julez

I've thought maybe I have a problem with alcohol for a few months now. I like to drink, and I was drinking almost every night. I drink at home with my husband, and also socially, but the only time I get hammered is at home. The problem is, when I drink at home, I usually black out. Then I'm very sick the next day. The last time I drank was Friday, and its now Monday night. I've had the urge to drink, but no tremors, heart palpitations, or anything physical. I would like to control my drinking, no more getting wasted or drinking at home, just socially. What does everyone think?

smacked

If you're an alcoholic, that wont be possible.

If you're not, then it wont be hard at all to just quit for good.

Try it for 30 days, try some "controlled" drinking. Moderate drinking = 1 drink per day for women, 2 for men. (and not all in one night).

For me, I never saw the point in having one drink... I liked to get drunk, but that was counterproductive to living a healthy life, so now I don't.

keithj

I think that's a great idea. And it's an entirely reasonable goal if you are not alcoholic. Lot's of my friends do just that, and some of them even have some drinks at home as well. Nice folks. Drinking like that seems to come naturally for them, and they don't think about it or plan it much.

However, if you are alcoholic, that plan is unlikely to be successful.

julez

Wow, when I read to have one drink a day, I almost whooped out loud and ran for one.. Not a good sign huh? Yeah I agree to not see the point of just having one. So I guess I'll keep up the sober living, and see how long I can last. Thanks..xoxo
And Keithj I am going to stop drinking at home, unless we have guests. Thank you for your reply.

artsoul

Welcome, julez! Glad to have you here! I think it's good to try to quit drinking at home and just see how things go. If you can't hold to your commitment, you probably have an addiction.

Unfortunately, it's usually the case that by the time we're checking out things on the web regarding problem drinking, we've pretty much gone beyond social drinking. Does your husband drink in the same way you do?

Also, blackouts are a red flag for alcoholism. Keep reading and posting - there's a lot of information and support here and the people are GREAT!

Dee74

Hi Julez

I hope it works out for you - we're always here if things don't turn out

D

julez

Well its day 4 and honestly, I'm having a really hard time today and its only 1230. I usually don't have any cravings til about 7pm, but I just got back with my daughter from the psychiatrist. It was a very tense meeting today, and we go to the therapist every Thursday, and I don't anticipate that being any better. I've come to realize that the stress that I've been dealing with from her is a big factor in why I drink. She's constantly in trouble, and I am feeling very helpless right now. Pray I make it through the next few days.

julez

Good morning! Its morning of day 5, and before I dash off to work, I wanted to share a little happiness with you. Last night my very hard to reach 15 year old crawled into bed with me for a heart to heart, and had I been drinking, I probably wouldn't have done a very good job! I'm so happy I could be present, and helpful to her! Thanks for all the support, because when I feel like I'd like to have a drink, I jump on here and read til the urge goes away! Much love to all!

artsoul

Congratulations on day 5, julez! It IS nice to be able to lay in bed with your teenager and talk, isn't it? (My baby is 17). Since I was always wanting to be alone (I could drink more that way) and didn't want my kids to smell alcohol on my breath, I was usually thinking more about me/alcohol than about them. I would cut those conversations short, and what a shame it was.

Now I relate more freely to everyone, including my kids.

So glad you had a good night last night - keep it up!!!:ghug3

Anna

Julez, I LOVE your story! This is why I love the newcomers forum so much, because people arrive here, confused, vulnerable and scared, and then there is a moment when they see what their lives could be like.

By the way, I didn't drink at all till my daughter turned 16. She caused me so much stress . But, drinking to cope was the biggest mistake I could have made. I ended up wasting 3 years of my life to alcohol, and almost losing my daughter for good.

julez

Thanks Anna. These teenagers..... Mine has been on a crappy path, this is going on the 4th year. Its a wonder I waited as long as I did to start drinking! But now, its over. I will NEVER drink to cope with her problems again. xoxo

RobertHugh

Great stuff, Julez, and congrats on Day 5.

There's this theory about alcoholism, mainly espoused by AA, that alcoholics are on a search for power-- over the way they feel, which is often restless, irritable and discontented. Many believe that we were born that way, and the first time we drank, it was like the scene with Tom Cruise in Jerry Maguire-- "you complete me."

For me, alcohol was that power, and it worked for a very long time-- it made me comfortable, passed the time, and generally eased the overall distress I felt. Then, it quit on me-- I was blacking out all the time, needing to drink more to get the same feeling, etc. From the moment it started to quit on me-- when I crossed that line-- it took another decade for me to recognize that I had a serious, life-threatening problem.

So when I first tried quitting, I was truly powerless. All the feelings that had been somewhat anesthetized came roaring back, and at the age of 30, I had the emotional maturity of a 15 year old to deal with them.

So, I put down the drink, and it got worse. Much worse. For a period of time.

As you try to determine whether or not you are alcoholic, consider what I've shared with you. The hard drinker who is not alcoholic will not have too much of a struggle putting alcohol down. Their habits may have appeared to be alcoholic, but when presented with a reason to quit on their own will, they usually can.

Not the alcoholic. The alcoholic can not "manage" their drinking-- once they have some, they have a lot. Also, even when they aren't drinking, they are often beset by instances where they go back to it, even though they know it's bad for them.

They are powerless.

When we get to that acknowledgment of utter hopelessness-- we need to replace the power that stopped working with one that will.

But that's a subject for a different day.

Hang in there.

CarolD

Welcome.....glad you are here...

smacked

HReady

That's so true...what's the point in having one drink.

Harry01854

Julez welcome to SoberRecovery and right now, I am glad you found this place. This is what you said that made it worth seeing with my own eyes.

"Last night my very hard to reach 15 year old crawled into bed with me for a heart to heart, and had I been drinking, I probably wouldn't have done a very good job! I'm so happy I could be present, and helpful to her!"

One of the many gifts that are possible when you don't drink.

Good for you.

God bless,

Harry

julez

RobertHugh thanks you for your words. Thank you for sharing your situation. I'm starting to see this demon the way its supposed to be seen, instead of how I wanted to see it.
Harry, the thought that I touched you with my story brought tears to my eyes.

julez

8

Day 5 is officially over! Its my bedtime and I made it! Tomorrow I take my daughter to her therapist, and due to some recent issues, its gonna be a doozy. But I'm feeling so strong, I'm not gonna sweat it! (I hope) xoxo to all of you for your continued support!

julez

Ok I'm at the end of day 6, and I've been reading a lot of threads and it just hit me what everyone is talking about when it comes to anxiety.. I feel like a lightbulb just clicked on in my brain. I felt anxiety from the daily stresses in my life, so I drank. But the anxiety of wondering if my kids noticed, or if I spoke on the phone with someone and I didn't remember, did they know, the sick hungover feeling and the shame that goes with it when you ruin a whole day because of it... Ya know, I used to wake up in the morning and check my call log, and txt messages to see if I remembered everything?? And I'd say 60% at least of the time, I didn't!!! I'm a slow learner (lol) but I'm workin on it!!

artsoul

Congrats on day 6!! YEA!! I'm glad you're reading and posting. When I'm feeling a little shaky in my sobriety, this is where I come. Especially at the beginning, I had to remind myself of how much I drank, how miserable the mornings were, why I wanted to quit, etc.... Sometimes it took an hour or two to feel solid again, but it was well worth it. '

Be proud of yourself and patient with the process.