Where I am.
Looking For Myself...Sober
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Where the heart is
Posts: 10,209
Where I am.
I go Thurs for the screening for the house. So I am thinking probably next week sometime I will be going. I will be on assessment for 21 days. That means I am on lock down. I can only leave for a meeting every night and I have to go with someone.
I hope I get my old room. It was the biggest one. It is going to be a little wqeird. because alot of the people that were coming in when I left will be leaving when I am going back. I hope its a good house.
I am getting nervous already getting ahead of myself. Wondering if I can handle 6 mos there. I am not leaving this time unless someone dies. I have to see this through this time. I have never completed anything in my life. And this is THE Most important thing I have ever had to complete.
You know I will be on once a week, Probably on Sat to check in like I did before.
I wish we had internet so at the house so I could come on here more. I really need SR alot when I am there.
I was upset yesterday because not only did my dad call my house on my birthday and only complained about how he cant get custody of my sister's daughter, he didnt even acknowledge me at all on ym own birthday and calling mad because he cant get someone else kid, He calls yesterday and tells my gram not to forget its his wifes birthday today and to call her. WTF??!! Still no recognition of mine. I havent been that hurt by him in a long time.
I think its time for me to just let it go and accept it is the way it is between me and him. It is so upsetting and exhausting trying to have any kind of relationship with him. And its mostly one way effort. And its me doing all the work. I am tired of it.
This goes way back to when I was 13 and found his 1st step he wrote when he was in treatment. Where you write your life story. He mentioned me once when I was born and thats it. I need to let this fantasy of this wonderful father daughter bond I wish we had.
He has 24 yrs sober from alcohol but he is a perfect example of abstinance does not equal recovery. He is the hardest and most judgemental of anyone about my addiction. Down right cruel at times.
I try to be the bigger person and let go alot of what him and his wife do and say , which is alot of negative things. I swear they are on some far left level than anyone I have ever seen in my life.
I am not going to spend any more time or energy chasing the impossible.
Well, I wanted to touch base and let yall know where I am.
By the way, My aunt and them did try and call me on my birthday, but my phone had no minutes and my gram missed the call and they left a message but she never checks them. I did finally yesterday. My bad. I should have known better.
Tonight it is my birthday dinner at my aunts. I know who my true family is and I feel bad I ever doubted that. Thats what self pity and depression will do to you.
Anyway. Talk to you guys later. Thx for listening.
I hope I get my old room. It was the biggest one. It is going to be a little wqeird. because alot of the people that were coming in when I left will be leaving when I am going back. I hope its a good house.
I am getting nervous already getting ahead of myself. Wondering if I can handle 6 mos there. I am not leaving this time unless someone dies. I have to see this through this time. I have never completed anything in my life. And this is THE Most important thing I have ever had to complete.
You know I will be on once a week, Probably on Sat to check in like I did before.
I wish we had internet so at the house so I could come on here more. I really need SR alot when I am there.
I was upset yesterday because not only did my dad call my house on my birthday and only complained about how he cant get custody of my sister's daughter, he didnt even acknowledge me at all on ym own birthday and calling mad because he cant get someone else kid, He calls yesterday and tells my gram not to forget its his wifes birthday today and to call her. WTF??!! Still no recognition of mine. I havent been that hurt by him in a long time.
I think its time for me to just let it go and accept it is the way it is between me and him. It is so upsetting and exhausting trying to have any kind of relationship with him. And its mostly one way effort. And its me doing all the work. I am tired of it.
This goes way back to when I was 13 and found his 1st step he wrote when he was in treatment. Where you write your life story. He mentioned me once when I was born and thats it. I need to let this fantasy of this wonderful father daughter bond I wish we had.
He has 24 yrs sober from alcohol but he is a perfect example of abstinance does not equal recovery. He is the hardest and most judgemental of anyone about my addiction. Down right cruel at times.
I try to be the bigger person and let go alot of what him and his wife do and say , which is alot of negative things. I swear they are on some far left level than anyone I have ever seen in my life.
I am not going to spend any more time or energy chasing the impossible.
Well, I wanted to touch base and let yall know where I am.
By the way, My aunt and them did try and call me on my birthday, but my phone had no minutes and my gram missed the call and they left a message but she never checks them. I did finally yesterday. My bad. I should have known better.
Tonight it is my birthday dinner at my aunts. I know who my true family is and I feel bad I ever doubted that. Thats what self pity and depression will do to you.
