Falkie

I am new to this site, the threads have been inspiring, thank you. I definitely have a problem with alcohol. I have been through outpatient treatment, which I elected to go through a year ago, however I don’t think I was really committed. I am now ready. Because, every day for the last two years..I AM tired, regretful, confused, sorry, sad, sick, not myself and really tired. I think I know the steps/methods, I just haven’t applied them. Every morning I wake up saying “This is the last day,” but at 4:00 I change my mind. I am tired of alcohol controlling my life, I want to make the decision on what I will do with my time. I feel so much shame for the things I have done over the last 15 years. That is a huge part of why I drink, but I guess I need to just put that behind. I have called rehab centers (while intoxicated) several times over the last year inquiring about being admitted that night, it doesn’t work that way and I guess I understand why…most people change their minds the next day, while sober. I am scared about how this will change my marriage, alcohol is a part of our life, my husband doesn’t want to admit it’s a problem because he likes to drink and I know I am doing major damage to my six year old… she is my life and I need to stop for her. I am going to my first AA meeting today.

discoveringme

Welcome Faulkie!! It sounds like you are ready and willing to take the next step..congratulations!! You will find the most wonderful and supportive peeps here in SR. Keep posting...hit some AA mtgs and BTW..Im from MN too!!

GRACIE01

AA is wonderful, and so is being sober, I love it! good luck and remember one day at a time, everyday will get clearer and brighter

Wilde10

Falkie,
Welcome to SR!
I hope your meeting will be a first step towards your new life of sobriety. My very best wishes!

LexieCat

Welcome! Don't let anything keep you away from that meeting today.

Hopefully you can get your husband's support, but you need to do this either way, for YOU.

LaFemme

Good luck! You can do it, for yourself and your daughter.

Opivotal

IMO if your mind is made up its made up! There is not set time limit when or if this happens with most people. Like you stated above your just sick and tired, sad, confused etc. That's when I decided to put an end to drinking. I was in a bad place and was acting like a pathetic person. Someone I didn't recognize anymore.

Sounds like you've reached that point, which is a good thing. A Blessing in disguise if truth be told . It will give you the strength to get through this. You'll be able to hold your head up and be the MOM you want to be. Welcome to SR Falkie! The people here will help you on your journey. I wouldn't have made the first couple of days sober without coming here.
Do this for yourself. Your the only one that can!

Best Wishes

TexasNative

Best wishes to you, it's tough I know. Don't be hard on yourself ala "I've failed before, I'll just fail again"...I have gotten and stayed sober before but deep down I knew it was just a break. I'm quite serious this time and it sounds like you are as well. This is a great place to read and post your progress.

wpainterw

Falkie: This first step is the Big One! And, as they say, "A journey of a thousand miles begins with a first step." You can do it one step at a time! And you'll have lots of help. Think about yourself. Don't do anything to please or fit in with anyone else. Because, if you do, in the end you won't be doing anything to please anyone or fit in because your life will be a mess. They care largely about themselves. So why don't you take care of yourself and do what's right and will keep you alive and happy in the end. Go for it!

Wpainterw

CarolD

Welcome to our recovery community.....

I'm glad you are here and becoming proactive about your drinking.
Yes....you too can win over alcohol!.....

Please keep posting with us....we are here to support you.
Blessings to you and your family

GettingStronger2

Welome and congratualtions. As has been said, don't let anything keep you from that meeting!

I was just thinking, before I read this, how tiring it was to be drinking all the time. How much energy it took for me!

My husband still drank when I quit. . .we always drank at night together. When I (and we, really) realized my drinking had gotten out of control, and I decided to quit, he was still drinking every night. In a way it bothered me, but at the same time, it didn't. But he has recently quit as well. I am not sure if he is planning on quitting for good or not, but I am glad he has stopped for now. I wouldn't worry about your husband. . .your health and your daughter's welfare are far more important than him losing a drinking buddy!

Anna

Hi Falkie,

Welcome!

I think that shame and guilt keep us in the clutches of addiction far longer than we need to be. It was really hard for me to get past that, but you need to in order to heal.

And, yes, your marriage will change. I think everything in my life changed in recovery, including my marriage. You are making the right decision and I hope you will continue to read and post here.

julez

My husband and I were drinking buddies too. Well ya know what? Ihave a problem, he doesn't. I know he plans on cutting down, and I appreciate it, but he doesn't plan on quitting and I don't blame him. Your marriage will be ok, if you realize that you need to focus on yourself and your recovery. Its worked for me so far. Welcome, and alot of us here have been in the same boat, we are always listening.

Dee74

Welcome Falkie

D

DayTrader

Welcome Falkie. Congratulations on having the courage to post your story and, even more-so, for having the guts to DO something about it.....something different.

It's one thing to say, "I'm done / I'm tired," but it's altogether different to get moving in a different direction. Smart smart smart move!

DUNE

I am also new to not drinking, going on 32 days now. And like yourself it took me a long time to finally commit to quitting for good. I went to my first aa meeting, but didn't really feel like I got much out of it, didn't really give it a chance and then two days later I was drinking again. It took another 5 years before I was desperate for help, and that was 6 months ago. Since then I've relapsed several times, but am commited to beating this, and have been making progress.

Even at 37 days sober my energy level didn't seem normal, and I was so unmotivated to do basic everyday things. But that has changed just like everyone said it would. Time varys on this, and it can also be due to other complications caused by long term alcoholism that should be addressed by a doctor.

For some reason this last dry spell has been very different for me in terms of energy. One thing that I did differently was take complex b vitamins for the first two weeks and cut out all caffine. I used to have problems with insomnia, but now I can sleep for days.

You will exspirience a lot of good changes, physicaly, mentaly, and socialy. But it does take time. Stay strong, don't drink no matter what, and aventually you will exspirience these changes. Life will not be perfect without drinking, but in the long run it will be better. At least thats what everyone else says here, and I haven't been able to prove them wrong.

Dune

Falkie

Thank you so much for all of the support. I did go to the AA meeting and it felt akward, probably because I couldn't keep the tears away and I felt embarrassed. The people were very nice and supportive, but that doesn't take away the voice in my head. I want to be better, I am tired of the horrible feelings that come every morning. I will try another meeting becuase I don't feel like I really understand the whole program like I thought. The people at AA today were VERY committed to each step... I have a feeling I will struggle with some of them. I have a hard time asking for help of any kind, I learned to figure most things out on my own. I know I will be sober tonight, small steps I guess. Thanks again..

angie9

hey falkie welcome and keep going back to AA theres no rule on when you do the steps and when you finish them heck Im still at step 1!! and Im in no hurry to get them all done. Remember one day at a time and yes small steps xx

artsoul

Welcome to the forum, Falkie! I felt that way at my first meeting, too. Infact, I knocked over my full cup of coffee in the middle of the meeting. Talk about embarassment! Even if it wasn't your first meeting, I think the initial days of sobriety seem strange, even unreal. And I also remember being scared. Scared that I would fail, and scared that I would succeed!

Just hang out here as much as you can in your spare time. It's comforting to have people who are in the same boat, and it turns your mind from drinking to focusing on sobriety.

I hope the next few days go well for you.

Wilde10

Falkie,
I guess many of us have had this 'figuring out thning on our own' for a long time. I hope other meetings will be more successful for you. It is a huge step to decide to do something about it. Do not take it back. You have decided to give AA a go. You have nothing to loose. If it does not work, keep trying something else. The alternative does not seem a very nices prospect for you and your family