Working on today. I feel awful :(
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Australia
Posts: 13
Working on today. I feel awful :(
I'm sitting here right now bearing the worst of it. I fear shaky and uneasy. I drank last night just to help with the anxiety and feeling of uneasiness-- only to (of course) feel the same way in the morning. My relationship with alcohol is strange. I feel like it's my best kept secret, and I only really drink alone. In social situatons I'll have one or two beers knowing that I can tap off a bottle of wine when I get back to my place. When I had a roommate, I'd often conceal my drinking-- or pound a drink before going out. What shocks me is how commonplace these actions have become. I'm known as a positive/optimistic person. I have a good friend and family support network. Alcohol is the bane of my existance and nobody even knows it. There's no reason to drink. It does nothing to make me a better person.
The difficulty is right now. I don't even enjoy drinking anymore... it negatively affects my workout schedule, my diet, and it influences my decisions and saps me of my creativity. Tonight I'm going to not drink-- but first I'll need to resist the urge to not stop at the store and slide a bottle into the cart. It's strange, but I'm actually uncomfortable going back to my place knowing I don't have so much as a beer in the fridge. I hate the way I feel right now.
I've spent some time reading here but this is my first time posting.
Wish me luck today. Sticking to vitamin water, tea and light foods--avoiding caffeine... focusing on my work. I know if I can get through tonight, I'll probably feel okay tomorrow morning. Day one.
The difficulty is right now. I don't even enjoy drinking anymore... it negatively affects my workout schedule, my diet, and it influences my decisions and saps me of my creativity. Tonight I'm going to not drink-- but first I'll need to resist the urge to not stop at the store and slide a bottle into the cart. It's strange, but I'm actually uncomfortable going back to my place knowing I don't have so much as a beer in the fridge. I hate the way I feel right now.
I've spent some time reading here but this is my first time posting.
Wish me luck today. Sticking to vitamin water, tea and light foods--avoiding caffeine... focusing on my work. I know if I can get through tonight, I'll probably feel okay tomorrow morning. Day one.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,497
Hi and Welcome!
I drank at home alone too. I thought I had fooled pretty much everybody about my drinking, but when I began to recover, I realized that people were aware of my drinking. I think it was the denial part of addiction that convinced me that no one else knew about my drinking.
I'm glad you have decided to live a sober life. Have you talked to your dr? I hope you continue to read and post here and let us know how you are doing.
I drank at home alone too. I thought I had fooled pretty much everybody about my drinking, but when I began to recover, I realized that people were aware of my drinking. I think it was the denial part of addiction that convinced me that no one else knew about my drinking.
I'm glad you have decided to live a sober life. Have you talked to your dr? I hope you continue to read and post here and let us know how you are doing.
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Glad to have you here, Ean! I remember my first day well and it DID seem very strange and scary to think about posting and committing myself to a change I didn't even know if I could make.
It got to the same point for me - drinking wasn't about socializing or even relaxing anymore. I just didn't know what else to do and reached for the bottle every time I wanted to change my mood. The increasing hangovers weren't even worth the little bit of a buzz I got, and a lot of days I had 3 or 4 drinks just to feel normal.
Expect some anxiety, weariness, insomnia...... but if you've had the shakiness, you probably are already familiar with those, too. Hang in there and remind yourself you're doing this for a new and better life. You can do it!
It got to the same point for me - drinking wasn't about socializing or even relaxing anymore. I just didn't know what else to do and reached for the bottle every time I wanted to change my mood. The increasing hangovers weren't even worth the little bit of a buzz I got, and a lot of days I had 3 or 4 drinks just to feel normal.
Expect some anxiety, weariness, insomnia...... but if you've had the shakiness, you probably are already familiar with those, too. Hang in there and remind yourself you're doing this for a new and better life. You can do it!
Grouch and Brainstorm
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 238
Wow, EanDubh, you really captured a lot of my story.
No one really knew how much I drank. I too could nurse a few drinks for a while, knowing that once I got home I could find the sweet relief of oblivion.
I hid bottles in my room when I had a roommate.
I knew in my head that I had a problem that was undermining my life, but it didn't matter: I could do nothing about it. Maybe for 24 or 48 hours, but rarely any longer than that.
The physical craving overwhelmed me.
There's a solution for this...
No one really knew how much I drank. I too could nurse a few drinks for a while, knowing that once I got home I could find the sweet relief of oblivion.
I hid bottles in my room when I had a roommate.
