I have hit 90 days...But is it a big deal? How did you feel?
Better now than never
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Sunny South Florida
Posts: 52
I have hit 90 days...But is it a big deal? How did you feel?
Last drink that I remember....May 9th. I attend here on almost a daily basis, and go to at least one AA meeting a week, meet with an personal therapist once a month & a marriage couselor once a month.
I am sure everyone is aware of the "chip" system to mark the 3-month milestones in your sobrity.
I picked up my first chip, completely forgot to pick up the 30 day chip, and picked up my 90 day last night.
As walked up to get my 90 day chip, everyone applauded. I felt nothing. There was no "pride" or feeling of accomplishment, nothing.
I understand this is a big deal for others. 90 days is a long time to go for an alcoholic who was a daily/weekly drinker, and I feel proud of them when they reach these milestones. I am a binge alcoholic. Or what you might call a "self medicator". There are times when I would go a year without a drop. Go to weddings, graduations etc... surrounded by booze, and never take a drop. When I did drink, it was in the evening, a bottle or two, and for 3-4 days in a row..... then months without a drop. Yea there were times I did drink as social gatherings & get sh*t faced, can't deny that. They were far & few between.
My binge drinking is a result of stuffing my feeling and mild depression that follows when it builds up past the point of being able to handle it. It started when I was very young. When I couldnt deal I would act out or run away from home before I found this "liquid medication".
I do not take medication, I am learning through couseling how to deal with everyday stressors.
The deal is, I know I can go months without a drink, I know I can never drink again, at first I was resentful, weird but I was, now I understand it. Im not "EXCITED" to reach my 90 days.
Does anyone else feel like this or have felt this way? When do you feel "pride" in your accomplishment? Or is this a normal feeling for finally feeling normal?
I am sure everyone is aware of the "chip" system to mark the 3-month milestones in your sobrity.
I picked up my first chip, completely forgot to pick up the 30 day chip, and picked up my 90 day last night.
As walked up to get my 90 day chip, everyone applauded. I felt nothing. There was no "pride" or feeling of accomplishment, nothing.
I understand this is a big deal for others. 90 days is a long time to go for an alcoholic who was a daily/weekly drinker, and I feel proud of them when they reach these milestones. I am a binge alcoholic. Or what you might call a "self medicator". There are times when I would go a year without a drop. Go to weddings, graduations etc... surrounded by booze, and never take a drop. When I did drink, it was in the evening, a bottle or two, and for 3-4 days in a row..... then months without a drop. Yea there were times I did drink as social gatherings & get sh*t faced, can't deny that. They were far & few between.
My binge drinking is a result of stuffing my feeling and mild depression that follows when it builds up past the point of being able to handle it. It started when I was very young. When I couldnt deal I would act out or run away from home before I found this "liquid medication".
I do not take medication, I am learning through couseling how to deal with everyday stressors.
The deal is, I know I can go months without a drink, I know I can never drink again, at first I was resentful, weird but I was, now I understand it. Im not "EXCITED" to reach my 90 days.
Does anyone else feel like this or have felt this way? When do you feel "pride" in your accomplishment? Or is this a normal feeling for finally feeling normal?
Looking For Myself...Sober
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Where the heart is
Posts: 10,209
I have felt like that many times. Well only a couple since I havent had 90 days but a couple times. But I have had 30 lots of times.
I dont know why I feel blank. I feel like whats the big deal too. But only when I get acknowledgment for it. On my own in my own mind I feel good about it, But when others give me compliment, I just blank out. Its like I dont feel like I am worthy of that compliment.
Anyway. Great job. 90 days is a great big deal really.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 67
Hi Time4me:
Yes, I've felt the same way. So rather than focus on that date, I try to look at these "milestones'' as opportunities to reflect on all the really good work done along the way, e.g., meetings, counseling, reaching out for support, etc.
And, for what's it's worth, simply by getting up and collecting your chip, you give a lot of joy to the people who are seeing you succeed at something we've all struggled with. That's pretty cool, isn't it?
