80fightns08

I am 27, a husband, a father, a veteran, and an addict. Please help
This is my first stop on a trip that cant be over soon enough. I will spare a long drawn out backstory for the short one:

Three years ago I got out of the military. While in the military I battled some tough depression, which I self medicated with alcohol, and later on, pain meds. It was risky, but anything that could take the edge off at the end of the day, I was down for it. I did not take the meds daily, however I think it was then that I discovered "taste" for them. I was newly married, with an awesome/beautiful one year old son, when I got out of the military. Starting our new lives, I decided to stop the drinking and pills. Plus, I could now smoke some grass if I wished, and the occasion was right. As fate would have it, 2 years ago, I was injured on the job, and suffered sreious damage to nerves on my wrist. For about nine months, I was treated with Vicodin and Vicaprophen. A close family member, who was also going through a serious medical ordeal, was at the time on Percocet 10mg. Occasionally, I would run out, and that person (I think we call them SWIM on this board- Im a neub give me some of the Percocet. I officially graduated from vicodin to percocet when my doctor cut me off the meds. I went to only doing the percocet that I would get from SWIM. SWIM has such a large monthly supply, that there was enough to supply both of us.
Skip ahead to 6 months ago. Till this point, I have only averaged (daily) between 10 and 25mg (yellow submarines) For no reason at all, I was offered some to purchase from a "friend." These were not what I was used to- 30mg Oxcodone (little blues, and little whites) Knowing that 30mg would put me on my ass, I would break them up and take only 1/2. At this point, I was graduating from a normal 20mg and under day. Also, it was the first time that I began to notice withdrawl symptoms when a did not take anything for a day.
Between 6 months ago and now, my daily dosage has increased as follows:
6months ago- 25mg
3months ago- 30mg
1month ago- 30-40mg
2weeks ago till now-about 50mg

So, for a very long time, I limited myself to 2 10mg per day, and now I am spending the entire day fixed. I am worried. I know it is time to stop. I need help.

I function as a very normal person. I have a good job, I am a full time student, and most of all I have a wife and soon to be 4 year old son that I adore more than anything on this planet. It is for him that I realize I need to stop this. He looks up to me so much, and we are best friends. The fact that I take a drug to stay normal disgusts me, when he is my only reason for being here in the first place. He deserves more than his daddy to be a closet junkie. My wife, whom I also adore, has no idea that I abuse pills. She comes from a very "straight" family, and the thought of what she think/say/do is enough to steer this recovery to a solo effort. I know that "If she loves me, she will help and support me" but I feel I need to prove to myself that I can do it first. She does not know about withdrawl and such, and will not understand about "just not doing it"

I think there are a few reasons that I abuse them (addiction, stress, ect..) I know that tomorrow morning I will wake up, drink my coffee, and probably take a pill before lunch to get myself through the first half of the day. From there, it will continue until I have the sense to cut myself off.

I cannot do in-patient rehab, and I do not believe that I will last cold turkey.
Can I wean off? Does weaning off such a powerful drug work? I believe, now more than ever, that i have the ability to wean to a stop- if it is actually possible. If this has worked for any of you, how? what is the correct way to do it?
Also, I know it is going to be a lot harder than just stopping. I plan to seek medical/mental health once I am off, because I NEVER want to be a slave to this again. however In-patient Detox is not an option at this time. I want to successfully kick it on my own. That is why I am here.

I did not grow up thinking I would be searching for the right answers on kicking an addiction, let alone drug addiction, but Im sure most of us here havent.
Thank you so much for taking the time to hear my story. Seriously, just writing this has given me some strength, even if this is 0.001% of the process

LaFemme

Hi 80 fight!

Welsom to the forum. There is a lot of help for you here. There are other sections of the forum that deal specifically with what you are dealing with. My DOC was alcohol and I don't k ow much about opiates and withdrawal from them, sorry.

Still, sending yiu positive thoughts and thanks for your service to your country.

Which reminds me, is there a veterans griup in your area that might be able to help you?

LaFemme

LaFemme

P.s. - I am sure someone with more experience will come along soon...while SR is international so there are always people here, the bulk of us are americans so it is a little quieter this time of day.

Dee74

hi 80fightns08

I'm an alcoholic so I have no first hand knowledge of your situation.
I know others have been in your situation though and you'll meet them soon.

I do know it's in your best interest to seek medical help - we cannot give you medical advice here anyway.

Why wait until you are 'off' to seek medical/mental health advice?

I tried to solve my problems by myself too, without anyone else knowing - thats a very big burden to carry and, for me it was too much.

My attempts to go it alone, in secret, were self defeating - I eventually crashed and burned anyway, and then everyone knew.

Support is vital in this. Noone ever does it alone in my opinion - not successfully anyway.

