trixieisme

I was doing so good. But then...

my husband went home. I miss him.
I miss my friends.
A friendship fouled up and its killing me.
I miss my family.

I txted ppl in my phone that could have helped...no one answered. I went to the grocery to get food for dinner....and my auto pilot kicked in.

Here I sit...sad, lonely, crushed...and drinking.

I want to move home...be near the people that give me strength....but it can't happy til the spring. My husband is going to be so disappointed in me...and the thought of that is killing me and i drink even more.

LexieCat

Trixie,

You need to stop drinking, and you need to get to a meeting.

Is there someone who can take you?

I'm a little confused--I thought you were visiting your family right now, or is that not until next week?

You know the drinking is only going to make you feel worse.

trixieisme

I am going to visit family next week...er...this week. I leave wednesday. I went to a meeting this morning. Didn't help. That voice in my head was screaming at me to drink. All weekend, it's all i have heard.

LexieCat

OK,

The point is that you need to stop. And you need some more phone numbers.

Drinking and feeling sorry for yourself is NOT what you need to be doing. You need a way to cope with loneliness, frustration and disappointment that doesn't involve drinking.

Go to a meeting, tell them you've been drinking, and ask for help. That's how we get better.

gofish1331

Change the channel! Find a meeting, pick up the good book, put down the drink and make it a better day You CAN do it!

least

Pour it out, call a trusted friend, or stay here and post to us. But stop the drinking now, it will only make you feel worse, you know that. Please start by pouring it out.

LaFemme

Its only making you feel worse...I wish I was close....I would come over and pour it out for you...you can do it...you don't need to wake up sick tomorrow.

trixieisme

I had that once....it was my rape counselor. But since we moved to a new town, I can't see her anymore cuz she's too far...and I haven't found anyone that I feel that level of comfort with. Before I was old enough to drink...I don't remember how i dealt with unhappiness. But, since I turned 21, it has always been drinking.

I am so mad at myself...I feel like I let my husband down....and he doesn't even know yet. But that makes me drink even more.

I know that I am not alone...but physically, I am...and it's so hard to deal with...I wish that I wasn't...I wish that there was someone here. my sponsor is at a sober picnic today...I was invited. shoulda gone. stupid alcoholic thinking.

trixieisme

I'll be in CT next week. Feel like slappin me upside the head? LOL...kinda jk but kinda not.

LexieCat

Actually, I was talking about the program.

If you can't get to a meeting, pour out the booze and open your Big Book.

Dee74

I was never in a funk that drinking made better, Kristin.

Cut your losses - ok, you listened to the voice - we've all done that - now, limit the damage.
Get back to where you know you need to be.

Dump the booze...and keep trying those AA numbers - if you haven't got more than one number, get some

D

grateful2b

Its all been well said, Trix and I am sorry you are struggling...forgive yourself, dump whats left, and try and get out of the house, go for a walk, clear your head, and try step away ...and reach out to someone, get some help for you, k? prayers...

lildawg

Oh, Trixie. I'm sorry. Right now is the time to pour out what you've got, though, and start on some water. The more you drink, the worse your hangover will be. Get the poison out of your system and try your numbers again. See if someone can talk to you or take you to a meeting.

There are lots of days in sobriety that are not rosy. Learning to get through them is like learning to walk again. And, when you're learning to walk, you just get up and start again every time you fall down. Why? Because falling down is not the end of the world. Neither is this relapse. You can move forward from this in a positive way. Before you can move forward, though, you've got to put down the bottle.

LaFemme

Name thectime and the place;-)

In all seriousness ...the loneliness is just an excuse to drink. Everyone in the world needs to learn how to cope with stuff...its just more important for us because if we don't learn we drink. You need to make this a priority when you wake up tomorrow...

trixieisme

Dee -

It's weird. Since I quit drinking, I have had my voice screaming in my head. When I read things to myself, the voice screams them, when I think to myself, the voice screams it. So now, I have been sad all weekend, and the voice has been screaming to me to drink. I hope that I can quiet the voice after this. Im not sure how... I didnt even want to drink today...well, I guess I did, since it's the only coping mechanism I know. But, I was doing so good, and I was so proud. Now, I have to tell my husband that I screwed up...he's going to be so disappointed in me. Just the thought of that makes my heart hurt even more...

BrokenChains

I've been following your journey for a while and I want to tell you that my heart goes out to you.

I can relate to your story a lot.

And, I'm sorry that you drank, but now the best thing to do is pour the rest out, be honest, and move forward with your life.

I'm always here for you anytime. ((((hugs))))

Dee74

Support is vital I think - we both know how it goes when we try and face down this thing ourselves. Reaching out and not isolating are really important.

Try not to worry about other people being disappointed either...thinking too much about that can actually make you drink more...been there, done that. You made some bad choices - don't make others to compound it

It's hard to change a life, and to change our reactions. Most of us, if not all, fall a time or two. It took me 15 years to get this right.

Look at what you need to do to make sure it doesn't happen again - but beating yourself up or feeling guilty are pretty useless things to do.

Getting up and moving on is a way better choice
D

Anna

Trix,

I am sorry that you are feeling so low.

Try to remember that you don't need to listen to the voice in your head. It will lose its power over you when you can recognize it and then let it go.

wpainterw

Trixie:
The voice you hear in your head is really your body talking. Your body wants to drink and is thinking up all sorts of ways to get you to do that. Like how "disappointed" your husband might be, how lonely you are, the list goes on and on. It's your addicted body talking and it wants to get that alcohol into its system and keep it there. You're going to feel a lot worse unless you can get up the guts to fight your body. The way to do this is, as lots of folks have said, to get some numbers, get on the phone, contact your sponsor, flush the booze down the drain, go to as many meetings as possible, talk to others who have been where you are right now. But, remember, fight your body.Tame it. It's your very worst enemy right now. Unless you can do that you'll feel far worse. Good luck. Keep in touch.

W.

trixieisme

Thank you so much for your support. All the parts of my body are conflicting with each other, but I know that the knowledge in my head that today was a mistake and cannot happen again needs to outweigh the rest. LOL and I am typing this, Saving Abel's "Addicted" came on on my xbox last.fm. Tomorrow will be a new day, and I will start over. Admiting that I screwed up is going to kill me, but I guess it is something that I have to do.