Difficult Day 4
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: midwest
Posts: 45
I too stress about money. What I usually say to myself is this "unless I can make money fly out of my ass right this instant... I cannot worry about it right this instant." It usually helps me when I'm feeling overwhelmed about EVERYTHING. Takes ALL the financials right out of the pot of problems I think I need to fix. Congrats on your days! Keep it up. It does get easier! 
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Rooster Poot, Texas
Posts: 76
I am so sorry you're having to go through all that & what a lot of stressors/triggers you've got going girl-- so kudos to you for hanging in there! And the drinking dream... I had an older AA guy tell me when I shared I am plagued with those dreams (at least one a week, always very vivid, very intense) that they are how our brains/subconscious are trying to help us stay sober-- your reaction to that dream, upset with yourself that you gave in so easily, shows that you really do want to live life without alcohol.
And I want to tell you how amazing I think you are for being able to do this on your own, oiut in the real world. I had to be locked away to get through the first month. Meaning I had to go to a Rehab facility in the middle of nowhere, 9 miles from the nearest convenience store that sold alcohol & stay in a place where there was a curfew & bed checks & people watching me like a hawk to get through the first 37 days without using. You are incredibly brave & strong & amazing-- don't forget that. Your brain is still under the influence & you are RAW right now & you are doing a fantastic job at fighting for yourself.
Keep posting, keep reading, lay down & cry if you need to, I just re-read my paper journal entries from my first week-- first off, I can barely even READ them because i was shaking so bad but Woman... you got me beat six ways to Sunday. Every entry starts out with I am so sick, so sick, I don't want to be here, I don't want to do this, they're nuts in here! who could meditate in this kind of shape?! meditation is stupid, the nurses are stupid, the staff is mean & stupid... you get the idea. You're on here, fighting for yourself, you're out there doing it minus locks & keys & (mean! evil! stupid! bwahahahahaaa!!) staff people who weren't doing anything except telling me you have to get out of bed, you have to try to eat, you have to go to classes, stop feeling sorry for yourself, this part will pass, you can do it, look at me, look at me- this part will pass. You, eremc08, are doing one of the hardest things there is to do & you are doing it in a way I never could have done it. You amaze me.
You totally RAWK.
And I want to tell you how amazing I think you are for being able to do this on your own, oiut in the real world. I had to be locked away to get through the first month. Meaning I had to go to a Rehab facility in the middle of nowhere, 9 miles from the nearest convenience store that sold alcohol & stay in a place where there was a curfew & bed checks & people watching me like a hawk to get through the first 37 days without using. You are incredibly brave & strong & amazing-- don't forget that. Your brain is still under the influence & you are RAW right now & you are doing a fantastic job at fighting for yourself.
Keep posting, keep reading, lay down & cry if you need to, I just re-read my paper journal entries from my first week-- first off, I can barely even READ them because i was shaking so bad but Woman... you got me beat six ways to Sunday. Every entry starts out with I am so sick, so sick, I don't want to be here, I don't want to do this, they're nuts in here! who could meditate in this kind of shape?! meditation is stupid, the nurses are stupid, the staff is mean & stupid... you get the idea. You're on here, fighting for yourself, you're out there doing it minus locks & keys & (mean! evil! stupid! bwahahahahaaa!!) staff people who weren't doing anything except telling me you have to get out of bed, you have to try to eat, you have to go to classes, stop feeling sorry for yourself, this part will pass, you can do it, look at me, look at me- this part will pass. You, eremc08, are doing one of the hardest things there is to do & you are doing it in a way I never could have done it. You amaze me.
You totally RAWK.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 302
Originally Posted by TenNinetySix 
I am so sorry you're having to go through all that & what a lot of stressors/triggers you've got going girl-- so kudos to you for hanging in there! And the drinking dream... I had an older AA guy tell me when I shared I am plagued with those dreams (at least one a week, always very vivid, very intense) that they are how our brains/subconscious are trying to help us stay sober-- your reaction to that dream, upset with yourself that you gave in so easily, shows that you really do want to live life without alcohol.
And I want to tell you how amazing I think you are for being able to do this on your own, oiut in the real world. I had to be locked away to get through the first month. Meaning I had to go to a Rehab facility in the middle of nowhere, 9 miles from the nearest convenience store that sold alcohol & stay in a place where there was a curfew & bed checks & people watching me like a hawk to get through the first 37 days without using. You are incredibly brave & strong & amazing-- don't forget that. Your brain is still under the influence & you are RAW right now & you are doing a fantastic job at fighting for yourself.
