Feeling Shame
Member
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Hicktown, PA
Posts: 1,479
You shouldn't feel ashamed, Eric. You are reclaiming your family. You are showing great courage and strength.
We are living through a similiar situation with my brother right now, and that is incredibly difficult. Truly I can't imagine having to go through it with one of my sons.
One of my other siblings asked me personally (because I have custody of one of my brother's children and am physically closest to him) to choose to remain healthy, even if my brother chooses to remain sick. I thought that was well said, and pretty much sums up what you and your wife are doing.
Well done.
Prayers for all of you - Jomey
We are living through a similiar situation with my brother right now, and that is incredibly difficult. Truly I can't imagine having to go through it with one of my sons.
One of my other siblings asked me personally (because I have custody of one of my brother's children and am physically closest to him) to choose to remain healthy, even if my brother chooses to remain sick. I thought that was well said, and pretty much sums up what you and your wife are doing.
Well done.
Prayers for all of you - Jomey
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 3
We thank you all for the words of encouragement.
We are hanging tough.
Coming up on the first 24 hours.
I do plan on reporting the firearm stolen after consulting with an attorney on Monday about the situation.
Eric
We are hanging tough.
Coming up on the first 24 hours.
I do plan on reporting the firearm stolen after consulting with an attorney on Monday about the situation.
Eric
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 13,497
Just sending a message of support. I know how painful it is to have to make them leave. Goes against everything in our hearts.
but he must feel the pain of his life being out of control , due to his choices.
Praying for healing for you, your family, and your son. Be strong.
chicory
but he must feel the pain of his life being out of control , due to his choices.
Praying for healing for you, your family, and your son. Be strong.
chicory
Member
Join Date: Aug 2008
Posts: 37
I'm going through something very similar with my 21 year old son.
Life has become hellish with his drinking, drug use and legal problems.
But as yet, I lack the courage to kick him out. I can't imagine what it took for you to follow through...
Life has become hellish with his drinking, drug use and legal problems.
But as yet, I lack the courage to kick him out. I can't imagine what it took for you to follow through...
Just another day...
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Michigan
Posts: 274
Hey there!
I wanted to say that ur not alone with a kid like that. Mine is my stepson who is 19. I have helped raise him since he was 5. His mother is an enabler and his dad is strict and big on tough love. When dad enforced tough love, he ranaway to moms. When mom got scared of him because he threatened her she would send him to our house. He is a high school drop out despite all of our efforts. He has been in trouble with the law since he was about 13, doing drugs since about 10. Loves being high. He has stolen my wedding ring, movies, games, money, checks, empty pop/beer cans, coins that we save, and my husbands guns, 2 pistols(to name a few..lets not forget about all the pain meds he would steal from whoever and sell at school for his own drug money) We did call the police for guns and my wedding ring and a few other things. The guns were even fired. How scary is that? He has stolen from EVERYONE in the family. Went away for a month or so at some juvie home but it didnt do a thing for him, made him meaner to his mother and sister. He had a domestic violence charge against his sister once..that was dropped too. The detectives in our city, when we called about the guns, really wanted my stepson, they said he was responsible for many thefts around the city, they just cant get the evidence they need, he is always getting out of it..thanks to his mother that worked for this youths program with the county. We have cut ties with him many times. Each time it has lasted from 6 months to a year. We started talking to him again before xmas of 2009 and he wanted a fresh start and moved with us to Iowa. 6 months later he took off in the middle of the night owing us several hundreds of dollars for all the legal trouble he was in back in MI that we helped him out of to get this fresh start. After he left we discovered I was missing 30 checks and he pawned a bow of my husbands. Had about $500 in traffic tickets in my truck, owed one of those check cashing loan places $200, had a $400 electric bill that his roommate thought he was paying on(he rented a trailer from us), and was writing bad checks! And on top of that we asked, the one and only rule of him renting from us..no drugs or smoking cigerettes in the trailer. He never listened to that either. It is actually good that he is gone. He will have a warrant out for him soon and they will more than likely suspend his drivers license in MI when it catches up to him. We closed out our bank account and had to open up a new one. It was so upsetting to know that everything was a lie. Every story he told was a lie...he was still going nowhere but down with his drugs, lies and stealing. His mother, once again, rescued him and he is back in MI yelling at her telling her how she is a horrbile mother yet she gives him money all the time. She called crying the other day, what is she doing wrong? my husband told her she is enabling her. Let him go. When he has to actually live on the streets and go hungry, he might appreciate some things. My husband says he is done..he will not talk to him again until he has a family of his own. My husband will stick to that too.
sorry this is so long, there is no short version of it. We are here to show them how to be productive adults of this society...and while we are all flawed ourselves,there is no reason for one of our own that we love to steal from us. When this happens, we have to let go and hope that they will find their way. You and the other members in your family deserve happiness too. Good luck staying strong!
