eremc08

Originally while my Dh and I worked (a lot) she was always there to care for my 4 kids. Her health has taken a toll and she can no longer care for them, so I left my job. She has breast cancer, heart disease, high blood pressure, diabetes, and has had multiple heart attacks. We can leave and move out into our own home (my grandmother owns this house that we all live in - but my grandmom lives in another house she owns) but now that I'm staying home it will take us longer to save up and move. It's ok with me for now. We have to do what we have to do.

8910

LOL, that gave me a good chuckle BDT.

erem, great job fighting of the temptation! Stay strong.

8910

NewMe11109

Hi eremc -

Good for you and sorry about the situation with your mom.

You will hear it a lot on SR and in AA that you need to make your sobriety your #1 priority. From what you are describing, you have a lot of the makings of a difficult recovery road ahead.

I'm sure you've read the ACOA sections of this site and know that you can't cure or control your Mom's drinking, but you can set boundaries as to what you will accept. From purely an outsider's view, it would seem that something has to change - if only for your kids to not be around a drunken grandma every night.

Is there a half-way house or assisted living place that you can move your Mom to? As a husband, yours is clearly a saint, but this can't last forever. I know when my mother-in-law was living just nearby, it almost took down my relationship with my wife because my mother-in-law made my wife crazy due to her manic behavior (and therefore, I got the brunt of it).

If your #1 priority is your sobriety, then your #1.1 priority is to protect your kids and provide them with a healthy environment to grow up in. They need their mom sober and in active recovery.

I'm not saying that it is easy, but perhaps ask some advice in the other parts of this site. They may have a good perspective on it.

Keep up the good work. It only gets better -- but we have to work at it.

LaFemme

I am so sorry your Mom is ill...that makes it so much harder. My mom is very ill with rheumatism which is part of the reason we all enable her...there is no cure and she is in constant pain. Sounds like you have similarities...the difference is I don't have kids or a spouse so I moved to a different state (I was living with my parents for awhile). Boundaries are important....any chance you can maybe get her a mini fridge for her room and ask her to keep the wine there? I know that's enabling but it might ease some of the situation.

Fandy

Holy-Moly!!...your mom suffers from diabetes, heart disease, is being treated for breast cancer and she still drinks heavily???? if she is taking glucophage she runs the risk of a big problem mixing it with her wine...her glucose levels must be through the roof....you would be doing mama a favor if you broke the wine carafe.

I hope you are able to work something out to your advantage...the mini fridge for her is probably the cheapest option.

ChipAwayBoy

Man Erem, that first post in this thread was intense. I am impressed with the willpower you exhibited!

We've both made it through DAY 5!

eremc08

SHe does have a mini fridge but brings her bottle and glass downstairs to get a bucket full of ice and pour her first glass. I really don't mind it now, I actually find that it makes me stronger by ignoring it. Like I said, it is what it is.

Jabbadabutt

It's great that you can use it as a source of strength and motivation....but it still is pretty disrespectful of her.

eremc08

That's just how she is. My father was an alcoholic too. He passed away from heart failure when I was 19. She's manipulative and would rather sabotage other people's happiness to make her feel better about herself. She's been like that since I can remember. I'm just used to it by now. I don't let her get to me. My DH and I have learned to ignore her and keep our mouths shut for the most part. It'll be worth it in the end.

Fandy

sounds very much like "Mr. Fandy's" mother...who is a miserable old witch. i always tried to take the high road because of her age, but it was very hard.... (i swear when they bury her the earth will turn black).

eremc08

Haha! The problem I have, is that everyone else (outside of fam) thinks she's a saint! It drives me nutz! She's the two faced queen! No one knows she has a drinking problem, no one knows how crazy and neurotic she is, no one knows how she treats her family (me and my kids), etc. It's hillarious!

Chloe60

You have every right to be proud of yourself. Since it's grandma's house, you probably have little control over anything your mom does...in her head she was there first. You are so lucky to have your husband for support. He sounds like a dream. Hold on tight so that you don't fall down your mom's slippery slope. If you're lucky she will remind you of what you don't want to become. I think pitty is OK if you use it to make yourself strong. Stay strong!