Keep posting, keep reading, lay down & cry if you need to, I just re-read my paper journal entries from my first week-- first off, I can barely even READ them because i was shaking so bad but Woman... you got me beat six ways to Sunday. Every entry starts out with I am so sick, so sick, I don't want to be here, I don't want to do this, they're nuts in here! who could meditate in this kind of shape?! meditation is stupid, the nurses are stupid, the staff is mean & stupid... you get the idea. You're on here, fighting for yourself, you're out there doing it minus locks & keys & (mean! evil! stupid! bwahahahahaaa!!) staff people who weren't doing anything except telling me you have to get out of bed, you have to try to eat, you have to go to classes, stop feeling sorry for yourself, this part will pass, you can do it, look at me, look at me- this part will pass. You, eremc08, are doing one of the hardest things there is to do & you are doing it in a way I never could have done it. You amaze me.
You totally RAWK.
And I want to tell you how amazing I think you are for being able to do this on your own, oiut in the real world. I had to be locked away to get through the first month. Meaning I had to go to a Rehab facility in the middle of nowhere, 9 miles from the nearest convenience store that sold alcohol & stay in a place where there was a curfew & bed checks & people watching me like a hawk to get through the first 37 days without using. You are incredibly brave & strong & amazing-- don't forget that. Your brain is still under the influence & you are RAW right now & you are doing a fantastic job at fighting for yourself.
Keep posting, keep reading, lay down & cry if you need to, I just re-read my paper journal entries from my first week-- first off, I can barely even READ them because i was shaking so bad but Woman... you got me beat six ways to Sunday. Every entry starts out with I am so sick, so sick, I don't want to be here, I don't want to do this, they're nuts in here! who could meditate in this kind of shape?! meditation is stupid, the nurses are stupid, the staff is mean & stupid... you get the idea. You're on here, fighting for yourself, you're out there doing it minus locks & keys & (mean! evil! stupid! bwahahahahaaa!!) staff people who weren't doing anything except telling me you have to get out of bed, you have to try to eat, you have to go to classes, stop feeling sorry for yourself, this part will pass, you can do it, look at me, look at me- this part will pass. You, eremc08, are doing one of the hardest things there is to do & you are doing it in a way I never could have done it. You amaze me.
You totally RAWK.
thanks!! Whatever you went through I'm glad you are still a great person otherwise you wouldn't say such things, so thank you! I have to admit, it is harder than I'm probably posting but it's an internal stuggle I'm getting through each moment I feel any cravings. I really LOVE this site because it's made me realize I can do this with help and support of others like me, and those who care. Thanks again, and btw.. YOU RAWK TOO!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 20,458
Eremc; you have a LOT going on....worrying about $$ is never easy, your mom is not being supportive, your husband is at work and you have young children in the house who require your attention....GULP....(tea, soda, water, not alcohol).
I'm sorry that you have to babysit your alcohol-impaired mother along with your children.
The fact that you are staying sober through all of this is great....and you have amazing support from yoru hubby....your problems can be easier met with a clear head.....
congrats on dealing with Day 4, I hope Day 5 is brighter.
I'm sorry that you have to babysit your alcohol-impaired mother along with your children.
The fact that you are staying sober through all of this is great....and you have amazing support from yoru hubby....your problems can be easier met with a clear head.....
congrats on dealing with Day 4, I hope Day 5 is brighter.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,443
Hi eremc
All I can do is ditto really...I'm sorry for the challenges you face right now but you're doing the very best thing by facing them sober, and by coming here for support.
There's also the various real life supports if things get real tough and you think you may need it...
but keep it up! You can do this
As others have said, those vivid dreams are pretty common...we've all had them. It wonderful to realise they are just a dream
Congratulations on day 4
D
All I can do is ditto really...I'm sorry for the challenges you face right now but you're doing the very best thing by facing them sober, and by coming here for support.
There's also the various real life supports if things get real tough and you think you may need it...
but keep it up! You can do this
As others have said, those vivid dreams are pretty common...we've all had them. It wonderful to realise they are just a dream
Congratulations on day 4
D
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Virginia
Posts: 61
Keep posting Erem!! I can't think of a better way to deal with it than by expressing yourself here on this site. As you can see by the responses, there are alot of people who care and want to see you succeed, AND YOU ARE DOING AN AMAZING JOB.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 302
Thanks everyone! Right now I'm trying to calm down. Had a minor meltdown because my boys just got home from their dad's house for dinner, and my mother is drunk and immediately went up to their room to bother them when I just wanted them to get ready for bed and relax, watching some tv. I just wanted a drama free night.. 
never..
