just had a 2 week bender...
 

Were I would smoke at least four joints a day.

My nose is runny, my head filled with sawdust and feathers, it feels like someone is sticking needles in my brain. Coughin up stuff. I'm slow and don't have motivation or energy for anything.

This sucks. why do I keep torturing myself?

back to day one. Don't feel shame or digust or something tough, that's a good thing. I just want to get sober and healthy again.

Welcome back. I wish you good luck for the future.

great my boss wants me to work overtime...

This is going to be a long long long day..

Stay focused on your goals for today. Even if it's to get through it sober. Just keep your chin up and stay busy at work! Don't give in.. You CAN DO IT!

:)

Remember that you don't have to go through this again.

You can do this! Stay strong!

Im so done with it....each and every time again going through this hell.

I'm so......done....

This is the last time. I'm gonna kick it all once and for all. This has been going on long enough.

I feel really sorry for myself. Self-pity is really high now. One more hour at work, then I can go home and unwind just a bit.

Smoking weed is not an option.

I HATE IT.

I don't even care about this semi-sickness...i didn't even smoke one sig to quit the pretty gruwesome nicotine withdrawls.
I don't care about the price í need to pay to get sober.

I just want to be.

I know you probably get sick of hearing this, coming_clean, but my experience with the relapse/abstain cycle played out exactly like it's described here. I hear a lot of similarity in what you are feeling and going through right now. It sounds just like you. I had to have that entire psychic change talked about before this cycle ended for me.

Best wishes to you, make sure you don't have any left? Quitting any addiction is tough, drugs or booze. I never cared much for weed, but I've had/will have a struggle with alcohol my entire life. It sucks how we hate it, yet we have to work so hard to not burn 'doobs or drink beer all day everyday. Hang in there.

CC...sorry to hear that....understand...recovered pot head myself...
what can you do different this time?

I remember the last time...sitting on the edge of my bed with some weed in my hand...after years of smoking..had been off it a bit(found it on the street..)...I didn't want to fall back in...I just wanted a little bit....
I teetered there on the edge of that bed, my mind running back and forth, the addictive voice whispering; just a little one....nothing earth shattering here: smoke some more and stay lost or flush it down and get on some recovery...through the fog, I was clear about one thing: how much I wanted to be sober...

I ran to the bathroom, heart pounding...

In the beginning, all I had was some willpower and a fierce desire to get my mind and life back and I hung on for dear life...

CC, I love that you keep coming back...you can do this:hug:

Hey CC

I feel for you. Weed is such a little deception, with everyone around you telling you that its not addictive and no big deal etc etc...

Stay strong.

Hey man. I know for me then I don't think at all like I used to do back when I was on the booze and drugs.

This is thanks to my recovery. If I thought like I used to then I would have either drank again, or been totally miserable. I have been neither thankfully.

I used to smoke quite a bit of weed when i was younger, everyday. But I kind of grew out of it and progressed up the scale. I couldn't be doing with the paranoia and lethargy it produced. Very lazy drug.

I think it simply cannot be an option. Period. Do what you gotta do to make sure you don;t light that first spliff 'just for today'. I can appreciate how it may be hard at NA as there are a lot of Opiate addicts there and cannabis maybe viewed as somewhat lesser a problem. But if you're an addict then any drug is there to be abused. I know I'm an addict and would abuse any drug. The inherent fact that weed makes you fall asleep and not want to really go out causing chaos means it can be used ina functioning way on the one hand, but on the other hand it can become a problem as it can be so anti-social and lazy. Just my experince there, you're probably totally different and living in Holland it must be tricky as the sh*t is good sh*t and you can just go buy out legitmately.

All The Best. Peace.

hey bcboy...ottawagirl here...
I know I mentioned this before, cc, but I think it bears repeating...

I smoked a ton in the sixties...no big deal
many years later when I began self-medicating for pain with weed I became addicted...my brain chemistry had changed...could not tolerate weed anymore...and I was so complacent about weed...but I could not understand why I couldn't just have a joint like a used to..

I had to realize, and accept, that I just couldn't leave it alone...I can leave booze alone, other drugs, no problem...
weed?...only control I have with weed is not picking up

Some great advice here CC...action is the key, or at least it was for me...that and working out why I needed to obliterate myself....you'd know better than anyone here why that is.

did you still go to the meetings btw? just wondered.
There's always support there too I'd imagine?

D

That was my question too. I think once I reached the point of addiction I didn't want to stop, ever. I always figured I'd stop tomorrow or next week or next year..... that I deserved just "one more" before I quit for the day. Or one more to just feel normal again.

I finally decided that, given my thinking, there would never be a time when I really wanted to stop (except when I was in pain, of course). So the only thing I can do is not to feed the addiction, one day at a time. I'm glad you're back with us and hope you make it work this time.:ghug3