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So stressed, need support

Old 09-02-2010, 06:30 PM
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So stressed, need support

I am not sure where is the best place to post this, but I will start here as I am 12 days sober and having trouble due to the situation.

I spent all day in the ER with my mom yesterday because she is dizzy and falling down and just basically stoned since her idiot Dr gave her Klonopin. She sees the Dr for the last 30 years because he will simply write presciptions for EVERTHING. Been arguing with her for years over this. She is now 67 and taking Klonopin (after the Xanax quit working), Vicoden, Darvocet, Ambien and is diabetic. She is as much an addict as I am and my father was with the alcohol, but because it was legally prescibed, it is very difficult to get this issue treated.

Basically this has been an issue for my whole life with my mom, but now that she is 67 it is becoming dangerous and impossible to ignore. Being an addict as well, I am much more aware, my brothers and sister are more judgemental and willing to deny the problem. I have been trying to get them to listen to me when he put her on Klonopin which I know is a really dangerous drug. My mother does not suffer from anxiety as much as depression, but this Dr doesn't ask questions, just writes scripts. She got the Vicoden from the Gastro Dr??

The ER personnel were nice until I listed the meds (which my mom was very upset with me about) and then they got a little judgmental. They referred us to a detox center and we convinnced mom to go, but when we got there they did not seem to think she would meet the medical criteria for insurance coverage because she was taking these meds "as directed". Unless we were able to come up with over $3000 to secure her a bed in case the insurance denied, they would not admit her.

Wound up taking her home and having to spend the night. She is so mad at my sister and me and lied to everyone about what she took and how long and how often. I have dealt with her issues for years, my brothers have been spared so they are all surprised and do not understand my lack of patience and my frustration at this situation. My sister is helping, but even she thinks mom is not lying on purpose, she just does not know better. BS, she is a manipulative addict I have recognized for years. Yes she is confused, but she is so used to hiding this and lying it is second nature.

Today my sister found a detox in Miami and we are working on getting her there Monday. My sister is leaving and this is all going to fall on me to handle. It looks like a great place and we need help because mom has a lot of health issues and detox will not be safe without medical help. It will be a long hard weekend for me though, because she is trying to find ANY excuse not to go and is just picking fights. I am trying to be as patient as I can, but my mom and I have never really been warm and fuzzy. She has always been needy and content to be a victim and happy to have her children take care of her and it has always fallen mostly on me to do so. I am sick of it and out of sympathy. I am determined to get her admitted Monday and not let my brothers criticism or anything else ruin my 12 days, but I am so tired and stressed and sad that is has to come to crisis mode when I have been trying to tell them for a long time that mom is just as much of an addict as my alcoholic father was when he collapsed and almost died.
I have managed pharmacies for years and although we never dealt with controlled drugs, a huge red flag went up when I found out about the Klonopin. I asked her why he prescribed it and she said the Xanax did not work.
I just need to get through this and get her into a safe place and the recoup and go forward from there. She need new drs and there will be so much to have to deal with even if we get her off the benzos. Gonna look for an Alanon or support group even though I do not go to AA for myself. I feel like some support and understanding dealing with addicted parents will go a long way to help me not pick up.
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Old 09-02-2010, 06:42 PM
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Hi,

That sounds like a difficult situation. Does your mother want help and does she want to get better? I hope so, but you know how difficult recovery is, and you need to really want it work.

I think it's good that you are planning to go to AlAnon and get support for yourself.
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Old 09-02-2010, 06:43 PM
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Prayers for you and your mom Mel.
I think some support like alanon - and the FF forums here, as well as us - would be good for you right now.

D

Last edited by Dee74; 09-02-2010 at 07:31 PM. Reason: type o
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Old 09-02-2010, 07:03 PM
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Wow Mel, tough situation! I'm glad you seem to have a plan to start managing your mothers health more closely. As much as it sucks that your siblings aren't doing their fair share, you are doing a great job with this so far. But I have to say TAKE CARE OF YOU FIRST! Make sure nothing that has to do with your mom compromises your own sobriety! I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers!
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Old 09-02-2010, 07:09 PM
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Thanks Anna and Dee, unforunately, my mother does not even want to admit she has a problem and has always enjoyed playing the victim. If she actually gets better she feels she will lose the attention. It is almost like Muchasen's (sp) syndrome or at least major case of hypochondria. She does have real health issues, but has made them worse by not actually taking care of herself and popping pills. Also found out that while I was at college, the "back clinic" she went to was actually a rehab facility due to percocet addiction. WOW, that would have been nice to know.

Doing Ok right now, came home to give the puppy and I some down time to wind down. I cannot watch her 24/7 and just have to pray to make it until Monday and that she will go. She keeps telling me what a bossy bitch I am being, but if that is what it takes to get help that is Ok with me.

