huntwc

I am in my 5th sober week and having a really tough 2 days. My mom is here from VA and we ALWAYS have wine together. She is having her wine and I am having water in a wine glass.

I am having the worst mental cravings since I stopped on July 5.... I know I will be really sorry and disappointed in myself if I cave in but resisting is so hard! She does not know the truth BTW,she thinks I have stopped due to severe reflux. That is part of my struggle...not being totally upfront with her is making me very anxious but I do not want her to know of my struggle!! I am also not able to attend my evening support group due to her visit. Sniff sniff....tough stuff

flutter

Stop torturing yourself by drinking out of a wine glass! Grab a giant water cup and fill it up with ice water.

It might help YOU if you're open with her that you don't intend to drink anymore, armed with suggestions on how else to spend your time with her (instead of sitting and drinking).

suki44883

I agree with Flutter. A big part of recovery is being honest. By telling your mother the truth, it will take a huge weight off your shoulders and might even bring you closer. Drinking water out of a wine glass is just torturing yourself. Come clean and share something important with your mom.

julez

I understand the point behind not wanting to share that you are trying to get sober. I told my husband, my sister, and one friend. I don't plan on telling anyone else. I'm doing what I need to do to maintain my sobriety, and i really don't want to discuss it with my mother, or my other friends. Maybe one day I will, but this is my problem and my struggle. I do agree about the wine glass......

Dee74

Hi huntwc

I'm all for people keeping their business to themselves, but when doing that starts to impact upon us negatively, I think we owe it to ourselves to reassess things.

I definitely agree lose the wine glass...and I think, whether you tell your mom the truth or not, you really need to access your support group right now.

D

LexieCat

I choose not to share my recovery with my 81 year old father. He was never around the active drinking, so I see no need to worry him. When I was visiting my dad I made an excuse to go out to my meeting.

I agree that "drinking" with mom, whether you tell her or not, is a bad idea--water out of a wine glass--sheesh! No wonder you are feeling weird.

I don't know what your normal relationship with your mom is like, or how old you both are, or how close you are geographically. Unless you feel it would upset her too much, you might do better to share it with her. It will relieve the stress of keeping a secret that really isn't shameful.

huntwc

Thanks for reaching out so quickly. I will lose the wine glass!!!! My mom lives 5 hours away and as such has not played a huge role in my day to day life for 20+ years. I do not want to upset her or cause her worry. She had a rough marriage to my alcoholic dad (he is deceased). She is having the time of her life right now and I can't burden her with this. Perhaps in time I will be able to come clean but it is just too hard and too soon. Very few people in my everyday life know at this point.

As such "cocktail hour(s)" is just part of her routine...she has a few glasses of wine every night with or without company. I can't tell her how hard it is for me to sit with her while she sips...at least not now. I hope by the time we see each other again (maybe not until Oct) I will be further along and perhaps able to share this with her!

HReady

When she sips...maybe you can make an excuse that you need to do this or that and go to one of your meetings.

LexieCat

Gotcha, hunt, I understand completely.

My kids' dad has been sober 30 years and I waited until I had three months before I shared it with HIM. Same reason, basically--wanted to be sure I was on solid ground.

I don't know how much longer she'll be there, but don't stay away from your meetings for too long--you need them!

4theboys

Wow! Good job Hunt! 5 weeks is amazing! It just made my gut hurt for you to be drinking out of that glass. Give yourself a pat on the back the next time she"s around and even if you don't tell her anything just look at your glass of water and grin, knowing the exact meaning behing that simple beverage you are drinking.
And you never know, if your dad was an alcoholic maybe she'd be really really impressed with the effort she must knows it takes to quit. ?? You never know. Good Luck

soberbythesea

I totally understand not wanting to share with your mom. At this time, I have absolutely no intention of sharing what I am doing or why with anyone other than my husband and the good people here on SR. With the exception of my husband, there's no one I see so often that it would be really obvious that I've stopped drinking completely, at least not for a good long time.

wpainterw

It doesn't have to be water. It could be Sprite, Diet Sprite, Diet Coke, etc. P.S. I really hate it when they call something a Shirley Temple or a Virgin Mary. Good luck.
Incidentally they ought to go after the guy who invented the "cocktail hour".

LaFemme

amen!