Aurora80

I messed up big time. This is serious. The consequences of my actions are overwhelming. I knew if I kept going Something Bad would happen eventually. I'm DONE with all of it. No more drinking, not. one. drop. No more drugs.

God help me. Please please, to those of you who pray, pray for me.

suki44883

So sorry you got yourself in trouble because of drinking/drugging. What is your plan to stay sober?

julez

Oh Aurora what's happened? I will pray that you can overcome your addiction and find your way. hugs

ItWillBeWorthIt

Hi Aurora:

Just so sorry for you serious situation, you didn't mention details, but I would think it involved drinking too much. Just know if you want to talk about it this is the place you may feel comfortable in doing so.

You have my prayers, hugs, and positive thoughts coming your way.

Don't beat yourself up, it sounds like you are committed not to touch a drop... so keep that thought. You will win this war on drinking Aurora.

Take very good care of yourself.

LexieCat

OK, Aurora,

Maybe this is just what you needed. These "horrible things" CAN be the turning point, where we get whole new lives.

You are in my prayers.

stephnc

I will definitely pray for you, Aurora. No matter what you've done, how horrible the consequences are, or how you feel about them, there are certainly people on this board who have done worse. And lived to tell about it, and tell how life went on anyways. You're still alive, and you want to be sober and clean...and that's huge! Hang in there...

Suzie12

Am praying as well Auro :ghug3

DayTrader

You've got that right! The worst thing that ever happened in my life turned out to be the beginning of the best thing that ever happened to me.

I know all to well Aurora that it's dam near impossible to look at it that way......for now.......but every recovered alkie I know eventually got to the point where the pain was more than they could bear so they set out on a new course of action and a new way of living their life. Make this the turning point.... the bottom of the fall.....and start moving up again.

Anna

I hope things turn out well for you, Aurora.

lildawg

Aurora, so you messed up. You certainly can't take it back. The thing to do is clean out the wreckage and figure out where you want to go from here.

You can keep on using and wait for the next thing to happen. Believe me, it always does if you keep using. Or . . . you can do whatever you need to do to quit. It sounds tough, but most big choices in life are.

The best I can tell you is that we're here for you. I know you have a hard time making face-to-face AA meetings. Whatever you do is going to take some figuring out. Nobody can do that but you.

Remember: Everything worth having is a huge sacrifice.

Best to you.

Aysha

I know how you feel.
Just going through that myself.

It sux, but learn and now make a plan.

You can get past this and anything as long as you stay clean and sober and DO something about it.

Aurora80

I'm going to focus on my spirituality. I'm going to pray every day. I'm going to try and get to whatever meetings I can when I can, even if it's not many. I'm going to come here more often. I'm going to actually finish reading the self help book I bought and try to apply what I learn from it to my life. I'm going to pray. I'm going to depend on God.

I guess that's all I really know to do. I am done. I feel like I will never get past this one. It's very very stressful. I spent alot of money that should not have been spent. Like bill money. I don't want to get in to the details because I just can't deal with refuting advice not practical to my situation, however well meaning.

This morning I BEGGED God to let me die. I am in utter anguish. I will never again judge those who take their own lives after feeling this way.

firestorm090

The losses are the hardest, lost monies, friendships, relationships, self-esteem, self-worht, it's all just too much some times. I've been there and know the absolute pain it causes in our lives. I too have asked God to just take me, because I felt if this was life, you can have it back, I didn't want it anymore. But you know what? That's not life, that's addiction which is only a part of life, which when out of control, tries to destroy our lives. So the key is to deal with the addiction, be it whatever it is. Alcohol abuse will destroy everything near and dear, and the road back to living fully is hard, no doubt about that. But you can do this, whatever you did can be set straight and you can handle whatever the consequences are, because even when we feel totally beaten inside, there's still that bit of fight left which is all you need to start pulling yourself together. This group can help supply that which is missing for now, and face to face meetings will fill more of the gap, then God takes the rest.

The one thing you can do for all of those who gave up is to keep on living, to find that wee bit of courage down deep inside and pull it to the forefront so that you may recover from this tragedy and move forward with your life. The courage is there, for you came here and that takes alot of courage to do.

This too shall pass.

DayTrader

Wow can I identify! I got that feeling about 4-6 months into "not drinking" anymore. It was one of the worst experiences I'd ever had.

Dee74

Hi Aurora

I'm sorry to see you bought so low - having been there my advice is to focus on one thing and one thing only - do whatever you need to to make sure this sobriety sticks...everything else comes from that.

Action is the key - now matter how inconvenient....reading and prayer are wonderful but neither kept me sober....if I've learned anything it's that God really does help those who help themselves.

Welcome back - use the support you'll find here.
D

mariellen

Auroa , I know exactly how you feel , that was my situation almost two weeks ago, I had never , ever , in all my drinking years which are quite a few, two decades to be exact, had never been at my lowest. Finacially I screwed up big time as well. Luckily I have a husband who loves me and helped me through my lowest of lows. I too felt like I didn't want to live, that things would never change . So I looked at the family I loved, how my life was when I was sober , and what a good person the sober me was. I crawled up out of the hole into the light . I will never go back. There is so much to life Auroa , you will see that , focus on your recovery , pray, it's something I never really did, but do now every day. But most of all you have to forgive yourself , it's hard, but you have to , then the healing will begin. You are strong and you can do it, my prayers are with you. Hugs

HidLid

As long as everyone is still alive and in one piece you can fix your mistakes.

wpainterw

Aurora: I share the concern that others have expressed. You have many many friends here. Whatever you do, don't isolate. Go to meetings, seek help. Never give in. Never. We are all thinking of you. Every good wish.

W.

wpainterw

Aurora: Here is something for you that I have also posted on another thread. Perhaps it can be of some help to you at this unhappy time:


The Gate of the Year

“And I said to the man who stood at the gate of the year: ‘Give me a light that I may tread safely into the unknown.’

And he replied:‘Go out into the darkness and put your hand into the Hand of God. That shall be to you better than light and safer than a known way.’

So I went forth, and finding the Hand of God, trod gladly into the night. And He led me towards the hills and the breaking of day in the lone East.”

From a poem, popularly known as "The Gate of the Year" by Minnie Louise Haskins, published in 1908, the original title having been "God Knows", part of a collection titled “The Desert”. The poem was quoted by England’s King George VI in his 1939 Christmas broadcast to the British Empire. Hitler had invaded Poland and England had entered the war with Germany These words. engraved on brass plaques, remain fixed to the gates of the King George VI Memorial Chapel at Windsor Castle, where the King was interred. When Queen Elizabeth was also buried here in 2002, the poem was read at her state funeral.

Take care and God Bless!

W.

artsoul

oh Aurora - I hate that you're going through this right now, but I'm so glad you came here and posted. Hang onto your faith.... I know that God is there with you in the midst of the pain. Prayers going out to you, too.

Do you have anyone around you that can help support you through this? We need all the support we can get. Take things one at a time and try to remember to be patient with yourself. You can get on your feet again. People who have been totally down and out have been able to completely change their lives around.

Keep your chin up.:ghug3