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Want to quit but don't feel like it?

Old 08-02-2010, 11:37 AM
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Want to quit but don't feel like it?

Hello! I want to try to sum things up. But I think my drinking goes about 3-4 years back...

However last year I got my first job ever. And I started earning good cash since I still live at home. This cash was mostly spent on alcohol. I guess this is where I turned my party-lust into a problem. I slowly realized already in november/december 2009 that my drinking was turning into a problem. And I wanted to slow down and I tried. But one saturday in January 2010 when I was about to get to work (working as a CSR at a call-centre) I found my father dead on the couch. I called work to stay home for a couple of days. Called them on monday again and told them I needed more time off. Called them again later that day and quit the job.

I still had 2 full monthly salarys to gain from my job at the call-centre. Reaching a total of almost 25k Swedish crowns. about 15-20k of those was spent on alcohol the next 3-4 months (alcohol is expensive in Sweden though).

So yea I guess that's when my problem became a real freaking problem. But I enjoyed it so much. being drunk was so liberating from life!

Now I have my old job back. I have all my friends. I have a girl that I hope to be and that might be my GF soon (she seems to like me atelast ). I have a mom and a sister that loves me even though we fight ALOT. However the alcohol is still there. It's like as soon as I have money I have to spend it on some kind of hard alcoholic drink.

I don't want it to be like this. However I still enjoy the drunkness so much!!! It's like I want to quit for my own health and the health of my relationships etc. but don't want to since it feels so great!

I have seriously no idea on what to do...
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Old 08-02-2010, 11:43 AM
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want to quit but don't feel like it sounds like i don't wan't to quit to me. I want to quit but i can't is something i can relate to. For me, the pain had to get great enough before i truly wanted to quit and became willing to do whatever it took to do it. I don't wish that on anyone, but it seems to be the pattern.
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Old 08-02-2010, 11:45 AM
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A whole lot of us here enjoyed drinking and did not want to give it up. It's just like anything else that you enjoy but you know is bad for you. The thing is though, if you're not ready to quit, you won't. It's just that simple. We can't tell you what to do; only you can decide that. But, something made you look online and find us, so somewhere inside of you, you realize that you really should stop.

Welcome to SR! There are a lot of good people here who have been exactly where you are now and can share their experiences, strength and hope. Stick around and read a lot of the posts. We're here to support you.
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Old 08-02-2010, 11:59 AM
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I understand how you feel. I just no advice, maybe because i'm the same way. I found my sister dead on the floor in front of her computor about a month ago. I lost the desire to do anything but drink. Even though I know in end the end it will kill me. Good luck to you.
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Old 08-02-2010, 12:20 PM
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Oh God, I am so sorry for both 2hard2weak and tribal, I can't imagine how hard it would be to find a loved one dead.

Is numbing yourself to life really fun though? I drank through loss too, but I found that was just putting off the inevitable grieving process which is part of life.

I have both an Aunt and an Uncle in Denmark who are alcoholic so I understand a little about the culture of alcohol in Scandinavia/ They have both been drinking for 40 years and I'm sure they thought it was fun when they started as well.

I hope you can take a good hard look at alcohol and try to figure out what is "fun" about pouring poison into your body, numbing your emotions and lowering your inhibitions to the point where you do stupid and embaressing things you regret the next day.

Good luck! Reading and posting here is a good place to start!
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Old 08-02-2010, 01:18 PM
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Originally Posted by tribal1969 View Post
I understand how you feel. I just no advice, maybe because i'm the same way. I found my sister dead on the floor in front of her computor about a month ago. I lost the desire to do anything but drink. Even though I know in end the end it will kill me. Good luck to you.
I am truly sorry for that. My sister is one of the non-alcoholic reasons I'm still alive today after dads death (even though we fight ALOT nowdays). I can't imagine what would happen if she would'nt be with me today. I am truly sorry sir, please stay strong and fight on. I bet alot of people would want that. I would love to see it, as it would make my belief in human psychological strength stronger. Tank you for sharing! Please update me on how yu are doing, sir.

And thank you all for the replies. I will stop drinking as soon as I feel I have a more stable life living on my own etc. I'm GOING TO DO IT!!! Even if it's going to be hard...
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Old 08-02-2010, 03:11 PM
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I'm sorry for your losses 2hard and Tribal.
We can offer all the support in the world, but the drive to quit has to come from you.

Maybe both of you could consider some grief counselling?

Whether we're losing ourselves in good times or in numbness, we're still losing ourselves.

Both you guys deserve better - everybody does.
D
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