Mcribb

Hello. I relapsed this weekend now I am really sick. Back to day 1. I just want to see if anyone here has experienced what I experienced. I was trying my hardest to have fun without alcohol, but I really couldn't. On Saturday I was like f it. I am going to go out and not worry and have fun, and I did have fun, sunday I had some vodka and man I got really sick. I am hoping to learn something from this time, but the only thing I can think of is, well maybe this what I need to happen for me to get back on the right track. Sobriety and Life in general were kicking my ass. Work, AA, meetings, I just can't seem to have any fun.

HidLid

What were you doing for fun?

bochuck

Hi I went 52 days and slipped got drunk quite a few days. i also had fun and it tasted good but...I bought a box of wine that box caused so many arguments with my husband, I looked like crap in the mornings, hated myself and the anxiety came back. I think I also got drunk faster. I came back here and on day 10 starting over. People have said to me that a lot of us have slipped but we learn so let's brush our self's off and do it again. Don't let the slip up get you down you came back to this site like I did right? well you want to quit so you are in the right place here and in your head don't you think? Welcome back

lillyknitting

I am in totally the same boat as you, relapsed Friday night after nearly five months of sobriety. Again, my mind was thinking "just a little wine wont hurt, I will be fine, just a few and I'll stop". Well, once I got the alcohol into my system I just wanted more and more and I knew I was going to get more. I was at lunch with old friends, old drinking pals that I used to get out of my head with and caused a lot of problems in my life and marriage. Well I haven't seen these guys for ages and bang back on the old vino agen. After that lunch I then proceeded to meet some more friends that I knew woulod be going for a drink after work. More wine, about two more bottles now. Then onto a friend who lives around the corner, more wine with her. Then....blackout....don't remember any more after that. Apparently we went on to two more pubs. I was then escorted into a taxi and from then on my life sped into hell on earth. The taxi driver wanted paying, for which I had no money. I did not go out with the intention of taxi home so did not budget for this; but the worse thing is I had left my keys on my friend's table and was locked out of my house good and proper. The police were even involved. My husband and family were devastated about my fall from grace, but worse still is I am now left with the feeling that will I ever be able to go out with friends again safely and soberly without this total devastation in my life. Am I truly resolved to a life sitting in on my own (my husband works nights by the way which makes it easier for me to get out and "have fun" as you so rightly put it. Things would be bearable If I could only stop half way through even, or say a bottle of wine even, like normal folk, but no I have to go on and on and on until the gates of hell. I don't know if this helps or if anyone out there has any suggestions for me. Help!!!

Mcribb

Nothing I really did was fun. I worked then when I got off work I was ususally too tired to do anything, if I did it sucked. I am crazy, I actually missed being hungover because it gave me something to do all Sunday. I am just struggling to find reasons to stay sober. Saturday night when I was drinking I did have some fun, I felt more like me. When I started AA in January I figured that some of my problems would be solved, now I feel like drinking was never my problem, I blamed everything on drinking.

Mcribb

I hate the saying "do the right thing" sometimes they throw around in AA, because to me Do the right thing was to go out and Party and see if it was still enjoyable.

LaFemme

Hello! First of all, a bottle of wine might be what "normal folk" drink but it's not what you are supposed to drink if you are a healthy drinker (although I'm not convinced that actually exists). I don't think being sober means you can never go out and have fun again, unless having fun means drinking. As long as alcohol=fun for you I would suggest avoiding pubs, and if you have to your drinking buddies.

stanleyhouse

Remember how sick you were and think what that would be like every morning. As your disease progresses alcoholism will kick your butt. You will wake up and regurgitate the first morning liquor and suffer through the next drink and maybe feel normal after the next. I went a long time when drinking was fun even though I new I was an alcoholic, than for ten it was horrible, the above lasted for a year and almost killed me.
I hope you can find peace in sobriety.
SH

keithj

I was a lot like you, Mcribb. I'd suffer some consequences and sober up for a few weeks or a few months. But life would just suck after a while. I was bored, anxious, and depressed. Or restless, irritable, and discontent in Big Book terms.

And I'd drink. And I'd keep drinking until I'd suffer some sufficient consequence. Then I'd sober up for a few weeks or a few months. And life would just suck after a while. I was...

