ButterflyDreams

Hello. It's been a while but here I am again. Once again I am trying to quit all drinking. I am on day 4 right now which is a great feat in itself. My drinking had become worse since I was last on here. It was at least a bottle of wine a night. I know now I was masking and running from my life. I have had some tough marriage issues to deal with. So now I am dealing with healing a broken marriage and stopping drinking at the same time. I am tired of going to bed drunk and getting up feeling bad. I am very much into fitness and lately I would choose not to go for a run in the morning because of the way I felt. During the day I would start to feel better and I would work out at night only to come home from the gym and crack open a bottle of wine. Counter producted I'm sure but I did it anyways. I've had many changes over the last few years and I choose to deal with them with wine. I don't want to be that person anymore. I want to go to bed feeling good and wake up feeling the same.

So here I am. Reading forum like this helps me. I just got a new laptop so I can log on at anytime instead of going up and be isolated in my room.

Wish me luck....

ButterflyDreams

xuse

welcome back you can do this with help

jamdls

Hi Butterfly, welcome. SR is a great place and there is always someone here 24/7 you do not have to go through this alone.

stanleyhouse

Good Morning, Butterfly Dreams.
We are glad you are here. I have noticed there are a lot of people on at night if you want to chat after your run. I have often times told people sobriety feel like a runners high, after awhile your body starts to feel so good you can't imagine putting the toxins back in.
SH

ButterflyDreams

Thanks!
That is what I am hoping for. Even only after these few days I feel so much better. I will check with the site in the evenings if I feel like I want a drink. I am trying to stay busy is what I need to do to overcome this. I also bought a yoga tape to use if I need to relax. That is my biggest problem thinking I can't relax without a drink. I do like to read so I will make sure I have lot's of books handy. A habit is a hard thing to break. I used to smoke and thought I could never live without smoking...well I quit going on 29 years ago and NEVER think of picking up a cig. I hope it's the same with a glass of wine.

Petewill

Welcome back........

Dee74

Welcome back BD

D

ButterflyDreams

I am happy to report that I made it through 5 days. That's the longest time I've been able to go without drinking. I never thought something could be so hard. It's like I'm missing something. I'm okay as long as I stay busy.

Thanks for welcoming me back.

Butteryfly Dreams

stanleyhouse

Good to hear the news! I am glad you are sober and keeping busy. I know it feels like you are missing your friend right now but in a while it will be hard to imgine putting the toxin back into your body. Maybe, tonight you can do a pros/cons list for drinking. In the beginning, it is good to do that every few days to see the difference in the two catagories.
SH

ButterflyDreams

I have already thought those things in my mind and the pros way outnumber the cons (I mean pros for not drinking). Writing them down is a good idea!

I know what you mean about putting toxin back in my body. I used to smoke and thought I could never live without it. I managed to quit 28 years ago and can't imagine smoking now. I bet it could be the same with drinking but now I need to figure out what to do to relieve stress. Working out is a great stress reliever for me but I can't spend my life at the gym. I recently retired from work so I have so much more time to fill. I have a photography hobby which I was so focused on but just the past few days I haven't even wanted to pick up my camera. I am about to go out golfing which is my other hobby so I am looking forward to that. Our weather here has either been so hot or rainy that I haven't been out on the course for almost 2 weeks and it's killing me.... Watching golf on TV is great but playing is much better.

BrokenChains

I am glad you are here!

Buckley

You sound JUST like me. Bottle of wine a night was my M.O., as well.
Glad to hear you are on a good path.

stanleyhouse

Good afternoon
Golf is a great time and always better when we aren't hungover. You mention relieving stress. You also mentioned being retired from work. Instead of trying to relieve the stress. You could spend some time analyzing what is causing the stress and work towards getting rid of it. I know, easier said than done.
Another thing you could do tonight after golf is, look up defense mechanisms and list the ones you use. We use these everyday and for us it usually gives us the excuse to drink.
Have a nice round.
SH

ButterflyDreams

I think HABIT is #1 reason I would drink, 2nd would be boredom. I never feel like having a drink while golfing, running or on a photo shoot. It's only at night when I'm done with all my activities that I feel like having wine as a way to wind down the day. If I could just have 1 or 2 glasses then life would be grand but for some reason I found myself pouring more. After time even the wine wouldn't seem to be enough and I would have a shot of vodka or something but that didn't happen on a regular basis. But over time I was drinking more and more and I'm sure I developed a dependency on it.

I am the type of person who always has to be doing something. I never watch much TV except for a movie once in a while. I do like watching golf but mostly watch it while exercising. So my problem is always at night. But so far I have been able to resist. If I make it to 8PM then I seem to be okay...

I had a great time golfing, never thought of a drink all afternoon

Thanks for the support. It really helps me to put my feelings and thoughts down.

Anna

Hi and Welcome Back!

One of the great gifts of recovery for me, has been learning to just 'be'. I agree with you that keeping busy is a very good idea, but hopefully you can enjoy some quiet time with yourself.

ButterflyDreams

Where you able to stop the wine? Did it take a while not to want it each night? I made it another night...that's 6. Yeah!

ButterflyDreams

I made it another day.

stanleyhouse

Horray! I am doing the Snoopy Dance for you. Have a great day.

Freeport

We're glad you're back, Butterfly. As someone who counted alcohol as a very important part of his life 16 months ago, I can tell you anyone can do this. Every day you put between yourself and your last drink helps a little bit. For me the biggest challenge wasn't so much the cravings as it was the ritual and habit of drinking. That's what you're breaking with each sober day. You're forming new habits and learning that life proceeds just fine without that bottle of wine. Of course, you'll also realize that life is actually better without booze, though like all aspects of sobriety, those realizations take time. There was no lightbulb moment for me, though now it's just painfully obvious that I'm happier sober. For me, it took a couple to three months to begin feeling comfortable with myself at night without alcohol. Parties and other gatherings where booze was present took a few more months, and even today, I catch myself doing double-takes at beer during ballgames, etc. Do whatever it takes to reach milestones, a week, a month, three months, then it will suddenly dawn on you that it's getting easier. Keep it up!

ButterflyDreams

Thanks Freeport. This was very helpful to read.