Good job!
ddog
Yes, I've felt the same way. So rather than focus on that date, I try to look at these "milestones'' as opportunities to reflect on all the really good work done along the way, e.g., meetings, counseling, reaching out for support, etc.
And, for what's it's worth, simply by getting up and collecting your chip, you give a lot of joy to the people who are seeing you succeed at something we've all struggled with. That's pretty cool, isn't it?
Good job!
ddog
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Congrats (whether you want them or not, lol)!
I know plenty of people who announce their sobriety dates not because they feel particularly "proud" of the time (as the years and even decades go by, sobriety is the new "normal") but because it proves to newcomers that it IS possible to stay sober, and to have a happy, productive life without using alcohol to medicate or celebrate.
I'm still new enough that I'm excited about celebrating my two years at the end of this month. Will I feel that way after ten years, if I'm still sober then? Who knows?
It's more important to appreciate that you've stepped away from the insanity and self-destruction than it is to feel all "glowy" about a particular milestone, IMO.
I know plenty of people who announce their sobriety dates not because they feel particularly "proud" of the time (as the years and even decades go by, sobriety is the new "normal") but because it proves to newcomers that it IS possible to stay sober, and to have a happy, productive life without using alcohol to medicate or celebrate.
I'm still new enough that I'm excited about celebrating my two years at the end of this month. Will I feel that way after ten years, if I'm still sober then? Who knows?
It's more important to appreciate that you've stepped away from the insanity and self-destruction than it is to feel all "glowy" about a particular milestone, IMO.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Toronto, ON
Posts: 1,591
Not sure what to say. My drinking was more like binge drinking in the earlier days, because it was about partying (I thought). But there are only so many bonafide parties, and it turned into everyday drinking for the bulk of the drinking career.
It felt like a big deal for me to go without alcohol during the first few months. I couldn't get over it, and I kept asking whether it was a dream. I even checked my bank records (I rarely use cash) to see when the last purchase was at the beer store. So it was astonishing. After another couple of months of sobriety, the milestones had a bit of a "whoop-dee-doo" feeling to them, but I don't think it was resentment over missing alcohol; maybe just expecting something more eventful, like a personal parade, so to speak. To be fair to myself, there are certain aspects of my life that are in flux right now, so that adds to my sense of impatience or lack of enthusiasm, I suppose. But then a peace set in, and the beauty in not drinking on any given day feels nice if I stop and think about it. I used to be worried whenever the months would come up. It'll probably be a big deal again once it's a year.
In your case, maybe it makes sense that you would be unmoved by 90 days, since you would space your drinking episodes out so far apart within your alcoholic journey. It might also be true that there is something else you haven't experienced yet in your sobriety. Some people might talk about spiritual enlightenment and ask you about Steps and so on. The same people might even question the nature of my recovery, since I haven't completed the Steps. But to be able to use words like "I feel a peace" and to even talk about "God" now, that tells me there is something different about me. Maybe you can have your own version of this in time as well.
Something else to remember is that PAWS is a condition post-alcohol that can include a lethargy or a depression, and it can last for a good year or so. I don't diagnose people like a doctor would, but you could be having that too.
It felt like a big deal for me to go without alcohol during the first few months. I couldn't get over it, and I kept asking whether it was a dream. I even checked my bank records (I rarely use cash) to see when the last purchase was at the beer store. So it was astonishing. After another couple of months of sobriety, the milestones had a bit of a "whoop-dee-doo" feeling to them, but I don't think it was resentment over missing alcohol; maybe just expecting something more eventful, like a personal parade, so to speak. To be fair to myself, there are certain aspects of my life that are in flux right now, so that adds to my sense of impatience or lack of enthusiasm, I suppose. But then a peace set in, and the beauty in not drinking on any given day feels nice if I stop and think about it. I used to be worried whenever the months would come up. It'll probably be a big deal again once it's a year.
