LexieCat

EVERYBODY wants to feel the buzz. Everybody here, anyway.

Moderation didn't work for me for two reasons. One was the endless, tedious counting, measuring, debating when, where, how much, ad nauseum.

The other was simple: I want the damn BUZZ. If I am having one or two drinks, I am not getting the buzz. It is drinkus interruptus, quite unsatisfying and frustrating.

If I'm moderating I'm not enjoying the drinking. If I'm enjoying the drinking, I'm not moderating.

Not drinking makes life SOOOO much simpler.

Dee74

I figure your journey is your journey SSIL75.

but I kept saying tomorrow too...
Trouble is I ended up in a place I don't recommend to anyone.

Tomorrows can turn into years...and you can keep forever keep moving the goalposts and changing the rules of the game and getting in deeper and deeper...

Don't do what I did....

Hanging on by your fingernails is no way to live anyway.
D

LaFemme

SSIL...do you still actually get a buzz? I stopped getting a buzz a long time ago, but kept drinking thinking it would be different one more time.

SSIL75

I do still get a buzz. I tend to drink slowly. Like a drink an hour. Just keeping me a bit high (but for like... 8 hours). I mean sometimes I drink way more but what I crave is that kind of little high.

Anyway it's irrelevant because it can't go on. I read something recently "How you spend your days is how you spend your years". It's no life, really and I know that. I am in a much better place than I was even a few months back. It's just time to take the plunge.

Jabbadabutt

Hey everybody it's Day 10 and I'm still here and sober !!! This has been in the past where the wheels would fall off and I would dabble...but not this time....I have something to prove. I wanted to thank everybody for posting and talking about thier similiar situations with thier loved ones (especially Supercrew -- that was an awesome post that I could REALLY relate to - kind of creepy actually) but I think that shows how similair we all really are sometimes. We are more the same than we are different (Oprah).

Sometimes it is a constant obsession thinking about not drinking.....and that's okay because I think that is what makes us continue to fight it....and fighting it and coping and learning will allow us to overcome. I have said this before but it just downright sucks that (at least right now I think this way) I will need to live the rest of my life knowing that if I get too close to the flame...I may get burned. But I suppose over time....and after a few sucessful situations....it will get less cumbersome and painful.

Tonight would have normally been a real test for my behavior and problem. The wife is going out for several hours and I will be alone (ON A FRIDAY NIGHT !!!!) where normally I would drink and cut loose with no implications (probably drink WAY too much) and make sure I was in bed before she got home. HOWEVER, tonight I will be sober. I have a child to take care of and get into bed, and I WILL NOT compromise her safety ever again because I am drunk. Even after she goes to bed, I will NOT drink, I am serious this time.....I am working SOOO hard to do it right this time. I feel the best I have ever felt about it and will consider it a small victory to spend the night eating hot dogs, chugging caffiene free diet coke, and watching a bad B movie by myself....waiting for my beautiful wife to get back so I can greet her with a big sober hug and and a kiss.....and the words "hey....welcome home......I'm okay" with a look into her eyes that tells her "I did it".

Here's to small victories......although to most people not here at SR seem ridiculously stupid....but I'm sure to many of us.....seems like a moment worthy of a trophy.

Here's to a weekend of sobiety to many of you!

artsoul

Hey Jabba - wish there was a trophy smiley, because we DO deserve it. It's wonderful that you've put together 10 days. I remember thinking after about 2 weeks that I just might actually be able to do this!

I still get an inner jolt when my kids aren't here (especially, as you said, on a Friday or Saturday night) and I'm alone. Usually a great time for a chemically-induced vacation. Of course, I had to sacrifice the next day or two to recover and often ended up drinking those days in the afternoon just to feel normal again. So a couple of hours' reprieve ended up costing me a few days of remorse, knowing I'd done it again - to my mind, my body, and my soul.

I don't think the obsession is a bad thing at first, either. It drove me to hang out at SR and keep sobriety #1 for that day.

Keep it going - those little victories add up fast!! Have a relaxing, peaceful evening.

LaFemme

Awwww....you made me smile...thanks:-) you've also given me.inspiration since I have to go to my HS reunion tomorrow and I've been a little anxious...now I feel.better!

RobertHugh

The line I've always used when people ask me why I won't drink:

"I'm just not very good at it."

I think it's a light way to imply there's something more serious underneath, and generally, people nod and get you a soda.

When you say, just for tonight, or I'm driving, I fear it diminishes the gravity of the situation and puts you at greater risk.

NewMe11109

My favorite line about why I'm not drinking is just "No thanks". If they ask a second time, just "No thanks" again. It is amazingly effective and requires no additional clarification.

For my closer friends who ask but whom I chose not to tell that I am an alcoholic, I will sometimes say that "I have a malfunctioning liver enzyme" and leave it as cryptic as that.

But, frankly, in early sobriety, we get all worried about what everybody else thinks. This is alcoholic "it's all about me" thinking.

As we get more sobriety, we realize that very few people actually care about our not drinking. It is a phase we all need to go through and we all have to experience it for ourselves.

Just don't give up too soon. This thread has been great!

LaFemme

I'm not worried about what to say, I'm worried about going back to HS insecurities while surrounded by booze:-)

Supercrew

I hoping the best for you!! Friday alone with the wife out was normally a tipping point for me as well. I was a sneaky SOB, put the kid to bed and hit the bottle if I wasn't already pouring beers for myself while he was watching Disney channel. I really appreciate this forum because whenever I get an urge, especially when I am home alone, I can come here and burn some time and remember why I'm not drinking again. It was over 100 degrees here today, and I had lunch with a couple of buddies/customers, and they ordered their beers, (both of them also have major drinking problems), and I ordered my Iced Tea like I have the last couple of weeks when I meet with them, (55 days ago I would have polished off 2 20 ouncers in 30 minutes with lunch), and we discussed my sobriety and they were happy for me but joked that they would be there when I fell off the wagon, and if I didn't I could be the Driver next time I got them tickets for a game.