I wanted to say that ur not alone with a kid like that. Mine is my stepson who is 19. I have helped raise him since he was 5. His mother is an enabler and his dad is strict and big on tough love. When dad enforced tough love, he ranaway to moms. When mom got scared of him because he threatened her she would send him to our house. He is a high school drop out despite all of our efforts. He has been in trouble with the law since he was about 13, doing drugs since about 10. Loves being high. He has stolen my wedding ring, movies, games, money, checks, empty pop/beer cans, coins that we save, and my husbands guns, 2 pistols(to name a few..lets not forget about all the pain meds he would steal from whoever and sell at school for his own drug money) We did call the police for guns and my wedding ring and a few other things. The guns were even fired. How scary is that? He has stolen from EVERYONE in the family. Went away for a month or so at some juvie home but it didnt do a thing for him, made him meaner to his mother and sister. He had a domestic violence charge against his sister once..that was dropped too. The detectives in our city, when we called about the guns, really wanted my stepson, they said he was responsible for many thefts around the city, they just cant get the evidence they need, he is always getting out of it..thanks to his mother that worked for this youths program with the county. We have cut ties with him many times. Each time it has lasted from 6 months to a year. We started talking to him again before xmas of 2009 and he wanted a fresh start and moved with us to Iowa. 6 months later he took off in the middle of the night owing us several hundreds of dollars for all the legal trouble he was in back in MI that we helped him out of to get this fresh start. After he left we discovered I was missing 30 checks and he pawned a bow of my husbands. Had about $500 in traffic tickets in my truck, owed one of those check cashing loan places $200, had a $400 electric bill that his roommate thought he was paying on(he rented a trailer from us), and was writing bad checks! And on top of that we asked, the one and only rule of him renting from us..no drugs or smoking cigerettes in the trailer. He never listened to that either. It is actually good that he is gone. He will have a warrant out for him soon and they will more than likely suspend his drivers license in MI when it catches up to him. We closed out our bank account and had to open up a new one. It was so upsetting to know that everything was a lie. Every story he told was a lie...he was still going nowhere but down with his drugs, lies and stealing. His mother, once again, rescued him and he is back in MI yelling at her telling her how she is a horrbile mother yet she gives him money all the time. She called crying the other day, what is she doing wrong? my husband told her she is enabling her. Let him go. When he has to actually live on the streets and go hungry, he might appreciate some things. My husband says he is done..he will not talk to him again until he has a family of his own. My husband will stick to that too.
sorry this is so long, there is no short version of it. We are here to show them how to be productive adults of this society...and while we are all flawed ourselves,there is no reason for one of our own that we love to steal from us. When this happens, we have to let go and hope that they will find their way. You and the other members in your family deserve happiness too. Good luck staying strong!
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Welcome OutOnBail (blackgnat, too!) - I think the hardest part about being a parent is not being able to help our children. It's what we've done all their lives.
I admire your courage in letting him live with the consequences of his behavior. I'm sending prayers and positive thoughts that it will open his eyes and make it harder for him to continue to self-destruct. Your family's lives are important too. I hope you find some peace and support in all this.:ghug3
I admire your courage in letting him live with the consequences of his behavior. I'm sending prayers and positive thoughts that it will open his eyes and make it harder for him to continue to self-destruct. Your family's lives are important too. I hope you find some peace and support in all this.:ghug3
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Lakemoor, IL
Posts: 11
There are programs where you and the other members to get help for the way his behavior has affected your lifes. If you never watch the show Intervention, you should. It is on Monday nights on A&E. I hope things work out for you and your family. You can't help someone that does not want to be helped though.
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