In your case, maybe it makes sense that you would be unmoved by 90 days, since you would space your drinking episodes out so far apart within your alcoholic journey. It might also be true that there is something else you haven't experienced yet in your sobriety. Some people might talk about spiritual enlightenment and ask you about Steps and so on. The same people might even question the nature of my recovery, since I haven't completed the Steps. But to be able to use words like "I feel a peace" and to even talk about "God" now, that tells me there is something different about me. Maybe you can have your own version of this in time as well.
Something else to remember is that PAWS is a condition post-alcohol that can include a lethargy or a depression, and it can last for a good year or so. I don't diagnose people like a doctor would, but you could be having that too.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Texas
Posts: 275
I can kind of relate. I'm only at 35 days but the "oh boy! I'm sober!" has kind of settled down and now I'm dealing with reality minus the gallons of beer a day to numb reality. It's like, yeah I'm 5 weeks sober, and it's great, but.....
Hang in there.
Hang in there.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: New England
Posts: 5,285
Well, first, congratulations on 90 days:-)
I'm at my 30 day milestone today and a month ago I would have thought it was a huge deal (seeing as how I drank every day for 18 years with hardly a day off). However, it now seems like the new normal and not a big deal.
I do see the point of it being something for others to aspire to, so in that way it is good to commemerate milestones:-)
I'm at my 30 day milestone today and a month ago I would have thought it was a huge deal (seeing as how I drank every day for 18 years with hardly a day off). However, it now seems like the new normal and not a big deal.
I do see the point of it being something for others to aspire to, so in that way it is good to commemerate milestones:-)
Better now than never
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Sunny South Florida
Posts: 52
Originally Posted by LexieCat 
It's more important to appreciate that you've stepped away from the insanity and self-destruction than it is to feel all "glowy" about a particular milestone, IMO.
Better now than never
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Sunny South Florida
Posts: 52
Originally Posted by Toronto68
Something else to remember is that PAWS is a condition post-alcohol that can include a lethargy or a depression, and it can last for a good year or so. I don't diagnose people like a doctor would, but you could be having that too.
I have actually felt better about myself, my marriage, and about learning new things in the past 3 months than I have in a long time. I have started to care for things around the house that I have neglected for months. I had a bad bout of depression from Nov. til my fall to rock bottom in May. As of now, no depression, but an all over feeling of contentment and peace.
Guest
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 2,013
I remember my 90 day milestone well. I went to a random AA meeting after a break and cemented it.
I think I felt more gratitude on my milestones than anything else. But I was also proud of my sobriety but I was always conscious that the only sober day that counts is today.
I remember at 90 days feeling like I must be doing something right.
They don't have the chip system in England.
SR was my chip system! I really am grateful for SR in allowing me to post my sobriety milestones. That really helped me and I would look forward to posting my sobriety birthdays!
Keep on keeping on. Peace
I think I felt more gratitude on my milestones than anything else. But I was also proud of my sobriety but I was always conscious that the only sober day that counts is today.
I remember at 90 days feeling like I must be doing something right.
They don't have the chip system in England.
SR was my chip system! I really am grateful for SR in allowing me to post my sobriety milestones. That really helped me and I would look forward to posting my sobriety birthdays!
Keep on keeping on. Peace
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: London, England
Posts: 211
I couldn't imagine a day without booze and drugs before, not one single day for years and years. So yeah, my 90 days is a HUGE deal to me. But it doesn't really matter if it is to you as long as you feel better in yourself that's the main thing.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Posts: 1,237
I'm on my 7 month of sobriety..and every month that goes by for me sober is something I cherish...not drinking is something that is just starting to feel like a norm for me...at 90 days I didn't really feel comfortable, I can relate it to a snake shedding it's skin!! at some point you cross a line, and everything falls into place... Your sobriety is HUGE and such an inspiration to others.....give yourself a huge pat on the back!! you DESERVE to celebrate yourself!!!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Lowell
Posts: 345
I do agree, the only day I have is today, but for myself each chip I got assured me that I did it for 30, 60 or 90 days and I can do it for today. Also, letting the newcomer know that reaching these milestones are possible and are within reach. Everyone is going to feel differently about them though, so even if you felt the way you did, that's okay. How do you feel being sober? If you feel good about that, in my own opinion, that is still a good feeling.
