Mae09

It's very early on for me, but I feel very optimistic. With that said, I had so many thoughts pop into my mind throughout the day I feel like a crazy person. “I never want another drink again,” or “I am sad I can never have a drink again,” or I can’t deal with my boss and this stressful job, I need to go to happy hour” or “I am such a happier and better person sober,” I’ve been there before. UUGGGHHH, it sucks, it’s like my brain is playing ping-pong. . I never really needed a reason to drink, but stress really brought it on, so I am trying to stay in peaceful environments or maybe just try to look at things differently. I came across some vodka yesterday while looking for a rice cooker in a very obscure spot … that is so sad….I wonder how many more hiding spots there are in my house. Hopefully I will always have the strength to dump it down the drain! Thanks for all your helpful insights, it is a really hard journey and your kind support for others has been very inspirational for me.

LexieCat

Welcome, Mae,

I went all over my house finding all bottles, empty and full, the day before I quit drinking.

Are you getting any other support besides these forums for your sobriety? The forums are fantastic, but to me, nothing beats getting into a room with a bunch of other people all working on the same solution. It helps keep the little voices in MY head quiet!

Anna

Mae, it is a very hard journey, especially early on.

I think that you are learning to recognize your 'addict voice' which is trying to lure you back into drinking. It doesn't want to lose you. Once you recognize that voice for what it is, you can hear it and then let it go.

LaFemme

Welcome Mae!

When I would hear the addictive voice, I just imagined that it was in its death throes....instead of arguing with it, picture it gasping for breath as it dies. Works for me:-)

topspin

Congrats on knowing the best place for that vodka yesterday!

Oh, the committee meeting that would sometimes occupy my brain in the earliest days ;
....rent free too !!!

What Anna said;..... is spot on .

Grateful to be sober "one day at a time "

.

Dee74

Welcome to SR Mae

What helped me, finally, was not engaging with that voice, or those ping pong voices, at all.

I spent many years fighting 'it' - I found greater success in acceptance - accepting that I was an alcoholic, giving up the notion that drinking is in anyway viable for me, and accepting that drinking will always bring me, and those I care about, great pain.

The voices lost their power...and stopped driving me med
D

Toronto68

Mae, it sounds like healthy thinking to me. I guess I could compare it to an itch after pain - healing. So I would say to accept the battling voices as part of a process that takes time. For me, even just recognizing thought patterns I don't like (things I should not focus on, like resentment, fears about the future, etc) is really important, because those are tied to my addiction experience. I think it helps to find areas where you can give yourself credit as well as critique your thoughts/behaviors as the days go by. I can't guarantee what you would do if you did find more hidden bottles, but it sounds to me like you are working on recovering. (Toss them if you do. And if there are any not opened and you don't want to waste those, give them to someone ASAP.) And keep going and start another day.