Another wakeup call
 

I will have two months sober on August 5th . Yesterday I went to see inception at the downtown IMax with my brother . The only place to eat beforehand was Pyramid; a brewery . I made it through this but thoughts were starting to race in my mind. The various ales and lagers started to consume the majority of my thoughts. Playing the tape all the way through saved me from myself .

So then we go home and he drinks an entire bottle of wine or two and I just sit there watching him play a videogame. He seems to have no joy when there isnt any alcohol in him . His entire persona goes from melencholy to joyful.

I really was right on the edge of relapse. I resorted to taking some melatonin and made it to bed .

I wake up today full of fear and uncertainty . Will I ever be able to have strength around the devil or is it like Lord of the Rings where Bilbo has to just keep the ring away lol.

I am obviously much weaker than I had previously thought at this time . Still sober and more self aware. The battle continues. It's hard to carry resentment towards alcohol , emotions fade with time. I need something more something not founded in emotion .

More work to be done . Just wanted to share my journey . Thank you everyone , this site is a lifesaver.

Time, do you go to meetings? Do you have a sponsor?

In time, your Higher Powers time, the obsession will be lifted, but there is still work to be done and it is found in the 12 Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous.

I know 2 months may seem like it has been a long time and maybe you think that the temptations and or urges might be gone by now, or atleast not so strong. All does get better in time so hang in there. You will eventually find the way.

Keep coming,

Harry

I think you are much stronger than you are giving yourself credit for. There are always steps you can take to avoid drinking situations and it's usually a good idea if you do. But you did prove that you could handle your brother drinking in front of you, even though it was pretty uncomfortable. Change what you can and maybe going to AA and getting a sponsor and working the steps will help make it a bit easier when those times pop up that you can't control. Hang in there, you're doing great! :grouphug:

Hi Timedrain, you and pretty much everyone else 2 months clean,and trying hard to stay that way...would say we pretty much all go through the lure of past temptation, and like it or not..we will encounter trigger,tempting situations..that need to be rode out..and judging by the many veteran..experienced quitters,the effects lessen somewhat with time, i personally have my wife downing a bottle of wine next to me,at home, and when its been a tough day stressfull etc, and your spouse cracks open a bottle..whilst your going through the green tea,or coffee menu..it can feel like it sucks, but then when she wakes grumpy with a raging hangover...and im fine and dandy..erh think i made the right choice...3 months in..an getting the jist of this and pretty much liking what/who im becoming, best thing ever ive chosen to do..wish you well on your own journey.

Well give yourself tons of credit, you didn't give in. I'm almost 1 month and I'm not even close to being ready to watch someone drink, I'm avoiding it. The beer commercials make my mind race enough as it is. Melatonin ehh? Works great for me too! Best wishes to you.

Hey TimeDrain

I agree with the others - give yourself some credit :)
It is possible to live sober and be happy, and joyful, - or else none of us would be here :)

Maybe a little planning would help tho - breweries aren't perhaps the best place to hang in - I would think twice about going to one @ 8 weeks, no matter how good the food is.

D

I kind of felt really sad at your description of your brother...no joy in him without alcohol??? Made me want to cry.

You are doing great and doin the work to have a better life! Good for you!

Congrats on your upcoming 2 months TD. I'm right behind you with 2 months on the 12th.
I had a similar situation as yours yesterday. Played a round of golf with my brother and two buddies, finishing up around 2:00 pm. It was already about 105 degrees here by that time, so on the way home they stopped and bought beer. It sounded good when they popped the top and it smelled good too. I was slobbering all over myself thinking how good an ice cold beer would taste on such a hot day, especially after golf.
That was probably the strongest urge to drink I've had since I quit and it pisses me off to know I can't do that anymore because I know what it will lead to.
Although I feel like 2 months is a great accomplishment for someone who has drank in some form or fashion for the last 30 years(me), it's only a drop in the bucket to the healthy, sober months that are ahead.
Hang in there, I've read that it gets easier. I'll be right behind you.

Take care, Marcus