So I hope all these replies have managed to help you feel good with what you have, 90 Days of sobriety. Congratulations.
d90_thumb.gif
Harry
So I hope all these replies have managed to help you feel good with what you have, 90 Days of sobriety. Congratulations.
d90_thumb.gif
Harry
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,380
Hey Time4me2Change
I'm not a big one for anniversaries either...I'm a 'head down and just do it' guy...I'm just *living*, you know?
But considering I spent twenty years mostly drunk...and 5 solid years every day completely drunk....I can remember back to those days - the despair I'd feel...the hopelessness, the self hatred and rage....the crushing sense of defeat....
I can see where 90 days sober is a real achievement and a genuine milestone...it was guys like you who gave me hope and kept me going when I first arrived here - so congratulations...and thanks
D
D
I'm not a big one for anniversaries either...I'm a 'head down and just do it' guy...I'm just *living*, you know?
But considering I spent twenty years mostly drunk...and 5 solid years every day completely drunk....I can remember back to those days - the despair I'd feel...the hopelessness, the self hatred and rage....the crushing sense of defeat....
I can see where 90 days sober is a real achievement and a genuine milestone...it was guys like you who gave me hope and kept me going when I first arrived here - so congratulations...and thanks
D
D
Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Back in the USA
Posts: 2,661
I think when you have several months to a year sober under your belt and do that several times.....90 days may not seem like a big deal ....not much fanfare....
But for me, it was my first 90 days in over 15 years....I think thats the biggest difference.....that first time....
Hope you have successfully reached your goals, and found your way Time4metochange....
I know this is way late, but good luck!
Intro
But for me, it was my first 90 days in over 15 years....I think thats the biggest difference.....that first time....
Hope you have successfully reached your goals, and found your way Time4metochange....
I know this is way late, but good luck!
Intro
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,417
I went for 1 1/2 years before I had my first relapse
I was also a binge drinker and could go long periods so had a pretty
easy "quit" compared to many.
Although my first 10 days were tough physically, after that,
it was not very hard.
I drank again mainly because I thought I could moderate, and tried
again with 2-4 months between about 3 more times before I realized
moderation isn't really a reality for me.
Now, I have over four months, and honestly, I didn't even notice my 90 day mark.
I wasn't excited at all and have quit counting days but plan to track milestones perhaps.
I am however, finding that my sense of peace and family life is much improved.
I'm also getting many house / yard repairs and work done I had delayed
for a very long time, so benefits of sobriety are there,
whatever my emotional state about the time sober itself.
I'm just grateful to not want to drink at this time and to
keep building my sober momentum.
Great job on your 90, by the way~
I was also a binge drinker and could go long periods so had a pretty
easy "quit" compared to many.
Although my first 10 days were tough physically, after that,
it was not very hard.
I drank again mainly because I thought I could moderate, and tried
again with 2-4 months between about 3 more times before I realized
moderation isn't really a reality for me.
Now, I have over four months, and honestly, I didn't even notice my 90 day mark.
I wasn't excited at all and have quit counting days but plan to track milestones perhaps.
I am however, finding that my sense of peace and family life is much improved.
I'm also getting many house / yard repairs and work done I had delayed
for a very long time, so benefits of sobriety are there,
whatever my emotional state about the time sober itself.
I'm just grateful to not want to drink at this time and to
keep building my sober momentum.
Great job on your 90, by the way~
Member
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: NC
Posts: 662
I find that instead of focuses on how many months I like to mark it by holidays and special events. This is the first year I will be able to say I made it through Christmas, New years, Father's day, Easter, my birthday, without being strung out and that helps me realizes that I CAN do this.
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