OneSmallFish

Hi.
I am a recovering amphetamine addict.
I had been using for a little over a year before I made the decision to become sober.
Honestly it has been extremely hard on me. I feel so weak and desperate and most of all alone.
It is hard for me to talk about this to my friends because unfortunately I am only 15 years old and "Normal not drug addict" Child gets overwhelmed when I tell them. And its hard for them to provide support. Without freaking out because they have no knowledge about drugs and addiction.
My brother was a 4 year coke addict.
This was hard growing up because I became emerged in the situation of drugs at an extremely young age.
I thought everyones older brother snorted coke,
This was normal to me.
And now, I realize this started my addiction.
I feel so alone in this situation and its terribly frighting.
I have tried my best to quit in early points in my life, but i end up using in the end.
This makes my addiction even worse. Every time I fail I go to drugs.
I want to change my life, I don't want to use anymore.
I just never have the drive.
And with the drama that a 15 year old has to go through + a serious addiction, paired up with my brother leaving for college and me now having no one to talk to.. Has landed me in hot watter.
I'm not blaming my addiction on my age, and my situation I just feel like that has disabled me from quiting in the past.
I have so much life to live.
So much time to be spent.

My brother once said that "Drugs are like a dam, you clog the flow and build up pressure and when you choose to quit all the water rushes back at you and your first instinct is to plug it back up. But you have to stay strong and let the water cleanse you so your river can run normal and clean again"

ANGELINA243

Welcome! Glad you are here. What support have you already tried--if you don't mind me asking. I don't know whether or not talking to a school counselor might be helpful--I am just not sure of how much they would keep confidential.

I would suggest attending a NA meeting. There are plenty young people at my homegroup. That might be an option. Just know that you are not alone and that how wonderful it would be if you could stop using at such a young age. What a blessing that would be. Keep posting here at SR too. This is a great place to find support. We do recover.

LexieCat

You haven't mentioned your parents. Can you talk to them? I know it's really, really hard to talk to even the best parents about something like this, but if they have medical insurance you might be able to go to a rehab, which will get you off on good, solid ground with your recovery.

NA meetings can be good, too, but at your age I think it might be best to start off with some professional help.

You're right--you have your whole life ahead of you, and the sooner you face this thing and get clean and sober, the better.

suki44883

I agree that you should talk with your parents. They might be surprised or shocked at first, but they love you and want what is best for you. This isn't something you should keep to yourself any longer.

LaFemme

I am really glad you are reaching out for help, you sound amazingly mature and levelheaded for 15. It sounds as though you are very close to your brother...is he still using? Has he gotten any help?

anything we can do to help, please let us know. I don't know what your school system provides in terms of counseling, but maybe there is someone who can help there.

If you don't mind me asking...what is your relationship like with your parents, is there any way that they can help? I know parents can be pretty clueless but sometimes that's because they don't know what else to do.

Pleade keep us posted.

Dee74

Welcome onesmallfish

You'll find a lot of support here

I really second the advice about speaking to your folks - if for any reason that's not possible, then some responsible adult - doctor, counsellor, teacher.

I think it's really important to do what you can to break the cycle and stay stopped OSF.

Keep posting here
D

Ghostly

Hey OneSmallFish! Everything I wanted to write has been written above but I do want to echo some of it. You really do sound a lot older than 15...you seem mature enough to know you have a lot ahead of you and need to change your life.

Try to talk to a parent / guardian. If you can't I know there are people at school you can talk to. Please seek face to face help. There are people in your life you can turn to for help, you just need to ask them.

OneSmallFish

Guys thank you so much for the concern.
My brother is my life line. He has stayed sober for I think 1.5 years, about that. He is very knowledgeable about these things and loves me to death, I am keeping my parents out of it for one last shot. I have this chance to change my life around, and then I gave 3 of my friends and my brother permission to tell my parents.
I want to have this experience affect me.
I know this might sound silly but i believe that you always learn from situations in your life, with my Addiction, I feel like i would benefit more if I did this with out professional help, BUT until i put myself in serious danger, AKA If I use again (and I won't). I will get professional support. I do talk to a therapist because I've been clinically diagnosed with depression.
Me and my brother have a very tight relationship. I was there for him and his is there for me. I want my life to change because I can already see my life flashing by me, I have never had a girlfriend because my drug addiction has given me trust issues, and a very sense of loneliness paired with my depression is a bad combo. A chain I want to break. I want to go to the movies with my friend, not stay alone and tweak.

Also, thank you so much for all of the comments that said things along the line of me being "Well Spoken" "For a 15 year old" I pride myself of keeping up with the big guys in terms of discussion.
Also, this is NOT to brag, but I do have a 134 IQ, and this has put so much pressure on me in my life. Everyone expects A's.

Dee74

Hey again Onesmallfish

Just don't do what I did which was say 'if I fail next time, I'll get outside help' ...and keep saying that for 20 years....

I really hope your last time is behind you, and I wish you well - but if it's not - please do follow through

D

OneSmallFish

If I fall people will catch me and bring me up faster then I can get up the courage to ask. I will never hit the bottom. Ever, again. I feel like the path of life is one best walked, I would rather do this on my own, but i need a safety net and I have 4. I love everyone here already. The thought and care that you people say to me really helped me flush my pills this morning

EDIT: I have people to push me to help. I don't have to do it alone.

angharad

you are wise beyond your years I agree with everyone on that. Had I known then at 15 what I know now I would never have taken my first line and got wasted! We're all here for you and I really hope you get through this. Your brother sounds like a tremendous lifeline.
Being the one in my family/friends to get straight A's, go to university get a degree and do a MAster degree I definatley understand the pressure of ppl expecting you to do well. Its like "oh its her, she's the clever one she'll be ok".
I've been absent for a month or two but back now. Keep posting this place is great.
xx

OneSmallFish

Thank you, I just wish a people in the world were not judged on there age, amount of books they read, there grades, but there thirst for knowledge. Everyone should feel that need to grow as an individual.

Be aware of everything you do, and be aware about how if affects people.. I love the ability to think like that, and with any drug there is a cap that is put on. It restricts your ability to grow as a person.

I feel like I have alot of growing, and I need to break free of paridimes that i have set on myself, as a drug user.

LaFemme

I agree that as awful as addiction is, recovery provides a tremendous opportunity to learn and grow. I just wish you weren't going through it at an age where you should still be enjoying your youth,

I am glad you have a support network and hope you continue to post here.

Tina

LexieCat

OSF,

Glad to hear you've got people who've got your back. Very important.

I've got a high IQ, too, and I can tell ya, years of alcohol use has shaved a bit off my brain power. And I've heard it said it can be more damaging when you're young.

So it sounds like you've committed to doing WHATEVER IT TAKES, and that's the key.

Stick around here--we will help you all we can.

OneSmallFish

The level of support that this website creates is incomparable. I feel so happy that I can relate to so many people, and that I have a place where I can good discussions thanks for all the support and I say thank you for all of the people who are guests and have not made a account yet.