tell you is the more years I drank the more different from the real me I became. I think maybe it's just another part of the progression of alcoholism.
I'm sorry but I don't think any change for the better is possible while we are still drinking.
I hope like I did your ex has a moment of clarity & seeks to repair himself and his life.
As for yourself, you'll find a lot of support and understanding here
D
This is a 2010 thread so the original poster may not still be around.
I'm sorry for what brings you here though.
All I can tell you is the more years I drank the more different from the real me I became. I think maybe it's just another part of the progression of alcoholism.
I'm sorry but I don't think any change for the better is possible while we are still drinking.
I hope like I did your ex has a moment of clarity & seeks to repair himself and his life.
As for yourself, you'll find a lot of support and understanding here
D
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 17
Thank you..:)
I know the post was old but I was hoping someone would notice and reply. This has been a real struggle to understand the depths of addiction. I have never been around an addict so it’s difficult for me to comprehend. That someone can go from an amazing person to a monster almost over night. One minute he loves me and then when alcohol take over there is nothing behind his eyes and he no longer loves me. It’s mind boggling and I wonder if as long as he’s drinking will he continue to feel nothing for me? Will he continue to push me away and never speak to me again? Is alcohol that powerful that they chose liquor over love and convince themselves that they no longer care about someone??? It’s crazy!
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Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 17
Thank you..:)
Originally Posted by Dee74
Hi and welcome VerySadandHurt
This is a 2010 thread so the original poster may not still be around.
I'm sorry for what brings you here though.
All I can tell you is the more years I drank the more different from the real me I became. I think maybe it's just another part of the progression of alcoholism.
I'm sorry but I don't think any change for the better is possible while we are still drinking.
I hope like I did your ex has a moment of clarity & seeks to repair himself and his life.
As for yourself, you'll find a lot of support and understanding here
D
This is a 2010 thread so the original poster may not still be around.
I'm sorry for what brings you here though.
All I can tell you is the more years I drank the more different from the real me I became. I think maybe it's just another part of the progression of alcoholism.
I'm sorry but I don't think any change for the better is possible while we are still drinking.
I hope like I did your ex has a moment of clarity & seeks to repair himself and his life.
As for yourself, you'll find a lot of support and understanding here
D
I replied to the thread below. Still trying to wrap myself around this site.....
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
Hi VerySadandHurt
Until I stopped drinking I was all over the place with emotions and behaviour.
I even resented people sometimes for 'getting in the way' of me having a 'good time'...and then grew fearful when I was sobering up that I'd lost them.
Maybe your ex is this way too.
If he's like me, it's hard to make a commitment to a relationship until you break off the relationship you're having with alcohol.
Its hard to understand because it's illogical. Who would choose a bottle over a girlfriend? who would be mean to the person they profess to love?
I think if you've left him, you did so for good reasons.
I hope you keep moving fwd - I think you deserve better and I hope you find it
D
Until I stopped drinking I was all over the place with emotions and behaviour.
I even resented people sometimes for 'getting in the way' of me having a 'good time'...and then grew fearful when I was sobering up that I'd lost them.
Maybe your ex is this way too.
If he's like me, it's hard to make a commitment to a relationship until you break off the relationship you're having with alcohol.
Its hard to understand because it's illogical. Who would choose a bottle over a girlfriend? who would be mean to the person they profess to love?
I think if you've left him, you did so for good reasons.
I hope you keep moving fwd - I think you deserve better and I hope you find it
D
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
There's no real answer to why we behave as we do when we're drunk.
Thankfully there is a way to stop it happening ever again though, so it doesn't need to be an ongoing problem. Don't take the first drink. Commit one day at a time to this simple solution and you never need to turn into that person ever again.
Step 1? Well in AA that would be along the lines of recognising all the ways that alcohol makes life unmanageable. Perhaps you could do a list of how alcohol has affected your life in different areas: financial; relationships; integrity and show you think of yourself; health (mental and physical); liberty (have you broken the law, risking losing this, or perhaps did lose it in some way); career; etc.
Maybe you could look up the AA meetings local to you and go along for some support. There will be others there who've walked this path ahead of you, and are happy to help you navigate it.
