PrimalScream

Hi all, I used to post a bit about a year ago I guess, not sure why I stopped...I guess, like so many others, I thought I didn't need to come here anymore. I was sure I was smarter than the drink...damn it, I was sure I was!

I was all clean and sober from last September until February. I even made it through Christmas sober (but I must say it wasn't much fun, what with all the rest of my family drinking...but that's another story). For what ever reason I decided I wanted to drink for the Canada vs US gold medal Olympic hockey game in February...I figured, what the hell, I can have a few beers for this historic game, besides the streets in Vancouver where full of sloshed revelers so it just seemed like the proper thing to do.

Of course I got hammered and of course I have been back to my old weekend binges pretty much ever since. Oh sure I will go 2 or 3 weeks without a drink and then figure I will have one or two on Friday afternoon after work...just to end up pouring out beers on Sunday evening after drinking all weekend...knowing I will be sweating in bed for the next 3 or 4 nights while detoxing...just to do it again the next Friday.

I really started to think about quitting for good again during a two week vacation I had a few weeks back. out of the two weeks I think I didn't drink for about 3 days...and one morning I woke up with 22 empty cans of beer strewn all over the place, and I was the only one I invited to the party the night before...22 beer!! That scared the **** out of me!! I had never done that before, i usually passed out around 12 or 13. Of course I got up and prayed I'd still have one or two in the fridge to take the edge off, and to my surprise there were eleven more in the fridge, I guess I really hate to run out, and of course I immediately cracked one and started working on them. yup, that was my vacation.

Anyway...after a few more mini binges I am just finishing 3 days sober...starting to feel almost human. Really starting to think seriously about quitting for good again...I am even reading this book called "The Alcoholism and Addiction Cure" it is really speaking to me. I am not 100% sure I am going to commit to quitting for good yet though, I have another week off next week and my birthday is sept 7 during that week off, I would love to make it through that week without drinking but if I was a betting man I wouldn't put down a nickel on that happening.

I know I will be sober until the weekend for sure...we'll see how it goes after that, my plan is to do a real quit after that week off...but I'm hoping maybe I will find some resolve to not drink the whole vacation...I know I would look back on it and be very proud...but I don't have much confidence I can do it at this time.

Anyway, that's me right now, sorry for the long ramble, I just really felt like dumping that out there in a place where I know everyone has been there done that.

nogard

Welcome back

Hang around

Ghostly

Hey Primal...welcome back. It's up to you to decide when you are ready to quit. Sounds like you want to be done. I hope you decide you are ready and willing to do what it takes. Nice job on the previous sober time.

Good luck with whatever you decide and keep us posted.

For some reason can't resist mentioning that I was rootin for the other hockey team. Was disappointed but got to see Kane and my Blackhawks hoist the cup a few months later so it's all good now.

Dee74

Welcome back PS

I know you a little so I'll be straight - I'm not a betting man either but if I was, I'd bet things will get worse - one day you'll have to face the same thing all of us have had to, and quit for your own good...so why not quit now?

There will always be a reason not to, PS - been there...

D

firestorm090

Wouldn't it be great to start the next year of your life sober, seems like a good start to me.

Goat

Primal! Missed you man! I imagine you gave up the motorcycle while you were drinking as well... And the bike is a dang good reason to stay sober in itself. Are you gonna get back to riding? And how goes the music?

-Goat

endzoner

HI primal and welcome back to the family .. weve missed yah .. I remember you from the september forum .
you mentioned waiting till after your Birthday and that .. but whats wrong with now and being you have time off why not take atvantage of that time and hit detox and get a new start on things ? you know we can make any day on the calander a holiday and come up with a exucuse to drink for reasons .. its so so anniv or so so birthday its so so holiday of this that the other .. the calander is full of them anyday ending in Y is a holiday .. of corse its all up to you and if you really want to be sober and have what so many of us have and thats a amazing new lifestyle we never dreamed of acheiving , so hows bout it Primal come back to the sept class ? we should would love to have ya!!
massive huggles ~ Endzy~

