NEOMARXIST

Do what you gotta do but you know where the partying to get your buzz ends up. Or else you wouldn't have gotten sober/clean in the first place I imagine.

Give it time man. I remember when I was earlier in my sobriety (probably around a similar time to yourself) then I had similar feelings and miss givings.

I knew that drinking/drugging couldn't be an option for me. I'm an alcoholic and addict so it would just end back in the gutter, back to square one, crying and feeling battered all over again.

I reached the stage in my recovery where I don't look for a "buzz" so to speak anymore. Rather I enjoy the natural feelings of gratitude, peace of mind and sense of purpose that come with solid recovery. It trumps the 'buzz' of the "session". But it cannot be compared. The two are very different. It's important to not let the 'buzz' haunt your memories too much if you can help it. It's fleeting but it's so powerfull it will sucker you in and then spit you out. Let it wash over you and stay sober sober/clean 'just for today'. Get really actively working on your recovery.

I know I don't think like I used to anymore. Like I feel like a totally different person so I don;t crave the intense instant buzz of the booze and drugs and madness of partying.

It's all about acceptance at the end of the day. Without total acceptance of my alcoholism then i wouldn't stand a chance.

I also accept that I can't expect the same 'buzz' in recovery. That's the point of why so many people take drugs and booze. I know that a massive part of my recovery was mourning and grieving the "buzz". The booze I had to grieve and the drugs too. But also the 'coming up' buzz of the "session" (Whether it be a party with other people or 95% of the time in the end, a party for one!ha) That coming up buzz where you slam it down and chop up your lines, light a ciggy and crank up your tunes - see all your booze in your chiller or whatever and your coke and pills stashed in your pocket ready too be railed over the next few hours. Man that took some mourning and grieving but it was worth it. It always ended in tears and acting like a total alkie and druggy when it all ran out and I was still wide awake. Man that was real crappy.

I accept that I have to protect my precious sobriety. Without that then I'm a dead man walking anyway.

One thing is for sure and that's the booze and drugs and partying will not give you what you're looking for. Guaranteed to always feel crap after a binge or party.

Peace

academia

Hey thanks guys for all the awesome responses. I've definitely read them all and while I don't necessarily have a good response, it is very enlightening to hear other's opinions and thoughts!!

artsoul

Boredom.....

I really struggled with that myself and wondered if I was just one of "those people" who would never be content with life just as it is. It was a scary idea to me, because that meant I'd have to be constantly fighting the urge to change my mood.

What has been so interesting to me is that after getting sober (all three times!), things started coming into my life that not only filled up the time, but sparked my interest/passion in a way that would have been impossible had I kept drinking. It make take some time - it did for me. But just keep the doors to your head and heart open - something may be just around the corner.

Oh yeah, for me, when I was feeling that way, nothing sounded good at all. So even suggestions fell flat for me. It had to happen in its own time. But that's just my experience. I know you can't just sit around and except stuff to knock on your door either. Hope things change for you soon. I know how unpleasant boredom can be.....