BB
Thankfully there is a way to stop it happening ever again though, so it doesn't need to be an ongoing problem. Don't take the first drink. Commit one day at a time to this simple solution and you never need to turn into that person ever again.
Step 1? Well in AA that would be along the lines of recognising all the ways that alcohol makes life unmanageable. Perhaps you could do a list of how alcohol has affected your life in different areas: financial; relationships; integrity and show you think of yourself; health (mental and physical); liberty (have you broken the law, risking losing this, or perhaps did lose it in some way); career; etc.
Maybe you could look up the AA meetings local to you and go along for some support. There will be others there who've walked this path ahead of you, and are happy to help you navigate it.
BB
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Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
VerySadandHurt
if you make your own thread I think you'll get more responses.
People can get into the habit of replying to the top post and don't always scroll down and see newer posts have bumped the thread
D
if you make your own thread I think you'll get more responses.
People can get into the habit of replying to the top post and don't always scroll down and see newer posts have bumped the thread
D
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Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 17
Thank you..:)
Good morning D,
How do I make my own thread? Thank you for taking the time to answer me....it’s so hard to understand. He went from super amazing never wanting to lose me when he wasn’t drinking as much to a couple kpkete monster not even caring whether or not he loses me. I don’t know if I’ll ever hear from him again. This occurred when he was drinking all the time. He became angry like I did something horrible to him or like I was a stranger on the street. It’s so hard to understand as a non drinker.
Thank you,
K
D[/QUOTE]
How do I make my own thread? Thank you for taking the time to answer me....it’s so hard to understand. He went from super amazing never wanting to lose me when he wasn’t drinking as much to a couple kpkete monster not even caring whether or not he loses me. I don’t know if I’ll ever hear from him again. This occurred when he was drinking all the time. He became angry like I did something horrible to him or like I was a stranger on the street. It’s so hard to understand as a non drinker.
Thank you,
K
D[/QUOTE]
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Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: California
Posts: 1,428
Hi VerySadandHurt. I would also suggest posting to the Friends and Family forum. Scroll down in forum list and you will find it.I'm sure Dee or someone will come along and explain how to make a new thread. I've not been able to figure that out since I got a new phone
Speaking from the alcoholic point of view the answer is yes, he will always be the same person with the dead eyes when he drinks. Will probably get worse, certainly not better, as long as he drinks. I hope you are able to put your life and sanity first.
Please take care of you
xoxo
Speaking from the alcoholic point of view the answer is yes, he will always be the same person with the dead eyes when he drinks. Will probably get worse, certainly not better, as long as he drinks. I hope you are able to put your life and sanity first.
Please take care of you
xoxo
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Originally Posted by VerySadandHurt
I know the post was old but I was hoping someone would notice and reply. This has been a real struggle to understand the depths of addiction. I have never been around an addict so it’s difficult for me to comprehend. That someone can go from an amazing person to a monster almost over night. One minute he loves me and then when alcohol take over there is nothing behind his eyes and he no longer loves me. It’s mind boggling and I wonder if as long as he’s drinking will he continue to feel nothing for me? Will he continue to push me away and never speak to me again? Is alcohol that powerful that they chose liquor over love and convince themselves that they no longer care about someone??? It’s crazy!
Here is the fellow who has been puzzling you, especially in his lack of control. He does absurd, incredible, tragic things while drinking. He is a real Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. He is seldom mildly intoxicated. He is always more or less insanely drunk. His disposition while drinking resembles his normal nature but little. He may be one of the finest fellows in the world. Yet let him drink for a day, and he frequently becomes disgustingly, and even dangerously anti-social. He has a positive genius for getting tight at exactly the wrong moment, particularly when some important decision must be made or engagement kept. He is often perfectly sensible and well balanced concerning everything except liquor, but in that respect he is incredibly dishonest and selfish. He often possesses special abilities, skills, and aptitudes, and has a promising career ahead of him. He uses his gifts to build up a bright outlook for his family and himself, and then pulls the structure down on his head by a senseless series of sprees. He is the fellow who goes to bed so intoxicated he ought to sleep the clock around. Yet early next
morning he searches madly for the bottle he misplaced the night before. If he can afford it, he may have liquor concealed all over his house to be certain no one gets his entire supply away from him to throw down the wastepipe. As matters grow worse, he begins to use a combination of high-powered sedative and liquor to quiet his nerves so he can go to work. Then comes the day when he simply cannot make it and gets drunk all over again. Perhaps he goes to a doctor who gives him morphine or some sedative with which to taper off. Then he begins to appear at hospitals and sanitariums.