I even cussed in front of them which I hate!! So I went into my room and just cried. Nothing else I could do at this point. I think if I were drinking it would have been worse so I'm grateful for that.. You are all so wonderful and I really appreciate being able to come here and vent about my triggers and struggles. You are all so supportive. I really wish I had more friends IRL like you.
Right now I'm going to take a tylenol pm and try to get some well needed rest. See you all tomorrow on my DAY 5!!!
never.. I even cussed in front of them which I hate!! So I went into my room and just cried. Nothing else I could do at this point. I think if I were drinking it would have been worse so I'm grateful for that.. You are all so wonderful and I really appreciate being able to come here and vent about my triggers and struggles. You are all so supportive. I really wish I had more friends IRL like you.
Right now I'm going to take a tylenol pm and try to get some well needed rest. See you all tomorrow on my DAY 5!!!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 20,458
i sometimes use Tylenol PM for my allergies...but i can only use 1, otherwise i need 5 gallons of coffee the next day.
Erem, i'm truly sorry that your mom is adding to your stress....is there any way you can speak to her when she is lucid?...about how she could be more *helpful*?..or it might be better to let sleeping dogs lie and just ignore?
whatever the circumstance...YOU have your 4 soon-2-B 5 days of solid soberiety and no one can take that from you. congrats.
Erem, i'm truly sorry that your mom is adding to your stress....is there any way you can speak to her when she is lucid?...about how she could be more *helpful*?..or it might be better to let sleeping dogs lie and just ignore?
whatever the circumstance...YOU have your 4 soon-2-B 5 days of solid soberiety and no one can take that from you. congrats.
Grateful Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: MI
Posts: 1,080
Eremc, you are awesome. Throught all your struggles, I still hear in your words, a hopeful, resilient, strong person. You seem like such a sweetie too! I hope day 5 ROCKS for you. Hang in there girlie!!
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Day 4 was always a rough day for me (when I was trying to quit on my own). We're not far away enough from our last drink to be rid of the incessant voice or the urges, yet we feel just good enough to think maybe we could handle just one more little binge.
It's not fun at first, feeling our feelings, but if we don't stay sober, we'll never be able to address all the other stuff going on in our lives. Are you living in your mother's home, or is she living in yours? If she's your guest, you have every right to talk to her about her drinking.
At any rate, things usually look better after a good nights' sleep. Sweet dreams!
It's not fun at first, feeling our feelings, but if we don't stay sober, we'll never be able to address all the other stuff going on in our lives. Are you living in your mother's home, or is she living in yours? If she's your guest, you have every right to talk to her about her drinking.
At any rate, things usually look better after a good nights' sleep. Sweet dreams!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Upstate NY, in the Adirondacks
Posts: 232
I, too, always had trouble on Day 4. I went away for 10 days to a detox/rehab and I am on DAY 11!!!! I have never gone this long without a drink since my daughter was born, 16 years ago. You may want to go to a rehab for a few weeks, just to get a head start. It helped me immensely.
Peace,
Nancy
Peace,
Nancy
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 302
Originally Posted by Fandy
i sometimes use Tylenol PM for my allergies...but i can only use 1, otherwise i need 5 gallons of coffee the next day.
Erem, i'm truly sorry that your mom is adding to your stress....is there any way you can speak to her when she is lucid?...about how she could be more *helpful*?..or it might be better to let sleeping dogs lie and just ignore?
whatever the circumstance...YOU have your 4 soon-2-B 5 days of solid soberiety and no one can take that from you. congrats.
Erem, i'm truly sorry that your mom is adding to your stress....is there any way you can speak to her when she is lucid?...about how she could be more *helpful*?..or it might be better to let sleeping dogs lie and just ignore?
whatever the circumstance...YOU have your 4 soon-2-B 5 days of solid soberiety and no one can take that from you. congrats.
To another poster: My grandmother actually owns this house but lives in another house she owns, and my mother and I along with my kids live here. (long story short, my mother was taking care of the kids while we both worked so we live together to make things easier, but her health has taken a toll and she is no longer able to care for them which is why I had to leave my cosy stable job. We are welcome here as long as we want, however when my husband gets his degree and finds a good job we WILL be moving into our own home. We can't wait! I don't care how long it takes but I know it will happen.
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