That's my alcoholic pattern for years. Just like yours. And just like in the Dr.'s Opinion, who concluded that 'unless this person can have an entire psychic change, there is very little hope of his recovery.'

When I became convinced there was very little hope for me, I called a guy in AA who talked about a spiritual solution as the result of the 12 Steps.

He took me through those to the best of my ability. Something profound happened, not suddenly, but gradually, and I've never taken a drink since.

I stay engaged and in action, and oddly enough, life seems fun no matter what I'm doing.

Mcribb

I have studied hard about Neuro-linguistic programming and cleaned myself up. I just thought my life would change for the better once I was sober, but it seems like it hasn't. I know in the long run I want to be sober, and I will back that up with meetings and honesty. I just want some support that there is a chance that life would throw me a bone.

Anna

McRibb, I don't think it's about the alcohol.

I think the alcohol is always a symptom and that's why stopping drinking is not an end in itself. We still have the same problems.

Have you ever wondered if you might be depressed? If so, maybe you could talk to your dr about it.

I'm so glad that you came back here for support.

lillyknitting

Thanks everyone for your input. I know you are right. I absolutely loved my sobriety and love being a sober person. After Friday night what happened to me was so horrendous I never ever want to get drunk again, and I can tell you quite categorically that if that is having fun then I never ever want to go out again and I would rather be bored and stay in every night. When I am totally honest with myself all this "having fun" is just an illusion. How can there possibly be fun in getting so blasted out of my head that I don't know where I've been, blacked out, can't remember what I've said and have no idea where my house keys are and at 2.00a.m in the morning that aint fun!!!

Take care, keep posting.

Mcribb

I am depressed, I am just trying to enjoy whats left of my 20's. I was sober, working hard, and I am actually down to one or two friends that even hang out with me. I am awesome, hell I am the only one who has the balls to know that there is something bigger to be had than drinking on friday and saturdays. I also had balls to go to meetings and man up. I know it's just phase where you get down, but if you have the chance to go out and drink and party have fun for a night, I don't see the positive to not doing it. I am afraid that this is going to be the way it is the rest of my life. That I go 3 months not drinking then I want to drink again. I don't really like AA meetings, but they work.

Dee74

Hi McRibb

I used to think sobriety would magically make my life wonderful...but it didn't - and so I'd do what you did and go back to old ways...but that wasn't wonderful either.

Eventually my drinking nearly killed me...whether I wanted to or not I had to quit.
My 'positives' in partying were long used up.

I had to accept that I just wasn't happy drunk or sober...and that what I needed to work on, beyond just not drinking - I had to change a lot of things about myself and my life.

I found that takes real work...but I got there

While sobriety itself is not a magic wand, being sober gave me a good head start in working out what I needed to do in my journey, and it helped me keep moving forwards, not backwards.

Keep moving forward McRibb
D

Mcribb

I know this is just a flat tire on my path to recovery. I have alot of tips that helped me quit. One of them was to imagine yourself in 5 years and have that person be your best friend. Mine right now is saying just give it some time and work on going to AA meetings and you will find peace. I had this tool and I accomplished losing weight doing better in my job etc, it's just not as satisfying as going out and partying. I am trying to get it in my head that not partying leads to something great.

Mcribb

Thanks buddy. I am no stranger to work.

Mcribb

Enjoy the journey, enjoy the work, enjoy today.

lillyknitting

I don't understand if you say you don't like AA meetings but they work. Blimey, if they worked for me I wouldn't be here. Quite personally I don't feel it makes any difference whether I go to AA meetings or not I still get the urge to drink!!! I actually don't understand HOW they work. I wish someone would explain to me how doing the 12 steps etc makes someone stop wanting to go down the pub. Sorry if I'm sounding facetious but I would like some suggestions. I've actually never ever asked anyone stuff like this at meetings, actually.

Mcribb

for me having people that go through the same problems (even worse) kept me sober also if you are honest with your drinking, you don't want to go back in there and tell all those people after all the **** you have been through you still drink. It's good to get out of your head and listen to people who go through the day as an alcoholic.

Mcribb

I think not only AA but some motiviational dvds also helped me.