This is by no means a comprehensive picture of the true alcoholic, as our behavior patterns vary. But this description should identify him roughly.
Why does he behave like this? If hundreds of experiences have shown him that one drink means another debacle with all its attendant suffering and humiliation, why is it he takes that one drink? Why can't he stay on the water wagon? What has become of the common sense and will power that he still sometimes displays with respect to other matters?
Perhaps there never will be a full answer to these questions. Opinions vary considerably as to why the alcoholic reacts differently from normal people. We are not sure why, once a certain point is reached, little can be done for him. We cannot answer the riddle.
__________________________________________________ __________________________
i went pretty deep into alcoholism and the only way i can explain why i acted like i did was
because im an alcoholic and thats one of possible consequences of active alcoholism.
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Join Date: Jan 2018
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Grateful!.:)
Thank you to the both of you for replying. I’ll never forget the blankness, and nothing look in his eye. Furthermore the things he said to me. It’s like PTSD in my mind. No one has ever treated me like that! What hurts the most is that I was so good to him and would have stood by him. I know I can’t fix him. He needs to recognize it himself.
He is pretty much what you describe aside from drinking in the morningnorior to work. He also usually just drinks beer. He will wake up in the morning, go to work and once he gets home that’s when he drinks until he goes to bed. He gets home around 1:45-2pm and goes to bed around 9:30 because he gets up early. I know it is a cycle and although he’s no loaded when he goes to work I’m sure it’s still in his system in some degree. Is this enough to completely change someone?
He is pretty much what you describe aside from drinking in the morningnorior to work. He also usually just drinks beer. He will wake up in the morning, go to work and once he gets home that’s when he drinks until he goes to bed. He gets home around 1:45-2pm and goes to bed around 9:30 because he gets up early. I know it is a cycle and although he’s no loaded when he goes to work I’m sure it’s still in his system in some degree. Is this enough to completely change someone?
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Originally Posted by VerySadandHurt
I know the post was old but I was hoping someone would notice and reply. This has been a real struggle to understand the depths of addiction. I have never been around an addict so it’s difficult for me to comprehend. That someone can go from an amazing person to a monster almost over night. One minute he loves me and then when alcohol take over there is nothing behind his eyes and he no longer loves me. It’s mind boggling and I wonder if as long as he’s drinking will he continue to feel nothing for me? Will he continue to push me away and never speak to me again? Is alcohol that powerful that they chose liquor over love and convince themselves that they no longer care about someone??? It’s crazy!
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Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 17
Clarity
Thank you for your reply and thank you to everyone for helping my try to understand the alcoholics side. I really do want to understand.
Are you saying that his bottle will make him say things he would have normally never say? Act like he hates me? Tell me he no longer loves me and that he wouldn’t care if he’d ever speak to me again? Would it make him actually push me out of his life completely with no care of the consequences? The irony this other personality came out when he finally admitted the depth of his addiction and when he started drinking almost every day. That’s when everything changed. He wasn’t like this when he drank occasionally to hide it....periodically I did see some questionable behaviour when I was present when he was drunk but no where near the extent I’ve recently seen....
Is there ever moments of clarity when he realizes what he’s said and done to me? Is he capable of feeling bad about it? He said he never thinks about me....he has said some really mean things.....and he said he knows it happened quickly. He went from loving me to nothing almost over night. It’s so hard to understand!
Are you saying that his bottle will make him say things he would have normally never say? Act like he hates me? Tell me he no longer loves me and that he wouldn’t care if he’d ever speak to me again? Would it make him actually push me out of his life completely with no care of the consequences? The irony this other personality came out when he finally admitted the depth of his addiction and when he started drinking almost every day. That’s when everything changed. He wasn’t like this when he drank occasionally to hide it....periodically I did see some questionable behaviour when I was present when he was drunk but no where near the extent I’ve recently seen....
Is there ever moments of clarity when he realizes what he’s said and done to me? Is he capable of feeling bad about it? He said he never thinks about me....he has said some really mean things.....and he said he knows it happened quickly. He went from loving me to nothing almost over night. It’s so hard to understand!
