Aurora80

"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, "I will try again tomorrow." -Mary Anne Radmacher

That being said, I also like this one:

"I guess I prefer to see the dark side of things. The glass is always half empty. And cracked. And I just cut my lip on it. And chipped a tooth." -Janeane Garofalo

lildawg

How are you doing, Aurora?

Starburst

Today is your day to dance lightly with life.
Sing wild songs of adventure.
Invite rainbows & butterflies out to play.
Soar your spirit and unfurl your joy.

Aurora80

I'm ok I guess. If you discount the fact I'm having a bitch of a time quitting drinking. The night before last I had a half pint, and I really felt like a slimeball too cause I drank it on the DL, all covert and sneaky like. Last night I had one beer.

I didn't want to tell anyone, but I hear lying and keeping secrets like that isn't useful in recovery. "You're only as sick as your secrets."

lildawg

I know what you mean about doing your drinking on the down low. I did that for a few years before I quit.

Have you been back to AA? I remember you said that helped that first day you tried it.

Either ways, **hugs**. I really want this to work for you if you want it to work. You seem like a nice person.

Aurora80

Thanks lildawg. I really want this to work for me too. And I am a nice person! I'm kind of in a weird place right now. The "slips" have seemingly weakened my resolve. Or possibly time has. But I can't just go back to drinking/keep drinking. If I do it's inevitable something bad will happen. Maybe not this week, maybe not next week. But before long, I will get drunk and do Something Stupid. It always comes back to that.

The meeting did help. I think I want to go to another. I can't always go everyday because I don't have a vehicle and I have small children. But there are meetings I can walk to twice a week I think.

Sigh. I'm just in a weird place.

lildawg

Have you checked into AA's online meetings? In their introduction, it says they are there for people who don't have transportation or people who have the care of small children all the time. They also have a "get help now" section where someone can email you back quickly.

I'm not saying SR won't help you. There are a great bunch of people here. I just wanted to show you this option in case you aren't aware of it.

Dee74

Hi Aurora

I remember times after I relapsed, I'd always just go with the flow...which meant drinking...then more and more drinking...pretty soon I was back in the pit and something catastrophic would happen... and I'd try again....

There's got to be an easier way than that.

Try for a day one, or two or whatever you're up to. Walk to that meeting ASAP.
Do something, y'know?

Don't let the apathy and resignation take hold.
D

recycle

Aurora since you are bustin' out the quotes:

"All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another." Anatole France

This means something to me. I told myself for years I wanted to quit. But was I willing to risk my life, my health, my marriage, my kids future, my self respect, my career, my friends, my reputation, my house, etc. to stop drinking?

It is a tough question, and maybe a little too heavy for someone just starting out, but I was are risking all of the above by drinking. It seems only right that some things dear to me will change forever by choosing to quit.