Anyways I jumped in the car, and ran to 7/11 where I would normally grab my first 2 24 ouncers for the road, but I bought a lotto ticket and a big gulp diet coke. As I was driving I realized my wife took my son to the beach and I was going to be home for about 4 hours alone doing yard work, and i thought about grabbing a couple of beers just to see if I could get a little buzz and get a little more motivated to do the yard work, but I decided that I didn't want to. Long story short, I got stuff done, wife got home, she was happy, I was happy, son was happy, and I am ready for a good sober weekend!

(As soon as I thought about grabbing a beer, I came home, I jumped on here and read my first post.) I have been fine ever since!!

Have a great sober weekend everyone!!

If you ever need any help or support feel free to PM me Jabba.

myliberty

Supercrew, Yard work and cold beer used to go hand in hand with me also. At the end of the day I had only done about half the things I set out to do. I did somehow manage to squeeze in an extra trip or two to the beer store though. LOL

BoutDamnTime

myliberty: Oh man. Can I relate to that. I have a good sized yard, and there's a good reason it usually looks like crap. You nailed it.

Funny thing this morning. When I normally would have popped a brew to start the day, I popped a ginger ale. I got a rush! It's like my brain released some chemical in anticipation of alcohol.

Then it got ****** at me, of course....

Jabbadabutt

Hey I'm in Day 13 now.....lucky 13. Thanks everyone for your comments and posts, it really helps keep us all connected here and feeling a sense of community and support. I must say that this weekend was pretty easy for me. I will admit that I had a few craving moments and I thought about drinking at times...but my will won over it and I am doing great.

Fri night 'alone' went well. I kept telling myself that I needed to do this for me and keep mt word to the wife and planned a night with some junk food and soda and a bad comedy movie.....and a few hours later, the wife got home and I made it !!!! I did it - - - a little crazy how we end up treating ourselves like a 2 year old who went a whole day without pooping in their pants but it is what it is........small victories.

The rest of the weekend was not a problem getting through it as I kept busy and ALWAYS kept that block on in my mind regarding drinking. I know that my wife would not be comfortable with seeing me take a drink....and I know that it would MAKE he uncomfortable.....and I need to prove it to myself that I do not really NEED to drink.....so I didn't.

The night with our friend went pretty well, no big harrassement about not drinking. The wife pre-prepped them that I took a decongestant and would not be drinking (so it was painless when I got there) and wouldn't you know it I was "playing sick" but as the night went on I REALLY actually came down with something and now have a cold !!!! Wierd how that works out like that. Although I really would rather not have the cold right now....but I does make NOT drinking THAT much easier.

I am eyeing the prize of 30 days still.....although I know that one daya at a time is the only was I will get there. I do think about the people here that have years behind them and ask myself what lkeeps them going and what goals do they set but I suppose that after a while just like drinking became a part of your fabric, NOT DRINKING becomes can become part of your fabric as well......but part of me thinks that the little voice in your head saying "remember you had a problem with drinking" NEVER goes away no matter how many years later.

I have not been on this site since last friday so I look forward to catching up with the other posts here throughout the day. I feel like people need me here....as much as I need them.

getr345

It's weird how some people get hung up on moderation and others simply don't. I wonder what that says about the person considering it and what it means for their long term recovery prospects. Odd I think that AA recommends giving it a go if you're uncertain about things. Like somehow a drink will clarify matters. Too many variables to generalize I guess but for me, moderation was not even considered as an option, not because I didn't think I could pull it off (for a time) but rather because it seemed like torture (like only smoking one or two cigarettes a day) and my goal was get sober and to live a new better life without alcohol; not to drink less, or drink "responsibility" or drink in moderation. There was a time (like 20 yrs ago...) when I did that naturally and didn't even think about it (much less seek the counsel of others about it) then it grew and grew to the point when I realized I had drank myself into a corner and the answer was not gonna be found in a "responsible" drink framed in denial masquerading as moderation. It was all or nothing for me, either I drink or I don't and if I DO, well then the door remains open to all kinds of problems and I wanted to slam that door shut and never look back.

LaFemme

Hey congrats on a sober weekend. The first two weeks seemed endless and chalking up those sober days was a major milestone...every day was amazing. The second two weeks were a little easier. Each day was a celebration but it no longer felt like i was overcoming something in surmountable. I am now on my 42nd day...and although I still hear the alcoholic voice every once in awhile, each time I hear it, it seems weaker. Every time I survive a situation where I would ordinarily drank (reunion this past weekend) strengthens my resolve.

Take it one day at a time, but also keep an eye on the prize...you can do it!

LaFemme

One last thing...I think everyone's timetable runs a little different, but it always runs in the same direction:-)

lildawg

Congrats on making it through the weekend, despite situations that would normally be triggers for you.

I guess, to an extent, we're learning something as basic as not pooping your pants . . .

I know exactly what you mean. If I can only have one or two drinks, why bother? I mean, if I'm going to drink, I want to get drunk. Which I guess says a lot about why I am here at SR.

stanleyhouse

I'm glad you had a nice weekend. Hats off to you and all your hard work.

Jabbadabutt

Yes.....trying not to poop my pants.....one day at a time