Could really use some support dealing with geriatric drug abuse. I have already figured out from the detox place last night that it is not a common situation. is Alanon a good place to start? Should have gone when dad collapsed, but again he was 68 yo and people seem to have a different reaction when dealing with the elderly and substance abuse.
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Old 09-02-2010, 07:16 PM
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Thanks Julez. My brothers and sister are not purposely shirking, they just are of the same mentality I keep running across, that it is was legally prescibed so it is difficult for them to understand the severity and dangers of addiction to these pills. Also my mother treats us differently so my brothers are not accustomed to the depressed negative personality I get. My mother and I have never been close, but she relies on me more than them so I am the best person to get her in to detox because in all honesty I can be a bitch and do not fall victim to her drama and crying.
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Old 09-02-2010, 07:31 PM
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Mel - I'm so sorry you're having to deal with all this (and newly sober, too). The good news, though, is that you ARE sober and therefore in a position to be helpful. I admire your courage to stand up and try to help her make changes.

I saw this the other day in an article:
Recent census data estimates that nearly 35 million people in the United States are 65 years or older. Substance abuse among those 60 years and older (including misuse of prescription drugs) currently affects about 17 percent of this population. By 2020, the number of older adults with substance abuse problems is expected to double.
I hope your mother is willing to go to treatment. If she can get through detox, she may begin to see that the pills have been hurting her more than helping her. I think I might talk to her doctor(s) too, if it were me.

I hope things work out, Mel. Prayers and hugs.......:ghug3
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Old 09-02-2010, 07:34 PM
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I've never been to al anon but I get good reports

I know the Family and Friends forums here are great.
D
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Old 09-02-2010, 07:47 PM
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Thanks everyone, I have done so much reading and research on alcohol abuse, I know have a new subject to read about. I am in new territory with the Rx meds and geriatric addiction.
As for talking to her DR, he was rude, arrogant and absolutely unwilling to hear me out on her stomach issue alone, much less her drug dependence. He is done, I am going to find her new docs and basically threaten to sue this one if he ever sees my mom again. Already told her this too, sometimes being a bitch works. As far as his other patients?? I truly believe in Karma and what goes arounds comes around, but I have not ruled out written complaints. Too angry, tired to act on that now, need to really think it through although I feel he is very dangerous in the way he practices medicine. He is actually an endocronologist who does not even control her diabetes. He has no business prescribing Darvocet and Klonopin.
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Old 09-02-2010, 08:49 PM
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Sad to say, but there are big differences in the quality of care doctors provide. I just had a thought reading your post: Why not write down the times you've talked to doctors/treatment centers/whatever, and make a record of things they've said and done. If something comes up in the future, you'll have that to refer to.

Remember to take care of yourself (and your sobriety) first. Try to get some time to rest and find something relaxing to do that will take your mind off of this each day.
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Old 09-02-2010, 09:38 PM
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Good advice, puppy sound asleep and I am sleepy myself finally. Wow, whole new issue to research for me. Everything happens for a reason, maybe I can learn how prevalent this type of situation this is and eventually help others. I find if I keep busy and productive I want to drink less. Got lots of work to do so gonna get some sleep. Thanks for all the support and advice.
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Old 09-03-2010, 08:43 AM
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You sound like you are in a better place mentally Mel. I'm so glad to hear it. Get some rest, and get ready to tackle the next issue! You rock!!
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Old 09-03-2010, 09:09 AM
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your mom should be seeing her endocrinologist to manage her diabetes. and if you are certain he is abusing his prescribing privileges you might wish to pursue bringing this to light by contacting the licensing? board of your state and filing a complaint.

You are the patient's advocate and have every right to question her medications. A 2nd opinion from a different doctor will go a long way in proving your point.

Her Endocrinologist should NOT be *arrogant* with a concerned family member, he should be willing to conference with the family and explain your mother's medical records and his reasons for prescribing a controlled substance ongoing for her.

BTW, it is your mother's RIGHT to obtain copies of her medical records, they should not try to withhold information from her/you. But she will have to authorize you as her agent /guardian if you do not have medical POA.
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Old 09-03-2010, 11:05 AM
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Fandy, her endocronologist is the one writing the scripts and he treats her diabetes based on only a reading in his office once a month. I am planning on getting her new one and we will have them request the records. My mother is fighting this so she is not real helpful and I do not want to make things worse right now. Once we get her to detox, I will deal with the doctor.

We have a facility to take her on Monday, until then I am being very careful not to engage in her arguments. She is at the stage of telling me what she is and absolutely is NOT going to do. She does not want us to have the records because she is lying about how much and how long he has been giving her these pills.
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Old 09-03-2010, 11:34 AM
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Mel,

I don't have much in the way of suggestions, but I wanted to give you a word of encouragement and support. I think you are handling this courageously.
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Old 09-03-2010, 12:09 PM
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thanks LC, all is quiet for now so I am researching and relaxing this afternoon with the puppy. One step at a time.
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Old 09-03-2010, 04:39 PM
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OMG mom is being a real pistol tonight. She is just beligerant, it is going to be a long weekend for me. Gonna copy and paste to friends and family section for advice. The closer she gets to going to detox, the more defensive and argumenative she gets. Anyone with experience with Benzo/Klonopin withdrawal??
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