You will find a lot of help support and experience here.

Also take a read around in our substance abuse forum

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/substance-abuse/

Welcome
D

CarolD

Welcome.....

I strongly suggest you contact the
Philly VA Center for information about
their drug treatment options.

Thank you for your military service....

Anna

Hi and Welcome,

Carol and Dee's advice are both excellent.

Even though it's very, very hard, sometimes we need to ask for help from a professional.

And, we are here to offer information and support as you go through this.

Tiredofdrugs

Hi 80:

I'm also a veteran and was just awarded my 100% last week. I have lots of posts on here about being on the opiates and coming off of them CT. Just click on Tiredofdrugs and go to find more posts. Read away on how I got off of the opiates.

This is a sneaky thing that happens to us. But there is life after you get off of them. You've come to the right place to get help and support on how to get thru this.

TOD

Angelic17

Hello 80, I am also an opiate addict. I suggest you talk to a doctor, and look into a drug called suboxone. Suboxone will prevent withdrawal symptoms. I took it for 3 days, and then I was done. I had no withdrawal symptoms. Although I had some other issues when I came off of the opiates, it wasn't that pleasant. But it really wasn't that bad. Getting off of those pills is the best thing I ever did. I felt tired and weak for the first few months. I didn't sleep so great, but that only lasted for a few weeks. Like you I am also married, and a parent, and nobody in my family knew either. I hated myself for hiding the real me. I was an addict, and nobody knew. I now have 5 yrs clean. If I can do it, you probably can too. I took 25-30 Vicodin ES a day. I was a raging addict. I hope you find the help you need to get off the drugs. You have to put your mind to it, and focus on your sobriety.You have to really want it. NA isn't a bad idea either. You will find alot of support at NA. I wish you luck.

AmpGuy

Hey 80fight,
I to am an opiate addict. I have been for 2 years, same as you. I in the same boat as you too. My big problem is that my wife is okay with my using. Most people are as I am an amputee from a bad motorcycle accident. You know I feel and maybe you do to, that the only real problem is that I run out of pills! Everything seems fine and dare i say "normal" as long as I have the pills. I too am a husband and a father.
I have no Dr. to talk to about it. Don't know if you do but, if you do then I would try that first. I don't think you can just stop taking these things. I heard they can even have adverse effects on your organs if you just stop. So being under a Dr's care would be a good idea. Me, I am already thinking about how to keep this going long term with poppy tea and smoking poppy. Just don't know how I can stop this either. I have never been addicted to anything in my life and I have smoked weed, drank, hit acid, had LSD and even coke and smoked cigarettes. All of them we easy to stop. I just, stopped. I smoked cigarettes for just over 20 years. When I was done with them I stopped in one day and had no problems. These opiates are NOTHING like them. It has become a constant thought for me. Use to be only when I was getting low but now I am thinking about it all the time. "What am I going to do when these pills are gone"? Man, if you have the opportunity to see a Dr. about this I would jump on it! I would include my wife in the recovery form the start. God bless you!

Tiredofdrugs

I orignally posted this back on 10 March 2010.

Are You a Hydrocodone Addict?

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This is something I found while browsing the site. Thought those needing the info would find it helpful to their situation.

Increased usage of hydrocodone is being noted as a growing trend in recent days as addiction to Hydrocodone is a very common issue due to the trouble-free availability of this drug. It is often consumed with other drugs that are not severely restricted and these mixtures usually come in the form of painkillers that are prescribed by doctors. Some of the common preparations that are used are Vicodin and Lortab. Medications containing Hydrocodone can come in tablet; capsule or syrup forms and all preparations are taken orally. In its pure form it is very hard to obtain, because of its addictive nature.The symptoms of addiction are anxiousness to take the drug and the need to take more of the drug to get the desired effect. To feed their addiction, many addicts go from doctor to doctor faking the severity of a condition in order to obtain the medication. Some resort to criminal behavior such as breaking into pharmacies to steal the medication or forging prescriptions. After prolonged usage, Hydrocodone begins to control the brain to make itself the highest priority. This makes the addict compelled to use the drug to gain pleasure from it. Hydrocodone addiction is a physical habit as well as a psychological habit. It is rare that an addict can quit this addiction on his or her own. In order to obtain help, an addict must seek treatment from a medical professional.

I've been told for many a year by many a person: 'Whatever DOC is yours. It becomes your best friend and lover. This is one reason when you get past the detox period, it is so hard to give up.

JohnDoeRaeMe

I would deffinitly get your wife involved. I find it easier to pass on the urges when I have someone to talk to them about in person. Just be honest.

julez

Sending encouragement your way, 80. I hope you can find a way to tell your wife, and that you can get the help you need.