soberbythesea

Just wanted to vent. These past couple of weeks I've actually enjoyed holing up at home and not going to bars and parties, but tonight a friend I love dearly and don't see very often is having his last day at a hated job. So of course they are taking him out for drinks to celebrate. My husband is there... I know they're all out right now and I'm here at home.

I know it is worth it (this is a very important situation for me to avoid right now -- they are hard boozers, plus this friend of mine is a smoker and I usually end up bumming a few cigarettes off of him as well), but I feel a bit frustrated that I'm not with them. And, I wonder how long my husband is going to enjoy going out without me before he decides I am boring now and no longer worth being with

Oh well. 2 weeks sober today. I am happy about that, even with the small pity party I just had, lol. Having a cupcake with sprinkles and then I'm going to think of something fun and/or productive to do.

Dee74

Hi soberbythesea

I think it's important to realise whats at stake here. You're not there,and it's for a very good reason. I think, from everything you've said, you've made a wise choice.

But we don't have to barricade ourselves. There's lot of sober activities people do too LOL. Maybe it's just a case of finding sober friends?

And don't forget - we can, and do, reach the stage where we're secure in our new sober selves and can go anywhere we want to...it takes a little longer than 2 weeks tho I think

Ironically, I still find I don't want to go to boozefests tho....they hold zero interest for me now.

D

Anna

It's hard, no question about it.

I made a lot of changes in early sobriety too. I definitely don't go out as often as I used to. I began to do that because I didn't want to be around alcohol early on. I am less comfortable in social situations without alcohol, so unless I know people very well, I'd rather stay home and that's good with me. I don't know what the answer will be for you.

And, it will be an adjustment for your husband as you make this change in your life. Have you talked to him about your feelings? This might be a good time to talk to him about your concerns.

artsoul

Congrats on two weeks SBTS!! The first several weekends without alcohol felt really lonely for me, and I wasn't even invited to any parties. My oldest daughter went out to the bars with her friends, and I guess I just thought about never being able to do it again myself. I felt like I'd been cast out into the wasteland.

It definitely got better, though not in the way I expected. I was able to attend a wedding reception and a couple of celebratory events with no problem after about a month of sobriety. What I found is that when the social drinkers left and the party really got started, it wasn't fun. Not because I couldn't drink, but just because I wasn't interested in yucking it up about nothing.

Today, I'd much rather attend a play, go to a concert, go hiking...... in other words, DO something. I wouldn't worry about turning into a bore - sober people are much, much more interesting.

SASA

so do you think your hubby likes you more now or wants the old drinking one back, the yelling monster that reacts completly irational..... (just a guess I was one when I was drinking most of the time at least)?

soberbythesea

Thanks all. I do need to find some new sober activities. I guess doing things like plays and hiking is a lot more interesting than drinking, isn't it?

And I do hope that after the first month or two, I can try being around people who are drinking again... although like some of you have said, I strongly suspect that will hold less interest for me now that I'm not drinking. Drunk people are really a bore when you're not drunk too.

My husband says he doesn't mind that he's losing me as a drinking buddy, that he still has plenty of them, and that's true. I'm also hoping that he prefers the new me to the old yelling monster (excellent guess SASA.)

Just a bit lonely sitting home on a Friday night is all... but it's way better than the alternative. Two Fridays ago was my last night drinking... my husband and I went out to a Mexican place and I got loaded there (2-3 margaritas, a booze-filled coffee with dessert and then a shot before leaving) -- then came home and started in on the wine. My husband saw me chug the first glass and pour another and that was the first time he ever said to me, "I think you're drinking too much." At the time I was of course irrational and drunk and we got in a huge fight. But the next morning I sat him down and told him I agreed with him and that I was going to stop. And I did.

This night is definitely better than that one, slightly boring/lonely though it may be not to be out with everyone.

Tomorrow night won't be boring, at least... my husband's bro and his girlfriend are coming over to our place (neither are big drinkers so it'll be a low pressure environment.)

Dee74

You'll know when you feel strong enough to brave drinking situations again.
Til then, hit the sober activities!

D

soberbythesea

I feel a little less hermitlike now. Painted my nails, finished addressing the invitations for our BBQ three weeks from tomorrow (which really needed to be done), listened to some music. Then my husband came home (actually not too late, around 9pm) and we watched some fun tv together. The rest of the weekend we have stuff planned so it will be easy not to be bored.

Onward & upward!

LaFemme

Have a great sober weekend...glad yiur hubby came home at a decent time and you guys had some quality time together:-)

julez

SBTS I think you made a wise choice to stay home, and when the time is right for you, you will be able to be around drinking situations again. I have 1 week sober today, and 1 week from tomorrow is my sisters bachelorette party, which I am hosting. I will not be able to avoid alcohol in my home, or out of it, since we will be hitting bars and in a limo. Am I scared? Sure. But I almost welcome ripping the band aid off, so to speak. My husband just get home from work, and for the first time in a week, is having a few beers in front of me. I feel nothing, not sad, no cravings, not left out. I hope I can keep this strength for next week. You are doing great, you decided this for yourself, and you can do it. xoxo

augustwest

being a member of NA has really helped keep me from isolating and feeling alone. It's wonderful to spend time with people who are just like me and completely understand what i'm going through.

Hevyn

I remember being so resentful when the first drinking occasions came along after I quit - and I couldn't be part of them. Friday came, and no TGIF for me - just self pity. I knew I had to quit or die, but I wasn't particularly happy about it back then.

It didn't take long for me to get past all that resentment and see that I could have fun and relax again without getting numb. I gradually started to attend events where there was drinking, knowing I couldn't avoid them forever - and I was fine. It was interesting & fun in a way, to be the one sober and clear headed - and knowing I wasn't going to pay later, with remorse and a terrible hangover - shakes, and possibly the beginning of a binge. It does get better - we promise! Glad you posted about this stage of your journey.

Fandy

I avoided a lot of social situations too at first, i actually agonized a lot more about not drinking and family holiday dinners....when the occasion finally came...it turned out NOT to be a big deal....i just don't drink alcohol, i drink other enjoyable drinks, lots of fruit infused seltzer, cranberry, white grape....i LIKE the taste and the seltzer cuts the calories

i get a lot more accomplished when i'm sober....and i remember the movies i watch.