newly sober and live in bf relapsed tonight
 

Hi all, I am posting for some advice. I already know the answer in my heart but I am newly sober from cocaine and alcohol only 6 1/2 months. I met a guy in rehab (of course I did) and ted dating him. For about the past months on a few different days I thought my bf might have drank. it was hard to say because he had like to have a couple of o'douls..he was a daily drinker with the same sobriety date as me. We rushed things of course, found comfort in our newly sober way of life and moved in together way to quickly. I have been saying I need some space and to get to really know the new sober me and way of life. He freaked out and I found him in a hotel room tonigh after not coming home from work with some vodka and he was wasted. I left and told him not to come back. I have two daughters that live with me and refuse to allow them around that sort of thing again. I feel like I am abandoning him but my own sobriety is most important to me and my children. He doesn't have a whole lot of support and I am worried about him. Please offer any advice u might have and pray for him. Thanks so much
Lucy

I'm so sorry, but I'm glad you sound like you have your priorities right. I will say a prayer for both of you. Stay strong!

Thanks so much..sounds like something right out of a meeting. That initial first sober relationship that happened way too fast for both of us. i feel so terribly that it happened. It could've been me. I just hate that I have to close the door but I can't be the one to help him, it just seems to risky for me. but of course the fellow drunk in me doesn't want to turn my back on him. I want to be there for him but feel too emotional of an attachment. Of course he doesn't agree because he is drunk right now. I can't imagine the pain and sorrow he must be feeling right now....

P.S.I am so glad i found this site....I can see how this can be helpful any time of day or night

It is a great help to have this community, I'm glad you found us...maybe one day your bf will find us too.

Hi mslou

Welcome - I'm sorry for your troubles.
I think you know what to do - in fact you've already told him not to come back.

You have yourself and your kids to consider first.

D

Remember he has his OWN higher power--and it isn't you.

He knows what to do.

Take care of yourself and your kiddos.

Sorry you are going through this but as we all know.....we are only accountable for our own sobriety.

As much as we want to support and help.....we can not take on the burden of another if it jeopardizes our own recovery.

Focus on you and your children. You sometimes have to let the others go.

I would have done the same thing. Actually I have had to let others go in my recovery because my sobriety comes first.

Stay strong and move on.

I'm sorry to hear you're going through that mslou. I agree with you that your daughters do not need to be around that behavior. It's always tough to give advice regarding relationships, because we don't know all the particulars of what you guys are dealing with. But I hope you stay strong in your own recovery, and I hope your bf is able to get the help he needs to stop drinking again. Good on you for thinking of yourself and your kids.

Thanks to all who have posted. So now it is morning and of course he has come home begging for me to stay with him. I can't do it and won't do it. I can't help but feel like I am letting him down in some way. I went with him to the early am meeting and now have to stay strong and stay away. I am walking a very fine line myself in regards to staying sober. Too bad he can't see that and just go quietly. I guess we all know how twisted and distorted our thinking can be...

Mslou , your makin the right choice , he is in control of his own choices not you , and as badly as you want to save and help him, you know being your in recovery that it just dont work that way , as much as we want to, its just not possible ..
This is why they say the first yr to work on yourself and not get into a relationship esp one from rehab .. Codo's on not waiting til things get harder to walk away from , Huggles Endzy

(((((MsLou)))))

Far from it!!!! However, were you to 'take him back in' you would be letting yourself and your children down.

I have seen many "Rehab romances" over my many years in recovery and to be honest, I have not seen a single one make it, and many times both of the folks in the 'partnership' end up using and/or drinking again.

Keep 'trudgin' forward. Do the next right thing for YOU. Keep posting here and let us know how you are doing, as we do care, very much!

I do believe you now have a 'clearer' understanding of the admonishments heard in meetings:

"No major changes the first year."

Although many hear it as:

"No relationships the first year."

Which is not entirely wrong as that would be a 'major change.'

I hope you have a sponsor and can discuss all of this with her, and if not, I hope you acquire a sponsor SOON!

Love and hugs,

No don't have a sponsor. haven't really even been going to meeting. prob been at least a month before this am. i've been saying I need to go but always find an excuse. I know I am walking such a fine line myself. I def plan on continuing to go daily again "by myself" I knew this would happen and am handling it fairly well. I am ready to continue this journey by myself and the right way.....It's funny how some of use think we can beat the program, or think we r special in some way...ha ha. Bottom line is I'm a drunk and only an arms length away from a drink at any moment. Thankfully I have some of the basics down to keep me from that at least for right now. Thanks for the input. It's nice to have this at my fingertips to read and continue with my journey

Thanks for all the support. So the bf's slip has made me take a look at my own sobriety (or lack of it) Sure I can say I haven't gone without a drink or any coke since january but I know the way I am feeling lately it is only a matter of time. So I've been to 3 meetings in 4 days, I am planning on going to tonights womens meeting and hopefully seeing some familiar faces. I have asked the bf to leave so that I can work this program the right way for myself. He of course is hurt and angry but Friday night could have been me stuck in that hotel room trashed. It seems like everything lately has been so chaotic and the answer is as easy as going to meetings, get involved and most important I know I need to get a sponsor. So plan is in place now time to continue on and take action. The bf has left today and says he is going to do what he needs to get back on track. I just hope in time he will see that this is the only way for eaither of us to get some sanity back in our lives. I haven't drank but I feel like I am acting like a drunk lately. So thanks to all who told me what I already knew in my heart.