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Join Date: Dec 2014
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Originally Posted by VerySadandHurt
Thank you for your reply and thank you to everyone for helping my try to und Rostand the alcoholics side. I really do want to understand.
Are you saying that his bottle will make him say things he would have normally never say? Act like he hates me? Tell me he no longer loves me and that he wouldn’t care if he’d ever speak to me again? Would it make him actually push me out of his life completely with no care of the consequences? The irony this other personality came out when he finally admitted the depth of his addiction and when he started drinking almost every day. That’s when everything changed. He wasn’t like this when he drank occasionally to hide it....periodically I did see some uestionable behaviour when I was present when he was drunk but no where near the extent I’ve recently seen....
Are you saying that his bottle will make him say things he would have normally never say? Act like he hates me? Tell me he no longer loves me and that he wouldn’t care if he’d ever speak to me again? Would it make him actually push me out of his life completely with no care of the consequences? The irony this other personality came out when he finally admitted the depth of his addiction and when he started drinking almost every day. That’s when everything changed. He wasn’t like this when he drank occasionally to hide it....periodically I did see some uestionable behaviour when I was present when he was drunk but no where near the extent I’ve recently seen....
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Join Date: Jan 2018
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Thank you..:)
Originally Posted by DontRemember
I can only speak from what I've seen it do to relationships. When I got sober my Agf(now ex) would intentionally(although drunk) start fights and say nasty things,so I would leave for the night and she could continue drinking. Then the 'sorry I don't remember a thing' texts/calls the following morning would come in. Rinse and repeat 4-5 times/wk until I ended it. We still have some mutual friends and from what I gather she's dating someone new and starting the same stuff with him now. The old saying "It's not you,it's me." Is 100% true with an addict. Best to cut your loses and get on with a healthy,positive life.
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Originally Posted by VerySadandHurt
Did she ever recognize or admit what she did to you? Did she ever apologize for what she did to you? Or are the incapable of realizing or recognizing their actions??
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Originally Posted by VerySadandHurt
Did she ever recognize or admit what she did to you? Did she ever apologize for what she did to you? Or are the incapable of realizing or recognizing their actions??
i got sober as a result of a rip snorting blackout drunk- one that left my (by then ex- i just hadnt been informed yet) fiance in tears the next morning and telling me some of what i did and said the day/night before.
then tossing me to the curb.
that wasnt the first time i had that drunk. i had done it before and had my fiance tell me some of what i had done and said the night before. i did it so many times that when i did the ,"im sorry" thing, she replied with, "youre ******* right youre sorry."
im sorry and i promise and i apologize didnt cut it. i kept repeating the same actions over and over.
what did,after i got sober, was change; learning why i was who i was and changing me and the way i am.i was then able to make amends.
which is completely different then apologizing and im sorrying.
making amends is going to her( and everyone else i had to make amends with/to), saying where i was in the wrong, why i was in the wrong, and what ive done to change and correct my behavior.
i will add that in active alcoholism, there were many,many instances i wouldnt accept responsibility for my part in things. denial sucks.
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to add, i had been in relationships before that one. im thoroughly convinced that any woman i was in a relationship with was toss me to the curb.
i was only going to drag them down with me so long as they allowed it.
i was only going to drag them down with me so long as they allowed it.
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Thank you..:)
Originally Posted by tomsteve
to add, i had been in relationships before that one. im thoroughly convinced that any woman i was in a relationship with was toss me to the curb.
i was only going to drag them down with me so long as they allowed it.
i was only going to drag them down with me so long as they allowed it.
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I have the same problem. It led me to hate myself. Now that I'm sober I am back to liking myself again.
I think it is important to remember that like any drug alcohol affects different people in different ways. Some people alcohol it brings out the best and some people it brings out the worst.
There is a saying that a drunk person is the 'real you.' Don't believe that bs.. It is not the real you. It is you under the influence of a drug. The real you is the sober you.
I think it is important to remember that like any drug alcohol affects different people in different ways. Some people alcohol it brings out the best and some people it brings out the worst.
There is a saying that a drunk person is the 'real you.' Don't believe that bs.. It is not the real you. It is you under the influence of a drug. The real you is the sober you.
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