Anyway. Talk to you guys later. Thx for listening.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Glad your plans are moving along, Aysha.
I think you got some very good insights and perspective on your relationship with your dad. People are who they are, and we can't change them. It's good that you have others in your life who can give you love and support. He just doesn't happen to be one of them, and the sooner you accept that, deep down, the less you will feel it's any reflection on you.
Hugs (including an extra birthday hug for both of us).
I think you got some very good insights and perspective on your relationship with your dad. People are who they are, and we can't change them. It's good that you have others in your life who can give you love and support. He just doesn't happen to be one of them, and the sooner you accept that, deep down, the less you will feel it's any reflection on you.
Hugs (including an extra birthday hug for both of us).
6/20/08
Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 4,467
I think going for this 6 months will be crucial to you. You sound like you know what you need to do.
Childhood crap is crap that follows us into our adult life and drives us crazy (and not in a good way). Finding a place to put that crap, IMHO is crucial to your sobriety.
My very, very best to you.
Childhood crap is crap that follows us into our adult life and drives us crazy (and not in a good way). Finding a place to put that crap, IMHO is crucial to your sobriety.
My very, very best to you.
Better now than never
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Sunny South Florida
Posts: 52
Good luck with your "stay".
I have learned through couseling that we cannot change others, me must accept them for who they are, and find ways to remove ourselves from what they do that drives us crazy. I have learned by reading a book by the Dalai Lama that we need to focus on what makes us happy and nurture that. Thinking of those things can actually make us feel better in an uncomfortable situation.
I have never been in any type of recovery house, but their is a group of girls that comes to my Monday night womens AA group. You can literally pick out who wants to be there & who is there because they "have" to. You are one that wants to be, and it can work for you when you have the mindset... Good luck, and HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!
I have learned through couseling that we cannot change others, me must accept them for who they are, and find ways to remove ourselves from what they do that drives us crazy. I have learned by reading a book by the Dalai Lama that we need to focus on what makes us happy and nurture that. Thinking of those things can actually make us feel better in an uncomfortable situation.
I have never been in any type of recovery house, but their is a group of girls that comes to my Monday night womens AA group. You can literally pick out who wants to be there & who is there because they "have" to. You are one that wants to be, and it can work for you when you have the mindset... Good luck, and HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: New England
Posts: 5,285
Good luck on your sober house, it sounds like a great opportunity for you.
I'm sorry about your relationship with your father, that sucks. Letting go of family crap is hard and takes a lot of work, I think we all have to do it to some degree.
I'm glad you had a birthday celebration with your aunt and family that loves you:-)
I'm sorry about your relationship with your father, that sucks. Letting go of family crap is hard and takes a lot of work, I think we all have to do it to some degree.
I'm glad you had a birthday celebration with your aunt and family that loves you:-)
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 3,550
Looks like your number one priority right now is you. Naturally you feel bad about your relationships and all the unfairness but as you say you can't do much about that right now and the important thing is to get stuff straightened out with your own life. Once that happens then you may find that many of the other things begin to fall into place. Even if they don't you'll be in a lot better shape to cope with them. Good luck with all that and keep in touch.
wp
wp
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((Trish))) - It's hard, accepting that someone you really want a relationship with you, just can't give you what you need. Hard, but not impossible. I've learned to reach out to others (many are here, at SR) to get what I need. I've found out that just because you're related to someone doesn't mean it's a healthy relationship.
I hope you get in the house, soon, and start working on yourselves again. I'm really glad you're having a birthday dinner and will be surrounded by people who love you.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
I hope you get in the house, soon, and start working on yourselves again. I'm really glad you're having a birthday dinner and will be surrounded by people who love you.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Grateful Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: MI
Posts: 1,080
I can totally relate to the situation with your dad. Mine is as selfish as can be, and has poor me syndrome. Never asks about me or my kids that he never sees. sigh. I've learned to let go, and I'd never share anything important with him. Good luck in the sober house. I hope you can make it the whole 6 months and come out better than ever!!
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,416
Folks have already said what I've said so (((Trish))) I'm glad and proud you're going back.
Stay the full term - do it for yourself...you deserve this chance.
All the other stuff will still be there later...but you'll be in a whole different, better place to deal with it
take care T!
D
Stay the full term - do it for yourself...you deserve this chance.
All the other stuff will still be there later...but you'll be in a whole different, better place to deal with it
take care T!
D
I want the best for you, I want you to find or make peace of mind for yourself. 
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