PrimalScream

Thanks for the kind words folks...this is truly a great place to be. Hey endzy...great to see you are still here, and yes I remember our september class well. I can't remember if I started that before or after my birthday last year? Anyway, I will join up for this septembers class for sure. Hey Goat brotha, glad to see you are still here. I did get in some biking this summer but not nearly as much as I would have liked as I was either to drunk or hungover most weekends. I actually bruised my ribs about 1 month and a half ago by stupidly deciding to workout at home one saturday when I was pretty drunk...I fell off a waist high stool doing overhead tricep extensions...fell straight down on my back, hitting my ribs on some wieghts on the way down...I was lucky all I did was bruise some ribs...but that screwed up my riding for about a month due to the fact that I couldn't even take the bike off the kickstand the ribs hurt so much. I also dropped the bike twice, in one day...due to drinking...so stupid. Musically I am still jamming with the same guitar player, we got a new awesome drummer too...we have kind of been on a bit of a sabatical the last couple months as we are all busy doing summer stuff...which is good because I have barely picked up the guitar in the last couple months due to...well you know...drinking. How are things with you? Still biking and playing? Anyway, great to hear from you guys and great to be back.

CarolD

Welcome back PS....

PrimalScream

I just wanted to give an update...I made it through my vacation and my birthday without drinking. It's been 17 days now. part of me can't believe I didn't drink my way through my week off last week, but another part of me isn't that surprised...honestly, it wasn't really that hard. I was really tired most of the week and just relaxed and rested most of the time. It's kind of weird but I'm not all that excited that I have been sober for the last two weeks or so...I guess maybe I have done it so many times that it doesn't seem like anything new. It might also be that I am always pretty tired so that takes away from the usual happiness of being sober. I have this problem where I pretty much always wake up around 3am, I usually go to the bathroom and that's it, can't get back to sleep...so I am pretty tired most of the time. I actually am pretty sure that is one of the reasons I would drink on a friday and saturday night, I always knew that when I passed out I wouldn't wake up until later in the morning....even though I had a killer hangover, there was something about sleeping for 8 or 10 hours that felt pretty good. I might be depressed, I read that people that wake up in the middle of the night and can't get back to sleep could be depressed. I am running everyday and journaling hoping that might help me with the sleep or depression, if I am depressed. Anyway, sorry if I sound a little down, I really am happy to be sober and just wanted to update this thread. I might use it as a public journal. Thanks for reading, and good luck to all of you who are working on sobriety!

CarolD

Have you had a recent medical check up?
That might be a wise idea ..especially as
you are so tired.

Please see if this link helps

Insomnia? 42 Simple Tips to Help You Get to Sleep - Insomnia treatment, cures

Belated 7

julez

Primal welcome back, and congrats on your 17 days. We are all here for ya!

eremc08

Good for you for coming back here! 3 days is a great feeling, as I'm on day 3 now. I find that life is so much better when I stopped before (for 22 days) and I'd never gone more than 2 days before that.

Things can go in the right direction for you! Believe in yourself! You've done it before and you want to do it again, so you WILL

TexasNative

The lyrics to Primal Scream come to mind, I know it's true for me...

"If you want to live life on your own terms you better be ready to crash and burn"

...ahhh the mighty Crue

Kablume

Congrats on your 17 days PS! Glad you're back. You were missed.

Dee74

Good to see you again PS

D

PrimalScream

Thanks guys, I was pretty down when I posted that last night, I actually slept from 11pm till 630 am last night...that was my longest uninterrupted sleep in, well as long as I can remember. I guess I just have a lot of issues I need to work on besides drinking, and by not drinking I can actually work on them. Thanks again for the support.
ps...Hey TexasNative, nice pick up on the song...of course thats where my screen name came from...Love the Crue, their whole image of debauchery was right up my alley when getting messed up. But now Sixx is clean and sober, if he can do it it gives me hope that I can do it.