I knew in my head that I had a problem that was undermining my life, but it didn't matter: I could do nothing about it. Maybe for 24 or 48 hours, but rarely any longer than that.
The physical craving overwhelmed me.
There's a solution for this...
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Florida
Posts: 649
Welcome Ean
Reading your first post was like looking in a mirror. I know first hand what you're going through and this first night is the kicker. Once you get day one behind you, they all get easier and you will not want to turn back to the ugly bottle.
Meanwhile, drink Gaterade and eat lots of fresh fruit. Staying active with a form of exercise is also beneficial. My day two consisted of a bike ride with temps in the upper 80's. As bad as I felt before leaving, I actually felt better after getting home with a bit of a sweat and good drinks and fruit from the store. If you have a blender, make up some fruit smoothies - they are incredible for the weak stomach.
You've made the right decision and will not regret the sober life. I can speak for about everyone here that it's a great feeling waking up without being hung over.
Keep coming back - we're all in this together!
Reading your first post was like looking in a mirror. I know first hand what you're going through and this first night is the kicker. Once you get day one behind you, they all get easier and you will not want to turn back to the ugly bottle. Meanwhile, drink Gaterade and eat lots of fresh fruit. Staying active with a form of exercise is also beneficial. My day two consisted of a bike ride with temps in the upper 80's. As bad as I felt before leaving, I actually felt better after getting home with a bit of a sweat and good drinks and fruit from the store. If you have a blender, make up some fruit smoothies - they are incredible for the weak stomach.
You've made the right decision and will not regret the sober life. I can speak for about everyone here that it's a great feeling waking up without being hung over.
Keep coming back - we're all in this together!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: New England
Posts: 5,285
Welcome Ean and please keep posting. I drank almost exclusively at home the last few years...when id visit my parents I would sneaky extra alcohol into my room so they wouldn't know how much I drank.
You can get better, a positive attitude goes a long way. Rely on us here...we are here for you!
You can get better, a positive attitude goes a long way. Rely on us here...we are here for you!
Snarf Snarf
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: ATL
Posts: 835
Thanks for joining us, Ean. This site is full of wonderful people that help me not pick up a drink every single day. There's tons of experience and knowledge that people here can share with you. Hope you hang around for a while.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Australia
Posts: 13
Thanks everybody!
Feeling better now than I was this morning, in part to food, orange juice and plenty of hot tea. Still having some light feelings of health anxiety, and trying to plan out the rest of the evening. I'm ready to feel good and this is the first step.
Feeling better now than I was this morning, in part to food, orange juice and plenty of hot tea. Still having some light feelings of health anxiety, and trying to plan out the rest of the evening. I'm ready to feel good and this is the first step.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 426
I started off my drinking life very young and at that time I experimented with alcohol alone cause I wanted to know what it was all about - I was curious. I quickly figured out that it was great and continued to do it alone because I knew my friends at the the time would not approve or be interested. It was my secret to keep. Little did I know at the time that this was a VERY early warning sign of things to come in life.
You may want to try to remove the alcohol from your possession. It will not solve your problem but it may make it easier. If you are serious about getting some help, you have come here to the right place and by posting ang getting active, made a HUGE step forward.
You may want to try to remove the alcohol from your possession. It will not solve your problem but it may make it easier. If you are serious about getting some help, you have come here to the right place and by posting ang getting active, made a HUGE step forward.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 302
Welcome to SR! I was a closet drinker most of the time.. I would hide it under my bed, behind my bed, in my drawers under clothes.. Drink whenever I had a second alone! I have a husband and 4 kids so it's hard to be alone. I would make any excuse to run upstairs. Anyway, you're not alone here. I think you are showing how strong you can be and if you're determined you will beat this day. It starts with just 1 day. I'm on day 6 now and I NEVER thought I'd do it. This site truly helped me through the rough times of each day I've been sober. I post and read.. You CAN get through this day sober and with support here.
Welcome and congrats on your first day!!
(((hugs)))
Welcome and congrats on your first day!!
(((hugs)))
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: the high desert
Posts: 887
Congrats on your first day and your decision to quit! I don't know how much you were drinking, but talking to a professional about detox is always a good idea.
Having said that, for me, trying to taper down or using a little alcohol to help with withdraw didn't work. I had to just stop. Anything else just prolonged the symptoms and made them worse.
Lots of water, eating what I could, and trying to move around as much as I could (and then resting when it was too much) helped me through the day. Physically, except for not being able to sleep, I only had to suffer through a day. After about 2 or 3 days, sleep blissfully came again.
