Venting..subtley of triggers
seeking recovery
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: NSW
Posts: 171
Venting..subtley of triggers
Dear SR friends,
Today is 69 days sober for me..the longest I have gone since picking up a drink again nearly 3 years ago after 4 years "dry"I am another to confirm that alcoholism is truely progressive as it has been a struggle to get this far and I am determined to do anything to stay sober..even face AA again,(have ambivalence).
Alcohol put me into the pit of depression/anxiety/despair/craziness/wieght gain..and only lately have found out that I have very high liver enzymes (GGT-208)-fatty liver-just from the cycle of binge drinking "only" 1- 1& half bottles each time. Despite the fact that I am slowly recovering from these health issues and starting to feel much better.. the "great deceiver" alcohol still forgets these things when faced with triggers..such as this week my counsellor told me that some people can drink normally again.. I started obsessing might that be ME? Also ventured out for 1st time dinner out around booze last night, my friend said when my health issues resolved..looking forward to relaxing again with a drink! immediately thought YES!..so scary considering where the booze has taken me and the effort it has been to get this far! I am such a people pleaser
I pray constantly for willingness,surrender,come to these boards..I have learnt so much here..thankyou everyone..am truly grateful.
All my liver enzymes are way up(others in 100's) how long does it take for the liver to recover? (I know our uniqueness makes us all variable).
Any tips on how you cope with alc voice?..as it really is like a demon with a life of its own!!!
If you got this far,thankyou for reading my post..
yours in sobriety
Julia
Today is 69 days sober for me..the longest I have gone since picking up a drink again nearly 3 years ago after 4 years "dry"I am another to confirm that alcoholism is truely progressive as it has been a struggle to get this far and I am determined to do anything to stay sober..even face AA again,(have ambivalence).
Alcohol put me into the pit of depression/anxiety/despair/craziness/wieght gain..and only lately have found out that I have very high liver enzymes (GGT-208)-fatty liver-just from the cycle of binge drinking "only" 1- 1& half bottles each time. Despite the fact that I am slowly recovering from these health issues and starting to feel much better.. the "great deceiver" alcohol still forgets these things when faced with triggers..such as this week my counsellor told me that some people can drink normally again.. I started obsessing might that be ME? Also ventured out for 1st time dinner out around booze last night, my friend said when my health issues resolved..looking forward to relaxing again with a drink! immediately thought YES!..so scary considering where the booze has taken me and the effort it has been to get this far! I am such a people pleaser
I pray constantly for willingness,surrender,come to these boards..I have learnt so much here..thankyou everyone..am truly grateful.
All my liver enzymes are way up(others in 100's) how long does it take for the liver to recover? (I know our uniqueness makes us all variable).
Any tips on how you cope with alc voice?..as it really is like a demon with a life of its own!!!
If you got this far,thankyou for reading my post..
yours in sobriety
Julia
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,372
this week my counsellor told me that some people can drink normally again.. I started obsessing might that be ME?
Go read some of your old posts. I do that whenever I get the insane idea I might be ok now.
There may be folks who've drunk alcoholically and can drink normally again - but I've ever met one here and I think it's a pretty irresponsible thing for someone to suggest. I don't believe it, myself.
I know for a fact I am not in that class...and I'd lay down a pretty hefty bet you're not either.
D
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,759
The only sure fire way to avoid all the problems related to alcohol is to stay sober. Eliminates a lot of risk and no more 'morning sickness'.
I hope you don't fall back into the trap. You know it only leads to trouble and I pray you don't fall for the lies.
Congrats on your sober time! Keep adding to it.
I hope you don't fall back into the trap. You know it only leads to trouble and I pray you don't fall for the lies.
Congrats on your sober time! Keep adding to it.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 207
Hi Julia - I struggle with exactly what you have been discussing. I had liver enzyme tests and all was OK. I know I need to be sober for awhile but my greatest worry with all this is that I will get drawn into the "moderation test". Every time I am sober I want to test out whether I can again (or ever) drink "normally". I can't tell you the times I have tried, gone with only 2 glasses of wine for one night out but 100 percent I would drink again that week and then more than 2 glasses of wine and then within a week I'd be back to a bottle a night every night.
So I am now at 2 weeks and feeling great. However, I still am not totally sure I won't get drawn back into trying again to be a normal drinker. But this time I realize that moderation has NEVER worked for me so why do I think it ever will - and it doesn't work for most - and that I can't do this alone. This is what is different this time - plus I am giving AA a try. So I hope I can get past the urge to test myself. This will be my biggest struggle and will happen probabally after 2 months sobrity. I just hope I will have the strength to trust that moderation most likely is not an option for me - a very very difficult throught to accept and live for the rest of my life.
So I am now at 2 weeks and feeling great. However, I still am not totally sure I won't get drawn back into trying again to be a normal drinker. But this time I realize that moderation has NEVER worked for me so why do I think it ever will - and it doesn't work for most - and that I can't do this alone. This is what is different this time - plus I am giving AA a try. So I hope I can get past the urge to test myself. This will be my biggest struggle and will happen probabally after 2 months sobrity. I just hope I will have the strength to trust that moderation most likely is not an option for me - a very very difficult throught to accept and live for the rest of my life.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Ever wonder when and why drinking a chemically toxic
liquid was considered to be desirable or normal?
Millions of humans don't drink alcohol for various reasons
sooo....are they not "normal"?
Ah well.....color me abnormal...
Alcohol has no place in my life...
it's a non issue ..I'm a non drinker
Wishing everyone the freedom and joy of recovery....
Well done Rose.....
liquid was considered to be desirable or normal?
Millions of humans don't drink alcohol for various reasons
sooo....are they not "normal"?
Ah well.....color me abnormal...
Alcohol has no place in my life...
it's a non issue ..I'm a non drinker
Wishing everyone the freedom and joy of recovery....
Well done Rose.....
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