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jeez, gimme a break!!

Old 08-24-2010, 11:46 AM
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Exclamation jeez, gimme a break!!

I am on day 25 being sober and I only have 1 trigger that makes me want to drink, and that is my 2 teenagers. They aren't THAT bad, but my youngest (almost 14) has taken to arguing with me. He's the "good" one who makes good choices etc but he is driving me nuts! In my 25 days, never have I been closer to drinking than I was last night over his incessant badgering to stay out later, reasons why I didn't want him to etc. My husband is great about being on the same team as me, and we present a great united front, its just hard for me, that this kid of mine has changed into a typical teenager who pushes the limits. I know I should be happy he's a good kid, but for some reason, it pushes my buttons when he argues with me. I dont want to, and I will never again, use the stress of family life to give me a reason to pick up a drink, I guess I just needed to vent. I can't wait til the day arrives that drinking doesnt even cross my mind anymore.
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Old 08-24-2010, 12:07 PM
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No advice, but I totally sympathize. When something's frustrating, it just is! I think I'd be tempted to run after him barking like a dog.
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Old 08-24-2010, 12:07 PM
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We have more in common than I thought! My 14 year old is too passive to push my buttons that way (girl) but my 16 (boy) is EXACTLY that way. I like to think it will make him a good attorney or something. But it's exasperating. My oldest just went to college, which is making me want my wine more than the other 2 combined. Day 28 though. Some days are better than others...
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Old 08-24-2010, 12:24 PM
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As someone who was the good child to an alcoholic mother I might catiously suggest his acting out is a good healthy thing. He feels safe enough to act out now that you aren't drinking. And maybe he's subconciously testing you a little.

I was the good dutiful child my whole life until I made the necessary breaks in order to get sober. The one way I rebelled against being the good one (I HAD to be good you see, it wasn't a choice when my family was falling apart) was by drinking like a fiend when I got to College.

Just something to think about.
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Old 08-24-2010, 12:37 PM
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I am glad you shared. I too had quite a few serious moments in early sobriety (yup....I posted and shared here with my SR pals) that I honestly wasn't sure how the hell I survived. It seems I was being tested and pushed to the limit and let me tell you.....I did not drink. Not a drink and whenever I anticipate something that may hinder my recovery....I get on here and I share. I always have access to SR whereas my counseling sessions are now about 1x a month.

I found just sharing what was on my mind as I travel the journey helps me tremendously. Usually before anyone posts....I start to feel better just because I wrote out the weight that I have been carrying. Then all of the posts from our SR friends just helps me see that I am not alone and nothing is ever worth drinking over.

Good work and keep it going!!
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Old 08-24-2010, 12:43 PM
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I used to fool myself into thinking that I drank too much because of the pressures of being a parent....I now realize that I used it as an excuse to drink and feed the addiction.
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Old 08-24-2010, 01:00 PM
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My 15 year old son thinks he wants to go feral from time to time. Really what he wants to do is display. Like those nature shows where adolescent gorilla tears off through the jungle carrying a stick beating on things. With him it is a testosterone thing, a massive squirt of the stuff makes him a little unreasonable from time to time. He is a good kid, ahem, I mean young man, dealing with him in a more adult way is the only way I have found to get through. I don't argue with him anymore than I would argue with anyone else that I want to communicate with. This has gotten a lot better in the past month without the booze. I guess we are both growing up. (Now, where is my stick, I don't like how that branch is looking at me...aaaaarrrrgggghhhh!)
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Old 08-24-2010, 01:27 PM
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My oldest is turning 13 and is already fronting an attitude. He also is a good kid, active in sports, on honor roll, behaves and is mature, etc. But when he argues with me or even talks back to me, I want to scream at him. I mean who do they think they are? LOL I too would like to pick up a drink at times when he pushes me.. I'll just keep saying that old saying "they're driving me to drink" but not act on it!
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Old 08-24-2010, 01:39 PM
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Originally Posted by eremc08 View Post
My oldest is turning 13...
So judging from your profile picture, you and your husband must have been about 9 when you had your first child???
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Old 08-24-2010, 01:40 PM
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Hey Julez

Nice vent

I'm not a parent, but I do empathise...lean on the support you find here, & whatever support you're utilising elsewhere, when you feel pushed.

It might sound a little pithy but I really do live by the idea there's never any reason good enough for me to drink over - there's always other ways to deal with stress, frustration, confrontation, whatever...we just have to find new and better ways that work for us.

D
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Old 08-24-2010, 01:40 PM
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Ah, teenage boys can be hell. I know this because I used to be one.

I also know what it's like to remember all the hell you caused as a teenage boy, and finding that it's too late to apologize. (She died of cancer when I was 24.) I beat myself up over it often and hard.

Don't ever drink because of what your children do. Chances are they wont forgive themselves.
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Old 08-24-2010, 04:40 PM
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Thanks all. I DID need to vent, and after all your wise comments and advice I feel better. Plus he's fishing with his dad right now and he just sent me a picture of himself holding a HUGE bass with a text that said "love ya". aww.
Its close to bedtime now, one more day of sobriety under my belt, *****!!
xoxo
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Old 08-24-2010, 05:47 PM
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YEA for getting through the day sober!! I know what it's like (3 kids myself), and even when they're acting reasonably, there's the constant interruptions, asking for money, complaining about school/friends, giving us the rolled eyes, and just generally handing us something to deal with on a constant basis.

When I'm ready to flip my lid, it helps to stop and think (and get specific) about the good stuff. Bottom line: They're healthy, they're intelligent (when they want to be), they have all the potential in the world to create a good life for themselves. And I have proof (in my 25 year old son) that they DO grow up and start sending us flowers on Mother's Day.

So sooner or later, they'll have to admit what AMAZING people we are! Keep up the good work!
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Old 08-25-2010, 07:36 AM
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Thanks Artsoul, for understanding!! xoxo
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Old 08-25-2010, 07:46 AM
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One minute they can have you with steam coming out of your ears and the next they can melt your heart.
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Old 08-25-2010, 02:04 PM
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Originally Posted by recycle View Post
So judging from your profile picture, you and your husband must have been about 9 when you had your first child???

LOL no, I was 19 when I had him. I'm 32 now (and in the picture). My ex husband and I had our 3 boys (13, 8, 5) my NOW husband have our daughter who is 2... But I'll take that as a compliment that I look young?? ha
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