You can do it. If you need medical help, please seek it out. Alcohol withdraw is probably the most dangerous of the drug withdraws!
Having said that, for me, trying to taper down or using a little alcohol to help with withdraw didn't work. I had to just stop. Anything else just prolonged the symptoms and made them worse.
Lots of water, eating what I could, and trying to move around as much as I could (and then resting when it was too much) helped me through the day. Physically, except for not being able to sleep, I only had to suffer through a day. After about 2 or 3 days, sleep blissfully came again.
You can do it. If you need medical help, please seek it out. Alcohol withdraw is probably the most dangerous of the drug withdraws!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Australia
Posts: 13
48 hours later and I feel good. 48 hours of work, exercise, hydration and good food and I'm sitting here content with hot tea and reading. Kicked the alcohol out of my system and I'm anticipating a good sleep. It's strange reading the post above, because my instinct now is to tell myself, "you feel great, it was never that bad." I'm sick of being dishonest with myself right into another bottle. Alcohol does nothing but hold me back from being even better at my pursuing my passions and more creative with my work. I need to set a realistic goal-- and I'm going to start by saying that, quite simply, booze isn't allowed in the new apartment. Wish me luck, because I've decided this is my starting point.
And don't worry, this isn't a cry for "moderation management" just hopefully a step in the right direction. I've been here before, and I'm going to refuse to let a mistake beer at a social event turn into a trip to the liquor store on the way home.
And don't worry, this isn't a cry for "moderation management" just hopefully a step in the right direction. I've been here before, and I'm going to refuse to let a mistake beer at a social event turn into a trip to the liquor store on the way home.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
I found it isn't as simple as "refusing" to let it get out of control. It already IS out of control.
I know that I, and probably every person here, had to take a stab at whatever means of moderating our drinking we could before we were able to accept the fact that we can't drink safely, at all.
You mentioned honesty in your post. My suggestion is that you stay VERY HONEST with yourself. If you start finding loopholes in your plan that result in your continuing to drink in unhealthy ways, you will have learned something important about your drinking.
I know that I, and probably every person here, had to take a stab at whatever means of moderating our drinking we could before we were able to accept the fact that we can't drink safely, at all.
You mentioned honesty in your post. My suggestion is that you stay VERY HONEST with yourself. If you start finding loopholes in your plan that result in your continuing to drink in unhealthy ways, you will have learned something important about your drinking.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Australia
Posts: 13
Originally Posted by LexieCat 
I found it isn't as simple as "refusing" to let it get out of control. It already IS out of control.
I know that I, and probably every person here, had to take a stab at whatever means of moderating our drinking we could before we were able to accept the fact that we can't drink safely, at all.
You mentioned honesty in your post. My suggestion is that you stay VERY HONEST with yourself. If you start finding loopholes in your plan that result in your continuing to drink in unhealthy ways, you will have learned something important about your drinking.
I know that I, and probably every person here, had to take a stab at whatever means of moderating our drinking we could before we were able to accept the fact that we can't drink safely, at all.
You mentioned honesty in your post. My suggestion is that you stay VERY HONEST with yourself. If you start finding loopholes in your plan that result in your continuing to drink in unhealthy ways, you will have learned something important about your drinking.
Grateful Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: MI
Posts: 1,080
Welcome Ean!
I also drank at home, with my husband mostly, once in a while alone too. The few friends that I've shared with about my plan of sobriety have been very surprised, and have really minimized it as me being "dramatic' and my problem "not being a problem". They have all said to moderate, have 2 drinks then quit, only drink on weekends, etc. The reason that they think its ok, is because unless I was at home, I never drank to the extent of being out of control. But I got hammered at home, blacked out all the time, and woke up wondering how I got to bed. You have to feel in your own heart that you have a problem, and it sounds as though you have. Good for you. Stay strong within yourself and your resolve to stay sober. Keep posting and reading. Thats what has gotten me through!!
I also drank at home, with my husband mostly, once in a while alone too. The few friends that I've shared with about my plan of sobriety have been very surprised, and have really minimized it as me being "dramatic' and my problem "not being a problem". They have all said to moderate, have 2 drinks then quit, only drink on weekends, etc. The reason that they think its ok, is because unless I was at home, I never drank to the extent of being out of control. But I got hammered at home, blacked out all the time, and woke up wondering how I got to bed. You have to feel in your own heart that you have a problem, and it sounds as though you have. Good for you. Stay strong within yourself and your resolve to stay sober. Keep posting and reading. Thats what has gotten me through!!
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